So without further ado, let me present to you the MANIFESTO (seems like the "in" word nowadays) of the HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN CLUB! (once again it's not done by me so if you have any problems, just screw off)
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THE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SEVEN CLUB MANIFESTO
The Club:
The Hundred and Fifty-Seven Club. (157 club if you're a lazy bastard.. like me - which is not really me, as in it's not YJ me)
Club Vision:
To make the 157 bus the most happening bus in Singapore and the hundred and fifty-seven club the most happening bus club in Singapore. We envision a day where only one bus service will rule the roads. This bus will always have unlimited seats, it will show live football on its TV, it will have a frequency of 1Hz at least (for you physics uneducated losers, this means once per second or something like that and it's pronounced Hertzxzxzx, SI unit symbol being <3z),>
Membership Criteria:
1. Members must take 157 at least x or x/12 number of times a year or month respectively (our executive committee member(s) will decide on a value of x, watch this space)
2. Members must be true and loyal to the 157 bus although it is probably the rubbishiest bus on the bukit timah route. They should not be able to take any other bus to reach their intended destination (this effectively rules out the idiots from HCI, NJC, NYGH who stubbornly take the 157 in the mornings and pack it up despite having about 12 alternative buses to take. It should be a crime for these people to take the bus as it means innocent people who really need the 157 bus sometimes find themselves unable to board the bus due to it being too full. This results in the innocent people being late and consequently, picking up a white slip/demerit/yellow card whatever. As such, I appeal to all those people who have alternate bus choices, DO NOT take the 157 bus if it's crowded. I empathise that the 157 is the coolest thing on 4 wheels but please, don't screw it up for people who need it badly. You cannot cannot cannot induce-fit into the 157 club[for those biologically illiterate people, induced-fit is some enzyme thing. In this context, take it to mean 'forcing yourself into somewhere where/when you're unwanted, eg. ***])
3. If you do not fit the above criteria, do not fret, you can be an Honorary Member if the exco deems you fit (I am a proud 157 clubber, and the president didn't bend the rules for me.. refer to this rule if you have any doubts)
4. If you do not fit any of the above criteria, do not fret, you can join if we reach some kind of compromise.
5. If you do not fit any of the above criteria and there is no compromise, then please join another bus club(where, bus : bus --> bus is not a subset of {157})
Membership Privileges:
1. You get to belong to the most happening bus club in the world.
2. You can redeem one free friendster testimonial from me (I can see the glint in your eyes, greedy bastards)
3. You get to sleep on the bus and watch TV for free if you pay the entrance fee.
4. Flashing your official 157 club card entitles you to kick anyone out of their seats (except senior citizens on green seats) and sit down and sleeeeeeeep zzzzz...
5. A lot of secret special privileges which I'm too lazy to write about.
Membership Fees:
Charges range from 45¢ to $1.70 depending on how long you use the facilities.
FAQ (which President Sherlock will chair the session):
Q1: Hello, I live two stops away from my school [note name of school is not shown to protect the privacy of the HCI student] and I take public transport cos I'm a grown up kid and my parents don't drop me off since it's nearer than 3 bus stops. I like to take 157 because there's this very chio RJC girl. Am I allowed to take the 157? Am I allowed to join the club so as to show off to her that I am very high-class? Can I join the club so I can show off to my friends that I belong to an exclusive club?
Sherlock says: No! [the following lines are censored due to explicit content and extreme flaming] I hope that answers your question. Cheers!
Q2: Hello! I take 157 everyday and have done so for the past 24 years and I know the route inside out and take it from Boon Lay interchange to Toa Payoh Interchange every single bloody day. Can I join the 157 club?
Sherlock says: Yes Dearest Bus Captain, you are entitled to join the 157 club cos you drive the damn bus anyway. But if you drive very slowly and choose to ignore stranded RJC students because the bus is too packed, you can go drive 174. The same applies if you catch me eating on the bus.
Q3: Eh, 157 suxxorzxzx. 66 pwnzxz all!!! I lov3 66 ! <3
Sherlock says: I know 1337 speak too darling. STFU.
