Top ten excuses not to do tutorials

As part of our Anti-Tutorial Movement (ATM), we feel compelled to teach you some excuses to tell your teacher in case of.. emergencies. =) After all, you cannot expect to get away scot-free by not doing your work, you have to at least give an excuse.

So hopefully, these top ten excuses will help you! In no particular order (if you want you can number them yourselves according to preference):

1. I had CCA (for dramatic effect: competition)
One of the most classic yet effective excuses. After all, if you are taking time off your busy schedule to fight for the glory of the school, they should at least give you some allowance for not finishing your tutorials. After all, they don't count the number of completed tutorials when they take into account all-round excellence. So no worries, just concentrate on your CCA and abandon your tutorials. If you are not a sportsman or sportswoman, then you have no choice..

..but to lie.

The downside to this is just that the teachers might check up on your CCA. Then you'd best not be lying or GGXX man.

2. I didn't receive it
Especially good if you think your subject rep is a bloody idiot and you sabo him/her as much as possible. This not only provides you with an excuse not to complete your tutorial, but also gives you a chance to make the rep lose out. That's killing two birds with one stone. The possible bad point of this is that the rep sucks up to the teacher (I know of many instances) and then you're left to jack yourself. Or maybe after going back to your seat you take out your tutorial immediately and start copying model answers. Then you deserve being GGXXed.

3. The dog ate my homework
This is workable, but a little dangerous if your teacher has been to your house (not likely right?) Be sure to include an interesting anecdote of how your dog died later. After all it seems as if half the population in RJC has dead pets (according to PW research). And so.. since I don't think dog eats paper, theoratically it should die after eating your homework. Tell that to your teacher. Better hope he/she doesn't work for SPCA part-time. Or worse still, if she's a bitch that has eaten paper before. She could disprove your theory easily.

4. The cars ran over my homework
Slightly dangerous to use, but you might be able to lie to the teacher that you were damn hardworking and was doing your tutorial in the car.. with the windows open. Of course the teacher will think you're some dumb jacked shit BUT THEN it's an excuse nonetheless! Unless your teacher was driving right beside your parent's car, and in which case I think you can really go bang the wall.

5. I fell into the drain
Good for those who has some injury to some part of the body to show. Or if you really very desperately badly don't want to finish your tutorial, create a wound and then walk to class with tutorial undone. Then tell the teacher you fell into the drain. Of course this idea is not so feasible as the teacher might decide to smell you (you know sniffer dogs) and then come up with the conclusion that you're a bloody faker (literally) - then you just cut yourself for nothing.

The alternative to this is saying that you fell into a plastic drain.

6. I lost my file
The good thing about saying this: can apply to all tutorials.

The bad thing: You have to prove it, act damn sad and perhaps put up a show. And don't forget you'll have to cook up a reason for it suspiciously appearing somewhere.

7. I lent the tutorial to my friend
Now this reason is not highly recommended for obvious reasons. But if the teacher has a screwed way of thinking perhaps he/she might think that you lend tutorials out = you're smart, then you are in for a good time. I wouldn't try this if I were you - it's just an option for the more brave.

8. I put it in your pigeonhole
This is one of the most failproof plans if you can carry it out properly. Worked for me like a charm in RI but I haven't tried RJ's system.. yet. Still for this plan you'd better make sure that the work can be completed in less than a day so you can (really) put the work into the teacher's pigeonhole before the end of the day and bluff your way through. Of course if the teacher checks it right after the lesson and doesn't find it..

..you'll just have to act puzzled. Remember you left it in his/her pigeonhole. You left it in his/her pigeonhole. You left it in his/her pigeonhole. Anything wrong it's not your problem.

9. I handed it in to the lecturer
You'd better suck up to the lecturer and make sure he/she knows you. Or your argument can go rot. The teacher will think you are a real dork but then again anything beats doing the shit tutorial.

10. The cleaner stole my tutorial
Say the cleaners now are very interested in my Chemistry tutorial, they want to know how to clean away those stains in the toilet better, etc. Just make sure your case has reasonable doubt on them. It might be slightly harder to pull it off in RJ than in RI, because we all know how fagutly dishonourable those stupid cleaners can get back there. Or at least, some of them who are really.. fagutly dishonourable. Worst comes to worst, just tell them the cleaners from RI came over and steal it. Now that's possible.

AND YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER SAY!!:

A. I forgot

Which is damn cliché. and saying that is like saying "come and scold me, you bloody crap teacher. I didn't do it because you are crap." without the fun of insulting the teacher. that's the bloody most stupid thing to say if you didn't do your tutorial. honesty gets you nowhere now, though maybe it will get you to heaven like many years later.

B. I didn't bring

Refer to explanation for A.

C. I lost it

That is very vague and gives hints that you are lying. Even if you are not, just give a more detailed explanation and make it seem as if it wasn't your fault. Wouldn't that be better than these three words?

D. I thought it was due next week?

The ultimate. Maybe you could try saying "I thought it was due last week and handed it in" but saying the phrase above is leading you to impending doom. Teachers never liked to have their deadlines forgotten, and by saying this you'll just incur their wrath. Due next week my arse. This is tutorial, not library book.

So just try to avoid those four phrases. They're all damn cliché anyway, and as RJC wants to make us into the thinker, leader and pioneer.. we must think up of new excuses, lead in using them for the first time, and hence being a creative pioneer. That way the teacher might respect you more.

Well, that's it. Hope this has been useful information for you. If it really works for you then please report the success story to us! We will gladly claim credit for coming up with those excuses. However if it fails.. then it must be your own fault for not executing the plan properly. I'm not putting up a disclaimer here because it's as simple as that - if you fail means you're incompetent. Weak. Go do your tutorials next time, for the ATM is not for weaklings like you. Right, so cheers to a great JC life..

..without tutorials.

Despo Kia and his adventures

Upon the request for more Adventures of Despo Kia, I shall post more about thsi famous character that everyone wants to know more about.

But before i start, please dont expect his adventures to last long because this love is taking its toll on me. There is a limit how much i can pretend to be a girl with him and how much i can flirt with guys. I know you people want to know more but please think about his feelings. Like seriously! Haha. So i hope you can understand. But if you ever want his number please feel free to come and get it from me. And when you message him please do not pretend to be a girl. And please do not abuse his number.

Actually before i start again, i must stress the fact that this entire conversation was not staged or faked. And further more, this entire conversation was not carried out by me. Trust me i do not have the guts nor the balls nor the heart to stomach such lovey dovey mushy wushy messages.

Okay here goes:

Message 1. From me to Despo Kia:

Hi darling. I miss you alot alot (L)

[ You see i really cant bring myself to say i love some GUY alot alot. So it's kinda obvious that i dint send that. But it's okay to call someone darling once in a while. I bet his heart jumped when he saw the message]

Reply 1. From Despo Kia to me. {Of course from Despo Kia to me lah. Our relationship is some a function man. Number 1, it is a one-one relation so it can be counted as a function. Secondly, the function has an inverse. I do love him as much as he loves me.}

Haha riteeee..U send wrong person ya? Veri sweet tho..=)

[ The way he says it, the riteeee..really makes me go riteeee. Like you know, riteeeee. Riteeeee. Geddit? But this message, i kinda respect him ya? At least he has some dignity left in himself to know that he dont stand a chance. After all he didnt reply something like : I love you too. I would have given this sonofagun a slap on his face. But beri beri sweet tho like the berries on the tress also very sweet. But too bad it aint meant for you. So sad. But he thinks that he dont stand a chance then why does he wanna say that it's very sweet though? Well, put on your thinking gloves and let's analyse it. Well, for one, he can be implying that he thinks he is too inferior which will lead us to our next inference which is that he thinks im superior. Wah praise me shial! Okay secondly, he might be hinting that he likes it. Like you know. HINT HINT I LIKE YOU that kinda message? Kinda obvious and stupid but sometimes it works]

Message 2:
No la i really miss you. Why would i send to the wrong person. U're the only one in my life...(:

[ HAHA miss him. Oh my son. I wished i missed him. YAH YAH i confess i miss him alot alot alot alot like really alot alot to the power of x where x tends to infinite. Happy? NO! Why would i send to the wrong person? So many reasons to do that! Firstly, im a big time flirt and if you didnt know, brokeback mountain was based on a true story and that story was based on ME. So you can guess the rest. Wah imagine me spending the rest of my life with him in some mountain cave. Happy shial!]

Reply 2:
Hmmm nono. U're not X...haha. U dun sound like her at all. N X already like someone liao! Dun prank la. =)

[Wah so smart huh? Can know that im not the right person you are looking for eh? If you so smart then why cant u realise that i have been cheating on you for so long and dating other guys in the meanwhile? HAHA stooopid lah. I dont sound like her? Obviously i have an adam's apple of course i dont sound like a girl. Speaking of which, in case you dont know, you can remove someone's adam's apple by punching his throat quite hard. But please remember to keep that apple in a safe place if you ever decide to take it out to play. If you lose it then ggxx you sound like a bloody fag for the rest of your life.]

Message 3:
Well, i've thought about it... and i've decided i dont really like him after all.

[Well smart ass, i do love you alot alot alot. I dont really like anyone except you. You are the sun and the moon. You are the morning and the sunset. You are the cheecheongfun and the funchoy. You are like the fishball in the fishball noodles without which it will be called noodles only. You are like the yong in the yong tau fool. Okay forget it. I dont really like cowboyboys. I prefer guys hot and handsome like you so that i can feel secure.]

