Give this man a ticket to Romania

There are only three things that I know Romania for. Gypsies, Dracula, and most recently, Dr Silviu Ionescu. Now if you've been following the papers, you'll know that Dr Silviu Ionescu is the piece of shit who hit two people while drink-driving, failed to admit it, and even lied about his car having been stolen.

Certainly, he is not the first, nor will he be the last. But in Singapore, there is only one thing that happens to people like that. They go to jail. Dr Silviu Ionescu hides behind his diplomatic immunity and goes back to Romania for a holiday instead.
 
Remember the stories we read as kids where there's always an evil guy with a totally screwed-up moral compass? As I grew older, I thought those were simply stories, because in the real world, there are always nuances, gray areas and different standards or morality. For example, it is hard to consider a person who steals just to feed his family a force of pure evil. 

Fortunately, with Dr Ionescu, there is no such ethical dilemma. He is simply a liar, a murderer, a coward, who has shown absolutely no repentance for his actions. In fact, he is loathe to even take responsibility for them. On the bright side, it gives Singapore no reservations to condemn him as a united nation. Can you imagine if he had said sorry? Half of Singapore would have shouted "Fuk you! Sorry no cure!" while the other half would have said, "Aiya he say sorry liao, what you want him to do?" But he didn't. So we don't have a problem calling him a scumbag together.

Unfortunately, Dr Ionescu's house in Romania is presumably beyond the range of our F-16s. Even if Romania waives the diplomatic immunity of Dr Ionescu (and they should, unless they're a country of evil fucks like him), he can still sit on his fat ass in Romania because Singapore does not have an extradition treaty with Romania, meaning there's no way to drag him back. It is at pressing times like this that we wonder, why doesn't Singapore have more nutjobs? Maybe one of them can be self-sacrificial, go to Romania and kick Dr Ionescu's ass? With this line of thought, I trawled through the net for that special person for the special mission, and found him... Singapore's only hope...

This is the dude who set an MP on fire. I believe Singapore has few people as crazy as him, which makes him apt. Give this man a ticket to Romania, and watch him kick Dr Ionescu's ass. Enough said.

Give this guy a break!

Now I'm going to cut out your typical "Do you know this guy" introduction. Because clearly, you do. And even if you don't, you do anyway because everyone's reporting on this guy's infidelity.

Well, TCS hasn't had it's turn at Tiger Woods yet. So here I go.

It's funny how this dude was the "model professional in the golfing world" until his scandals were thrown into the open for everyone to see. After that people started lamenting that he was a poor role model and how he is a disgrace to golfers, etc.

I don't really get the link, though. How is his having a strong libido got to do with his golfing abilities? In fact if you ask me I think he's a fantastic golfer because even with his sex distractions he still manages to complete don't-know-how-many Grand Slams and all.

Oh wait, are Grand Slams even part of golf? I'm sorry. Truth be told I'm not an avid golf fan, I'm more into soccer but the paparazzi just doesn't seem to give up on Tiger "I love bar hostesses" Woods so I thought I'd just stick my nose into golf.

The uglier truth be told, golf is really just a stupid game. So no matter how many titles or PGAs this guy has won, he doesn't merit as much respect as my mates who play amateur soccer every Sunday. Of course that's only in my opinion, which doesn't count for much; since everyone obviously still enjoys throwing shit at Mr. Woods.

That aside I think I really digress. Being involved in such a stupid game, which is golf, naturally would make a man frustrated. Plus it's been said that Woods put in profuse hours into his training, which was why he became so successful.

But if YOU ask me, which you might not but I'll reply anyway since this is my blog..

If Woods could spend so much time on this stupid game, it's only natural that he's got frustrated with this nonsense. Good that he's woken up his idea, as they would say in the army.

I mean, instead of putting golf balls into holes, he simply decided to put HIS balls in another type of hole. Anything wrong with that?

Americans like to talk about freedom and the human right to do whatever they want. Tiger Woods isn't the first arsehole (no pun intended) to commit adultery and he will not be the last. Just because he's a golfing pro doesn't make him less guilty of this screwed up act; but if there can be so many adulterers in the real world, stop picking on this guy just because he's rich and famous.

So for the paparazzi with nothing better to do: Go pick on someone your own size! Let this guy continue playing his stupid game and stop molesting him the way à la Sentosa woman on New Year's Eve style. It's boring and I'm sick of reading shit about him in the papers every fucking day.

Can someone talk about soccer instead?

Article Review (from The Sun)

It's that time of the year again, when I feel very politician-like. This gives me a need to comment on some social issues. You see, there aren't any elections going around, so perhaps that explains why I feel that way.

The Sun (go wiki it yourself lazy bitch) is a British paper more known for its page 3 than anything else. But a good friend of mine brought to my attention about this 13-year-old father and it seemed very amusing. After all some people only mature at 13, and in fact that could have well been the case.

