Top ten excuses not to do tutorials

As part of our Anti-Tutorial Movement (ATM), we feel compelled to teach you some excuses to tell your teacher in case of.. emergencies. =) After all, you cannot expect to get away scot-free by not doing your work, you have to at least give an excuse.

So hopefully, these top ten excuses will help you! In no particular order (if you want you can number them yourselves according to preference):

1. I had CCA (for dramatic effect: competition)
One of the most classic yet effective excuses. After all, if you are taking time off your busy schedule to fight for the glory of the school, they should at least give you some allowance for not finishing your tutorials. After all, they don't count the number of completed tutorials when they take into account all-round excellence. So no worries, just concentrate on your CCA and abandon your tutorials. If you are not a sportsman or sportswoman, then you have no choice..

..but to lie.

The downside to this is just that the teachers might check up on your CCA. Then you'd best not be lying or GGXX man.

2. I didn't receive it
Especially good if you think your subject rep is a bloody idiot and you sabo him/her as much as possible. This not only provides you with an excuse not to complete your tutorial, but also gives you a chance to make the rep lose out. That's killing two birds with one stone. The possible bad point of this is that the rep sucks up to the teacher (I know of many instances) and then you're left to jack yourself. Or maybe after going back to your seat you take out your tutorial immediately and start copying model answers. Then you deserve being GGXXed.

3. The dog ate my homework
This is workable, but a little dangerous if your teacher has been to your house (not likely right?) Be sure to include an interesting anecdote of how your dog died later. After all it seems as if half the population in RJC has dead pets (according to PW research). And so.. since I don't think dog eats paper, theoratically it should die after eating your homework. Tell that to your teacher. Better hope he/she doesn't work for SPCA part-time. Or worse still, if she's a bitch that has eaten paper before. She could disprove your theory easily.

4. The cars ran over my homework
Slightly dangerous to use, but you might be able to lie to the teacher that you were damn hardworking and was doing your tutorial in the car.. with the windows open. Of course the teacher will think you're some dumb jacked shit BUT THEN it's an excuse nonetheless! Unless your teacher was driving right beside your parent's car, and in which case I think you can really go bang the wall.

5. I fell into the drain
Good for those who has some injury to some part of the body to show. Or if you really very desperately badly don't want to finish your tutorial, create a wound and then walk to class with tutorial undone. Then tell the teacher you fell into the drain. Of course this idea is not so feasible as the teacher might decide to smell you (you know sniffer dogs) and then come up with the conclusion that you're a bloody faker (literally) - then you just cut yourself for nothing.

The alternative to this is saying that you fell into a plastic drain.

6. I lost my file
The good thing about saying this: can apply to all tutorials.

The bad thing: You have to prove it, act damn sad and perhaps put up a show. And don't forget you'll have to cook up a reason for it suspiciously appearing somewhere.

7. I lent the tutorial to my friend
Now this reason is not highly recommended for obvious reasons. But if the teacher has a screwed way of thinking perhaps he/she might think that you lend tutorials out = you're smart, then you are in for a good time. I wouldn't try this if I were you - it's just an option for the more brave.

8. I put it in your pigeonhole
This is one of the most failproof plans if you can carry it out properly. Worked for me like a charm in RI but I haven't tried RJ's system.. yet. Still for this plan you'd better make sure that the work can be completed in less than a day so you can (really) put the work into the teacher's pigeonhole before the end of the day and bluff your way through. Of course if the teacher checks it right after the lesson and doesn't find it..

..you'll just have to act puzzled. Remember you left it in his/her pigeonhole. You left it in his/her pigeonhole. You left it in his/her pigeonhole. Anything wrong it's not your problem.

9. I handed it in to the lecturer
You'd better suck up to the lecturer and make sure he/she knows you. Or your argument can go rot. The teacher will think you are a real dork but then again anything beats doing the shit tutorial.

10. The cleaner stole my tutorial
Say the cleaners now are very interested in my Chemistry tutorial, they want to know how to clean away those stains in the toilet better, etc. Just make sure your case has reasonable doubt on them. It might be slightly harder to pull it off in RJ than in RI, because we all know how fagutly dishonourable those stupid cleaners can get back there. Or at least, some of them who are really.. fagutly dishonourable. Worst comes to worst, just tell them the cleaners from RI came over and steal it. Now that's possible.

AND YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER SAY!!:

A. I forgot

Which is damn cliché. and saying that is like saying "come and scold me, you bloody crap teacher. I didn't do it because you are crap." without the fun of insulting the teacher. that's the bloody most stupid thing to say if you didn't do your tutorial. honesty gets you nowhere now, though maybe it will get you to heaven like many years later.

B. I didn't bring

Refer to explanation for A.

C. I lost it

That is very vague and gives hints that you are lying. Even if you are not, just give a more detailed explanation and make it seem as if it wasn't your fault. Wouldn't that be better than these three words?

D. I thought it was due next week?

The ultimate. Maybe you could try saying "I thought it was due last week and handed it in" but saying the phrase above is leading you to impending doom. Teachers never liked to have their deadlines forgotten, and by saying this you'll just incur their wrath. Due next week my arse. This is tutorial, not library book.

So just try to avoid those four phrases. They're all damn cliché anyway, and as RJC wants to make us into the thinker, leader and pioneer.. we must think up of new excuses, lead in using them for the first time, and hence being a creative pioneer. That way the teacher might respect you more.

Well, that's it. Hope this has been useful information for you. If it really works for you then please report the success story to us! We will gladly claim credit for coming up with those excuses. However if it fails.. then it must be your own fault for not executing the plan properly. I'm not putting up a disclaimer here because it's as simple as that - if you fail means you're incompetent. Weak. Go do your tutorials next time, for the ATM is not for weaklings like you. Right, so cheers to a great JC life..

..without tutorials.