Reply 3:
Eh...But but. Wah u really dun sound like urself! Besides why would u like me! Makes no sense at all ya? Haha..Did u two quarrelled? this thing no play play de.

[Eh eh eh. you think you jay-z ah. EHHHHHHHHH! But but but but but but what but butbubtbutbtubtubtubtubtu. So many buts. Omg the next part is stupid. Firstly, "why would you like me?" if you know that i wont like you then why are you still hitting on me? And why are you so persevering? Oh my son he has no logic at all. Make no sense at all? Make dollars! {Stupid econs jokes}. If it doesnt make any sens to like you the why are you even contacting me in the first place? Wah lao u damn shoooopid.
Come to think of it we did quarrelled. We quarrelled while filming brokeback mountain. He said he dont like to wear his cowboy hat but i think he looks very shuai wearing his cowboy hat so i insisted he wear his cowboy hat and he tempurrrr me. Alamak.



Last but not least. This thing no play play de. Sonny, i have already played with your heart.]


The End

Competition!

Today I became a large client of a large corporation, namely SMRT, by taking 48 (gasp!) stations of the MRT in a single day. Imagine yourself stoning on board the train for so long. Nah, I bet you can't picture it, all you rich kids who never take the MRT. So for this purpose, I shall organise a competition to see who takes the most number of MRT stops in a single day. Feel free to post your result on the tagboard. Oh ya, and one more condition, you must be standing all the way, like I did. With no music. Winner gets a free treat of something from me.

Things I Avoid Doing

I'm currently in a very reflective mood now. Which is to say I'm not doing anything. Homework undone, a messy desk, and I'm sitting on my ass, looking intently at the clock as it goes 'tick tock tick tock'. The seconds of my life frittering away. 'tick', 1 second closer to dying. 'tock' another second.

But boy do I feel good. There's a certain sense of satisfaction in not doing anything and simply lazing around. Knowing that your contribution to society is absolutely 0. And that you're actually enjoying yourself. I let out a loud yawn.

And I went to the fridge to look for the ministry of enjoyment. I took out 6 cans and arranged them in the shape of a flower with 5 petals, like they did in an advertisement a long way back. "For those who love me" I said aloud, taking one 'petal' away. And then I (what else?) drank it in one gulp. This was followed by "For those who love me not" and guess what, I drank that as well. And another. And another. Until all the petals were gone. The last can was "for those who love me not" and quite frankly, I couldn't think of anyone who didn't love me, so I threw the can out of the window.

I think I heard a 'thud'. I think. But then again it shouldn't have anything to do with the ambulance sirens I heard 15 minutes later or the article in the papers the next day saying someone had been killed by a can of Coke. Well at least he was enjoying coca-cola.

Anyway, I went online. And it wasn't to do work or help me concentrate or whatever. Everyone knows that multitasking is just a self-deception. Ok so I went bloghopping, hop, hop, hop, and all I got out of that was a gazillion-degree increase in myopia, astigmatism and long-sightedness all at the same time. I would like to ask the question of why most people only use 20% of the webpage for words, making them so tiny that I had to use a magnifying glass. No kidding. For these evil bloggers intent on destroying your readers' eyes, where is their conscience? Sigh, such inconsideration. Fortunately, there's always tcs.

And what did I do next? Oh yeah, I went to eat at MacDonald's. I was really really hungry, so I ordered a Big Mac. But I'm a vegeterian who doesn't eat meat, so I took out the burger and I ate the box. Tough huh? But it wasn't enough, so I ate the table as well. And after that the tiles on the floor. I'm lovin' it.

And then like the good boy that I was, I went home where I got scolded by my mama for eating too much. The end.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2)

Part Two: Back to the Mat Barber

I guess I hair-ven been cutting my hair for quite long, which is why I 1) got pwned during attire (aka hair) check and 2) got to go cut my hair. Having too much time and too little money, I decided to be smart and make the economical choice: the Mat Barber. Remember the old slogan "mat barber, mat barber, only six dollar?" Yea he's that good man.

Anyway, there was one minor detail I overlooked. That the gap between secondary school and JC was as good as that of the Grand Canyon - for I have to pay an extra grand total of.. two dollars. Just to cut my hair. Now you might be thinking "that isn't a lot" but $2 can get you four curry puffs from stall 2, a plate of fried rice from stall 3, a Set Lunch from stall 4, shredded chicken noodles from stall 5.. you get what I mean.

Well anyway the mat barber was dumb enough to ask me if I was Sec 2 or Sec 3 while cutting my hair. I was wearing the RJC badge and he asked me that question!? But to surpass my old record of being stupid (by failing Physics by a hell lot), I very stupidly honestly told him that I was in JC. Then that cunning old fagut smiled to himself. He knew those two extra dollars were to be made off me. Bloody hell.

The haircut was done pretty quickly, and my hair looked rather pretty afterward. And then came the sorrow of parting with my money. Now if you've read the old chronicles (kronikels) of the mat barber last year, you'll know that I liken them to losing electrons. And it used to hurt me a lot when I lost 6, and now I'm losing 8! That's one full shell you bloody barber. It's like removing 8 electrons from Neon and downgrading it to the first quantum shell, so you probably know how painful it is. If you don't believe me, you can go ask Neon how painful he feels when he loses 8 electrons.

8 damn electrons. One full shell. That is hell man. Hell in the shell.

So after I lost my 8 electrons I was in excited state. Actually, more depressed than excited but for the sake of Chemistry (Kemistri) let us leave it as excited. After all losing money can be an exciting prospect.. because the feeling of bankruptcy gives you an inexplicable feeling of thrill, leaving you having to go earn back your money again. And you know that when you're bankrupt, you can only get richer! So yea I was pretty excited by being bankrupt. Then on my way back I started thinking about how strong the barber was.

At this stage you might think, "Huh? What has the barber being strong got to do with anything?"

My answer is that it has EVERYTHING to do with cutting hair. No he didn't exactly rip the strands of hair right off my head, but let me illustrate it to you diagrammatically to give you a better picture.



Presenting to you.. the ionisation/robbery energy (commonly known as IE/RE) of how much it takes to take n dollars off me! Where n, of course, is represented by the little integers just below the x-axis. Can you see it? If you can't you are a loser so go away please. Come on, if I can understand the concept of drawing graphs, anyone can. Though I understand you might have some questions about some irregularities in the graph.

An example would be as follows:


So you might be asking why the sudden jumps in losing money? Is it because like elements, I have quantum subshells? Well, OF COURSE NOT! Like who the hell is going to carry around a few wallets and sub-wallets?! Do you suppose I'm too free..? Even if you think so, I'm not. Ever since my bankruptcy last weekend, I've since gained back some money and so my value now will definitely be more than zero. Meaning I'm not free thank you very much.

Back to explaining the irregularities, the sudden jump between $2 to $3 is because of canteen stall prices at RJC. As I've explained earlier, $2 can do a lot at RJC canteen, ranging from buying fried rice to Subway cookies. As such, with a wide range of choices for only $2, it's best that I restrict my domain to money spent ≤$2. Of course, that will lead me to having many opportunity costs because I most certainly cannot eat everything. But then again, that's Economics and that's life! You have to deal with scarce resources and unlimited wants.

So much as I want to eat every single damn thing from every stall, you must understand that my scarce resources limit me. That's quite sad. Nevertheless, what I'm trying to say is that $2 is more or less the universal price in the canteen and that is why when you try to charge the extra dollar off me it's going to be bloody difficult for you.

Try to make me pay $3 for subway cookies and I'll demand that I get six of them. After all if you study demand curves you should know when quantity goes up, price goes up. I know the lecturer (that naggy lady) said that this concept (of price rising when quantity rises) is wrong but then again I don't like the lecturer so listen to me. If you are forced to pay extra, you'd better make the best out of it. She goes by Economics logic, I go by RJC logic. As a result, she's always unhappy while I'm always happy. Who wins? I win.

Stupid jack lecturer. Anyway I hope that explains the jump in RE from $2 to $3 .

Now as you can see, there is also another steep increase from $6 to $8 - which I've already explained earlier it is due to the sudden increase of the cost from secondary school to JC. I understand that I could have lied to him that I was in secondary school (he thought so anyway), but in the end RJC's values got to me. We must have integrity in whatever we do! Yea.. and as some bastard said "character is about how you behave when people don't look at you", I think I have damn good character. (thinking is free)

Even as it gets harder to take an additional dollar off me, the reason why the barber did it is because he understood the concept of decision making at the margin. He knew that I wouldn't get pissed off if he took $8 from me, but he knew that I would temper him the moment he took the next dollar. That is why he decided not to charge me $9. Anyway as indicated in the graph, I would refuse to pay anything $9 or more for a haircut, so it's no use trying that on me. The barber was lucky to made his decision making at the mar-jin, for had he tested my patience I would have tempered him like a Jin.

In any case, this is a learning point. Don't think your barber is an idiot. He might bloody hell study Economics and then get maximum profits out of you. These guys are geniuses now, you know. I bet my mat barber graduated with a degree in Economics, only that he had a great passion for cutting hair, and hence his position today. Basically just don't underestimate them.

So, having explained the two jumps in the graph, I hope that you will now get a clearer picture of what it's like to take money from me. I'm not an ATM (auto-teller machine), I'm an ATM (anti-tutorial movement) member. Next time you want to get $8 off me, you had better be real strong. Or it had better be Valentine's Day and I must have this strong urge to play a prank on you by spending as much money on the wrapping paper as I did on the gift. That way also works, but the condition here is that you have to be a member of my class. Not easy to fulfil eh.

