Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
The Authoritative Dummies' Guide to Ipoh
There is only one place where there are flights into Ipoh Airport, and fortunately enough for me, that is Singapore. There are only two airlines serving this route. One is Malaysia Airlines, and the other is Firefly. This trip is the first time that I have heard of Firefly, and it is also the first time I have sat on a propeller airplane. This plane did not even need a separate gangway. The plane door opened downwards into steps and those were enough to reach the ground.
The good thing about such a small plane is that I can close my eyes and imagine it is my private jet. Yes, I'm not the very demanding kind, a small cozy private jet will do. Of course, the fact that I just stepped out from the skanky Budget Terminal somewhat spoils that illusion. The Budget Terminal is designed not to look good. If it did, nobody would pay to dock their planes at the other terminals. I find immense similarities between hospital corridors and the corridors of the Budget Terminal. When there are windows, they are small and narrow. The linoleum floor looks sticky and bare. And then there is always the delay. But these are trifling matters, and all is forgotten once i get on the plane.
If you take a plane to Hong Kong from Singapore, for example, the plane seems to go right out into the sea, goes up, all that can be seen are clouds, and then I go to sleep. But on this flight to Malaysia, as the plane makes its way north-west, I can see the entire Singapore on one side. Not half of it if the plane had flown right on top of Singapore, but the entire country from coast to coast as the plane flew along the northern coast of Singapore. A sobering sight that says without words how small Singapore is. Meanwhile, on the other side, Malaysia stretches as far as the eye can see.
Normally, at Singapore airport, when planes land, they brake, and then they slowly taxi around while saying 'please keep your seatbelts on yadayada'. And even when it stops, everyone stands in anticipation with the luggage in hand waiting for them to connect the walkway and open the doors. At Ipoh Airport, the plane just brakes, stops right there, and then it's 'You people get the fuck out'. No need for parking, no need for walkways, nice and simple.
And when you walk out, it's just lepak. No rolling meadows or beautiful landscapes that might imply tedious maintenance, just some messy plants and low-rise buildings that look like they could be there forever. The town probably looked the same 40 years ago, with the same shophouses selling the same things. Getting around without a car is like being physically handicapped. Walking for distances longer than from the parking lot to your destination in Ipoh is like cycling to your destination in Singapore. It's just not designed for it. In many places, there is a lack of pavement.
Like many other places in Malaysia, the food is the standout point. Even to someone like me for whom food is mere sustenance that we shit out at the end of the day (or the start of the next day), the food was good enough to merit a place in my memory. The enormous prawns at a seafood restaurant were awesome, as was the white coffee at the birthplace of OldTown White Coffee. It was way better than the ones at the chain stores.
And there I was being a parasite to society for the few days. It is remarkable how the day flies by just by having three square meals a day.
The good thing about such a small plane is that I can close my eyes and imagine it is my private jet. Yes, I'm not the very demanding kind, a small cozy private jet will do. Of course, the fact that I just stepped out from the skanky Budget Terminal somewhat spoils that illusion. The Budget Terminal is designed not to look good. If it did, nobody would pay to dock their planes at the other terminals. I find immense similarities between hospital corridors and the corridors of the Budget Terminal. When there are windows, they are small and narrow. The linoleum floor looks sticky and bare. And then there is always the delay. But these are trifling matters, and all is forgotten once i get on the plane.
If you take a plane to Hong Kong from Singapore, for example, the plane seems to go right out into the sea, goes up, all that can be seen are clouds, and then I go to sleep. But on this flight to Malaysia, as the plane makes its way north-west, I can see the entire Singapore on one side. Not half of it if the plane had flown right on top of Singapore, but the entire country from coast to coast as the plane flew along the northern coast of Singapore. A sobering sight that says without words how small Singapore is. Meanwhile, on the other side, Malaysia stretches as far as the eye can see.
Normally, at Singapore airport, when planes land, they brake, and then they slowly taxi around while saying 'please keep your seatbelts on yadayada'. And even when it stops, everyone stands in anticipation with the luggage in hand waiting for them to connect the walkway and open the doors. At Ipoh Airport, the plane just brakes, stops right there, and then it's 'You people get the fuck out'. No need for parking, no need for walkways, nice and simple.
And when you walk out, it's just lepak. No rolling meadows or beautiful landscapes that might imply tedious maintenance, just some messy plants and low-rise buildings that look like they could be there forever. The town probably looked the same 40 years ago, with the same shophouses selling the same things. Getting around without a car is like being physically handicapped. Walking for distances longer than from the parking lot to your destination in Ipoh is like cycling to your destination in Singapore. It's just not designed for it. In many places, there is a lack of pavement.
Like many other places in Malaysia, the food is the standout point. Even to someone like me for whom food is mere sustenance that we shit out at the end of the day (or the start of the next day), the food was good enough to merit a place in my memory. The enormous prawns at a seafood restaurant were awesome, as was the white coffee at the birthplace of OldTown White Coffee. It was way better than the ones at the chain stores.
And there I was being a parasite to society for the few days. It is remarkable how the day flies by just by having three square meals a day.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Hot bods!
Have you seen them?They're the Raffles Institution Waterpolo.. no, of course not. They are professional A&F models hanging around Orchard Road.
Though I must say, it does remind me of my younger days LOL. If you had attended the "A" Division waterpolo finals in 2007, you'd find that the 13 men who stood back there at the CCAB pool were actually better than this. (I wasn't one of them, disclaimer.)
And they had more flesh to show! Wearing sexy trunks instead of these ugly red long pants.
