Project Work

You know, when I went to my grandma's place just a few days back, I had a few problems answering questions about school life. It's not so much that I cannot find the answer to her questions - the problem is in using the language to get the idea across.

The language that YH is proficient in, is unfortunately what I suck at.

She asked me if I was taking the "O" levels, I said no. (miang kao)

She asked me why, I say I don't know but I'm going to JC. (wa em zai, dan wa ai ke gao dong) - I obviously know the reason but I wasn't going to risk explaining RP in dialect.

Logically, she had to ask which JC. I went "err.. lai hok si." (raffles)

Then she had to ask what I was going to do there, which thrown me into the deep end, so I replied, "zor PROJECT." (wa she very understand)

The conversation ended there. I guess there wasn't much to say.

But when I come to think of it now, I do have a lot to say about projects. After all, projects are pretty much part and parcel of RP. If you know the tricks to get around it, you can go pwn RP for your GPA 4. As simple as that. Sometimes, though, if you cannot get your GPA 4, project work skills will come in handy to push you up the next grade. It's just that simple.

Let me just impart some skills to you, the skills that I used to push my Physics CA up and finish with a respectable 2.8. It's respectable because I really don't deserve to pass, but when it comes to RP, what a man's gotta do is what a man's gotta do. I'm a boy, but the principles are generally the same.

(a) Find the best team-mates
By "best", I mean find people who are willing to do all the work and not bitch about it. That's the first requirement. Of course, the person must also be intelligent. I'm not just making groundless claims, because I know Danny is perfectly willing to work and not complain. I don't wish to comment on his intelligence, but let us just take it that we need amiable and intelligent team-mates. Deric the Phillippines scholar is one example.

(b) Consult the teacher and get hints
Don't let up on this one. Make sure you just bug the teacher on tips, even if he is an arsehole. I kept trying to get Desmond Tan to give me the answers for the Performance Task, though he refused. Not being one to give up, I asked Chandy the Physics prize winner. And there you have it, full marks for process. Damn, you say good or not.

(c) Volunteer to allocate and compile the work
It's always good to be a project leader, but only if you're the one doing the allocation. Give yourself the job that requires least work, or better yet don't give yourself anything. You could say, "A, do this. B, do that. C, do that. I will compile everything." Then sit back and relax while they do everything for you. Compiling, contrary to popular belief, doesn't take much effort. Just cram them all into one MS Word document and hand up the work. And oh, the teacher will think you played some part in it, since you're the leader and you handed it in. The truth, of course, is better left unsaid. Only downside to this is that you might have to wait up for your friend to finish all that shit - but it's okay, staying up late to play games beats staying up late to do project.

(d) Pretend to run out of ink
Or just don't buy a printer cartridge at all. This year, I had no ink for ten months - the ten months being from January to October. I didn't lie when I say my printer had no ink, because it really didn't and I was too lazy to go out and buy some. When I got my ink, the printer couldn't work because I hadn't switched it on for too long. That's the bad thing. The good thing is you don't have to spend a cent to get your grades.

I know you might seem to be a selfish arsehole, but that's the way RP works. It trains you to be a ruthless professional, getting what you want and then getting the hell out of there. Don't bother wasting time building relations, project work simply means hit-and-run. They claim they want to foster team spirit and better relations, but they actually just want to see who's the dumb git getting stuck with all the work. Even if you do get marked down on individual effort, the team score will pull you up. Don't worry about being an idiot, that's the way RP is. Survival of the fittest, I like to call it.

Then when you think ahead about JC life, you realise you've got Project Work too. Oh, wonderful. It's just like RE in the secondary school days.

If I had used the above-mentioned method on RE, I would have died badly. Because I happened to be drawn in a group of four people who has very similar thoughts as I. Anyway, they are my friends so I don't mind doing the odd bit of slogging for them. But the significant different between RE and Project Work (PW) is that you can't choose your PW mates!

So why work hard for them when you might not even know them!

Precisely my point. In any case, your absence in the PW group might be greatly valued. Let's put it in diagram format, so everyone can see my point.

Let's say there are four people in a group. We are all equal, and thus can be represented by a square.

You cut yourself out from the group, and in so doing breaks up the continuous flow, the river of ideas that is meant to pass through every group member. Which could be something like this.. (make sure you're on the top right hand corner)

Having communication lines cut off, the other three would have no choice but to adapt. Therefore, they would have to start making a new line of communication excluding you, though of course they cannot completely do so as you are part of their group. New meetings are conducted without you, and ideas go through new channels which you are not privy to. (not like you mind)

And then, unknowingly, a right-angled triangle is formed.

In case you haven't noticed, a triangle is always better than a square. Why?

Firstly, you see soccer tactics. People talk about the 3 Rs of Brazil, they talk about diamond formation (aka two triangle formation) and the 3-pronged attack. Can the same be said about the square? I never heard Mourinho or Wenger playing the Square Formation. It's just so stupid and impractical. Of course, Fergie might want to try it but that's why Man Utd is so lousy.

Secondly, waterpolo tactics. Chinese High (or HCI) has the triangle of Max, Samuel and that short fart back there who has the number 4 cap but I still don't know his name. They essentially have a weak team but they only needed that triangle to secure victories. It's effective enough for them already. It works in the water too!

Thirdly, Malaysia. Even as I try to escape the memories, there can be no doubt that KL is great. It's not only because of the KL Tower, nor KLCC, nor the Twin Towers. They have to come together to be strong, and that is why KL has this GOLDEN TRIANGLE. Without it, what is the use of the four-sided KLCC? You could put all the square buildings anywhere, but to put them into a triangle is the ultimate formation. A triangle is the true symbol of power.

So, a triangle is better than a square. (shown) #

When one enters battle, one must always think about the good of the country that they are fighting for. Similarly, when one enters the realm of RP and PW in JC, one must always think about the good of the team in doing the project.

I therefore encourage all of you to be self-sacrificing beings, and sacrifice yourself for the greater good of the team. Someone must make way to make the triangle anyway - so why not you? Your exclusion can only bring good to the PW team.

Okay, so I hope most of you would have been enlightened about doing PW. I say "most of you", because I still want three people to be in the dark about this. They are, naturally, the people who are going to do PW with me. I think they would be very lucky people, because I find myself a nuisance and my absence would do them nothing but lots of good. So whoever the three lucky guys are, better be thankful.

And oh, everyone else can learn this tactic because it will create trouble. Imagine having four people all using my method for PW, the following scenarios could occur:

(1) All-out war
Bitch and fight openly, but nothing gets done.

(2) Cold war
"You don't want to do, fine. I also don't do. We all die lor!"

(3) Ancient war, where you could call gods down to help you
"Teacher, he don't want to do Project Work!"

Either way, no work will get done and either way, it will be bloody good for my PW team. If everyone is in disharmony, then everyone's project would suck. Then mine might be mediocre but when compared to the rest it would look heavenly. I can go win the RJ Congress hands down, and it just proves you don't have to be good to win something. You just have to know the ways around it, and you just have to create conflict among everyone else. Never mind so long you win in the end.

Such is the ways of RP. I'm sorry if it had made me a cold-blooded killer, but I'm not sorry to get my GPA 4.

Oh well, yea. You might call me inhuman, but if I really were, then I wouldn't even bother to publish this and share my thoughts, would I?

Eh shit!!! Then that might have well been a mistake. It could backfire against me!! What the hell, I'm sure not everyone is as merciless as me, are they..?

Because if they are, I think we might see very interesting scenes for next year's PW. I'd leave you to think about that.

I guess only time can tell. It's best if time tells me that I got a GPA 4 for PW.