Q4: Aye mate! Me 'as been wondering wot you 'as been bangin' on about. Wot, wit all them rubbish. Me takes 157 every ruddy day innit right from me mama's house over to me girlfriend's every single day for 6 years now and I 'as never seen any place called 'bukit timah'. bye! I love citeh! United sucks! Who the **** are Man United!
Sherlock says: Go form your own 157 club stupid manc. This 157 club is only for the SBS 157.
Q4 (continued): hey im not a stupid manc!
Sherlock says: I'm blocking and deleting you right now. Goodbye.
Q5: Hello, my girlfriend takes 157 everyday. However, I think it's not healthy for her to take 157 cos there're lots of good-looking people on the bus and I don't want anyone on 157 to steal her heart. Could you please ban her from the bus and tell her to take 163/93 and change to 852, then change to 66, then change to 176? Please... Her name is __________
Sherlock says: Shut up you fag. You deserve to burn in hell. You're just jealous she's 157% eligible for the 157 club. And it's good for us club members =) (I added this okay I admit)
Q6: Hi Sherlock! I need help with my Physics ..
Sherlock says: Screw off. I don't take bloody physics. Just because I was the Physics Pope doesn't mean I'll do your physics homework. You deserve to have your every particle vibrated in hell at 99999999999999Hz.
Q7: 157 sucks! Go 174!!
Sherlock says: Fuck you spammer. I'm losing my temper already. That's it. FAQ session is now OVER.
Application:
Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for! I will reveal the exclusive... Hundred Fifty-Seven Club Membership Application Form!
_________________________________________________________
Name (in block letters) :
Age (3 sf):
(Please attach a passport sized photo - If I like your face, you get bonus marks.)
How often do you take the 157 and for what reason and from which stop to where? Please Give a Hundred and Fifty-Seven reasons (good or otherwise, copy-pasting is allowed, just copy and paste until you got exactly 157 reasons ok.)
1.
2.
3.
4.
.
.
.
.
99.
100.
101.
.
.
.
.
156. I hate bus 156, 157 owns. (model answer)
157. I filled up this damn thing so i deserve to be in the club (level 3 answer, full marks)
Note: You are entitled to skip the previous section if you're too lazy. Too bad if you just read it. You're a loser then. The previous section was Optional, it will not be counted for Continual Assesment and as such will have no effect on your GPA.
Ok now, just give me 5 good reasons why you should be in the club (counted)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Are you my friend? : Yes/No*
Will you ever vandalise the bus with liquid paper? : Yes/No*
Do you fit the criteria stipulated in the manifesto? Yes/No*
Do you support Liverpool FC? : Yes/No*
If not, which team do you support? : _______________
Are you willing to pay the club membership fees and not try to skive payment? : Yes/No*
Am I being irritating and lame? : Yes/No*
If yes, are you willing to take back what you just answered?: Yes/No*
If not, will you ever take 157 again? : No/No*
* delete where applicable
Okay that's enough. Your application will be reviewed and graded. A minimum GPA of 2.0 is required to join the club. If you fail, please take 174/66/93/163/156...
For examiner's use only - Overall GPA (3sf.) - ______
(approved/not approved*)
(approved/not approved*)
* delete where applicable
________________________________________________________________
Alternatively, if you're too lazy to fill up the form and submit it, just come and find me and ask nicely. Yup. I know very well the importance of being idle. Filling up forms is soooo troublesome.
Disclaimer: even if you're not from the 157 club, you are still allowed to take the bus. Only thing is you won't enjoy some of the special benefits and you cannot boast to people that you're from the most happening bus club in the world. cheers!
Yours Sincerely,
Sherlock (Mam)
President of the Hundred Fifty-Seven Club.
Love and Peace to most!
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Interested members can sign up with Sherlock at vladimir7smicer@hotmail.com, or if you have any questions to ask feel free to raise your issue with him. But the thing about that is that your question might be featured in the next manifesto UP HERE!! But then again that's a good an exciting thing so well.. just look forward to it.
If you found this post extremely funny, you might also like to thank Sherlock. Actually you'd better just go thank him because I find that it IS indeed extremely funny.
That's all for tonight. Part Two of the Unfortunate Events tomorrow so stay tuned. Or should I say, stay online. (yea that will waste your bills and boost our readership)
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