Quote of the day

"If I don't make myself happy, nobody's going to do it for me" - I think yj mentioned it, but it just popped into my head again.

It's probably true for both those with friends and those without. You can't be a miserable blackhole where happiness goes to die everyday, else your friends will find that you're just not friendly. The nicest of friends will have trouble cheering up someone who just wants to be down. After all, gravity is everywhere.

Q: What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?
A: Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Another one that just popped up. I think it's from the Fight Club book.

Random Quotes

"Faith is seeing what can't be seen" - from the Christian book that the dude beside me on the train was reading. I kid you not.

Right up there with "What is the colour of the white horse?"

The most wonderful ideas come out of the toilet bowl

It occurred to me that the ideas that I have that i find the most interesting, almost invariably comes when i'm doing something mundane. Such as studying for the A levels. Or pushing paperwork. Or, as the title of this entry suggests, sitting in the toilet. In fact, the existence of this blog itself might have to thank some common test. And it's probably during one of these zen-like sessions that I came up with the following observations that are often taken for granted, in our everyday lives and concluded that our lives simply don't make sense.

Have you ever wondered why they don't bother building a fence around HDB estates? It's cos we're poor, nothing much to steal. We pity the poor no-lifer who has to steal from HDB occupants. We might even give away some stuff to you, and then say hi to you when we meet again in the Toto queue!

Moving on, have you ever wondered why there's a fence around condominiums? Cos there's stuff to steal. Lounge chairs, gym equipment, table tennis tables, even pool tables. Or you could use detergent and wash clothes in the condo swimming pool, since nowadays water very expensive and wash clothes need a lot a lot of water.

So, why are the fences around landed properties usually so low?
Requires a bit more brainpower, but that's obviously because they have so much that they know you can't possibly take enough to to hurt them in any significant way. In other words, burglars, please help yourselves. Thinking for the burglar, I would think that it's very labour-intensive to keep carting furniture to the hideaway. The logistics involved (getaway lorry) would be much of a headache, which is rather unnecessary as we shall see. The 3G (3rd generation) burglar will scale the wall with a high-resolution handycam in hand. He proceeds to take videos of the occupants in sex positions at night. And if the shooting angle is wrong or some cock-up (wah punz) such that he needs a reshoot, he can just shout, "EH CB CAN DO IT PROPERLY OR NOT!", and siam for a while. The involved occupants may be startled and may go around looking for the burglar, but they won't find him la, if he knows how to camouflage properly. If he don't know means he chaokeng during ns. So after a futile search, the occupants (actually might as well call them pornstars) will go back to their room uneasily. But that's not the end of the story, cos according to an expert (lazy so i only find one)
http://www.counterpunch.org/block10292005.html, sex and fear seem to go hand in hand, so all the fear will make them do it again and the burglar can then climb out and do a reshoot. Then the burglar tries to sell the saucy video back to the participants. Some people call it blackmail. whatever. If the people buy it, it's a win-win situation, because otherwise, the burglar wouldn't get anything except police arrests if they post it online. Who else would want to see it anyway?

Another thing about modern society is how much we waste energy. I don't mean all of us should take on the big projects like Al Gore's movie that don't really help much, in fact i think it makes the matter worse. We should seek to understand why people today:

a) run on the treadmill, but drive for the shortest distances
and then complain that cars pollute the earth

b) Lift weights, but abhor manual labour
With such contribution to the world, it's no wonder the earth is in such a sorry state

This almost makes me want to invent foot-powered wheelchairs and solar-powered torchlights.

And here's something that boggles the mind: http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html

Wanted: VIDEOCAM

YL and I wanted a videocam for very important purposes, and we know not of many who has one. In fact, we only know of one person. Since both of us don't have videocams (in case I didn't say that earlier, which I didn't), we decided to approach him for a very important loan.

In order to fulfil our very important purpose.

For anonymity purposes, our friend is named as c, the constant in our equation. I'm J for short, then obviously the YL is L.