I left the barber's that day feeling rather unstable, for losing electrons/dollars was never something to be relished. Being in an excited state and walking in an unstable manner, I made my way home. Indeed, what a series of unfortunate events.

The 157 Manifesto

Hi this is an advertisement, do not reply, I repeat, DO NOT REPLY to this email. I mean to this post because I'm not the one in charge of it. I'm sorry that I can't post Part Two of the Unfortunate Events because of time constraint and because I promised a friend that I would help him advertise his club. His name is Ihtimam and he's chairman of the 157 club, an exclusive club that has many privileges attached to being a member. =)

So without further ado, let me present to you the MANIFESTO (seems like the "in" word nowadays) of the HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN CLUB! (once again it's not done by me so if you have any problems, just screw off)

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THE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SEVEN CLUB MANIFESTO

The Club:

The Hundred and Fifty-Seven Club. (157 club if you're a lazy bastard.. like me - which is not really me, as in it's not YJ me)

Club Vision:

To make the 157 bus the most happening bus in Singapore and the hundred and fifty-seven club the most happening bus club in Singapore. We envision a day where only one bus service will rule the roads. This bus will always have unlimited seats, it will show live football on its TV, it will have a frequency of 1Hz at least (for you physics uneducated losers, this means once per second or something like that and it's pronounced Hertzxzxzx, SI unit symbol being <3z),>

Membership Criteria:

1. Members must take 157 at least x or x/12 number of times a year or month respectively (our executive committee member(s) will decide on a value of x, watch this space)

2. Members must be true and loyal to the 157 bus although it is probably the rubbishiest bus on the bukit timah route. They should not be able to take any other bus to reach their intended destination (this effectively rules out the idiots from HCI, NJC, NYGH who stubbornly take the 157 in the mornings and pack it up despite having about 12 alternative buses to take. It should be a crime for these people to take the bus as it means innocent people who really need the 157 bus sometimes find themselves unable to board the bus due to it being too full. This results in the innocent people being late and consequently, picking up a white slip/demerit/yellow card whatever. As such, I appeal to all those people who have alternate bus choices, DO NOT take the 157 bus if it's crowded. I empathise that the 157 is the coolest thing on 4 wheels but please, don't screw it up for people who need it badly. You cannot cannot cannot induce-fit into the 157 club[for those biologically illiterate people, induced-fit is some enzyme thing. In this context, take it to mean 'forcing yourself into somewhere where/when you're unwanted, eg. ***])

3. If you do not fit the above criteria, do not fret, you can be an Honorary Member if the exco deems you fit (I am a proud 157 clubber, and the president didn't bend the rules for me.. refer to this rule if you have any doubts)

4. If you do not fit any of the above criteria, do not fret, you can join if we reach some kind of compromise.

5. If you do not fit any of the above criteria and there is no compromise, then please join another bus club(where, bus : bus --> bus is not a subset of {157})

Membership Privileges:

1. You get to belong to the most happening bus club in the world.

2. You can redeem one free friendster testimonial from me (I can see the glint in your eyes, greedy bastards)

3. You get to sleep on the bus and watch TV for free if you pay the entrance fee.

4. Flashing your official 157 club card entitles you to kick anyone out of their seats (except senior citizens on green seats) and sit down and sleeeeeeeep zzzzz...

5. A lot of secret special privileges which I'm too lazy to write about.

Membership Fees:

Charges range from 45¢ to $1.70 depending on how long you use the facilities.

FAQ (which President Sherlock will chair the session):

Q1: Hello, I live two stops away from my school [note name of school is not shown to protect the privacy of the HCI student] and I take public transport cos I'm a grown up kid and my parents don't drop me off since it's nearer than 3 bus stops. I like to take 157 because there's this very chio RJC girl. Am I allowed to take the 157? Am I allowed to join the club so as to show off to her that I am very high-class? Can I join the club so I can show off to my friends that I belong to an exclusive club?

Sherlock says: No! [the following lines are censored due to explicit content and extreme flaming] I hope that answers your question. Cheers!

Q2: Hello! I take 157 everyday and have done so for the past 24 years and I know the route inside out and take it from Boon Lay interchange to Toa Payoh Interchange every single bloody day. Can I join the 157 club?

Sherlock says: Yes Dearest Bus Captain, you are entitled to join the 157 club cos you drive the damn bus anyway. But if you drive very slowly and choose to ignore stranded RJC students because the bus is too packed, you can go drive 174. The same applies if you catch me eating on the bus.

Q3: Eh, 157 suxxorzxzx. 66 pwnzxz all!!! I lov3 66 ! <3

Sherlock says: I know 1337 speak too darling. STFU.

Q4: Aye mate! Me 'as been wondering wot you 'as been bangin' on about. Wot, wit all them rubbish. Me takes 157 every ruddy day innit right from me mama's house over to me girlfriend's every single day for 6 years now and I 'as never seen any place called 'bukit timah'. bye! I love citeh! United sucks! Who the **** are Man United!

Sherlock says: Go form your own 157 club stupid manc. This 157 club is only for the SBS 157.

Q4 (continued): hey im not a stupid manc!

Sherlock says: I'm blocking and deleting you right now. Goodbye.

Q5: Hello, my girlfriend takes 157 everyday. However, I think it's not healthy for her to take 157 cos there're lots of good-looking people on the bus and I don't want anyone on 157 to steal her heart. Could you please ban her from the bus and tell her to take 163/93 and change to 852, then change to 66, then change to 176? Please... Her name is __________

Sherlock says: Shut up you fag. You deserve to burn in hell. You're just jealous she's 157% eligible for the 157 club. And it's good for us club members =) (I added this okay I admit)

Q6: Hi Sherlock! I need help with my Physics ..

Sherlock says: Screw off. I don't take bloody physics. Just because I was the Physics Pope doesn't mean I'll do your physics homework. You deserve to have your every particle vibrated in hell at 99999999999999Hz.

Q7: 157 sucks! Go 174!!

Sherlock says: Fuck you spammer. I'm losing my temper already. That's it. FAQ session is now OVER.

Application:

Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for! I will reveal the exclusive... Hundred Fifty-Seven Club Membership Application Form!

_________________________________________________________

Name (in block letters) :

Age (3 sf):

(Please attach a passport sized photo - If I like your face, you get bonus marks.)

How often do you take the 157 and for what reason and from which stop to where? Please Give a Hundred and Fifty-Seven reasons (good or otherwise, copy-pasting is allowed, just copy and paste until you got exactly 157 reasons ok.)

1.

2.

3.

4.

.

.

.

.

99.

100.

101.

.

.

.

.

156. I hate bus 156, 157 owns. (model answer)

157. I filled up this damn thing so i deserve to be in the club (level 3 answer, full marks)

Note: You are entitled to skip the previous section if you're too lazy. Too bad if you just read it. You're a loser then. The previous section was Optional, it will not be counted for Continual Assesment and as such will have no effect on your GPA.

Ok now, just give me 5 good reasons why you should be in the club (counted)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Are you my friend? : Yes/No*

Will you ever vandalise the bus with liquid paper? : Yes/No*

Do you fit the criteria stipulated in the manifesto? Yes/No*

Do you support Liverpool FC? : Yes/No*

If not, which team do you support? : _______________

Are you willing to pay the club membership fees and not try to skive payment? : Yes/No*

Am I being irritating and lame? : Yes/No*

If yes, are you willing to take back what you just answered?: Yes/No*

If not, will you ever take 157 again? : No/No*

* delete where applicable

Okay that's enough. Your application will be reviewed and graded. A minimum GPA of 2.0 is required to join the club. If you fail, please take 174/66/93/163/156...

For examiner's use only - Overall GPA (3sf.) - ______
(approved/not approved*)

* delete where applicable

________________________________________________________________

Alternatively, if you're too lazy to fill up the form and submit it, just come and find me and ask nicely. Yup. I know very well the importance of being idle. Filling up forms is soooo troublesome.

Disclaimer: even if you're not from the 157 club, you are still allowed to take the bus. Only thing is you won't enjoy some of the special benefits and you cannot boast to people that you're from the most happening bus club in the world. cheers!

Yours Sincerely,

Sherlock (Mam)

President of the Hundred Fifty-Seven Club.

Love and Peace to most!

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Interested members can sign up with Sherlock at vladimir7smicer@hotmail.com, or if you have any questions to ask feel free to raise your issue with him. But the thing about that is that your question might be featured in the next manifesto UP HERE!! But then again that's a good an exciting thing so well.. just look forward to it.

If you found this post extremely funny, you might also like to thank Sherlock. Actually you'd better just go thank him because I find that it IS indeed extremely funny.

That's all for tonight. Part Two of the Unfortunate Events tomorrow so stay tuned. Or should I say, stay online. (yea that will waste your bills and boost our readership)

i know im not the only one who has gotten a yellow slip (jeremy kwang too!). but it's okay. share the joy as they say.

The Return of Despo Kia

[Before you read this issue of The Adventures of Despo Kia, please note that some events have been exaggerated so as to achieve maximum consumers' satisfaction. Some of the events reported are not the exact truth. But that's why we are learning about mass media eh? ]

You people always say i dont take the initiative. Well not always. One fine day, on a friday to be exact, i decided that i had enough playing the hard-to-get game. I desperately need some tender loving care. Furthermore, i need to plan for next year's valentine's day. So i mustered all my courage and i decided to initiate a conversation.

"Hello! Im so bored! Im sitting around waiting for talentime to start."

Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Time goes by so slowly.....

