Long stories left long

i hope you all ready to rock and roll, because today good weather, got hell lot of wind. then i took a deep breath while on the outdoors and as a result i am now very long winded. if you don't want rock and roll then you better be prepared to stop and scroll. many issues to discuss. starting from our very first item on the agenda:

OUTRAGE OF MODESTY IN CHINESE CLASS
class pineapple was caught with his pants down, literally. wasn't zipped, wasn't buttoned and wasn't belted up would be an accurate description of his.. appearance. teacher puay hock almost gave him a wedgie by asking him to stand straight and pulling his pants/underpants up. i was too far away to see clearly but puay hock apparently felt that his modesty was outraged. so he started ranting and shouting.

“你们能放肆到几度？真是可恶！”
“你的面子是别人给你的，可是你却把你自己的面子丢了！”
“这里是个课室，不是厕所！！！”

are among some of the more famous quotes. next time don't try outraging a male teacher's modesty, because he won't be impressed. apparently puay hock prefers females. if you don't believe me you can always ask anybody in the class of 4HJ higher chinese. this is nothing but the hard facts.

now we move on to more hardcore news.

SEMOGA BAHAGIA

4j new hit album. haha when 老大 says he's gonna do something means he's gonna do something. today the promise was made good when 4j sang semoga from the class to the hall, as well as during PE, recess and english. plus some additional ones during CLE, but we'll leave those out. and what's more it is well-known that with risk comes reward.

so those of you who said that i'm a lousy monitor, think again. look at what i have done for the school population plus the class?

because of our YOUTHFUL VIBRANCE and our CHILDISH INNOCENCE we all kena ice creams by the teachers who decided to treat us. and who came up with the semoga idea? ME! so i claim all the credit for today's ice cream. if you had your ice cream you know who to thank. i'm waiting now.. you can send your thank you letters to talkcocksummit@yahoo.com.sg. i'll be more than happy to receive them.

oh and plus lilian tan gave our class chocolates. okay i did embezzle quite a hell lot of them but no one else wanted it! i asked the class if they wanted but they all declined sharply. certainly not my fault if there was any further misunderstanding. anyway lilian tan later commended our class for being so rowdy and spontaneous about children's day, but we went overboard because even the teachers could hear it from the staff room. well, let me ask you: isn't that the whole point of this? nanny nanny boo boo!

next children's day i promise another special thing. ya even though its at RJ don't forget 4j will always be around. today 老大 sing until his voice hoarse. next time sing song must get more manpower.

SAMA SAMA MAJU KE HADAPAN!

THE HOUSE AWARDS

when it comes to this time of the year again, we start thinking of who to give house awards. as our house captain is a judge (ie yh) and since i am a prosecutor who has had a fair amount of experience in the courts (i buy furniture all the time), we are all very well-versed in the law. ya lor (law) - so today we try to determine what should be the house awards.

i must admit we don't often get compensation cases, but it does happen. well when we saw the plaques the first thing i could say was wow. i get alot of that on my teeth too! next thing: i'm gonna compensate myself with a plaque. so the very first thing we did for house awards was to award ourselves the best plaque. of course there is another for the "most outstanding bayleyean" but that's only by name. even though your plaque more expensive ours has more meaning. the very fact that we are on banlist for "most outstanding bayleyean" already shows that we are gonna pwn your arse if we compete with you for that award. so give chance, give you the award.

next we must see properties of plaques. today the pre-matriculation talk on econs help. cost is 2nd most impt factor, quality being the most impt. well since they all not 老大s like us they get cost cheaper one la. i mean DUH! got magnetic plaque featured in the book some more, for only 9 dollars. shit the way they sell it i begin to wonder if got north seeking pole or not. maybe the magnetic plaque is damn lousy and cannot force up any emf or weak magnetic field surrounding the plaque. then maybe if you want to put the plaque on the fridge it ends up dropping in the middle of the night and breaking into a million pieces. then the flux linkage will just die out and so will you because of shock.

okay better not talk so much since i fail physics.

next we talked about how the price of the plaques should be directly proportionate to the level of the award. less service, then your plaque less money. and since we started with ourselves we had no choice but to work downwards with a negative gradient, or db/da, where b = bayley and a = awards. so since db/da is less than 0, we had no choice but to work with reduction of plaque prices. after a while the reduction became difficult because the cost became so low that we couldn't lower it any further. so we had to oxidise all the costs for a bit to counter the effect. that's the le chatelier principle - if equilibrium cannot be reached and if the solution is imba, then you must counter the effect. like how you counter reduction with oxidation.

oh man! even deciding house awards can be a redox reaction.
i think i can pass my chem ct liao. just everyday meet to discuss house awards, no problem!

so that was how our session went.

PRE-MATRICULATION TALK

today got ten-sionnnn (pronounced ten-shennnn) when ppl come talk about matriculation. very dangerous because if you take wrong subject combi, you end up in wrong class, you end up mixing with the wrong people, you end up at the end being screwed up. not a good way to end up. so we all were listening very attentively to the speakers.

first up, KI. they place so much bloody emphasis on this sort of cock topic?! probably gep take. or sci freak take. gep take is probably because of philo. they all spend their time thinking about life that they all end up with no life, so perhaps KI is very suitable for them. sci freak take is because he thinks KI is potassium iodide. which isn't wrong, but in this context it is. but for me i'd rather take the other KI than this KI so thank you very much, but KI isn't for me. unless you talking about mathematical context, then you're in business. i like maths, and that's if K is a constant and I is a variable. then can differentiate and INTEGRATE! that's the bloody fun part about variables, always can play around with them.

anyway KI so stupid. the questions they ask are ultimate LAME ASS QUESTIONS! i present you with some of them.

q: how is knowledge constructed in different fields (maths, chem, lit, etc.)?
a: by getting a tractor la! duh! then can go from field to field easily and construct different buildings!

q: how can knowledge be rendered valid?
a: if 老大 says it is valid means it is valid. that one no one dispute or argue. 无庸置疑。

q: how can we prove that mt everest is the tallest mountain in the world?
a: by differentiating the surface of the earth. mt everest got dy/dx = 0, therefore it is max. pt.

meaning its the tallest mountain the world. (shown)

you tell me, KI easy or not? you tell me no, means you stupid pig.

later they talk about econs. econs at first seem easy. do market survey only - until i realised that the market they talking about no fish and no veg. only got graphs!! wtf that's damn chandru. might as well say econs is mathematics applications? but its applications very cool, i like. because at least teaches us how to make money! oh yea $$$$$$$$$$! maybe econs not so bad after all.

however! i find one part of it damn crazy. the essay writing. wtf 2 h 15 min expect us to write 3 essays? then got some other funny component also 2 h 15 min. but the bad thing is, H2 econs must write 3 essays in 2 h 15 min. which is like 45 min per essay. knn they give us the pri sch psle time for maths then they expect us to write 3 essays? isn't solving problem sums so much easier? i think go RJ hand confirm damn pain ah.. write so much?! it just proves a point that the system is there only to give you finger cramps and wrist problems. think i gonna train my left hand to write as well. so first essay right hand, second essay left, third essay a mixture of both. like some bloody printer got two rollers i got two hands to slowly write my essay. towards the middle, then out again. of course, as a 老大 i see the big picture and can do this. anyone else reading this blog don't try to copy. because it won't be easy. and also because a levels i don't think its easy to copy unlike now in RP where everything is free and easy.

finally, they talk about theatre studies. this one another of my favourite subject because i was actively involved in theatre. take drama feste for instance. i think when i go RJ i'll take theatre studies and end up in the same class as those GEPs in RP (not the screwed up one, its the gay one called Raffles Players). then if got independent study i'll do topics like "how to be a good crew member" or "how to make props that will not offend the audience". eh not bad right? i have great plans, i do.

however it seems like a lot of work because the RJ teacher said we'll be travelling to england in july. damn, because its summertime and summertime means singapore!! then if we have to go to england just to experience singapore weather i think its damn not worth it. wait a minute - maybe the teacher did mention we'll be having a look at shakespearean works and his theatres too. but shakespeare is a loser - he cannot even get basic sentence structure right. he would say things like "know you not him?" instead of "do you know him?" he would come up with words like "exeunt" which is so hard to pronounce because it looks so wrong. then a most classic example, "in sooth i not know why i am so sad", which proves that shakespeare might be a chao ah beng, for he uses good english, but he mixes it up with bad sentence structure.

but chao ah beng might have his days too. see, i believe that shakespeare was a great astronomer, for he seemed to know pretty much about the stars. and the wars that go on up there. "oh, how wretched i am!" is the perfect example to prove my point. there can be no doubt that shakespeare was the one who discovered yoda in star wars. so whoever thinks that the original author is not shakespeare but someone else, go away. 老大 says that shakespeare was the founder of star wars and no one can dispute that. except myself, but i don't choose to argue with what i just said. that would be 自相矛盾 and that's just plain stupid okay.

thus we came to the end of the talk. i feel very inspired to take all these stupid subs, but no. 老大 doesn't want to end up suffering in JC.