How To Persuade A Good Friend To Lend You Something
And How To Hedge A Subject
And Talk A Lot Of Cock On The Way There
(edited and modified)

j- hello.
c- yoyo.
l- hey c we need you very badly.
(that's persuasion due to desperate need)

c- ya right.
l- okay more specifically we need your videocam.
(now he's coming clean..)

c- you want my wife then say so.
l- we know you come with your camera..
j- that's wrong. you COME with your WIFE?
(that's talking cock, by the way)

c- so who you want to spy on? hot chicks?
j- eh lets go lanning this sat. (diverting subject)
c- no i can't lan
j- eh i owe you money anyway
c- u do?
j- no i meant yl
l- lol
(time wastage due to talking cock. we're good)

j- back to the topic! videocam! you're not using it?
c- no.. why you using it for?
j- eh yl but we not much time le.. (i'm super unfocused)
c- just get straight to the point!
j- sorry i'm like arsenal. (c's an arsenal fan)
l- we got all the time in the world..
j- i dribble.. i hang around.. shoot everywhere except the goal..
j- wave to the fans.. (pushing my luck..)
l- arsenal can't win.
(negative example. please don't insult the guy's favourite team if you want a favour.)

c- LOL quick. what you need my cam for?
l- so what do you think we need it for?
(questioning techniques.)

l- is it edible?
j- is it sexable?
j- man needs two basic things. FOOD! SEX!
c- oh. so you need to film some porn shit.
j- maybe porn. but SHIT? that's just gross.
c- you guys won't take pics of food. that's just gay.
c- but you might film shit. (ouch..)

l- c asks the best questions possible..
c- i don't get it. i must be fortune's fool. (which was his nick)
j- well acc to your nick you ARE fortune's fool..
c- okay i get it. YOU GUYS JUST WANT ME.
c- NOT MY CAMERA. LEAVE MY WIFE ALONE.
(gee.. such an accusation, i was real hurt man.)

l- yea. so that's settled then.
l- okay the gist is that..
c- lan on saturday?
(see what talking cock and hedging the issue has done..)

l- (ignoring c) you asked what we wanted your video cam for..
l- which of course would be to make videos.
l- but you still asked.
c- (exasperated?) yeah i mean what kind of videos =.=

(then i start the nonsense all over again.)
j- wait i thought you said you couldn't lan?
l- okay we want to make a video that entertains, in a way thats acceptable to us
(now he's being really specific.)
c- just have me inside. that's good enough =)=)
j- LOL YOU SAID IT BETTER NOT REGRET

(note: last time i posted sth about c online this girl fell madly in love with him.)

c- HAHA FUCK U LOL
c- you gonna post it on TCS? (oops.)
l- that's interesting. you can teach everyone how to chase a girl.
c- speak for yourself yl you're the girl killer! (tables are turned!)
c- you're the girl killer. every girl on the __________ had a crush on you!

Editor's note: Sensitive information! But it's true there was one period of time there was this indeterminate number of girls having a crush on YL. Or maybe all the while. Unfortunately mesdemoiselles he's already taken, so sorry. Back to the convo.

l- yea. but that wasn't funny.
j- LOL. (wasn't it.)
l- we need entertainment.
c- well u try charming the rj canteen aunties. tell them they're on film and they are very pretty. and flirt with them. and try to get a discount. if u dun piss them off by paying in 5 cents coins.

Editor's note: I did that once. They weren't pleased. Ah and I meant paying in 5 cents coins, not the flirting bit LOL.

l- that's just mean, and we're not in sch anymore.
l- you want to try cookhouse aunties?
c- no. its they who want to try me.
l- now you're starting (the digression).

convo suddenly degens and we're talking about who's going to camp tomorrow and whatnot. it gets really bad until c pulls us all back into the convo.

c- i can lend you all. but you all never say how long, when, why..
l- like saf logbook like that..
l- make video for tcs la!!

And that concludes our conversation, because the purpose had been revealed.

Hope you learnt something there.

I find it absolutely amazing the blog is still here.

Well, well, so what do you know? I find myself in unfamiliar territory, back here saying something which I haven't figured out yet. I am sorry not to have visited more frequently, but I've been trapped in a hell called RJC.

RJC stands for Raffles Junior College. In case you thought I got kidnapped and got stuck in some Rancid Junk Centre. Well but it comes close enough, and no I went to RJC on a voluntary basis. I'm sure you know there's also this thing called the "A" levels. Atrocious, Aggressive, whatever. I don't give a damn what you call it because for me it's over. HAH!


In any case, since Blogger doesn't delete inactive blogs - or since YL has been providing you with his hygiene tips.. I guess this is one very long overdue post. And let's talk about the latest and most important thing in everyone's lives.


