The Return of Despo Kia

[Before you read this issue of The Adventures of Despo Kia, please note that some events have been exaggerated so as to achieve maximum consumers' satisfaction. Some of the events reported are not the exact truth. But that's why we are learning about mass media eh? ]

You people always say i dont take the initiative. Well not always. One fine day, on a friday to be exact, i decided that i had enough playing the hard-to-get game. I desperately need some tender loving care. Furthermore, i need to plan for next year's valentine's day. So i mustered all my courage and i decided to initiate a conversation.

"Hello! Im so bored! Im sitting around waiting for talentime to start."

Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Time goes by so slowly.....

I waited and waited. My heart was pumping harder and harder. 30 seconds had past. To me it was an eternity. As the chinese saying goes " one day no see is like being isolated for 3 seasons." Erh so you count 30/60/60/24 x 3 Seasons you kinda can guess how much i missed him.

30 seconds passed. I think he was never gonna ever reply. Like wth man! He's taking 30 seconds to reply! That's that's that's ARH!

But i knew my perseverance will pay off. He indeed replied.

"Hello. Oh boring as usual? Hmmm..Nvr sit wit ur prince charming eh? Hehe..Im in town now.. U? in sch?"

Let's break apart his sms and analyse it piecewise. Firstly he said oh boring as usual. I said i was bored. So by right he should reply "oh bored as usual?" but he didnt. Thus i can imply that he was saying that i was boring. Damn you. Im boring!? I have such an exciting life in RJC! Im in the RJC FengShuiClub. How cool can you get? Secondly, "nvr sit with your prince charming". Oh my son. Hey n00b in case you still dont know im your freaking prince charming. And what makes you think that im as loser as you as you to hit on so many boys and call all of them my prince charming. Oh my son.
Thirdly, he said that he was in town. My dear boy, if i dont ask where the hell you are please do not report to me where the hell you are cuz im not freaking bothered about your location. And i dont give me jiggly damn. You think you in town damn cool shial? I also go town to buy bibi and baba uniform what. See who more cool!

I have deleted what i replied but the next message was:

"Haha walking arnd? Wan meet me? Boring..But fri dun wan go home so early.. =X huh?!! Oh my how many ya got? Tsk..Haha.."

Okay let's infer again. If it isnt clear to you that he is an idiot then i dont know what's clearer. Firstly of course i walk! Then how do i move about!? In what monkey brain of yours think that i actually move around in a wheelchair!?

Secondly that sonofagun wanna meet me. If you still dont know i dont meet people. People meet me. Oh puh leeazze. I'm aint no ordinary snobbish prick. I'm an ahhh jayyy see snob. A high class arrogant shit. You come to bishan and meet me. Not i go to orchard and meet you. And thirdly i cannot imagine how anyone's mouth can look like an X. Like what the hell is that smiley suppose to mean? You pull down your eyelids and put two plasters over your mouth?

From the last sentence i think i must have told him i have got alot of prince charmings. Tsk i even got suga daddies.

The next reply came fast and furious.

"Haha i feel like dating u wor..Wanna catch a movie? Haha..N dinner? =) hey! Why so flirt huh? tsk. Jealous of cuz i am? Cannot isit?! =p"

Look young man, you cannot feel like dating. It's either you date me or you dont date me. Unless you are talking about the date which was the 16 of February or you are talking about red dates which totally dont make any kingkong sense to me.

Next i dont exactly catch a movie you see. I catch the movie ticket when the person passes it to me after i paid the money. I watch a move. But if you want to jump onto the screen and trying catching the movie. Dinner? Oh please. I would LOVE to go on a one-on-one dinner with you. Preferably a candle light dinner so that i can toss the candle wax at your face and the steak as well. And which charcoal is calling the blaek ink blaek? Which glucose is calling the sucrose sweet? FLIRT!? Damn right man i flirting with you and you got no monkey hell knowledge that im a freaking boy!

Oh my son. The insecurity is flooding me. He is starting to get jealous when he has not even seen before. He wants to DATE me. No wait. Make that he FEELS like dating me. And he wants to CATCH the movie. Oh my son. Talking to him is just like talking to the dumbcane located in the senior block level one. They are dumb and they deserved to be caned.

TICKTICKTICK
Time goes by again.

Already starting to miss me. He messaged:
"Hey angry ah? Hmmmm..=S"

If he had messaged me the first part i might have decided to reply. But by hmmming he is implying that i have no reasons to get angry. And by doing so he thinks he's boss! NO! Im the boss im the one playing with his heart and not the other way round. And how the hell do you make your mouth look like an S (ass)!?

TICKTICKTICK TOCKTOCKTOCK

Sensing no reply again, Despo Kia panicked. His time was running out. He was losing hope. He is getting.....DESPO!

The ultimate.
The bomb.
The MaChamp.

He called.
He called.
He called.




And i snubbed him.

[Imagine the shock he will get if i answered the phone]

To end off, i shall type out his last sms to me.


"hey dun angry larh. Hmmm =( anyway ill be at j8 so ya if u willin to accept my date jux tell me ya? K la i was reali kinda jealous lo. Dunno y oso."



What a DESPO!