BATCH PHOTO

screwed up idea. i think there could be a new term for it - "mass orgy". lucky i was at the back so i wasn't that affected. those in the middle kena sandwich and batch photo become batch picnic. cafe delight sad case because even though it was the last day in the canteen they still had many sandwiches left. then no one wanted to buy because the hall already got sandwich.

CONCLUSION

fridays are bloody good. especially if its just before children's day and especially if we're all crazy.

BUT tomorrow will be even better! because it IS children's day. haha too bad no school otherwise sing song. today celebrations quite shiok already la.

okay tired so i go sleep now. i hope you become cockeye after reading this looooooooooong post. then maybe if you really become so cock you might like to join us at talk cock summit to be a regular cockster. applications can be made at the tagboard.

and the appeal for you to link us is still open. if you link us, tell us, we'll link you back. then once we form a chain of cocks we can soon set up animal farm.

A guide for prefect nominees

How to be the perfect prefect nominee (a perfect guide)

1) Do not vandalise the school by pasting posters all over the place, especially not the urinal, where they contaminate our urine.

2) Do not sing us a song. We know how lousy your voice is, you don’t have to prove us right. Your courage is the reason for our rage.

3) Do not make promises. You think we’re retards?

4) To put it nicely, just shut up.

Bottom-line: Nobody needs prefects.

Short stories

they say 愚者千虑，必有一得。

well i say 愚者千考， 必有及格!!

today i am very happy. i passed my maths! and that's double weightage so it's like 如释重负 for me. i know, it's nothing fantastic but it beats failing any day. damn, i was so happy that i carried danny around and sprained my back. but it was worth it! after all i passed. i mean for the past few weeks the only things that i passed was motion and urine. =X that doesn't sound very convincing does it?

-

4j participated in the stripping of kennet tay. it was the most violent by far, having at least 8 ppl to pin him down and another 3-4 backups. oh he got a new tattoo on his butt as well.. which stupid adnaan had to use my marker to DRAW!!!

-

anyway today i feel quotish. so let me present to you the best quotes around ri.

"now technology. wa, life so easy" - CMG. after finding out that the magnifier for the projector actually worked.

"ah, see? can magnify!" - CMG. again. like a kid discovering a new toy. like me discovering integration.

"we gave out 20 surveys to each level. however, we could not collect back every survey and we only could get back 90 in the end." - zhe han.

"err.. we gave out a substantial amount." - zhe han, after being told that 20x4 does not give 90.

"ma'am, are you saying that we are fabricating our results?" - stuart to the re judge. the judge was asking something about the authenticity of the surveys. nice one stuart.

"ma'am, what we have here is the truth!!" - stuart. because soccer very (co)incidentally was the most popular sport, and their group was doing on soccer.

"huh? filmed already?" - zhe han in their re soccer video. he was filmed without knowing it.

the quotes might not be exact (ie they might be variations, my memory isn't very good). BUT you can be sure the meaning is still there even though the wording might not be perfect. no offence meant to stuart's re group or chandru. i respect them all for their sense of humour.

really.

-

tmr 4j (again) will be singing semoga bahagia from 4j classroom to the albert hong hall. ppl who wish to participate will be warmly welcomed. just take note that ppl who usually go direct to the astro/hall EVERYDAY will be excluded from this event. otherwise please turn up early so we can rehearse.

from 4j's 老大, also known as me.

The Nominee

TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.

MESSING WITH US IS ALREADY WRONG BY ITSELF!

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

WE WILL TRIUMPH!

Advertisement

It doesnt help if the world doesnt appreciate our talent. readership has been dropping. Thus i propose for every reader that features our blog on their on blog, or link our blog to their's, will get something similar in return. So link us today and we will link you. Symbiosis eh? MOST MOST.

Perfect Prefect Nominee

i gave a true account of how irritating and impulsive nominees can get over their dumb little posters.

however, some jokers have decided to complain about it. they claim that i'm manipulating people to change votes and getting people to boo a certain nominee. well then! if some people can't even handle bad publicity, how can they handle prefectorial elections and prefectorial duties?

oh, i forgot. ripb is screwed up.

haha on second thoughts maybe i should have ran for prefect 2 years ago. i think i would have become head prefect now. plus i would be so bloody good that on prometheum day they all would probably bash up the new hp to prevent him from taking over me. because at least i can inspire a group of people to sing malay songs. and this is something i bet tim chow can't do.

and in any case the story is still true. i'm removing it to prove to all the "fans" of this certain nominee that there is no need for evidence for anything to happen. you can call it defamation but i call it life. if you can't handle the truth then you don't run for prefect. very incidentally the quote "you can't handle the truth" comes from the same movie as "you fucked with the wrong marine!"

i leave you all to think about it. meanwhile you can also think about the fun we'll have on tuesday.

holiday

It doesn't always pay to slog your guts out. So Talk Cock Summit decided to go on a holiday just to slack and take group photo (and of course talk cock but that's pretty obvious).

After all, judging by the recent class photos, I am guessing that photo-taking is the "in" thing now. So as a CCA group (more or less), we have decided to go have our photos taken and with any luck we'll publish it in the yearbook. Anyway I'll let the pictures do the talking.

This was where we stayed:

Up in the mountain near the summit. Really cold but at least when we went down it was warmer and less snow. Luckily not winter otherwise snow everywhere we might slip and fall then don't need go back RI.

This is our photo:

Row 1: Tree 1, Tree 2, Tree 3, ..., Tree n (where n = constant)
Absent: YH, YJ, YL

Disclaime

1. I shall in no way be responsible if you are punished by a teacher for following what we told you.
2. Same goes for being caught by a prefect.
3. U kena ur prob not my prob
4. U nvr get in dont come find me. not mai dai ji.
5. refer to main disclaimer.

RIPB elections

Listen to me! Lend me your ears! Do not listen to the lies! of the prefects! Let me advise you on who to vote!

1. If you think RIPB is good and you want to continue the fine tradition, then by all means vote all the good chaps in. Vote for your TOMorrow. Vote for TOM YET!!
2. If you think RIPB is good you dont want them to continue the fine tradition vote for people like Durian Revolution or LEEzards or Dillion the one who will DI-LIVER.
3. If you think RIPB is screwed and you want to do your very best to rescue them even if that is the last thing you will do in RI then please refer to no.1.
4. If you think RIPB is screwed and for all you ever want to do in RI is to mess it up even more then BY ALL MEANS LISTEN TO ME!

4
a) Vote in all the screwed up people! The more screwed up the speech the more you should vote!
b) Hate that person?? Cant stand his face?? Feel like punching him? THEN VOTE HIM IN!
c) No rough papers? Need blank papers? Go to the atrium and start tearing. Yj is pro he can advise you. We can even have an underground competition to see who gets the most frags!
d) 袖手旁观,隔岸观火,不要vote.
e) 顺其自然,老天自有安排. 何必为区区小事而担忧呢? 简直是杞人忧天.

在此本人祝nominees一路顺风.

New day

it is the duty of the cock to crow every morning to wake up those lazy bums.

so wakeeeee upppppppppp!!!!!!!!!

hp so cheap

Every year, I wait eagerly for Prometheum Day. I want to see the fire torches passed around and maybe the possibility of the school hall burning, and every year, it never fails to disappoint me as I witness inanimate objects being passed around. And yet, I can’t wait to see who the new head prefect (hp) will be. Anyway hp so cheap nowadays, you can get one for zero dollars, which is precisely what the ripb is doing. Ripb is a damn screwed up place. Your hp is neither returnable nor refundable. You can’t even choose it. We must exercise our consumer rights. This has gone on for too long. Every year, the new hp has been faulty from day one. How can new goods be faulty? Absolutely outrageous! So everyone, on Prometheum Day, get ready your hp to call CASE to complain about the new hp. Or, we can drop our new hp into the toilet bowl accidentally like so many other people have done as stated in the Sunday times.

head prefect

guess whos the head prefect. unfortunately we do happen to have the inside information.

七步答

Prosecutor:
煮豆豆烧焦，
要吃吞不了。
虽是同根生，
但太狼藉了。

It was a pity I couldn't attend the court session. I was busy trying to figure out how to get to RJC next year, because at this rate I think I'll fail my Philo. My CLE should scrape through because even though my behaviour ranges from very bad to atrocious, they say I do have leadership capability after all. I think they also don't want me to stay in RI one more year, because I'll just create trouble for another. Then their electric bill, water bill and pay packets to teachers will have to go up. Too bad. So maybe they'll let me pass CLE for that.