Assuming you're an eighteen-year-old. Because if you're not, I assume we'd be talking about last night's soccer match. I do not understand how the hell Israel could beat Russia. But shit happens, and well I think it's okay because I didn't bet on Russia.


Which is a reminder: talkcocksummit has turned eighteen and is eligible to bet with Singapore Pools! Admittedly, though we can talk the cock, money is not funny and so we earn less than we learn.


I digress. Excuse me, I've always been doing that in the past and now is no different. So anyway I was trapped in RJC. I would like to post some pictures, but I don't have a camera and I'm lazy to search it online. Try Googling it.


And don't call me lazy. Our teachers also have done that before. "Hey this is interesting stuff, to know more about *insert insanely complicated shit*, go Google it."


LOL.


Thus the reason for a very good quote today. For those still in the midst of doing the A levels, arguably one of the more important events in your life, always remember this. The world's greatest scientist, Albert Einstein, very famously said:





Don't despair if you do badly. It's not your fault. Every student has a capability to learn and but not every teacher has the capability to teach. By the same argument, when the teachers say students are lazy to learn, it actually means that they're lazy to teach. I'm not talking about my teachers, by the way. I'm just saying IF. You never know - your teacher might just be like that.

That is why do not lapse into self-depression when you do badly. And don't be fooled by your teacher that it's your fault - because they're pushing the blame. In fact, I am a firm believer that you should just heap it all on the teacher, because Albert Einstein says so and before proven wrong, Einstein is always right.

Even though that quote is just one sentence, look beyond its face value. A corollary - that's what you learn from f**king H3 Maths - of Einstein's Teacher Theorem (that's what we'll call it) is that the teacher is always at fault if the problem is due to transferral of knowledge.

Though of course we know that there are other factors as to why a student does not do well. I will take some time to explain this.

1) Luck.
They say "Lady Luck is on your side" when you do well. May I question why Luck must be female? From the student's point of view, Lady Luck always seems to side the girls because from initial observations the girls always do better than the guys in terms of academics. Now, might Lady Luck be lesbian? I doubt it. That is a flawed theory.

Rather, I think Luck must be a guy. He must be a very very perverted guy. In my bloody five examinations in RJC, I have only managed to pass everything on one attempt - the last one. I'm either failing this or failing that.

Where "this" and "that" usually refers to Chemistry, but that's out of point. And I'm out of luck. I find that in cases where luck is involved (ie every case), you never know if the teacher is at fault. Thus we should not unfairly blame teachers.

2) Standards.
Sometimes we sit for a paper expecting it to be similar to what we did in practice. Okay I do not know about you but I expect it ALL THE TIME. But is it so? Well, no.

A study done by a very credible source (myself) has shown that schools' papers are usually out to own your arse. I believe that Cambridge's papers are usually much kinder to us than the school's. In trying some other JC's papers, I thought that if not for RP, I might have been getting my shitass grades elsewhere. Therefore RP is for the win. Though their papers aren't.

In any case my point is that often the schools set tough papers for you. So it's not your fault if you don't do well. It's simply because they plotted it all along. Which means, eh, it's the teacher's fault again! Woohoo!

To evaluate my piece, I would say that both might play an important role in your downfall, assuming you fall. If you aren't the sort to fail at least one common test per.. common test, then you can screw off because I don't like clever people. Or rather I'm insanely jealous of you so I am going to be angry with you.

Whereas some RJC students might say "get out of my elite, uncaring face" I say I do not care about your elite face. Especially if you laugh at me. That is because you only get an advantage due to LUCK and I am suffering because of my teachers. I'm not saying my teacher is bad. I'm just giving a hypothetical situation.

So I've given you a thesis, anti-thesis and synthesis, which would get me a Level 3 answer if I should submit this for an Economics paper (assuming I've inserted some random economics concepts, that's how Econs works - or doesn't). And should I write this for a GP essay, I should expect nothing less than an A grade.

However, life does not always promise you melons if you plant melons. Or rather, that is the case if you should be a student studying in JC. There is a Chinese saying, "种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆。"
Well in the modern context no one really grows melons or beans anymore. Especially not in a technology-intensive and resource-poor Singapore. So don't give me all that crap about you reap what you sow. I can prove to you that it is not true by a converse of the theorem, which yet again is another application of H3 Maths.

Even though I might be writing to you today about how unfair life can be, it doesn't say that my learning is all done in vain. As you can see, I am applying many of the skills I have learnt in JC to talking cock. Therefore learning is a lifelong process. (shown)

As such are the conclusions that I make when I try to prove something that I can't.