I was enraptured by this little crazy bastard. The starting went something like this:

BOY dad Alfie Patten yesterday admitted he does not know how much nappies cost — but said: “I think it’s a lot.”

Sounds like a typical quote you could get from a normal dumb jock American. But this reply is more classic than saying Singapore is in China, because at least that's an attempt to smoke - but this is displaying open stupidity.

The link is http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece, go have a read before you continue otherwise it wouldn't make any sense. Either way if you don't that's okay because I'm going to quote some really good ones from there.

But you should have a look at the picture. The girl is rather ugly in my opinion so who in the right mind would want to have underage sex with her. That's an unnecessary risk for an unnecessary girl. Though of course they can't charge the boy because he's underage too. What the heck.

Oh wait, but maybe under British law they aren't underage. This however doesn't change the fact that their minister does not condone it.

Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun today has sparked a huge political storm with Tory leader David Cameron saying: "When I saw these pictures this morning, I just thought how worrying that in Britain today children are having children.

"I hope that somehow these children grow up into responsible parents but the truth is parenthood is just not something they should be thinking about right now."

"Children are having children" - I like that. But the British minister is some spoilsport. Who says a 13-year-old cannot be responsible? After all life is a learning process and in certain instances you have to be thrown into the deep end to learn. So how is that worrying?

If that should happen in Singapore and if I were a minister I would be more like, "Encouraging parenthood at an early age will better equip modern-day teenagers with skills they could use in the future. Also as it solves our growing population problems, I don't really see it as a problem. In fact young enterprising parents should be given bonuses for the kind act of delivering lives unto this world."

By having kids at 13 and assuming your child has similar genes, it means one can be a grandparent by the age of 26. Then you can 共享天伦。(enjoy familial ties) And speaking of which if this goes on you could be a great-great-great-grandparent by the age of 65 and that would truly bring out the meaning in 传宗接代。What's not to like about that?

And there won't be worries of having an ageing population. Oh no, I think young Alfie Patten has just found the solution to our "greying population" miles and miles away. Some might argue that the economic crisis has made it more difficult to raise kids, but if you ask me is your money or your family more important?

Money = Gone when you're dead
Family = Generations to come even after you're dead

So I would suggest that if you're already past the age of 13 and all grown-up, it's not too late to make a positive difference to the lives of young Singaporeans. Teach your children the value of sex early, and the moment they teeter on the brink of their teenage years you can get them to screw the neighbour. "Love thy neighbour", did they not say?

And poof, many many generations to come!

Nevertheless the article ends with an anti-climax, like wtf because:

Britain’s youngest known father is Sean Stewart. He became a dad at 12 when the girl next door, 15-year-old Emma Webster, gave birth in Sharnbrook, Bedford, in 1998. They split six months later.

Now this is a fricking joke gone bad because that increases the chance the kid would grow crazy due to his broken family. And by the way I do hope this Emma Webster looks at least similar to Emma Watson or otherwise it might be another case of young boys screwing ugly young girls because they want to explore the birds and the bees.

But all that said, I was still compelled to find out what had driven this little boy to do such an outrageous act. I mean, even though it's not necessarily a bad thing, it remains a very rarely-seen thing and it's one of the more extreme cases of the world. Needless to say I got the answer through careful inspection of the article.

Here it is:

Dennis, who works for a vehicle recovery firm, described Alfie as “a typical 13-year-old boy”.

He said: “He loves computer games, boxing and Manchester United.”

Well, no f**king wonder, then.

Interesting random facts

Reported in the ST today:
The title of the article is "Flushing with patriotism". Artists charged in court because one of their exhibits in the museum is a toilet bowl that flushes to the tune to the Italian national anthem, Fratelli d'Italia.

And apparently it shows disrespect to Italy as the anthem is a national symbol?

Prosecution: The national anthem is a national symbol, so artists should be charged.
Defence: The national anthem isn't a national symbol, so they are not guilty.

Either way, I don't see what's wrong with it. Look, especially since the Italian national anthem has special significance, playing it along with the flush also symbolises good things. Like how the Italian government have been flushing out the shit and scum of the country, cleansing the lands.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE ITALIANS, MAN. Can they not take good artworks? After all, art is art and you can't prosecute someone in the name of art. I've learnt the power of art in a recent visit to Singapore Biennale with YL - you can make someone stare at nonsense for very long and piss him off but they can't complain anything about it..

..because it's art. If you don't like it, means you can't appreciate art and it means you're just a bloody caveman.

Sigh, such is the power of art that sometimes I pretend I appreciate it in order not to look like a n00b barbarian. Though when I can't take it, I exclaim "what the **** is this ****" right there, right then.

Art is subjective. I can't lie all the time.