As for RE, I think we should pass as well. Rome was not built in a day, our RE was. At least Commander Eng from our Sec 1 camp will be a very happy person. Because our RE group showed the tenacity of working one full day at our project. It so embodies Eng's shouting of "WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF URGENCY!" See? There you have it, our one-day RE project. We should pass because we showed unity in difficult times. That's what really gets you the extra mile, or in this case, the extra 200m because I don't think RJC is one mile away from RI. That would suck.

However, when it comes to Philo, I think it's a different story. I failed my Marxism essay (it's still under Archives) and I've no freaking idea why. Did I not do a comprehensive enough analysis? I just sit here for two hours and wonder what went wrong. After a while (meaning two hours and five minutes), I suddenly realised I might have been a little too offensive. And maybe I did say one or two things that I shouldn't have, such as sleeping in class. But still failing me?! Sigh, I think I might have to suffer next year with Zhizhi's batch. And a new asshole in charge of RIPB by the name of Chua Jun Yang.

!!!

Oh wait!! Prometheum Day isn't here yet. How come I know?

According to journalist Santokh Singh, who tokh-ed a tremendous amount of cock at the Careers Forum, you don't have to know - we have our sources. So maybe we should just go march in and interview Paul Lim aka the Big Boss. Kaiyang's the Boss so I suppose Paul has to be larger than him, hence the name Big Boss. Then when Paul Lim goes huh.. we'll do it the TNP way and say "doesn't matter.. because we have our sources." We are, after all, The New Paper of RI. Just that we tend not to operate on paper to save printing costs and actually we gossip quite a lot. Like some tabloid. Like The New Paper.

Anyway we'll take bets on who will become the next HP and we'll be glad to accept bets through MSN or if you want you can also send to talkcocksummit@yahoo.com.sg (the former preferred). If your candidate is not in the list, don't worry. You just name him and we'll give you the odds.

Here are our choices so far:
David Lu 3-1 (hot favourite!!)
Aaron Chee 5-1 (another hot favourite!!)
Anwaar 8-1 (dark horse - don't underestimate)
Naing Yelin 8-1
Walter Wong 8-1
Loh Zhizhi 10-1
Eugene Neo 999999999999999999-1 (that fa-gut)

Place your bets early maybe we'll give you better odds.

That's it for now. Before I leave you might want to hear some prefect jokes.

In the army, the prefects are mighty fine!

Aaron Chee: Recruit, come over here!
David Lu: Yes, sir!
Aaron Chee: Recruit, what's your name?
David Lu: Lu, sir! (loser..)
Aaron Chee: What?! Are you trying to be funny?
David Lu: No, sir!
Aaron Chee: Sir what sir! I no name is it!
David Lu: No, Sergeant Chee!
Aaron Chee: That's better. I need to check on the other recruits now! Make sure you stay on duty!
David Lu: Yes, Sergeant Chee!
Aaron Chee: Okay. I'm leaving now.
David Lu: Sergeant Chee, bye!

七步诗

Defendant:
煮豆燃豆萁，
豆在釜中泣。
本是同根生，
相煎何太急。

The Verdict

Judge: J
Prosecutor:P
Defendant: D
Officer:O

O:Court rise.
O Court please be seated
J: Bring in the defendant.
O: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
D: Yes
O: The following charges have been brought against the defendant. 1 charge of loving wolves. 7 charges of slander against the prosecutor. 2 charges of lying.

J: Prosecutor you may begin.
P: On the 8th of September you had an online conversation with the Judge. Is that true?
D: I dont know
P: Let me ask again. Is that true?
D: Dont know
J: Defendant, let me warn you of the consequences of perjury. Now answer the question.
D: Yes i did.
P: Now do you remember what did you say?
D: No i cant remember.
P: It's okay. Your Honour, i have with me the printscreen of the conversation he had with you. It clearly stated that he loves wolves.
J: Defendant what have you got to say?
D: Andre did it. Not me.
P: And what proof do you have?
D: No proof. Just my word.
P: Then you must be guilty!
D: NO! Im not guilty i didnt do it!
P: Then who did!? There must be someone!
D: I DIDNT DO IT. IM INNOCENT!
J: Defendant please calm yourself. Recess for 1 hr. Court to continue at 10pm.
O: Court rise.

....

philosophy

WHY I WOULD RATHER HAVE $1 THAN TRUE LOVE

simultaneous equations.

nothing is better than true love. -- (1)
$1 is better than nothing. -- (2)

from (1) and (2), $1 > nothing > true love, and
thus, $1 > true love. (shown)

argh!

you will please excuse my language if it suggests anything to you. with special reference to the next para.

i dont nough what yuk has been thinking. i've been hounding him to say sth but he claims he has nothing to say. it's just proof that he's distracted. howl to get him back, i don't nough. maybe he's been busy going YOUTH training, and i'm not talking about waterpolo.

die liao la. how am i going to survive the tough weeks ahead.

trial also dunno what happen. judge awol and witness stfu. prosecutor standing alone like 沧海一粟。now ppl come to tag saying i suck. i can only laugh it off.

hahahahahahahahahaha!

cool!

!!!

today i went town! i would have taken pics to prove to you if i had a camera or if yuk had talked to me before i went. but you all should trust me anyway.

omg this is the life, man!! THE LIFE!

one month anniversary

well, well, guess what?

today is our first month anniversary! so i decided to give you a special edition of cock. this might be a very long post, so if you intend to read it i'm telling you now. if you don't intend to read it, i'm telling you anyway this might be a very long post. it's might, so it might not be that long. after all, i feel mighty crazy today. so i might blog longer than i think.

let me first give you some quotable quotes. a fellow member of the WTF (but obviously not from the NBA) named NICKY ONG takes 3rd lang like i do. his classroom is one level up from mine. he came down during recess to wave to me. okay i didn't take much notice of that. then after recess i suddenly received an sms! i thought my card balance was running low (i'm STILL on prepaid) but i sms like zero ppl a day usually so there's no reason why it should be. i read the sms.

nicky: "Z (zi) the one with brown long hair behind you not bad rite"

and i realised that we had rg girls in class today. i didn't know because the moment i came into class i slumped on my table and started slping before doing chinese. i don't even know it and nicky has to come to tell me. i turn around only to find three rg girls ALL WITH BLACK HAIR. so i replied sth like:

me: "what the f*** is wrong with you! the one behind me is an indian i think. and her hair is black!"
nicky: "no.. got 3 right? the one is white and quite gold hair"
me: "they all have black hair"
nicky: "cannot be.. behind you got 3 right? i think its correct"
me: "i dunno la. you want later you come down and see for yourself."
nicky: "aiya okay.."

he came down later, but to the ground floor. then complain never see girls. that nicky ah, buaya so much, still want some more girls for what!! in fact, let me quote him on another matter. he said, "i find that the girls that you like never seem to like you." open to interpretation.

anyway it's time to talk about the afterMATH of the maths test. before the test (ie 5 sec) i vowed to score full marks + bonus. after the test i cursed chandru. because he said the test is only average la.. so-so. if you asked anyone i think you'll get a different answer. differentiated from his. okay then i also cursed chandru because i did not want to take the test. as you can see, i only wanted to score full marks + bonus 5 sec before the test. that was because i wanted to skip the test before that. only when i found out i couldn't did i start to pray and make empty vows.

i followed yh's idea, i tell you. recess i went to do 7 rounds. one more than 2.4 so it looks more convincing. then i went to get thermometer and for good measure i rubbed it against my legs so to cause friction and thus raise the temperature even higher. i "met" chandru just on the way back.

me: sir, sir!! i cannot take test today.
cm: why?
me: i sick la sir. i got fever. my head feels hot.
cm: don't bluff la yeh-jiey! (he can't pronounce my name)
me: really! i got thermometer to PROVE!
cm: wa.. so hot ah.
me: yes sir. i think i need to go sick bay.
cm: you tell me, how you fake this sort of temperature?
me: ?? SIR! IT'S REAL.
cm: aiya don't lie la yeh-jiey! my lesson before recess, then now you wearing pe and perspiring. you've been running think i don't know?
me: but sir..
cm: go do your maths test la! believe!
me: ...
cm: no problem la. the test only average standard.
me: sir..
cm: and don't do bonus question unless you have time!
me: zzzzzz

the sorry story of how i failed to escape the maths test.

then now another sorry story. of how i failed the maths test.

when i feel sad, i either blog or sing. today i'm feeling extremely sad because as you can see, i've already posted one entry. this is another. also i've decided to compose a song for failures like myself. since danny has left the club i find myself the only qualified failure now?! haha but the tune is quite nice if you want can also sing it. just substitute the (subject teacher) as well as the (subject) into the lyrics can already. i show you my version.