You get what I mean. Good luck to all of those still having Biology and Physics papers. You won't be getting your results soon, so you won't have to blame your teachers for them (should they be lousy) too soon. If you do well, then you'd better thank your lucky stars and try not to assume that she's a woman.

All right. With my highly sophisticated argument that has considered many diverse viewpoints, I think I can now end off my post. Though of course as this is talkcocksummit, you shouldn't take everything I said to heart and really go blame your teacher for everything. (Although you can. Einstein is good.)

But if you're a bloody dumbass who refuses to work, then you know you deserve your lousy grades. Ahahahaha. Loser.

another day in life

It's really really tough studying. And yet i am but one of so zillions of people who are working their ass off for results, an infinitesimally small speck of a vast and wondrous universe. But 星星之火，可以燎原。It's nice to take comfort in and revise chinese.

Contrary to popular belief, working hard doesn't make you stand out. At this time, slacking does. The forests of notes, endless trails of tutorials, coupled with the fact that nothing interesting ever seems to happen in life, and i agree. I mean, what's new in the papers everyday. The war continues in Iraq, explosion, people killed, Iraqis flee. The Amercians keep saying it'll get better, just like i do with my results. Car crash in Singapore, motorcycle crash, drunk driving, someone sentenced to jail. They say, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Yeah the tough go home.

You might think that there's really nothing you can do at home that will be of any great achievement, but some dude in the US has proven you wrong by achieving nuclear fusion at home. It is really complicated, i believe.

There are some things that i would like to understand but am too lazy to find out. Like, why are mountains such cold places? Shouldn't they be hotter cos they're closer to the sun. Random things like that.

Oh right, i saw an eternal optimist in Singapore. I think he's even more optimistic than George Bush about the Iraq war and me about my results. I saw this guy taking 4d tickets from the dustbin and laying them on the ground, checking to see if anyone saw wrongly and threw away a winning ticket by mistake. If he does find one, that would be true luck.

What do you call..

..the 31st December?

New Year's Eve.

..the 30th December?

The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 29th December?

The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 28th December?

The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 27th December?

The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 26th December?

The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve?

Hell no - that's Boxing Day.

---------

Sorry about that, I know it was kind of retarded. Anyway a few ideas I thought that I would like to accomplish for next year.. if you like the idea, we can work on it together. After all, we should always share good things eh.

WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR 2007

1. Kope Elango's bike
For those who don't know, Elango is this bastard security guard working for RI/RJ. Recently he has been kinda MIA and missing around school (and no we're not being racist here), but when he's around he barks at yowls at people. Sounds like a dog? He probably came from one. He also likes cycling around the school on the prowl for strangers. Duh, what do you expect, he's a security guard.

One day, I am SO going to ride off with his bicycle and see his reaction. Classic.

2. Play punk on Day One
Find some time to go back to RI and pretend to be the Sec 1. Height is no object, so long you speak fluent Chinese they'd think you're a China scholar. Going back to RI and blending with the n00b crowd has been my hobby since.. the start of this year. The Peer Support Leader (PSL) at the Junior Block thought I belonged to his class. Poor little sod. And now he's coming over to RJC where I do the orientation!!

What goes around comes around. For him trying to pull rank on me earlier this year (in January), I'm going to punk him when he comes to RJC. But before that, go punk some Sec 4s again. All you need is a pair of shorts, an RI shirt, and a confused look on your face. For the win.

3. Clean sweep "A" levels
Somehow this just had to come out. My assortment of grades this year was probably far from satisfactory - for I achieved EVERY GRADE POSSIBLE. Except "E". SomEhow. Next year, I want to be able to scream out my grades. Get the same thing as the name of the exams.

I think this is the best resolution ever. Because I won't know if I accomplished it in the same year. This way, I can tell myself at the end of the year that "ah this is one resolution that I probably accomplished". It's difficult to tell yourself at the end of the year that you actually accomplished the resolution at the start of it, unless you're a good liar or unless your resolutions are that easy to fulfil. Then there's no kick.

The classic New Year lame joke:

What's your New Year resolution?
Oh, 1024 x 768.

Quotable quotes

GST hike from 5% to 7% today (wtf):

I would like to bring to your attention..
PM Lee's response in TODAY: "I think if it doesn't get worse from what it is now, we will be doing very, very well."