So the Italians should learn to appreciate some art. Even if it's a flushing toilet bowl, there can be beauty in it. Like the way my stupid toilet flush jammed the other day and caused a flood on the floor. It was a pretty cool picture only the clean-up was bloody irritating and the stench was bad.

But in artistic terms, the picture of the flooded toilet could have well been a jewel. And so there.

Next article that was reported:
In New York, you now don't need to go for sex change surgically to change your gender in birth cert.

That is SUPER retarded. This means I can declare whatever gender I want to be. Like, "hi I decided to be a girl today, change it on my birth cert please." I didn't read the whole article because it kind of grossed me out. But you get the idea, there's something wrong with these Americans.

What is wrong with the world nowadays. You're not supposed to anyhow change your gender.

But thinking about it.. it might be a good thing. That might reduce the number of surgeries involving sex change and perhaps that's what the American government are trying to get at?

Forget it, I didn't read the article carefully so I'm not qualified to give commentary.

Now, for the last random fact of the day:
PW is over, YAYYYYYYY!

As I have the dubious honour of taking the first slot of the last day of Oral Presentations, I can now safely say by this time (1am) everyone's done with PW. Though there's still some stupid Reflections stuff to be done, can't stand it.

And any J1 across the island will testify that PW is a veritable waste of time. Any J1 from any JC will have had the experience of getting pwned by PW. Oh did you see that.

PWNED BY PW. O! M! G!

I think I definitely screwed up my PW today, but it's something to be happy about. As PW is already screwed up enough, you respond to this screwed-upness by screwing it up yourself. Not a very good logic, but basically - an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Although so many people said that they won't be missing PW (and I guess they mean it).. I feel that there are things to know about PW. Perhaps it isn't as bad as you think, it inculcates more values than you think it does. Quite obviously we won't miss it - I chucked my script into the bin right after OP.

Here's, however, a few lessons PW teaches:

1) The art of bitching. How you whine through every lesson, the Preliminary Idea, Evaluation of Material, and all that extra shit etc. Yup all those not in J1 yet, you haven't experienced project hell. Try doing all this crap plus Oral Presentation.. with a totally random group. I'm not complaining about my group, but not everyone has my luck. Those who have gone through it, you will appreciate the art of bitching. And you'd sympathise.

2) Endurance and determination. All that bloody rehearsals and late nights doing shit. Like how I'm supposed to do Insights and Reflections but frankly I don't give a shit. Which is why I'm blogging. It gives me stamina to last through the night.

3) Importance of makeup/stimulants. Particularly for the gals getting panda eyes and eye rings. For the guys they learn to appreciate their coffee/Milo more.

4) Group dynamics. Not in the way the PW teachers wanted it, but adversely. Like because everyone hates PW and so there's a common thing to hate. In all that grumbling together, you form greater bonds with your PW group - and in the end your class also gets more bonded when they start to ponder if they should pon PW class. That's how things work yay.

Now I really should get back to I&R. Hope you liked this post of randomness =)

We Hammered their Ars

This is funny. Or at least it is to a West Ham fan like me.

I don't know what the rest of the world thinks. In particular, Arsenal fans.

But hey, I did nothing to engineer the West Ham win so don't stone me okay? I had totally nothing to do with the West Ham victory, though if you'd like to credit me for being their fan, I will gladly accept it. The funny part is the post-match conference with Alan Pardew, West Ham manager.

You can find it at http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/sport/default.stm. It's right there and if you're not reading this too late on Monday, it should be under one of the headlines. Not my fault if you don't read this blog regularly and come crying that the video's gone. It's seriously amusing.

Anyway, to quote some bits from dear Mister Pardew:
(in the post-match interview)

Q: (unclear British mutterings).. Alexander Hleb, was a penalty. What did you think?
A: Well, Arsene Wenger certainly thought it was a penalty, and that frustrated him. I could see it was from behind, the challenge, but I think he got a little bit of the ball. (...) I think we'd know if it was a penalty. But the reaction of our players, they reacted in a way that it wasn't, so I went along with that reaction (shrugs).. and played on.

Comment: LIKE DUH WENGER WOULD BE FRUSTRATED? I don't know what's wrong with Pardew, it was a penalty and he's got to admit it. After all, it doesn't matter at this stage. Three points will still be three points even though he says it's a penalty now. Why not rub salt into the Gunners' wound? These Englishmen, they know pride, they know beating around the bush, they know saying politically correct answers and they know it's a penalty, that.

Q: It was an emotional game, Alan. (more British mutterings).. tell me about the situation. (between Pardew and Wenger)
A: With me and Arsene?

Comment: No, no, with you and Pope Benedict the XVI.