All In The Sinking Boat (sing to 'Banana Boat' tune)
*Hey-o, I say heyyyyy-o
Get my test back I dare not go home

repeat *

One test two test three test four
Take another test means I fail one more

Come Mr. Desmond Tan return me my Physics
I get Physics back, then I dare not go home

repeat *

Come Ms. Grace Chong return me my Chemistry
I get Chem back, then I dare not go home

repeat *

Come Mr. Chandru return me my Maths test
I get Maths back, then I dare not go home

repeat *

Come Mrs. Nathan return me my English
I get English back, then I dare not go home

repeat *

One test two test three test four
Take another test means I fail one more

Hey-o, I say heyyyyy, I say heyyyyy, I say heyyyyy-o
Get my test back I dare not go home

(end lyrics)

i know it's kinda repetitive. but that's like school life. anyway the "no lies" lyrics has been finalised and i'm currently working on another on our dear waterpolo teachers-in-charge. maybe that's the reason to why i fail tests. today i blew the recorder from 5pm-8:04pm non-stop, which is a record, shattering the previous record of 3h02min. this one is 2 mins longer. i look forward to setting a new one later tonight. since my heart kena shattered by the test i might as well start doing some shattering myself.

someday i'll find it, the loser connection: the failure, the no-lifer, and me

^ that's another distortion i'm working on. so currently i have many projects going on. think i'm gonna be a big star after CTs. sigh it has only been a month yet we've come such a long way.

from here, i think that things can only get better.

(where t > 1 month, s > 95 posts, v > 70 hits/day, a > 1 hits/day²)

Reflective Writing

I like optics and mirrors. I told that to D Tan, and in the end I'm being asked to do a reflective writing. This is the sort of thanks i get from the Physics department. ..l..

And those idiots decided to be awfully precise this time.

I quote the rubrics,

“Your reflective writing should be a well-thought out piece of writing in response to an enrichment activity that you participated in. An enrichment activity is likely to be quite different from something you would normally do, e.g., reading a science fiction novel or watching a movie or TV documentary. Your writing should comprise key ideas, questions, answers and thoughts. The word limit is 500 words, excluding references.”

(Physics Dept could improve their sentence structure anyway: “An enrichment activity is likely to be quite different from something you would normally do”?!?! – this doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.)

Please note that in the original script, it was Physics Dept that underlined their own mistake. I wonder if they are trying to prove a point.

Anyway, I began writing my reflective, following very strictly to the rubrics (as you will see):

-

Type of activity: Movie – “The Core”

Date of activity: 25th July 2005

Key ideas:
Well, as a no-life, you are right that I don’t really watch movies very often. In fact, I think that watching this movie is something that I won’t normally do, especially since when I watch movies, I tend to watch GOOD ones. Therefore, I think my main idea would be: How did this movie even come into existence? After all, producers would be unwilling to waste money on a lousy plot and even lousier screenplay. I think a hell lot of money would have been wasted in making this rather senseless movie. Unless, of course, it’s been done with the purpose of making us do silly reviews and making us suffer, then in your sadist point of view it might have been well worth the money.

I get a feeling that someone might be copying my work, and those who usually do are coolios who watch movies half the time. I would like to say that if they do, you should fail them and declare their work invalid because as coolios, they would watch movies very often and thus watching yet another movie would not be quite different from what they would normally do.

Questions:
- Seeing the destruction in the movie, does it look very likely to happen into real life someday?
- Are the scientists really so suicidal that they actually are so crazy to go right down to the Earth’s core to search for death? (I know, they claim to be searching for the truth but we all know that all you get down there is extreme heat and death.)
- Which is more important, religion or science?
- How do we know that we are actually living in a world with a core? For all you know the Earth might be based on nothing, like how you Physics teachers tend to give out homework just for nothing.
- Why should we bother if the electromagnetic field of the earth is disrupted? We won’t be attracted anyway.

Answers:
- It will happen. Murphy’s Law says that if anything bad can happen, it will. And I think Murphy is ten times smarter than either Fleming or Lenz.
- Yes, they are. If not why do you think they became scientists in the first place?!
- I’d say science. That’s if you’ll give me the marks for this reflective.
- Actually, they never said they knew. It’s a movie and anything goes in a movie.
- We should bother because it is in human nature to be inquisitive, and we should not interfere with human nature. Therefore it is because of our ignorance of our inquisitiveness that has brought us to meddling with the electromagnetic field of the Earth.

Thoughts:
I only have 52 words left, so I’ll just quickly conclude what I have to say. Movies are fake. They are made up of the director’s beliefs and his imagination. For all we know, the idiot who made this movie could have been hallucinating about Physics! No more words left, so bye!

(500 words)

-

Note that I did not use the word “reference” at any point of time, so it's exactly 500 words. Exceeding the word limit would have killed me off. Plus since I failed my Physics test I would very badly need this to pull up my CA grades. Therefore I won’t fool around with this assignment and just keep to the rules for once.

And yea, LONG LIVE PHYSICS!!!

A very mathematical experience

Part 1: The Test
Today was Maths test, so allow me to describe the process, in mathematical terms. y=-100000000000x+1 where y is happiness and x is time. I knew everything except for integration and differentiation, and unfortunately, only integration and differentiation came out. What a coincidence. Must have been my fate. I became more unhappy as each second passed, but still, I was as calm as ever. So calm that i resorted to staring at my watch. 'tick tock tick tock' I looked at the time fritter away, and compared with the eternity of time and the briefness of life, Maths test seems so...unimportant.

Part 2: Post-test
Ok... so I screwed up the test, what to do? Jumping down a building is totally stupid, as detailed in my earlier post. And I decided to live on. How? Emotionally unstable people out there, just follow my tips:
1) Always have confidence in yourself. For example, tell yourself "I will score full marks for the common test" This makes it so much easier for you to live with yourself. Don't worry, you are not lying to yourself, you are simply believing in yourself. And no, you don't have to study, because you are a genius and you WILL get full marks for your common test. And even if you don't, that's an irrelevent problem totally.

2) It's never your fault. Maybe the test was too tough, maybe the teacher was lousy, maybe the idiots cheated (assuming you didn't). Maybe the pen just didn't flow the way you wanted it to, maybe the table was shaky, or maybe the sun was just shining too brightly. Train your creativity. Remember, you can never be too stupid. Don't ask why, it's just not possible. I quote somebody important, " Blaming yourself makes you lame", so never blame yourself.

3) Be optimistic. Since the results aren't out yet, hope for the best. The test papers can be burnt in a fire, drenched in a tsunami or ripped by an angry tiger. Strive to make these happen. A trip to the temple or the zoo might help.

4) Lastly, if your results are so suck that even the powerful tips above do not work, come and see me. It will surely make one of us feel better. And no, I don't know who.

a few sincere steps to passing your maths test

Here i am sincerely helping you guys pass your maths test so please listen to me.

1. Prepare for rainy days - So if you think you will fail your CT then buck up on your CA. Double check all assignments and pop quizzes with the smartest guy in the class before passing up.]
2. Always bring along extra calculator and rulers and pencils and pens. There will be people who due to unfortunate accidents happen not to bring them. The you will have a slight advantage over this small group of people.
3. Mug your laws and whatever muggable. If you dont know how to do then just throw in all the laws and rules and earn some method marks.
4. Keep pace with your partner if you are cheating. Make sure you are always fast enough to copy his answers.
5. CHEAT! Bring along illegal materials inside the exam venue. Not very helpful and potentially dangerous.
6. Practise. Be a mugger and start studying weeks ago. But it seems now is too late.
7. Ask for private tuition. Keep pestering the teachers for tuition and deprive others of a chance.
8. Ask the teachers for tuition one day before the exams and hopefully the teacher leaks the question.
9. Get an MC and skip the exams. But provided your CA is high. Just say you have fever. Now with dengue, doctors sure give you your mc.
10. Pretend to have a fever on the day of the exam. Run around the track for a few rounds before taking your temperature and when you are taking your temperature in front of a teacher mention "Ah! My hands are so itchy. Must be mosquito bite!".

Tension!!

If all of you still remember what happened quite a while ago, I think all of you might like to forget it. Because I'm talking about the Maths test. It doesn't bring back any fond memories, and I doubt it would for any of you, unless you're New Technology who scored 34/35 for it. However, this means that only one guy out of many would be happy. So that's quite sad, like if you have a negative a for the equation ax²+bx+c.

"Sad face graph," as Chandru would say.

I feel even worse when I think of the previous test. Not only because of the bet that I made (actually I didn't but I was abused in ways I will not specify here), but because of the mere fact some kopist took my calculator just two minutes before the test. I walked out of the class and came back. I didn't even go to the toilet!! In that short space of time someone took my calculator and I think that's the ultimate insult. Result? I didn't do very well.