I waited and waited. My heart was pumping harder and harder. 30 seconds had past. To me it was an eternity. As the chinese saying goes " one day no see is like being isolated for 3 seasons." Erh so you count 30/60/60/24 x 3 Seasons you kinda can guess how much i missed him.

30 seconds passed. I think he was never gonna ever reply. Like wth man! He's taking 30 seconds to reply! That's that's that's ARH!

But i knew my perseverance will pay off. He indeed replied.

"Hello. Oh boring as usual? Hmmm..Nvr sit wit ur prince charming eh? Hehe..Im in town now.. U? in sch?"

Let's break apart his sms and analyse it piecewise. Firstly he said oh boring as usual. I said i was bored. So by right he should reply "oh bored as usual?" but he didnt. Thus i can imply that he was saying that i was boring. Damn you. Im boring!? I have such an exciting life in RJC! Im in the RJC FengShuiClub. How cool can you get? Secondly, "nvr sit with your prince charming". Oh my son. Hey n00b in case you still dont know im your freaking prince charming. And what makes you think that im as loser as you as you to hit on so many boys and call all of them my prince charming. Oh my son.
Thirdly, he said that he was in town. My dear boy, if i dont ask where the hell you are please do not report to me where the hell you are cuz im not freaking bothered about your location. And i dont give me jiggly damn. You think you in town damn cool shial? I also go town to buy bibi and baba uniform what. See who more cool!

I have deleted what i replied but the next message was:

"Haha walking arnd? Wan meet me? Boring..But fri dun wan go home so early.. =X huh?!! Oh my how many ya got? Tsk..Haha.."

Okay let's infer again. If it isnt clear to you that he is an idiot then i dont know what's clearer. Firstly of course i walk! Then how do i move about!? In what monkey brain of yours think that i actually move around in a wheelchair!?

Secondly that sonofagun wanna meet me. If you still dont know i dont meet people. People meet me. Oh puh leeazze. I'm aint no ordinary snobbish prick. I'm an ahhh jayyy see snob. A high class arrogant shit. You come to bishan and meet me. Not i go to orchard and meet you. And thirdly i cannot imagine how anyone's mouth can look like an X. Like what the hell is that smiley suppose to mean? You pull down your eyelids and put two plasters over your mouth?

From the last sentence i think i must have told him i have got alot of prince charmings. Tsk i even got suga daddies.

The next reply came fast and furious.

"Haha i feel like dating u wor..Wanna catch a movie? Haha..N dinner? =) hey! Why so flirt huh? tsk. Jealous of cuz i am? Cannot isit?! =p"

Look young man, you cannot feel like dating. It's either you date me or you dont date me. Unless you are talking about the date which was the 16 of February or you are talking about red dates which totally dont make any kingkong sense to me.

Next i dont exactly catch a movie you see. I catch the movie ticket when the person passes it to me after i paid the money. I watch a move. But if you want to jump onto the screen and trying catching the movie. Dinner? Oh please. I would LOVE to go on a one-on-one dinner with you. Preferably a candle light dinner so that i can toss the candle wax at your face and the steak as well. And which charcoal is calling the blaek ink blaek? Which glucose is calling the sucrose sweet? FLIRT!? Damn right man i flirting with you and you got no monkey hell knowledge that im a freaking boy!

Oh my son. The insecurity is flooding me. He is starting to get jealous when he has not even seen before. He wants to DATE me. No wait. Make that he FEELS like dating me. And he wants to CATCH the movie. Oh my son. Talking to him is just like talking to the dumbcane located in the senior block level one. They are dumb and they deserved to be caned.

TICKTICKTICK
Time goes by again.

Already starting to miss me. He messaged:
"Hey angry ah? Hmmmm..=S"

If he had messaged me the first part i might have decided to reply. But by hmmming he is implying that i have no reasons to get angry. And by doing so he thinks he's boss! NO! Im the boss im the one playing with his heart and not the other way round. And how the hell do you make your mouth look like an S (ass)!?

TICKTICKTICK TOCKTOCKTOCK

Sensing no reply again, Despo Kia panicked. His time was running out. He was losing hope. He is getting.....DESPO!

The ultimate.
The bomb.
The MaChamp.

He called.
He called.
He called.




And i snubbed him.

[Imagine the shock he will get if i answered the phone]

To end off, i shall type out his last sms to me.


"hey dun angry larh. Hmmm =( anyway ill be at j8 so ya if u willin to accept my date jux tell me ya? K la i was reali kinda jealous lo. Dunno y oso."



What a DESPO!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

This is a two-part story of a recent misfortune that I had in RJC.

Actually, this is the first of a two-part story. I mean no offence to anyone because how can there possibly be offence in a post that is describing my misfortune? None right. Yes so without further ado, we have part one of the Series of Unfortunate Events.

Part One: Mt. Venatius
I'm sure all of you must have studied Physical Geog at one point in your life, most probably around Sec 1. I know, it's the most (bloody) boring-est subject in History (no pun intended) but what's to do when you can't choose your subject combi for Sec 1? So suck it, you're stuck with it. And the thing about studying Physical Geog is that you'll probably be familiar with this name - Mt. Vesuvius. Some temper volcano.

Yea well so when I had this PE teacher by the name of Venatius, I had an involuntary flashback to Sec 1 Geog. After all, it's hard to find such an exotic name so this relation is inevitable. Mt. Venatius. Sounds kind of cool doesn't it? Well very unfortunately last Friday morning he really became kind of a volcano, only he didn't spurt lava out of me because he probably couldn't store them in his body. Well he might if he could - I don't know, but then it's better not to speculate.

Basically, I was just standing there for attire check. If you understand the meaning of "attire" - it means your uniform, your socks - what you are wearing, right? Right. And since I am a model student when it comes to uniform (it's true), he couldn't find fault with me. You know, faults like San Andreas Fault? I figure he'd have a better chance of finding fault with himself, since he's a damn volcano. =)

BUT HE STILL FOUND IT WITH ME ANYWAY! =(

This was how the situation was like:


Then he brandished.. no wait he erupted.. a white slip. Shit, then I got pretty scared and was trying to run away but you know how it's like with volcanoes - no matter how fast you run, you cannot possibly outrun the lava that is spewing out. So in these situations, you try to find a way around it.

I did the RI-hair check tactic - "I didn't know (that my hair failed)".
Mt. Venatius: Didn't you read the Code of Conduct?
Me: Err.. no?
(Inside my head: Crazy you think I got nothing better to do is it.)

Then the Appeal to Pity tactic, which is somewhat of a fallacy but philosophers don't do their philosophisizing in volcanoes do they? So I had to try my luck.

"Sir, give me one chance, I'll cut it by next week."
"You've been given a lot of time."

Jacked. So I really got quite desperate when Mt. Venatius was still flooding me with his words. And I really hope he would stop because it was bad for the tourism of RJC (see even Human Geog is involved here). Because who would like a college with teachers that spurt out lava just because a student has long hair which is deemed unacceptable?

Duh no one!

I was trying to stall for time about how I really did not like white slips and I was almost on the brink of tears (really, I don't take TSD).. when suddenly I got a saviour! For the good of RJC, its tourism, and for curbing the lava of the volcano.. there came this female teacher whom I didn't know.

Then suddenly Mt. Venatius like had no more lava!

There!

The teacher saw how pitiful I looked and asked Mt. Venatius to give me a chance. Funny how just now he seemed almost determined to make his white slip lava reach me but the moment the female teacher came he just softened up. Now I don't know if he really likes her, it's just a SPECULATION and might be UNTRUE. So don't go around saying that I said this okay!

It might be just a coincidence of course. Maybe volcano suddenly no more pressure from below (or above) so he just stopped. In any case the teacher's influence certainly helped - for Mt. Venatius went to ask my CT about my behaviour in class. Being an exemplary student (duh) and a responsible PE Rep (which unfortunately Mt. Venatius doesn't know about), I naturally got off the hook. So much for Physical and Human Geography, in the end it's LUCK that matters!

And therefore with some real luck, the series of unfortunate events thus far ends with a happy ending. But don't get too happy yet, because there's Part Two to come tomorrow! So stay tuned, for after the shock of the volcano eruption that sent tremors down my spine, there are more unfortunate natural disasters to come. And just so that I'm in it again.


Note: I really don't have anything against the teacher, but it's really unfortunate how close I got to a white slip just hardly a fortnight after the system has been implemented. I have since gone for the re-check and I passed it. Obviously. I don't fancy facing an angry Mt. Venatius again. By the way he's usually dormant and cool, so yea, he's the coolest PE teacher that I have in RJC!

I Love Poker Cards

"morning college..blahblahblah....poker cards WILL BE ALLOWED AFTER 5pm, AND ONLY IN THE CANTEEN!!" And there was silence. Everyone was too shocked. I mean, how to survive without playing cards? Like, without bridge, how do we cross the troubled water? Die la just drown. Without hearts, oxygen and other nutrients won't get to our cells and we'll die. Either that or we'll be cold and heartless souls wandering around. And no Indian poker, how to promote racial harmony? you tell me, how can rjc survive?

It's a tremendous struggle, but tcs will strive to save the future of rjc. The key to playing cards is not to get caught. And you won't get caught if you have some secret place that only you and your buddies know of. First of all, don't feel guilty because you are helping safeguard the future of the school by playing cards. The teachers don't know it, but it's for their own good. somehow.

The plan is to find the secret places in school. I mean it's so big, surely there must be some nook and cranny that nobody goes to? For this purpose, one can organise a class expedition to search out every place in school. Now that place cannot be visited by teachers at all, because otherwise you will get the dreaded white slips. Here comes the tricky part. How do you determine if the place is frequented by anyone other than you?