Q: Yea. (that wasn't really a question)
A: ..celebration, but you know it's been a frustrating season. A last-minute goal, desperate to win. And you know, I have absolute (dunno what) respect for Arsene Wenger.. and I shall try to talk to him when he's calmed down. (...) if I was him, and see if I can sort that out with him, because that situation, it wasn't right for the game. And on my part, I do apologise for being overzealous, but uh, I hope that won't get the headlines for what was a players' day. West Ham players. They were brilliant. Great win for us today.

Comment: Seems like Mister Pardew is great at dodging the topic - what happened between you and Wenger? Oh I will talk to him. Oh it's bad for the game. West Ham was brilliant. No doubt he's speaking the truth, West Ham is always brilliant, but WHY NO DETAILS? Anyway Wenger shoved him first so giving a true account won't hurt him one bit.

And another thing. He shouldn't have compromised about the celebrations. Nothing wrong with being happy, innit? I can't understand the French, I thought they liked to be happy with their slack lifestyle but here Wenger aka the French Professor gets so pissed off when Pardew is happy? He should just celebrate with Pardew YAY YOU'VE GOT THE WIN, SECOND ONE IN THE ROW. Then the game at Upton Park would end with a happy ending. But did Wenger? No. Silly old French tortoise.

Anyway seems like Pardew wants to make Wenger seem like the villain (which he is). Cunning old fox. That's all right for him to say, he didn't lose the game. (as you'll see what I mean later)

Q: ..the situation, you did offer your hand (to Wenger) at the end of the game. (not really a question either)
A: I did, and uh, y'know, last-minute goals. They're horrible for managers. And uh, y'know, I've got no problems with Arsene. At the end of the game, I hope we're all calm and I hope he'll be sensible about it.

Comment: True colours, it seems, at last. Last-minute goals don't seem at all horrible for him today, so his point about those goals are not valid. Sure he has no problems with Arsene, not when he's won 1-0. And like duh that's why he's offering a handshake. Arsene the villain. He ends off by saying "I hope we're all calm" because it's bloody obvious Wenger's definitely hell not and "he'll be sensible" finally shows Pardew's contempt for Wenger behaving like a small kid and more precisely, a spoilt brat.

Q: (something about West Ham struggling in the last few weeks) What does this mean for West Ham?
A: Well it's a result.. uh, it's a reward in some way for the fact that we've tried to do everything right and uh on the training ground, uh on the playing side - we've tried to approach every game in the same manner. And there's been a lot of (dunno what) about (players and staff, like wth). And it's a great fillip for this club. And I'm very very happy tonight.

Comment: It's no wonder you lost eight in a row, you don't approach every game in the same manner. Death to all Argentinians in West Ham, they screw up the whole pecking order. When they don't play, West Ham wins. It's proven by the matches against Blackburn and Arsenal. If you think my commentary is out of point, why don't you take a look at Pardew's. I'm just learning from him, man.

Anyway like duh you're happy tonight. Who is unhappy after a 1-0 win seriously should get a bollocking, to put it very precisely in British terms.

Q: (something something) celebrate.
A: (something something) on the back page, yea. (fades out)

Comment: Mumble mumble mumble mutter. I wish you'd speak clearly next time, or maybe I should go dig my ears.

To round off, here's to West Ham!


Oh and yes, Wenger is made to look like a villain. Good job Pardew! I really love that guy and his post-match conference, it's so subtly aimed at Wenger such that the Frenchman with French as the first language wouldn't get the idea he kena bombard like mad. (jack)

And so..

Yup we hammered their Ars nice and well! I shall declare Monday a public holiday, for even though artillery might be great, sometimes it's best to go back to primitive Man and try out his stone tools ftw. I love West Ham.

Quotes and Daniel Radcliffe

A certain person very enlightened about a certain thing.

He's so certain about it, he certainly came up with a good way to say it.

"I am already 99.9% sure about it.. I just have to confirm the other 0.01%."

Anyway, in latest news, Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter is going to go naked in some play. Not in Harry Potter, but in some obscure screwed-up play that has a five-letter name so difficult to pronounce that I don't even remember it.

Apparently the director was kind of nonchalant about Radcliffe doing it - for "at worst someone takes pictures of his willy."

I assume, by "willy", the director means his dick.

Wonder what's up with British slang? Can't they call a dick what it is.

Daniel Radcliffe is only seventeen. Which is like, my age. YL's age. YH's age. The age of everyone in JC1 except the China scholars, the Malaysia scholars, and those who haven't had their birthdays. Which is still a lot of people.

Think of those people in TSD in RJC. Do they go off showing their willies?

Hell no, they'd just give us the heeby-jeebies.

Western society is going crazy nowadays. As if it is okay to show off your private parts to the world, the director finds it all right that the 17-year-old goes naked on stage.

I really never did like TSD (Theatre Studies & Drama), you know.

I guess I can rest my case.

Oh, and future TSD students had better be careful. Because at worst someone might just take pictures of your private parts. The world needs less technology and nude scenes, I feel.