Today, I went to screw up again. It's a true story, by the way. Calculator fell into a puddle while I was on my way to the library. Well I tried turning it on, but the display was faint and very weak. So I thought perhaps I should wash it, since water wouldn't ruin it anyway. I brought it to the toilet and gave it a good scrubbing. Then Mengy happened to be there. I mean, he usually keeps quiet and observes what others do but today he was quite surprised.

Mengy: What are you doing? Why are you washing your calculator?
Me: ..it dropped into a drain, so I'm just.. cleaning it.
Mengy: Oh.

He then kind of chuckled to himself and walked out. Well I brought the calculator out as well when I was done with it.

Turn on. Eh? Turn on! TURN ON! It took me twenty seconds to find out that the calculator didn't work. Shit. And I brought one whole stack of Maths supplementary exercises to the library. DOUBLE SHIT!! Tomorrow Maths test and because I was sick for the past two days I didn't do any worthwhile revision for Maths! TRIPLE SHIT!!

Think today gonna be very smelly. As I haven't done any revision myself I don't deem myself fit to be able to give you all advice on how to pass your Maths tomorrow, or perhaps if you're lucky I could teach you how to ace it. Maybe YH or YL will do the honours if they have the time.

Haha if they don't I wish you all good luck.

The Sickness

yesterday i felt bloody sick after the hsk chinese proficiency test. two possible reasons:

1) clemens passed me his love sick bug.
2) clemens gave me bad wind. bad WIND!!

either that, or god doesn't want me to do my homework (he really didn't have to make me sick for that to happen anyway). the other reason could be that god doesn't want me to pass maths test (it's next tues la!!). so that's four reasons for you to speculate on. whichever you believe, i fell sick anyway.

then, from 1:40pm yesterday to 1:40pm today, my routine has changed dramatically. i still do my workout, which consists of something like sengkie's weights training or lincoln's fitness training, only more radical:

3 reps of vomitting for 1 set. do 3 sets a day.
3 reps of shitting for 1 set. do 2 sets a day. (if all out no in then trouble already)
20 rounds of bedroom-toilet running
20 pull-ups (pull yourself up 20 times from bed to go toilet)
20 sit-ups (from sitting position in toilet to standing)
20 push-ups (for pushing panadols up your mouth)

at the end of which i think i feel a little better. my fever has gone down slightly and i think i would be able to make it for sch tmr.

anyway i was just thinking, why is it i only get sick during the weekends and not during weekdays?

i can feel my headache coming back so i think i'll stop. thinking is not good when you're sick. oh by the way i just remembered i haven't seen a doctor. that might explain why i'm not recovering. if i am, i don't know.

something that says nothing about anything

yj is so sick...so sick that he cannot blog today. Thus, it is my duty to entertain you people. Trivia question: what football team does yj support? Ans: watford, because it's like wtf. And after one season in the premier league some years ago and then doing the disappearing act, we're all thinking,"wtf". On the other hand, Chelsea is still flying high. Even though they are currently playing a match against Charlton, inspirational captain John Terry will come to Singapore tomorrow, to race against a fox, in the Terry-Fox run. I'm betting that the fox will outrun Terry and emerge victorious. So go to Sentosa at 8am tomorrow to john terry fox run!

The Band

i'm sorry if i haven't been posting for very long. and i'm really sorry if you missed my cockster posts here. actually i'm not sorry, but it doesn't hurt just to post a few more "sorries", according to yh's post. so i'm sorry but i don't really mean my sorries. they say sorry seems to be the hardest word? seems to be?! what a fallacy? come see me and i'll tell you the probability of sorry being the hardest word is 0. maybe 0.01 but i don't think it so.

the word "sorry" is formed out of 4 different letters and only the Rs form a double bond. the rest also anyhow connect so i assume it's ionic bonding. i don't really like ionic bonding, because i think covalent bonds are stronger. since covalent bonds are stronger, then it's only logical that the molecules are harder right? HAH! caught you out there. though i think the strongest bond is still james bond. he's not your ordinary macromolecule or micromolecule. he plays waterpolo okay. solid i tell you. so there you have it.

anyway i haven't been posting because of 2 reasons:
1) i failed chemistry. (stuuuuuupid bonds la)
2) i've been working hard on the recorder.

i still feel sore about point 1 so there's no point in discussing that. i failed by 1 point which makes matters even more pointless. knowing grace chong out to prove a point that even if i point at her and ask for half a point she also will not give in. she wants to point out my mistakes and make me learn from there. she told me, "if you pass - what's the point?!" wa lau. i almost at breaking point by then but my bond more covalent than ionic. that day i went north point go optic point get new specs and chem 10 year series.

item number 2 on the agenda has a lot to do with the integrals. i'm doing a lot of jamming on my own since yuk recently dunno occupied with what. i think i actually might know what he's doing but before i get started on all those, i'm not going to start. i might start talking chinese which would piss everyone off. i notice the numbers dwindling on the hit counter and i can already feel that people are allergic to chinese. so i won't talk about it any more. i promise. i try la.

so anyway, here's my case:
what is not allowed - talking about yuk's activities
premise - start talking about it

so if i don't start, i won't say. end of case.

but THE INTEGRALS needs a singer!! granted, yh is STILL looking for his horn but i think he'll get it sooner than later once we start busking. we're professional buskers, you know. not the faggots near the mrt selling tissue paper or juggling balls. oh no, we're beyond that. that n00b uses a harmonica while i use a recorder. plus he need to move around i only tap my feet and move my fingers. tissue paper auntie even worse. she no band then want to act cool by singing tissue paper song. i tell you, that is so passé. now people all imitating her tune then she kena out of fashion. then kena jack when people sing different version. like mat barber like that.

me? i come up with new tunes all the time. only to wake up the next day to find that i forgot.

and even without yuk i still jam pretty often. have to rely on my class choir to sing - that's all. no shortage because once i play the class will sway and start singing to number one's brilliant recorder playing. meaning i'm number one la. duh it's hard to imagine a world without a number one, in other words a world without me. but i still JAM anyway. i work bloody hard at the recorder putting in like 3 hours a day just specially to jam new tunes and in return yuk doesn't want to sing. well actually today he did but sherwank abused us by wanting to go home early so that's it! our only chance to jam and we kena jack by sherwank. you say i dulan or not?

you say no, i say yes.

now i can play 2 chinese songs - the only 2 that i know (which i won't name because of the non-chinese agreement above). i start dedication system also can already. you just send me a song and tell me when you want to hear it (ie in class, junction 8, s-11 or tp central) its okay i'll just perform. i might charge a small fee depending on the occasion and the location. especially if you want me to play at macs while dating your gf, no problem. only the charges would have to be higher because i'd have to look like a fool in front of ronald (mcdonald) and the bishan gay.

by charges i mean money, okay, not electrons. i admit last time i used electrons as currency but that's because i was feeling very chemical that day. not quite so after i fail chem test. and you pay me before i perform. later you jack me by saying you no money.. what i pay class fund, i pay waterpolo fund, i use all to buy my gf present.. no okay. i say money first, you give me money first. you don't argue with number one.

other than chinese songs, i can play certain english songs as well. i just need more training la. but like i said since i've been jamming so hard i think one day i'll make it to the big time. as in really big time, i'll just jam big time. still i'll need yuk to sing. this week monday to thursday he busy everyday. today actually can but like i said sherwank didn't allow. so how now?

don't need jam. just perform. i came up with a song that i think yuk gets a rough.. outline of. perhaps we could sing that someday when danny and sengkie aren't here. it's a pretty cool piece of work, even if i say so myself. i give you the lyrics.. but sorry i don't know the notes because even though i play the recorder i've no musical sense at all. so since i have no CENTS obviously i have no DOLLARS as well right? so no DOLLARS = no NOTES. sorry ah, if you really want it you watch me perform then maybe you take notes. i don't mind. so long it's not out of my wallet i don't really give a damn.

here's the lyrics. no tune. (i koped it from some obscure nursery rhyme anyway)

title: no lies
two little polo boys, after one fencer
both danny and sengkie are after _____
they both really like her, they fight day and night
both just badly want to show _____ their might

one is a coolio, the other muscleman
they are what they are just to win _____'s hand

two little polo boys, after one fencer
who knows who _____ finds is the better
when we go JC, i can't wait to see
who will get _____, danny or sengkie

(*name censored to protect privacy of our lyrics)

yea in case you didn't know, lyrics need privacy as well. if people find out the true lyrics, then there goes the kick of our performance. think we might get rotten eggs thrown at us.

once again, let me reiterate the point that you may take any of my notes so long they aren't chem notes (i need to pass CT okay) and notes from my wallet.

in any case i think i would just go get busy with my recorder again. it's my passion for life, and the reasons as to why i haven't killed myself after getting back my chem marks is as follows:

1) i wrote question 5 for the hcl paper. meaning the one about teenage suicides because of studies/girls. i'm NGO so the latter doesn't apply. for studies? i stated it would be STUPID to do so. if i killed myself because of my chem marks i'm proving two points. a) i'm stupid to fail chem and b) i'm stupid to kill myself. (shown) #

thus, to not prove my own point, i won't jump. wait shouldn't i exactly be doing that so to prove my point? -_-" anyway i need to live to see my chinese marks. maybe i'll kill myself aft that.