Yup, you use booby traps. The best way would be to dig a hole in the morning and see who falls in at the end of the day, but it doesn't seem very feasible because practically the whole of the school is made of concrete, and unless your name is Yeoh Sengkong, i doubt that you will be able to dig through it. So it's a nice idea, but too bad.

Another half-assed idea is to set a leg trap, like the type that they use on bears. So it'll be like "wow, a hundred-dollar note on the floor, lemme just... OWWWW!!!" The trap strikes and the victim is immobilised. And for those who watched Saw or Saw2, it really is quite discomforting to be chained from the leg. But... it's a bit violent so screw it.

So back to more primitve but practical ideas. You can set up a strategic formation of drink cans at the targeted location so that anyone who walks past has to get rid of the cans. So you simply check at the end of the day to see if the cans have been disturbed. This theory is of course assuming that people are not so boliao as to disturb the cans and then return it to its exact position.

Another brilliant idea is to build a mini paper holder to stick onto the wall of the targeted location. Put some paper inside with a notice on the wall saying, "Take one to win a prize at the canteen", assuming the targeted location is not the canteen. Then you just check how many pieces of paper are left at the end of the day.

Of course, you don't actually have to scout out a location fully before playing cards there. Not if you have a foolproof alarm system. Again, if you choose to be boring, use cans to warn if someone is approaching. Otherwise, you can get a loser (but must be trustworthy) to be the sentry. But make sure you have an escape route first. For example, the fifth and sixth storeys of the staircase nearest the library, although seemingly deserted when it was scouted today, has no escape route and the only way is back down, where someone might be waiting with a white slip. You can't even jump down to the outside to escape if you wanted to. Don't jack yourself, always have an escape route.

So good luck everyone, and if you do find some good secret places, do tell us! We promise to keep it a secret!

The cold hard truth

To tell the truth, we are in a crisis. We have officially ran out of stuff to blog about. After all, talkcocksummit is about talking cock so in a way it is about talking rubbish. But how much rubbish can you churn out continuously? Not to mention the fact that you have to churn out rubbish every single day.

Considering there's seven days per week and there are three of us, each of us will have to blog about twice per week. So in order to blog, we must either have inspiration or have some rubbish events to happen in our life. Since inspiration dont come easy and dont come cheap, our lives must have been really damn rubbishy to have posted so much rubbish for the past 3 months!

So how now brown cow? Stop blogging? Nope! We at talkcocksummit believe in providing entertainment for people with boring lives. Thus, we no matter what happens, we will still churn out the rubbish!

But you can do your part to help us. Make a donation of $25 to anyone of us and inspiration will automatically flow in!

Okay i do have more interesting chronicles of the adventures of despo kia but im kinda getting sick of how he's hitting on me and dont you get sick too of reading how lovesick he is or how lovesick i am? So from now on, episodes of the adventure of despo kia will be sold for one cup of lemon tea!

Nah dont worry. I will post about him when i feel like.

Anyway i shall dig up a letter which i wrote for valentine's day

Dear Angel,

Please return all your crockery and utensils after using. Do you know why you have to return the crockery and utensils? This is because unclean crockery and utensils will attract insects. These insects are extremely dangerous. But what is more important is that birds will come and prey on them. We call these birds "birds of prey".

Alright imagine the flamengoes start flowing into the great ahhhh jayyy seeee (tsk!) and turning the whole school into a bird park. This is still not as worrying. What is more dangerous is that snakessssss will start coming into school too!

Snakes ARE dangerous. Firstly, snake poo is extremely poisonous. Secondly, snake poo is extremely acidic and they require 1dm3 of 2.0 mol sulphuric acid to neutralise one mole of snake poo. So if the snakes poo alot then alot of acid will be required! And then salt will be formed and NH3 will be evolved!

Ah. Do you know that humans evolved from rocks? Why do you think people go around declaring that they rock? Ah im so excited upon this discovery. Are you excited? I hope you are!

Anyway, do you know that i love you just like mice love rice? Why do the mice love rice? Because rice is nice that's why mice love nice rice!

( i forgot the rest.)

From your mortal.

anyway acjc sold some heavenly pasta that cost 6 kingkong bucks. Love it!

The great scam

I have one question to ask you all and it's regarding today's Talentime. Which was held to end off a wonderful Friendship Week. (Okay so now you can forget about your friends.)

And no I'm not going to give comments on the performances. That is the job of the judges and although I was a part-time judge back in RI (inside joke), I'm kind of retired now. Though I'll be glad to come out of retirement but that's not the point either.

Okay let's see. The issue at hand concerns the voting. 50 cents a vote.

Which is enough for you to buy a cup of lemon tea (or soapwater) with 10 cents to boot. Or with 10 cents to save up. So that in 4 days time you get a BONUS CUP of soapwater for the day. Wonderful isn't it.

Well then, why do you spend your 50 cents on a vote instead of drinking lemon tea? For I believe that drinking lemon tea will at least bring up your level of satisfaction to a, well.. satisfactory level. Do you obtain the same utility (satisfaction level) when you vote for someone whom you think you should win? Maybe so if they win, but still it doesn't benefit you! The winner will most certainly not bother to thank you, so why the heck waste your money on them.

Might as well just give me the 50 cents eh. At least I'll thank you in person for it. When you use 50 cents to buy a badge to pin on one guy's cloth along with so many other screaming mad faguts, that will probably be the last you see of it. And you'll probably be the last guy the person you voted for will thank. So yet again, why bother!

Trust me, 50 cents is too much.

Now that I've proven my point about 50 cents being too much, let me go on to the question!

For Z'King and Z'Queen, I went to have a look at the number of badges each houses had. BW had around 20 when I last saw it (that's rather pathetic if you ask me), BB had more than BW by a lot, HH only just thrashed BW, MT whacked BW flat in the face while MR wasn't that far behind.. BB. Err basically BW had the least. Which was quite sad because I thought Adnaan did a great job.

And the thing is - MR had almost $20 on their cloth while BB had probably close to $40 on theirs. I'm guessing that MT has the most badges on them, with around 90 badges at the very least. My estimation might not be perfect, but I think there's little denying that MT had won, right?

Okay then. So who wins the Talentime (for Z'King and Z'Queen)?

(Assume the scores are tabulated as follows - judges' opinions are rounded up to 30%, while votes garnered take up 70% of the total score.)

If your answer is Moor-Tarbet, you are WRONG!

The winner is the Student's Council. (OH YAY!!!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNY

Today as of 18 of February is DANNY GOH'S happy belated birthday!

Happy Birthday!

I shall now stray away from my normal posting of the adventures of despo kia and tell you more about Danny Goh!

1. Danny Goh's full name is actually Danny Goh JIN Wen. An auspicious chinese name indeed!

2. Danny Goh has a huge despression on his chest. It is rumoured that his mother punched him in the chest while he was young but this is not confirmed. Also, when he lies down flat on the floor, the depression is big enough to fill up 2 litres of water.

3. Danny Goh suffers from an ailment called the my-hair-will-change-colour-cuz-i-swim-alot infection. In this ailment, his hair will turn colour to gold/red every specific period of time and then blaek again.

4. Danny has a long body and short legs. His pants are worn, contrary to very very popular beliefs, above the d33k level and he does not pose AT ALL. However, due to his what-we-call low butt, it makes it look like his pants are very low. But this is just because his body is long.

5. Danny is strong. He has huge arm muscles no doubt resulting from the numerous hours he spends in the toilet................................................doing pushups!

6. Danny was from badminton in primary school.

7. Danny was is and will be short.

8. Danny got A2 for his higher chinese. As his friend and as his tuition classmate, i must say that Danny has put in the hard work( i put in more), Danny is smart (im smarter) and thus it is with no doubt that Danny has been rewarded with an A2 ( i also got the same grade). Thus i just want to say, "Danny, you picked the right teacher!"

NAH DANNY IS SMART!

9. Danny is the king of DOTA and warcraft single game. When asked about his Dota expliots, Danny will relate to you how he single handedly controlled 2 heros and defeated a team of 5. And when asked how is he compared to one of the reportedly best players in the school, Danny is of the answer, " I dont know. But i think i kill him more then he kills me." So i guess Danny is the best.

10. Danny spent his whole december holidays WOWing hardcore now but has given away his account to a friend. Sigh. What a n00b.

11. Danny wears BATA shoes to school in case you havent noticed.


Adventures of Danny Goh!

He raises his hands...

He lifts his hands higher!

And he recieves the ball!

The END!

The rise of a new evil

To all who have known me during your RI days:

If you think that I'm changing my ways for the better at RJC, you are wrong.

If you think that I'm going to start mugging for A levels, you are wrong.

If you think that I'm staying awake in lectures, you are still wrong.

You are very far from the truth, my friend. I have been none of those. I'm just mostly slacking and going through the motions at RJC. But now, I think it's time to continue my RI ways. The crazy ways that I used to swear by, the magical moments that I used to live by. Being an absolute fagut doing absolutely fagut stuff. Making a fool out of myself but totally enjoying it.

Thus my dear friends, let me introduce you to a new club called the Anti-Mugger Club, more commonly known as the AMC!!!! (Note this has a little in conjunction with the Anti-Tutorial Movement, the ATM, which all of us here - namely YH, YL and I - are part of.)

Though sounding very mugger on the surface on the premise that AMC also VERY INCIDENTALLY stands for American Maths Competition or Australian Maths Competition, we certainly do not bother to go for all those. I mean duh?! We don't even bother to complete our tutorials so sending us to competitions would be like forcing Elango to stop riding his silly bicycle and telling him to stop smoking for a day. It's not only near impossible, it IS impossible. You can try it.