I think if it gets worse from what it is now (which is even MORE probable), we won't be doing anything at all but bitching and complaining and soon ST will be 200 paegs long with the Forum taking up most pages. Hmm.

Anyway reading Yahoo! Answers (coincidentally), there were interesting responses:

Is it wrong or awkward if a girl asks a guy out?

Response: on the contrary I find it quite attractive, plus if you don't ask him out maybe he'll never ask you out or it will take a long time

Attractive is not the opposite of wrong or awkward, in case you didn't know. They asked if it was wrong. I realise a lot of people are super good at avoiding questions - though naturally I see through them all.

Response: It is not wrong for a girl to ask a guy out. We no longer live in the 1800s.Some gals might feel awkward, but only because they are not fully liberated from the old way of thinking.

That's assuming that in the 1800s it was wrong, and I don't believe he's 200 years old - and therefore his logic is seriously flawed.

Response: No! Girls asking a guy out isn't wrong! It's just that most girls think it's supposed to be the guy that asks the girl. Just because you think it's wrong to ask a guy out, doesn't mean it's true. I say go for it!

So defensive and fiery. Zomg and that came from a girl - now hmm do I suspect something? Yes I do.

Response: it's neither wrong nor awkward if a girl asks a guy out because it is being straightforward about your feelings rather than beat around the bush abt the matter and wait for unknown results thus causing more anxieties..It seems that more guys nowadays are more shy as they fear rejection..And it's up to the girls to carve out their own path to happiness 'cause afterall, we girls have the unique sixth sense of knowing who likes us and such..(^o^)

Seems like this person knows no punctuation. And seems like you have to know if the person likes you before you can ask the person out? I don't think that makes sense. Like that how to see others get jacked?!

Response: It depends on the way you ask. Do you guys regularly converse / hangout together? Or is he a stranger you'd like to meet? both require a different approach. Good luck!

Sigh, only one guy truly has a bit of intelligence and good advice to say. Like whenever the teacher asks for my opinion in French class, I go "ça dépend" - meaning "it depends". It's true, everything has it's good side and a bad side.

Pity, I'll be away for the next few days, so I won't be here to share my insights with you. In the meantime, do try to enjoy YL's great advice before he too goes away. Looks like TCS is going on a pilgrimage and to real summits, but not to worry - we'll always be back.

(Unless the world ends tomorrow, then you wouldn't be back either to read this. But no I don't think it will.)

Confession

Sometimes confessions come least when you expect it.

YL dropped a bombshell on me tonight. I NEVER KNEW BEFOREHAND LA TMD. There were no signs, no warnings but all of a sudden he just got attached.

Leaves me to head the NGO by myself. Oh well.



If you can't read the text..

u_klun..i'll go to the end of the world for you. but luckily for me, the earth is round. says:
hi!
- yj [ that's not false ] says:
hey
- yj [ that's not false ] says:
who's that in your dp
u_klun..i'll go to the end of the world for you. but luckily for me, the earth is round. says:
my girlfriend

I'm censoring YL's email because you all are so not going to be third parties even though YL might be hot and sexy. (That's what he will say to you.)

Forrest Gump

Sorry if I'm retarded, but do you think Forrest Gump is spastic?

He goes "My mama says life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get."

Somehow I came across this somewhere on the Net, and I don't know if I've said this before - but when you have a box of chocolates, you know you're going to freaking get chocolates. And I don't know what sort of analogy is that, how can you compare life to a box of chocolates?

Anyway I'm sitting around killing time till Monday because I can't wait to get back my promos results. That is because I believe I've waited long enough, and patience isn't really one of my strong points.

In fact, I believe patience isn't even a strong point.

Let's look at it this way: If you are injured, you go to hospital. If you go to hospital, you become a.. PATIENT. Therefore patience is an act of weakness.

Get impatient. Just waste time till Monday.

No one followed the PSI 300 plan, unfortunately, and I've been to meaningless lessons for the past week. I am very disappointed to note that Singaporeans and RJC students aren't that obedient after all. They cannot carry out instructions properly.

Next time go army how?

Okay I think that's a very huge issue to tackle now.

I'm off to waste more time till Monday. Then I will start finding ways to console myself IN CASE I do not get good grades. It's called mental preparation, man.

Meanwhile, don't ever say life is like a box of chocolates. The only thing that is like a box of chocolates is..

..well, another box of chocolates.