2) it isn't that bad actually. not as bad as my physics, but let's leave that out.

3) the world would have no more number one, unless i decide to come back from the dead; which reminds me of another chinese proverb but i must remember the non-chinese agreement and shut up.

4) my class no more lao da. imagine who will take attendance in the mornings. thats so sad!

5) my recorder!!! we haven't even performed once and you expect me to die? knn and our fund for uganda's cancerous kids (read: FUCK) is still at zero. i don't expect to die penniless or without giving any money to charity. which once again reminds me of MORE chinese proverbs but i swear off them and i swear to keep off those irritating stuff.

but i love my recorder and i am a musician. i live for the world of music, and to live for the world of music, i must first be alive. so if you're expecting me to commit suicide, SORRY! you are let down by me!

in any case maths test next week. i'm aiming for 100%. after which i can start my 3-hour-a-day recorder programme again. haha tonight i think i play for 2 hours 45 mins gd enough la.

How is it that..

In case the picture is too small I've enlarged the part to see.


Has Danny shifted residence?

How to write an apology letter

Having the experience of writing several apology letters in sec1 and sec2 and having my apology letter rejected three times by a certain doctor, i dare claim that i have the experience in writing one and i will now guide you n00b readers through it.

1. It's a goddamn apology letter and they want to hear you apologise. So include plenty of 'im sorry" even tough you are not. For goodness sake, when you get out of that damn school like as if you will ever come back.
2. It's a godamn apology letter not an explanation letter. They dont want to know what happened. They want you to admit you are in the wrong and not them. So always put your heading as apology letter.
3. Make sure you spell the name of your teacher correctly. I had experience.
4. Make sure your letter is long enough. A classic one would be at least one page long with no leaving of sentences on a fullscap paper. Do not write something like "my friend ask me for my work and i sent it to him. That is all" It doesnt work. I have tried it.
5. Do not be sarcastic. Do not include ending statements like " teachers should investigate first before jumping into conclusion". Again it has been tried and tested, teachers will just want you to rewrite the letter.
6. Just keep apologising. They will damn well feel good when they see it.
7. Always leave a line when you are writing it out. Same when you are typing it. Make a double line spacing. It makes your letter looks longer and thus better.
8. If certain teachers or rather doctors threaten to "take your letter to your english teacher and recommend you a zero" do not attempt to correct their english mistakes as it will only piss them even more.
9. You know you are right but that does not matter cause the teachers are more right then you are.

I will update when i experiment more. Just keep to these guidelines and you wont go wrong.

莱佛士书院预试作文

题目：报章报道，有些学生因为受到了学业或感情上的挫折而跳楼轻生。谈谈你的看法。

标准答案：

我非常不赞成那些学生们的做法，因为跳楼自杀是完全没有光荣也没有公德心的。跳楼实在太普遍了，就像下雨一样。作为学生，他们应该以更有创意的方式自杀，死了也要让父母引以为荣，别辜负他们的希望。

跳楼是十分没有公德心的。万一你跳下去的时候撞倒人呢？那你不是变成了杀人犯？还有，当你撞到地面时，血和脑浆四溅，万一弄脏了旁人的衣服就不太好啦。血是很难洗干净的，而且洗衣粉价钱很贵，现在新加坡经济萎靡不振，有些人可能买不起。

虽然说没有公德心，但对自杀的人来说还是不错的。你会感觉到坐过山车的刺激，而且是免费的，但可惜得是，只能玩一次。

现代的社会什么都讲究创意，连自杀也不例外。可能新加坡学生思想迂腐，因此只会跳楼的自杀方法。所以，让我助他们一臂之力，举一些有创意自杀方法的例子：

早上升旗礼时，你在学校面前，猛用头撞旗杆，撞到你死为止。你不可以让人和东西阻止你，否则你就会变成败家子，连死都死不了，丢脸极了。

你也可以在武吉知马山的森林里挖个洞，然后躺在东里面躺到你死为止。我会十分佩服你这样的做法因为你在正无私地把自己献给大自然。

写文章时把自己的心挖出来用稿纸包住，然后告诉老师你费了心血来做文章。（put my heart and soul into the essay) 考O水准缺乏灵感时就利用此计吧。

考官评语：本文章写得非常有创意力，作者肯定是一个天才。

shareware

i know im a kind person but wtf man. to date i have sent out my philo journal to at least 10 different pple and my physics reflective to arnd 5, chem 4 and bio at least 3. not forgetting the various requests for physics performance task, maths performance task, geog hmwk.


wtf!!!

New feedback avenues!

This is so in-line with SOCIAL STUDIES. In order to improve our service in talking cock, you can now email us at talkcocksummit@yahoo.com.sg to give feedback on what you think! Of course, you can always do that at the tagboard, but if you would like it to be private, then this is the way to do it. We are encouraging an active citizenry here, so don't be apathetic about it. Apathy is now a major problem in society, so we'd be glad if you can contribute.

ALTERNATIVELY! If you do have some problems, like "I broke up with my girlfriend", then you can always send us your letter of.. agony. We will answer them the next time we post and everyone will get to know about your problem. That is, if you don't mind it being published. You might also like to indicate who you want to answer the letter, in case you think that I'm a total idiot who would just do nothing about the situation (I admit, I would just laugh at you). Certain censoring might be done in the process, and it is totally up to our discretion.

And oh, on a final note, please leave your name if you intend to send us an email. Don't get some obscure email like chickenriceman@hotmail.com or the_buaya_corporation@yahoo.co.uk and then send us a message anonymously. We don't appreciate junk and we will not give it the due recognition in our posts. If your email is really that stupid and if you really want to send us an email through your email with a stupid name, then fine, do so by all means BUT please include your name. And class. And register number if you want. Contact details are also okay in case we want to discuss with you the content of your email on the phone. Either way, just keep the letters coming.

We'll be waiting.

I have a dream

well today was pretty interesting. i mean, it wasn't really pretty since we're in a boys school here.. but interesting in many ways.

heard that mrs nathan gave birth yest. or rather she was supposed to. i think she's great to want to suffer on the same day as us. because while she might be encountering problems delivering her baby we were having problems delivering chinese words to the teacher. we died. i don't think she did. so our pain is probably more than hers. (shown)

then we had philo. watched "skin deep 1957". and martin luther king again. he damn king because his speech kena replay so many times over the world, and even though i already watched his speech today watch again!! ..you say sian or not? but i also get inspiration from it. since singapore so far away from the USA, i think i shall call myself the FAR king. make myself some distant relative from martin luther king. and now, i am going to make an INSPIRATIONAL speech. you're supposed to clap and cheer, btw.

--

I have a dream!! (claps and cheers please)

I have a dream that one day, I will be able to pass my Chemistry test, be it Common, Uncommon, Class Common or Open Book! Where I will be able to kiss my Chemistry test paper the way I did to my Maths Assignment, my French Listening papers, and my shoe.

I have a dream that one day, the whole class will fail their Physics test except me. Desmond Tan will announce, guys, you have all done very badly, and only one guy has scored full marks. The guy, my fellow classmates, will be me!

I have a dream that one day, I will be the one complaining because I didn't do the Maths bonus question. I will be complaining that I didn't score full marks for the bonus question and thus resulted in my total score being only 62.5/60 if the bonus question is 3 marks. If it is 5 marks, I have a dream that says my total score will be 64.5/60.

I have a dream that one day, I will be an excellent philosopher. I'm not going to be a retard like Socrates who wants to talk about truth before he died. I'm not going to be a retard like Plato who recorded that stupid conversation between Socrates and his lackey. I'm not going to be Kenneth Low, because I'm going to be better.

My fellow classmates, I have a dream, I have a dream!! (louder cheers!!)

I have a dream that one day, I will be..