But that's not the point today. I am here to encourage all you brave (and evil) people to sign up for this club. Set up by Paul Yap (my classmate/CT who I am going to overthrow) and me just today, the 16th of February, we are creating an alliance to rule the world. Okay maybe not the world, but we're here to have fun (sometimes at others' expense, but then again we're faguts I told you so) AND to enjoy JC life to the fullest. I don't know how you would interpret that statement but it's really not my problem.

Anyway, let us get down to what the club is about. Basically, as the name suggests, we aren't here to mug, we're here to enjoy life. After all, what is the point of life if you score 4 As but you suffer from depression? Worse still if you mug like hell and don't get 4 As. Might as well have fun, score damn low and then laugh about it! Now that's funny ahahahaha! So that's the first point of our club - to have fun by NOT mugging.

Our second function (we are one club, but have many functions so I guess we are really a one-many relation) is to sabo others into answering questions during lectures. Since there are many smart faguts around, they should be the ones enlightening us on how to solve questions! Well, the club seeks to facilitate the learning of everyone by GETTING reliable people to answer the questions. See, we do people favours.

And finally, we will provide very evil information about some people whom you might like to know about. We share information about certain notorious faguts (worse than us even), and how to avoid them/kick their arses. Or we'll just have fun sitting down at the canteen over glasses of lemon tea (aka soapwater) and backstabbing them. After all, if you don't like direct attacks, backstabs are the best. Plus, we're a club, so what's wrong with sharing information with your friends. Nothing wrong right? Good.

Now let us get on to the REQUIREMENTS of joining this wondrous club.

FIRST: 3.2 ≤ x ≤ 3.6, where x is your GPA
An anti-mugger club has to be anti-mugger, so if your GPA is higher than that I think you can go home. Borderline cases slightly above 3.6 can appeal to join the club, but the exco (ie Paul and I) will have to decide if we want you. (If you're evil why not.) Those below GPA 3.2 are even more welcome to join the club, and the appeal process is made easier for you. However, it is a prerequisite that you must be a very evil person. More on that later.

(For non-IP students, you cannot score 6-7 points for O levels. If yes get lost.)

SECOND: BE DAMN EVIL
Actually, you need not be damn evil, just by simply not being a goody-goody you qualify for our club. After all, how evil do you think an (ex-) CEC Council Chairman and an (ex-) Class Monitor can get? Plus, I had EXCEEDING EXPECTATION for my CLE! Okay granted their expectation of me must have been damn low but then again who cares. The point here is that you have to be evil to sabo, and thus have to be evil to join. We have the odd suanning and backstabbing activity and we don't need spoilsports.

THIRD: CANNOT BE ATTACHED
To be wholly dedicated to the cause, you cannot have a boyfriend/girlfriend. By the previous statement I think you realise that we welcome both boys and girls into the club. HOWEVER that doesn't mean we admit just anyone (refer to two points above), because the Exco also has to like your face. You might suit all the requirements but if we don't like you, then you still have to go away. Because you must understand we backstab, we don't attack people in front of them. Now that's violent.

Nevertheless, you can forget about joining if you are attached or if you intend to get attached. This club is not about love and comfort (though it's fun), and we have no time for BGR. You must be ruthless, heartless and be able to survive as a solo operative. We don't need couples joining and being all lovey-dovey, oh no. This is AMC, not JVC (Junior Valentine's Club). If you're looking for love, look for it somewhere else.

FOURTH: NO PARTICIPATION IN MATHS/SCIENCES LESSONS
Like I said, this is an anti-mugger club. We have no place for you if you're interested in debating if the quantum subshell 4s comes before 3d or the other way round. Neither do we have a place for you if you're interested in finding out whether f²(x) has a domain greater than the range of g(x). Be it lectures or tutorials, you would best just sit and stone and say nothing at all. However, this rule has an exception, it being that if the teacher calls you, then you of course respond. We are AMC, not some WSC (White Slip Club, not World Swimming Championships!)

Easy enough? I really hope so, because we intend to expand our club and make it really big. Right now I'm trying to open up the club to more people with GPA below 3.2, but I'll have to discuss it with the rest of the Exco. So don't worry all of you - more lax rules might be imposed in a bid to gain more membership. =) And anyway, don't forget you can always appeal if your GPA is not within the bracket. But if you don't meet the other requirements, no appeal is allowed.

Now that's what the club is about. =)

If you really think that we are that bloody bad, let me clarify what we are NOT.

1) We are not stupid people, we just don't mug. =)
2) We are not unreasonable people who smear others for the sake of doing so, we only will divulge information within the club and only with statistical evidence or proof. Personal experiences with the other guy will also be counted as evidence.
3) We do not disrupt lectures or sleep in them, we just listen and take in everything. It's just that we don't participate.
4) We don't gossip about others' relationships, we just irritate the people who irritate us. If they have a relationship, then that MIGHT be a plus point for us to whack.
5) We are inactive most of the time, for AMC is really more interested in slacking and minding our own business more than anything. So don't worry - we aren't really killing anyone.

The membership so far stands at 6 people, most of which who come from S07B (that's my bloody class) and a handful from S07A (some people's hands are quite small). But like I said, we are always looking to expand so join us today if you will. Applicants may just leave a message on the tagboard or message Paul on MSN. There is no deadline, for we will always welcome slackers.

Okay that's about it for now.


(P.S. I think YL fits the above criteria. So those crazy fans of his, interested to join?)

The Art of Stoning

Nope, don't get your ideas wrong, this has nothing to do with killing people by throwing stones at them, but this has everything to do with your school life. Stoning is the ultimate energy saver, conserving your brain power for when you need it most, such as in an intellectual game of bridge.
Stoning is an art that requires much technique and skill, and as usual, the ever-reliable tcs gives you all you need to know about it.
Like enzymes, which have an optimum temperature for reaction, there is an optimum stoning period for every individual, which can be easily calculated.

Step 1: Take out your timetable
Step 2: Highlight all the free periods

The ones which you DID NOT highlight are the optimum periods for perfecting your stoning technique.
Now stoning is something like meditation. In that you have to be thinking of nothing. Find the gap between your thoughts. Except that stoning is way harder, because your eyes have to be open. Essentially, it is sleeping with your eyes open. Now for a detailed step-by-step guide.

step 1: run 10km
step 2: do 10 sets of 25 push-ups
note: do step 1 and 2 before school starts.
step 3: stare at a certain point
step 4: don't blink, and continue staring until you don't know what the hell you are staring at.
step 5: Now clear the rest of the thoughts from your mind.

Slowly, you enter Nirvana. The whole world is a blur and you don't give a damn as to what is happening around you. All you want to do is to stay in that blissful state where nothing really matters. Sadly and inevitably, some idiot will come to drag you out of this enchanted world by tapping on your shoulder or screaming at you to pay attention or whatever. What you have to do in this scenario is to stone him/her. In this case, it means throwing stones at him/her, and the bigger the better. That'll really make him enter Nirvana. It's always nice to spread the art of stoning around.

Postures for stoning:
Sitting with hand supporting head--- This is quite common. For the mediocre and uninitiated practitioners. They are everywhere.
standing--- For those with powerful legs. Can be found on MRT trains and buses.
half-squat---For those with even more powerful legs, found at ri swimming pool.
lying down---stone cold and very hard, though whether they have muscles is hard to say. Found in mortuaries.
Skill levels
level 1: sotong: you stare with your mouth open like some retard
level 2: apprentice: your eyes sparkle with ignorance
level 3: practitioner: you enter coma
level 4: master: your soul leaves your body
max level: grandmaster: After so much stoning, you've become....... a stone!

Well Done! The whole world is so proud of you!

Valentine's Day aftermath

I have been thinking alot yesterday. Of course this is again contrary to the fact that i do not think. In sooth I do not know, you say it wearies me i say it wearies you.

But the aftermath of Valetine's Day is never nice. Firstly you gotta put all the roses or whatever flowers you recieved in a flower pot/vase whatever to keep it alive. Keeping it alive is not as easy as you think. Those flowers have no roots so they cannot take in water. Actually i think they might have. But my rose has no leaf. It cannot manufacture food so after awhile it will wither. So sad but not that i care my heart is already broken.

And not forgetting if your flower dies, it will stink. Damnit. So before it dies i suggest u start to take the flowers out and pluck each petal out and counting whether he/she loves you. Repeat if results are not satisfactory.

Another issue has been on my mind. Something more important actually. What do i do with HIM!?

You see, he didnt date me. Which goes to show alot about him already. Then secondly if he had dated me, i would have gone as me. Meaning that our poor despo kia will not meet the girl of his dreams but will meet the boy of his nightmares! I think the worst he can do to me is to rape me which is already quite bad.

Jokes aside, I can always hit on him again and continue our sms conversations! After all, with so much entertainment and lots of smses to spare i have nothing to lose actually. Plus one day he might actually fall in love with me! But you see, up till now he still doesnt know who i am. So if i continue to hit on him and let him hit on me, he will get fond of me(LOL) then one day he will inevitable ask me out!

Let's say this year valentine's day is already over. The next major event is....erh.. national day? A date on national day? Not that i mind but it doesnt make any sense does it!? Okay let's say i reduce my velocity and reduce my acceleration so that my displacement will not be so far. And let's assume that sonofagun will date me on christmas.