So all the girls who rushed down to take photos with them - you are misguided. You have had the chance back then. What's more, those waterpolo hunks could have even been your boyfriends, which means 24/7 free show! Compared to these people who only stand around at Orchard Road, and who expect you to go all the way down to take a photo?
Now you're thinking, "damn, I want a waterpolo hunk."
Needless to say, the waterpolo story was all in the past. If you want to email me asking for my network of waterpolo friends, I'm sorry to add that most of them are quite fat now haha.
On a side note, imagine if those who paraded there were females?
Aware would have a field day. They'd call up and write to the papers and give retarded comments about 'objectifying' women and all that claptrap. Hey, shouldn't I be complaining that men are used as marketing tools?
Something to think about, huh? It's a strange world, indeed. But I'm too lazy to complain, so I'm off to sleep.
Friday, December 09, 2011
People don't mind being in prison as long as no one else is free
Lol. Just like how NS hasn't resulted in open revolt because everyone is doing it.
Friday, December 02, 2011
Immortals may live forever, but they sure don't make sense
FREE AT LAST. Until the next semester starts, that is. But the manacles are off for now, and there is no time to waste. The International Shake Leg Movement (ISLM) awaits.
But yes, the movie review. Immortals is the story about the son of a whore who goes on to become a god. Because the story is inherently messy and confusing, allow me to split it into different parts for you.
The movie begins with a riddle. There are four ladies in sexy dresses. Only one of them is a virgin. But they all claim to be virgins (lol right there). The virgin among the four can tell the future. That means if you know who that is, you get a virgin, and a fortune-teller. Two in one, good deal. In this kind of lame movie, the virgin is confirm the most chio one. I know, that doesn't make any sense to me either. ARE THE MEN BLIND?
Then, the narrator says that she'll lose the ability to see the future once she gets laid. In literature, that is called foreshadowing. It means that she's going to get laid soon. And I was right! My literature teacher is going to be so proud. So after she got laid, she couldn't peep into the future anymore. The Virgin Oracle was neither a virgin nor an oracle by that point. In the grand scheme of things, that made her pretty useless. Right until the last part of the movie, where she gave birth to a boy. In summary, all the VO did was get laid and give birth. Better not let AWARE watch this movie.
An interesting side-plot is that of the traitor Lysander. Thinking that he would be rewarded by the villain if he defected, he got a rude surprise when his balls said hello to a sledgehammer. That was nasty. And throughout the movie, the villain(I think his name was Hyperion), offers a masterclass on torture techniques. They range from eye-gouging to boiling, and if you like analysing the gory splitting of body parts, this is the show for you.
The final part of the story is that of the Greek Gods, especially Zeus, who has no notion of the idea that prevention is better than cure. He is plainly a retard and this movie's portrayal is like having the Mythbusters debunk Greek mythology. In the movie, Zeus killed his own son Ares for interfering with human affairs. All Ares wanted to do was to help the Theseus(the protagonist) stop Hyperion from releasing the Titans. In the end, because of Zeus' retardation, the Titans were released, and all the Gods died except Zeus. The Greek Gods are not very god-like.
You may have noticed I haven't talked much about the protagonist Theseus, because he didn't do much. He fought, yes, but that became banal after a while. If all these parts don't seem to link up to a story, yes, that was exactly the feeling I got after watching the movie. Theseus' rise to become a god was not deserved at all. Maybe one day, the boy you see trawling the lorongs of Geylang will be the next prime minister.
But yes, the movie review. Immortals is the story about the son of a whore who goes on to become a god. Because the story is inherently messy and confusing, allow me to split it into different parts for you.
The movie begins with a riddle. There are four ladies in sexy dresses. Only one of them is a virgin. But they all claim to be virgins (lol right there). The virgin among the four can tell the future. That means if you know who that is, you get a virgin, and a fortune-teller. Two in one, good deal. In this kind of lame movie, the virgin is confirm the most chio one. I know, that doesn't make any sense to me either. ARE THE MEN BLIND?
Then, the narrator says that she'll lose the ability to see the future once she gets laid. In literature, that is called foreshadowing. It means that she's going to get laid soon. And I was right! My literature teacher is going to be so proud. So after she got laid, she couldn't peep into the future anymore. The Virgin Oracle was neither a virgin nor an oracle by that point. In the grand scheme of things, that made her pretty useless. Right until the last part of the movie, where she gave birth to a boy. In summary, all the VO did was get laid and give birth. Better not let AWARE watch this movie.
An interesting side-plot is that of the traitor Lysander. Thinking that he would be rewarded by the villain if he defected, he got a rude surprise when his balls said hello to a sledgehammer. That was nasty. And throughout the movie, the villain(I think his name was Hyperion), offers a masterclass on torture techniques. They range from eye-gouging to boiling, and if you like analysing the gory splitting of body parts, this is the show for you.
The final part of the story is that of the Greek Gods, especially Zeus, who has no notion of the idea that prevention is better than cure. He is plainly a retard and this movie's portrayal is like having the Mythbusters debunk Greek mythology. In the movie, Zeus killed his own son Ares for interfering with human affairs. All Ares wanted to do was to help the Theseus(the protagonist) stop Hyperion from releasing the Titans. In the end, because of Zeus' retardation, the Titans were released, and all the Gods died except Zeus. The Greek Gods are not very god-like.
You may have noticed I haven't talked much about the protagonist Theseus, because he didn't do much. He fought, yes, but that became banal after a while. If all these parts don't seem to link up to a story, yes, that was exactly the feeling I got after watching the movie. Theseus' rise to become a god was not deserved at all. Maybe one day, the boy you see trawling the lorongs of Geylang will be the next prime minister.
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