--

"You look really tired, can you go and wash your face?" - Kenneth Low.

knn. so much for my dream. i have a dream, that i would never be sleeping in class. i have a dream, and will always have dreams, until some stupid teacher wakes me up and tells me 1) to go wash my face or 2) to stand up. 3) is to pull my ears but that only applies to puay hock. sigh.

those faggots (ie teachers) come up with stuff like "dare to dream" and then when i sleep in class they start shouting, "YOU DARE TO SLEEP IN MY CLASS?". where's the respect, man? then today french class was another shit case example. there was a reading comprehension so i just happily copied everything from the passage for my ans. well the teacher marked there "COPYRIGHT" and then gave me a big fat zero. she said i copy only, means i don't understand. i said yes i do, which is why i put it down as the answer. then she say no such thing?

tell you ah. all teachers are the same you know. where's the trust, man, the trust!!

they say the world is turning bad. people are not trusting one another. teachers are the guiding light - and yet they don't even give us the basic trust that we understand the passage. i feel so hurt, you know. everyday i go to school like hospital like that everyone's dying. and then teacher come backstab until arse pain. then they call school your second home. very ironic, this world. magnetise a bit, thats why got north pole and south pole.

anyway i think its getting late. its time for me to go but before that let me enlighten you with some cock that seems to be so lacking here. all thanks to that knn yuk lun. WHAT HAVE YU(K) BEEN BUSY WITH? (tsk.)

--

tim chow new name called pepper. why?
cos that bastard every morning give PEP TALK!
(idiot head prefect. make sure he go RJ don't even get in council i tell you. record books for sure.)

--

(substitution of names are allowed)
teacher 1: are your pupils well-behaved?
teacher 2: think so.. they don't move unless i want them to.
teacher 1: what!! so good?
teacher 2: yes. that's why my eyesight is perfect.

将军泪

tmd if i were a general i'd be crying right now. just finished 将军泪 book review.

i feel an urge to show you what i ended off my review with.

"这个故事的语言比较适合华文程度比较差的来读，我喜欢。"

dunno what hock the cock might say.

Court Session 2

It has been discovered that Jury Number 1 aka Yeoh Seng Kong is actually a fugitive from malaysia convicted of stealing milo. He stole 7 tins of milo while in malaysia and has been on the Interpol's list of Most Dangerous Criminals for 7 years.

Yeoh Seng Kong is currently in custody awaiting further investigation.

Book review

let's not talk about prelims today. i leave that to the more daring ones who want to relive the CHINESE DREAM. although now i mug 手册 so much until i start dreaming of chinese, i prefer not to talk about it now.

instead, let me do a book review. the book is called angels and demons by dan brown. you don't think i too free then i do review okay. this bugger brown guy come call me up yesterday 10pm while i was doing some last minute studying for chinese and he said he liked our blog, so could i please do a book review for him? i was like "tmd you d33k can you see the time now?!" when he mentioned that he was a very popular author who wrote damn good books. and then i also recalled since he's american it's probably 10am on his side. hate this sort of ppl go live on the wrong side of the globe then come over kpkb.

but anyway since i have respect for such authors, i had no choice but to agree. so he sent me his book via fax. like 将军泪 the stupid chinese holiday reading assignment - dunno why chinese dept lazy to make us buy book or what so they photocopy like shit and make that shit in the photocopying shop damn happy. so anyway i read the stupid angels and demons paper by paper. read from 10pm until 4am. explains my chinese situation today, but i think we shall leave that alone.

when i finished i was like knn he think he damn cool. so he dan (then) brown then now not brown anymore? jokes. double pun some more. i think i'm getting cooler by the way. if this goes on i think i go buy crumpler soon. too bad i no money - have to buy straighter then go crumple it myself.

anyway. back to the book. or if you like, the papers. i think that dan brown guy too free la - cook up such a story. i mean he cook up a story also cook up so long?! i bet he took like 1 year to write that, add research he would take DAMN DAMN long. knn my first novel, A Tale of Two Elements, only took like 45 bloody mins to write and it's 6 chapters long. just that i don't separate them into chapters for easier reading. unlike that bloody brownie. a bit only then one chapter. idiot sia. make me think something new happening everytime.

well i found the book pretty boring, and the only reason why i got hooked is because i couldn't get back to mugging chinese. i think a few things can be inferred from the book la. i tell you now.

1) Dan Brown is Savage Garden fan. (the stupid robert langdon go screw the girl when he only knew her for less than 1 day!! knn how you explain that! its damn i knew i loved you before i met you = savage garden, or some say yuk lun. =X)

2) Dan Brown cannot be NBA. (he describe that vittoria until so explicit. knn buaya shit)

3) Dan Brown can tell story. (long, long, ones)

4) Dan Brown plagiarise. (i don't believe he can write so much abt that long history)

5) Dan Brown no sense of reality. (because he said robert langdon was a waterpolo player and damn good. but yet when i check the Waterpolo Training Fellowship aka WTF there's no robert langdon. and what's more he swim what 40 laps. he never train under peter wang before ah. knn asking for trouble again)

6) Dan Brown linguist wannabe. (so many languages like damn extra like that)

7) Dan Brown patriot. (WHY HERO ALWAYS AMERICAN AND VILLAIN EUROPEAN?!)

8) Dan Brown sex maniac. (read the last part of the book)

i think point 8 is especially valid. he just faxed me deception pt and i just browsed through. guess what? i realised he ended with another sex scene! KNN what is wrong with him! doesn't he know that innocent young boys like me read his shit? tmd i not going to read the other books. later he send me da vinci code also might end with sex scene. even if its not too bad - i don't like people writing style like that. so damn sick and he wasn't even shy about it.

typical americans. so brash and then they don't know shame.

actually i realised i kept talking about the author, not the book. okay la. in all honesty i liked the book except for the last part, for it violates every single damn rule of the NBA, NGO and Integrals. you think Integrals is just a band name? no. it's because we also have INTEGRITY. we don't go by the motto of "see and screw". and in all honesty i like the ambigrams. damn thrill you know everytime i read until got ambigram. then i slowly turn the paper around and i go WOW its the same le!! then get damn excited. i mean, don't you think it's wonderful? haha i would go post a few pics here if i had the time. so damn cool. i think i should make some ambigrams for NBA. only thing i cannot rotate the computer screen around. damn pity because i think i would like to see it upside down. COOL!

and plus my monitor too heavy. if i turn it upside down and it slips out of my hands thats it i think my house kena flood. because its LCD screen that i koped from downstairs. some idiot obviously too rich just go throw away one good screen. anyway its okay i don't really mind haha.

so where was i? oh wait i already said the book was okay. yea i would sure recommend you the book if you were 21 and above, because of the last part. i really feel damn strongly about it. i mean the plot is important, sure, but so is the ending. you recall drama feste? this is what i call a good ending.

"you can't take what you don't have." - robert. BAYLEY. damn good ending.

"what.. but i thought.." - MOOR. another good ending because it just illustrates some people pure stupidity. want to kill also kill the wrong guy. HAHA LOSER.

i didn't watch the rest. morrison's ending made no sense whatsoever so i'm not going to talk about it.

i think i'm sidetracking again. oh well since i can't seem to focus today i think i'll just end off here. maybe tell a cold joke before i leave.

--

during library Corrective Work Order (for that stupid pikachu volleyball incident)

Cheryl Yap: okay i think you can go clean the monitor at the project corner.
Me: why i can always clean myself here.
*brrrrrrrrrrrr* library very cold anyway. haha.

4th anniversary

Guys - this post is not cock, nor is it a joke. I am very serious.

This is the 4th anniversary of the 911 incident. However, terrorism is still very much alive in the world today. If you don't copy and paste this message to 911 of your contacts, your country's World Trade Centre(s) will be struck down by two planes, one after the other, within the hour of you receiving the message. In addition to that, another plane will crash into wherever your government works. And another plane will land in the middle of a field on your country. Think about it - and pass on this message to promote vigilance and alertness among your fellow countrymen. Remember! This is for YOUR country. Pass it on. Now!!


Any queries can direct to 1900-OSAMA-BL (1900-67262-25). Calls charged at one bomb per minute. Any type of bomb will be welcome, nuclear or atomic preferred.

Great White Sharks

i thought great white sharks generally were found around australia. but today when i went for lunch i saw them!! ten of them, to be exact. crap they were double my height and they looked like double my weight.

they called themselves "australian waterpolo team".

no wonder our nat team kena whooped by them. i heard it was pretty bad too.

well they all ordered their lunch and none of them ate a single portion. tmd all were ordering 2 portions except for this ultra big shark who ordered 3. knn i see already also scared - that's why i kept staring at them because i too scared to look away.

one of them then turned and said, "kua si mi kua! kiam pa ah!"

tmd even great white shark learn hokkien, i scared until soul don't fit into my body (魂不附体）!

Court Session 1

The following charges have been brought against CHAN YUK LUN aka THE DEFENDENT
1. Betraying NBA
2. Betraying NGO
3. 7 counts of slander against YJ aka THE PROSECUTOR

The following shall be the jury:
1. Yeoh Seng Kong
2. Danny Goh
3. James Miao

The following evidence have been brought out by the Prosecutor against the Defendent:
1. Printscreen of the conversation between the Defendent and the Judge aka YH
2. Witness account from Andre Xiao

The following evidence has been brought out by the Defendent:
1. This is my word and you better believe my word.