Think about it! Christmas! That's almost the end of the year! Which means i have been lying to this sonofagun for almost a year! And cheating his feelings, TESTING HIS DISCERNMENT for one whole year. Tsk. The day i meet him will probably be the day he rapes me and kill me and rape me again. And kill again.

So im stuck. Help me out!

Valentine's Day

The whole point of me blogging now tells alot. If im able to sit here and type at dinner time means that i do not have a date and no hot girl/guys asked me out which is absolutely irritating and sad.

Why? i thought he was serious about me man. I really thought so. I thought that he will date me out today but wtf man he didnt ask me out! That sonoagun didnt! I suspect he's not being loyal to me man.

Looking back it might have been my fault. After all my friends told me i was too cold and i was too dao. Perhaps i should have taken the initiative but im a boy and he is a boy so he should be the one taking the initiative! TMD!

It takes alot to pluck up your courage to ask a boy out you know. So all boys out there please save the girls ( in my case boy) the toture of having to ASK you out okay!?

Bloody hell. he broke my heart into a million pieces. All i want for valentine is him (contrary to popular belief, all i want for valetine's day is him and not his hotbod [ if he has] ). I know im popular and even james and sengkong wanted to date me but no. I WANT HIM!

Bloody hell, embarrassed me in school man. Everyone has a bouquet of flower except me. Everyone recieved chocolates except me. Everyone has balloons except me. Man i was sad. My heart was broken. Love as in the air and apparently the air i breathed in was different from the air the everyone breathed in.

So what do you do when you have no dates? You try to find one of course. If i cannot get the hottest guy [i hope] from innovation jc then i shall go for the hottest guy in ahhhh jayyyyy seeee [koped from fengshui club] and that is none other than Sherwin!

But bloody hell, he rejected me not once, not twice but trice and even abandoned me for bensen and the old lady of stall 8. Holy Cow! Now i got rejected by 3 guys. That made my day man. Cannot date girls cannot date guys too. Wth lah might as well go and die!

I dont know man. I need a date for next year's valentine. Anyone who still wants to be my valentine after reading this message please contact me asap by tagging. And if you want to be my valentine next year please tell me too so that next year i will not feel as insecure as this year. I need someone big strong and muscular so that i will feel secure next year. Dont wanna be alone again!

For those friends of mine who are going out on a date good luck. Please remember to open the doors for the girls and pull out the seats for the girls and remember to pay the bills for the girls and surprise them with bouquets of chocolates or boxes of flowers. And may you have the luck that i lacked and may all things turn out well.

And for those people whom i dont like and are going out on a date, i curse you! You stupid people! If you are a boy i hope you screw up your date and piss the girl off forever. If you are a girl i hope you eat plenty of garlic and burp loudly. I hope you all lao sai after eating your dinner and fall asleep while watching movie and and and and you all run out of money after watching the movie and cannot take the train home and you have to walk home. Then when you reach home i hope your parents ground you for 7 years.

Especially you-know-who. Looking for a fight right!? BRING IT ON!

Hitler only had one ball!

Hitler, he only had one ball,
Goering, he had two but very small,
Himmler had something simmler,
But poor old Goebbels had no balls at all.

Whistle Chorus:


Frankfurt has only one beer hall,
Stuttgart, die München all on call,
Munich, vee lift our tunich,
To show vee 'Cherman' have no balls at all.

Whistle Chorus:

Hans Otto is very short, not tall,
And blotto, for drinking Singhai and Skol.
A 'Cherman', unlike Bruce Erwin,
Because Hans Otto has no balls at all.

Whistle Chorus:

Hitler, he only had one ball,
The other was in the Albert Hall
His mother, the dirty Bugger,
Chopped it off when he was small.

Whistle Chorus:



a product of gp lessons under ng choon ping





as promised, i will chop my cock seven times over because i didnt meet my target for my higher chinese results.
i will not say how much i got for the survival of myself and the blog and if you do happen to know please do not say im an asshole even if i tend to be one.

there you go. 7 times over as promised.

Tutorial blues

Sir don't blame me if I don't finish your tutorials

You'll find that my mood is usually good,
when I walk into the class.
I find some space and take my place,
waiting for an hour to pass.

The teacher strolls in, gives a sneaky grin,
and I wonder what is my fate.
He has this big stack, that I wish he'd take back,
but it's meant for me and my mates.

"Class," he says, with his repulsive face,
"this tutorial is meant for you.
I want it done, by the end of the month,
which means you've got one week to do."

"One week?!" we cry, "we will all die!"
The heartless teacher just ignores us.
He starts to teach, not hearing us bitch,
making us want to kick his arse.

A week flies by, and though we did try,
our tutorials are as clean as can be.
It's not our fault, we don't want to revolt,
but we really did our best already.

The teacher is pissed, trembling is my knees,
and he calls me to stand up.
"Why never do, your tutorial, you fool,
I'll beat you to a pulp!"

I started to say, I had seven days,
of which I had training on three.
Trainings killed my hands, it ruined my plans,
to do them at night when I'm free.

"Well," said the boar, "you still had four,
so why didn't you do them then?"
Aches last two days, they won't go away,
I still couldn't pick up my pen.

He clenched his fist, and looked damn pissed,
but said "you still had one day to do."
No way you jerk that's for my overdue work,
tutorials can go down the loo.

The teacher got loud, and said with a shout,
"GET OUT OF MY CLASS YOU DUMB SHIT!"
I left feeling sad, but without regret,
I'm a luckless little piece of dead meat.

I spoke the truth, only to be moved,
to my sanctuary outside the door.
The teacher doesn't teach, he only does bitch,
why did I even come here for.

Nine out of ten it happens again,
and hardly anything is taught.
When the CTs come, we are all still dumb,
the teacher wonders why we got nought.

If you'd carefully see, you'll see that maybe,
teachers scold more than they teach.
Tutorials are crap, they all should be scrapped,
torn up and thrown in the ditch.

Next time you get the meaningless shat,
don't bother doing it at all.
Revise frequently, and you will see,
what you gain will be much more.

-

Guess what. I was trying to do my tutorials when I wrote this. Now I just effectively influenced myself to stop attempting it at all! =)

And do stay tuned, the ATM (Anti-Tutorial Movement) is coming to TCS soon..

A Day in the Life of my O-level Result Slip

I was born with thousands of my other brothers and sisters, and we shared a few names. Mine was B3. But I really hate my name. It's sounds so average and mediocre. Why couldn't I be like my handsome brother A1 instead? Or my chiou sister A2? I know there are ugly squirts like D7 and E8, but them being ugly don't make me feel any better. There was a time when I thought B3 was ok and that no one really cared about names. But I was horribly wrong. My siblings and I were given out yesterday and I finally realised how inferior I am as my owner punished me by beating me up with gigantic drops of tears. It was really painful. I can't take it anymore. Where's my mama? Oh she's busy giving birth at the MOE office where I was born. Useless bitch. Just when I needed her most. Anyway I still hope she loves me. Because no one else does. I feel really suicidal now. My dear owner, please kill me, it's all my fault, for being born the way I am. Luckily my owner is kind and I smile happily as he tears me apart and burns me. The end.

（无题）

陈老师，我总算没有辜负您的期望！

A Very Very Long Engagement

So Valentine's Day is just around the corner, so there is no better time to watch a film like A Very Long Engagement. It teaches you what is true love and how miracles can happen. Like when a guy gets hit by bombs 2 times and still survives. I tell you man if that guy becomes a suicide bomber we're all going to die.

First of all it really is a very long engagement. Ya. Like more than 1 and half hours long. So you do have enough time on valentine's day for this. But the story is really really simple.

Guy knows girl since childhood and they had fun at the top of a lighthouse, which is like so romantic since the lighthouse is just like one big fat giant candle, that shines much brighter than the 99 scented candles that lovers usually use. Anyway, sadly, the war came and like a true man the guy went to the war. And for some reason which I didn't know, he was condemned and sent to the front lines, where he got shot while trying to carve his and his fiancée's intials on a tree in no man's land. Which to me is retarded, but then 老天最爱笨小孩, so he didn't die.

Anyway, on the girl's part, she refused to believe that he was dead, throughout the entire war. And she did weird things like, "If I can walk to point X in y minutes, then it means he's still alive", which is totally dumb because she got polio and had to struggle to walk. Why not just take the easy way out like " If i'm breathing at the end of 1 minute, it means he's still alive" Doesn't she then guarantee herself a peace of mind? Ok so based on their intelligence, they make a great pair! And the girl goes through a long adventure and finally they find each other. Happily ever after!

But the interesting part is that the guy managed to desert the army without getting punished for it. That might come in useful if you ever want to pon ns. ok so this review doesn't tell you much about the movie. That's because I don't want to include any spoilers. like when a guy pees in the middle of no man's land. Oops. Whatever. Just go watch it.

你还记得吗？

..do you still remember?

It has been a long, long time. Longer than the engagement of Manech and Mathilde in "A Very Long Engagement". Longer than we all care to remember. Because the truth is we don't care about the results. Oh yes, and I just remembered that later today we are all supposed to go to our schools to collect our "O" level Higher Chinese results. For some, "O" level results.

Good luck to all those who need it. =)

Anyway, recently I haven't been thinking about many things, least of all collecting the HCL results. After all, RJC is a place which keeps your brains occupied but your tutorials empty all the time (or for me anyway). I've been busy with these three things lately:

1) Overthrowing Paul Yap as CT Rep
Having called himself St. Paul the Yap, he is currently trying to turn over a new leaf and trying to avoid being bad to a particular person. However, we all know that his plan is a terrible failure. St. Paul the Yap has also got himself involved in some scandals lately, but I'll leave the lurid details out in case he kills me next Monday. You just have to know that there's certainly something up his sleeve that he won't admit. Therefore, why have a saint as a CT Rep when he doesn't meet the expectations of a saint?

See, a saint is not supposed to buaya or be bad to people! But he is!! So as I am one to stand up for justice, I have already planned a rebellion against him. St. Paul had better not hope to have another class elections because I am going to overthrow him! Now I might not be running for it myself, but we are gathering manpower to find a suitable candidate to pull him down. After all, with him organising class activities for ulterior motives, we should really replace him! Hurhurhur!

I bet you think I'm evil like a devil, contrary to St. Paul the Yap who's a saint. Then again, you'd probably think the worst of me so I cannot possibly fall short of your expectations right? I can only exceed your expectations and get better. That is why I think I'd be more effective than St. Paul. I sleep in most classes, talk cock in the rest of them, don't do my tutorials, am very evil to certain people and am VERY proficient in only ONE language - the swear language. Now you know why I worry about my HCL (3rd language after Swear and English) "O" level results?

2) No lift policy
In light of the fact that I can move faster than most lifts, I have this tendency to avoid lifts and that is taking me a lot of extra time. Some call the policy NLP but I think it sounds crude to a certain extent so we'll just leave it at the full thing called "no lift policy". I'm sure you all would know that I haven't taken the lift ever since I set foot in RJC - and if you don't, now you do. It's part of the plan of keeping fit and the other part is just to know RJC stairs inside out. That way if you play catching or hide-and-seek in RJC with me, you'd probably get pwned.

Which is what I did to my class yesterday, though they accused me of cheating. Ya right they are just jealous that I know places in RJC that they didn't know of. I could hide behind doors, sneak into tutorial rooms and camp outside the library but they being so weak couldn't even find me. Next time put in more effort and take less lifts.. and maybe that will help your cause A LOT. This applies to everyone who intends to play hide-and-seek in RJC, or better yet catching. The stairs are bloody useful so get to know them today!

3) Super cool Bayley-Waddle
Last but not least, I've been taking some time to view the interhouse competition in RJC. The results are as follows, bloody pathetic if you ask me:

1. Buckle-Buckley (82 points)
2. Moor-Tarbet (73 points)
3. Morrison-Richardson (72 points)
4. Hadley-Hullett (60 points)
5. Bayley-Waddle (58 points)

Do you think it's super cool to be bottom and holding everyone up? Now this is what takes up the most time, because I spend the most time wondering what can I do to improve Bayley-Waddle. After all, being a former vice-captain in RI, I always like to stick my nose into house affairs, though I don't do it directly and shamelessly. I just go home, stare at the blank wall and wonder what went wrong. Especially since our exco look quite capable except for this little guy called ******* but never mind.

It just makes me more resolved to revive the house that's downed. I believe YH might be interested in this too. Since we did it last year in RI, I see no reason why we cannot do it again! Therefore those from the other houses are encouraged to buck up NOW before we come in and kick your arse. All right I'm just talking rubbish you don't have to take that seriously. Think I'll go waste some more time later by staring at the blank wall.

As you can see, I've been occupying myself with these three super time-wasters. I think I'm leading a fulfilling life but then again, I think that isn't the point. The point is that between all these I suddenly recall that I've to get back my HCL (Higher Chinese Language, not that shit acid in Chem labs) results and everything must take a backseat for now. You have to be mentally prepared.

Thus, to mentally brace yourself for HCL results, always be damn pessimistic. Expect to score an F9 so when you get a D7 you'll be like "WHOA I AM DAMN GOOD! I EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS BY 2 GRADES!" And then you'll just make yourself much happier, don't you think. Rather than expect an A1 and get A2, then you'll be like, "shit how could I miss that A1." It's all a matter of perspective and meeting expectations, and the lower you set your expectations, the lower your probability of being disappointed. So stop mocking at pessimists, they're probably happier than you are. Kind of an Fe-y, but who the heck cares. =)

If lowering expectations does not help you in preparing to receive your results, I'm afraid nothing can. TCS cannot help you all the time by providing alternative suggestions, you'd have to think them up yourself for today because I don't have much time to make idle chat here. I'm just here to express my wonderment at how fast time flies.

It seemed like only yesterday when TPH （大家尊敬的陈培福老师）was still teaching me Higher Chinese. Man, he was one of the best Higher Chinese teachers teaching the Sec 4 level. Okay there were only three but he was like, the best. I still remember some of his famous quotes:

“你除了买零食之外，会做什么？” (at CZ for his famous antics of selling snacks)

“你怎么那样放肆！” (to *** who was wanking in class. asking for it man)

“你们所有没有做功课的，都给我站起来！” (standard phrase of his. then he'll confiscate all your EZ-link cards so you cannot go home without finishing his homework. bloody cunning bastard)

“你们都不是女生，为什么站不直？！” (puay hock's quite a pervert, if you know him well)

“来，我们去请教班上的聪明人，张锐。” (when zhang rui self-declared himself damn smart and gained the disrespect of the rest of us in Chinese class, that china fagut)

“聪明人是不会撞柱子的。” (zhang rui getting jacked and suanned by tph. because of his famous habit of banging into posts while playing games/walking on the road while trying to see chiobu)

There are, of course, still a lot more that I would list but due to time constraints, I'll leave it at this. You can view the rest at the PCB blog archives.. some really old stuff that I written/typed so long ago. Even longer than waiting for "O" level results.

Anyway.. who can ever forget TPH's most famous line, something (other than pinching their necks) which he used against the people who were basically lazy to do his homework or study for Chinese tests. I was one of them. And in case you were wondering, yes it is me who's standing beside him.

Man, I really miss Chinese lessons!!!!!!! ARGH!! When we had those days where he would just pelt us incessantly with 公函s and 私函s, it was so damn fun (compared to getting silly Chemistry rubbish, like who the heck cares about whether 4s comes before 3d or whatever). Then after the "O" levels came the record attendance days, another part of my RI life which I would never forget. Those bastards love me so much they decided to make attendance taking so much easier. But I believe it's the after-effects of the "O" levels on 31st October, the Monday of the same week. (Tuesday was a damn holiday.)

And of course, the Chinese compositions and letters I used to write. Even long after school had closed, I was still writing them to my beloved teacher. If only I'll get an A1 back today.

From here we can conclude that so much has passed in so little time, and thus time must really fly like some bird. Not just any ordinary bird, perhaps like a sailbird since that's the fastest bird in air (Pri 4 Science textbook, wrong not my fault). But no matter what, it is important you never forget your roots. And therefore to end off, I'd just like to say that I love being Chinese very much and good luck to everyone getting back results for "O" levels!

我爱高级华文！(tmd it's HIGHER Chinese, must boast a bit)

Adventures of Despo Kia continued

Dear Dr. Love,

Last two days have been an absolute roller coaster ride for me. Being the ever emotional person i am, i was brought to the top of the world and the next day i came slamming down onto earth again. I dont know man! Im so konfused!

Okay i konfess i need a love doctor. A love guru whos been there, done it (erh not literally). I need help, i need to sort out my priorities right now! Right this very moment!

Okay here's what happened.

On the 7 of February, exactly at 9:39:49 my sweetheart messaged me.

" Heyhey how was your day? Haha. Wad cha doing now? Haha."

I was so konfused. Should i reply? After all i wasnt doing any thing at that moment. Then i thought to myself, should i get his male hormones excited by replying something horny? Then i thought against doing that. I dont wanna get him excited man. Then our relationship will start too fast and end too fast. At that moment i was so tempted to say i was dancing chacha. But later he will get excited so cannot! I also wanted to say i was eating ice kaCHAng but let's not be punny shall we?

So i thought and thought and then i thought that i should tell the truth. So i replied something along the lines of "Doing homework. You?"

After all it isnt nice to reply just "Doing homework" isnt very ideal for conversations right. So i have to add the "you?" behind to make sure that we can continue to talk and continue the conversation.

The zomg it happened.

It just happened.

We...

had...

jokes. He replied "Homework as well.. But kinda thought of you..Haha..Haiz..Boring =*"

zomg
zomg
zomg

it was da bomb shell
like da bomb on da hiroshima

It was mega bomb!

My heart seriously melted into liquid. I had butterflies in my stomach.
I was over the moon. I was the happiest man on earth(trust me im a man). This is the first time in my life that someone ever ever ever thought of me. Can you believe that!? Somebody was thinking of me! [HAHA THAT LOSER. HE WAS NO IDEA WHO HE WAS THINKING OF. LOL THINKING OF POOYIHONG MAN!]

Oh isnt that sweet? Thinking of me while doing homework. I was so stunned that i didnt reply his sms. Well you gotta pity me eh. 10 years in a monk sch has made me unable to communicate with pple of the same sex. I dont know what to say man im so konfused. This is my first love and i dont wanna be hurted lol.

Okay so i thought it was best for me to leave it at that and i did.

But

But

But

for the next few days he never sms me! Wah lao still dare to claim that he likes me when he didnt sms me for 2 day! 48 Hours! 2880mins! 172800 seconds! Omg every single second my heart pines for him man! I cant do my homework i cannot concentrate during lectures i cannot run i cannot swim i cannot drink milo and be champion. I cannot eat my lunch i cannot eat my brunch i cannot drink my lemon tea. I cannot do anything!

I am sad.

So so so so so sad. Is he cheating on me? IS HE? IS HE? TELL ME HE'S NOT.

What shall i do?
Should we go out on vday?
Should i sms him?
Should i wait?

Please advise.

-helpless