Court ajourned to Tuesday as Defendent is sent to hospital for mental checkup.

造句

培福曰，造句是很重要的。总分占十五分， 你拿十五分，就可以考A1.

我就说，KNN啊! 十五分内拿十五分，简直是异想天开！！

培福曰，你这个混球，站起来！

我站了起来，被培福拉了耳朵，拉到我连声叫苦，他听而不闻。

培福曰，你这个混蛋！要跟我顶嘴，就得给我造句!

然后，我就开始造句了。

-

1 销声匿迹：我看我离开莱佛士书院以后，在学校的天才也自然会销声匿迹了。

2 老马识途：我每次忘记带课本，会被老师叫去借一本；过了几次，我老马识途，知道跟谁借了。

3 活灵活现：老师说我写的字乱七八糟，可是我却觉得我的字是活灵活现的。

4 高瞻远瞩：你这个矮冬瓜想要高瞻远瞩，有没有搞错！！

5 孤苦伶仃：danny 本来要发给 liesl 电邮，可是电脑却玩太多 dota 而坏了；本来可以 仃-a-伶，现在只好孤苦伶仃。

6 得意忘形：你这个死 haram，肚子圆得像满月，napfa 2.4 跑了三十分钟就要得意忘形，什么意思！

7 提心吊胆：今天有陈老师的课，而我没有带课本，就提心吊胆，准备被他拉耳朵。

8 吃里爬外：他虽然看起来是个好老师，但是他其实只在吃里爬外，中饱私囊。

9 大吹大擂：他要主持一个华乐团，所以叫了几个会大吹大擂的同学来参与。

10 鸡犬不宁：yuk lun退出 NBA 的那一天，我就咒他家的鸡犬不宁。

-

培福曰，你这个混蛋！这是什么造句！

我毫无办法，就放声大哭。

ouch

KNN. today want mug chinese also cant mug.

morning i went to pray. pray that i 临时抱佛脚 have use. i wanted to go carry it but the temple staff restrained me as if i was some mad man. i think they also want me to be placed on banlist but at least i really went to pray with sincerity. i needed it.

afternoon i went back to school to collect stuff from puay hock. wa he pang seh me again. he say he got course i say he go buaya la. course my foot - stupid puay hock whole day run about like inter-school championship like that. i say he got intercourse la. otherwise why he so kan chiong about all this shit.

then miao was in school so i koped his notes. then later came my house do maths performance task. i think that's the only good thing i did today. but its not chinese!! and anyway he come from 2pm we do until 4 plus then miao happy so he zhao. i went to sleep.

now i wake up at 8pm and with no money. i went busking (with my recorder) at the market and got like $1.50. knn these people nowadays so 市侩, want give also give more la!! i end up eating ice kachang for dinner and i save 50 cents. knn la. went back home i damn sad case already. never mug chinese then never do much work some more. feeling damn cold now - must be because of ice kachang.

knn la. i think tonight i need to drive already! if not dont need finish chinese. have fun. anyone want to be backseat driver? come 开夜车 with me!!

woots.

My Day

I told myself yesterday, that i had to start studying today. Today, when I woke up, the sun was shining unusually brightly in the sky. I thought that a miracle had happened and God was descending or something, but nooo, it's because it's 2pm! So I hurry up and take out all the 词语表 and a chinese dictionary and started studying. Time flew. one second passed.one minute passed.One hour passed, and I was still at the first ke! knn!
It must be that check dictionary take too long, so I went out to buy 词语手册. I didn't buy it last time because I thought it was for stupid people, but I was desperate so be a bit stupid also never mind. So I went to Popular, the one at Tampines Mall. Then knn, they got no more stock because Chinese change syllabus liao. Felt damn pissed off. Maybe 老天 doesn't like me because I'm too smart.
But I was panicking also so on my way home I went to the temple near my home. Then I ran to the Buddha statue and hug its fat golden leg, 死也不放. Walao damn shiok eh, I could feel all the chinese knowledge draining into me. But wth, after only a few seconds, the Buddha came to life and slapped me away! I was shocked la! I thought Buddha 不打, but he still whacked me! After a few minutes, I regained my composure and thought: Maybe i deseved it la, after all I 平日不烧香. But then the Buddha suddenly open his mouth and say, "我还以为你是女的”. It nearly gave me a heart attack, now even the Buddha pangse NBA! I feel so betrayed.
So I went home and studied abit, then I got headache. Must be Kenneth Low screwing philo into my brain because I could feel the angel and devil in me having a Socratic dialogue:

Angel: Study for your Chinese
Devil: There's always tomorrow
Angel: How do you know there's always tomorrow?
Devil: Well if the world ends before tomorrow there's no point studying anyway
Angel: ...

The devil wins and so here I am talking cock.

Teacher jokes

what cca was eric koh in while he was in school?
ans: RICO ('ric koh)

what is tan puay hock's favourite sport?
ans: hock-ey

what is jai singh's favourite action?
ans: apologising (apolo-jai-singh)

which teacher specialises in footwear?
ans: chan SOCK chia

which teacher makes a lucrative business by making teens flock to her?
ans: neoh terh ling (for neoh-prints)

which teacher is insane?
ans: beatrice cho (who the hell beats rice?)

which teacher lives in the basement?
ans: kenneth low

what is albar's real nationality?
ans: spanish. she's like, the El Bar.

why does zhang meisuo's house get frequently broken into?
ans: cos he mei suo (never lock).

which teacher is bloody ambitious?
ans: andrew lim. it always was that way, especially when he wanted europe.

which teacher is best sprinter?
ans: CHIONH yan huay.

which teacher also practises medicine?
ans: teo chai yaw (chai yao).

Beautify Sly

Using talkcocksummit's famous formula, we can beautify anyone's face successfully, no matter how ugly he/she is. Sly proves our point.

Before:


After:


looks so cute and chubby and natural!

R your P la

a product of EXTREME BOREDOM and FRUSTRATION

EXTREME BOREDOM FROM STUDYING CHI
AND FRUSTRATION FROM STUDYING CHI



sorry if the picture quality still sucks. because i used paint.

school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. school sucks. (i typed them out one by one okay)

trust me. holidays suck as well because of school.

there can only be one conclusion: school sucks.

How to pee

those french are getting more and ridiculous day by day.

now they teach you how to pee!



taken from Yahoo! France. for those who can't pee straight.

Don't be Sly

I hate Sylvester Sim. Now why would anyone like someone who calls himself Sly. However, judging from the number of people supporting him every time he performs, some people are actually crazy over Sly. How interesting.

There are 2 reasons why I hate him.

Firstly, he’s ugly. I know some idols can be ugly, like those made of mud and stone. But he makes all those idols beautiful by comparison. His mouth looks at home on a fish. I don’t know what’s wrong with his eyes, but Kelvin Tan Weilian’s ones look nicer. Everytime I see his face, I can’t help but stare at it because it has reached the level of ugliness where I can’t take my eyes off it. One wonders, how the hell does nature produce something so curiously ugly?

Secondly, he’s malnourished and I hate malnourished people like him on TV because it makes me hungry. In fact, it looks as though his guitar weighs more than him. And the worst thing is that he’s everywhere. He is so overexposed that his skinny body is making my eyes sore.

So maybe his fame is because of his name.(wa it rhymes) “Sly” gives a bad-boy image. And people looovvve bad boys. So, I shall provide a list of bad-boy names that you should give your children so that they can grow up to be stars. (the names are strictly fictional)

Rapist Xiao Yu Xiang

Pervert Xiao Yu Xiang

Murderer Xiao Yu Xiang

Conman Xiao Yu Xiang

Criminal Xiao Yu Xiang

Liar Xiao Yu Xiang

Fucker Xiao Yu Xiang

(I repeat, the names are STRICTLY fictional. In any case, please refer to our disclaimer.)

Coming soon: How to beautify Sylvester Sim

Quotable Quotes

EDWARD TSENG

"they tio pwn." - when chinese high was winning penalties.

"mr lim never wear underwear today" - during photo shoot. (ya wtf i know)

"wa suddenly got bird fly out of cage" - when the flash or sth popped up from camera.

"he got that i will miss face" - another penalty by chinese high. they scored.

NG CHEN KAI

"CHEATERS!" - when chinese high beat rjc in penalties.

"CHEATERS!" - when chinese high collected their u-16 trophy.

"CHEATERS!" - when chinese high collected their sch knockouts trophy.

..
wa lau. can't remember already. anyway why chinese high win the $500. by the time they give out to the whole sch i think every student get 10 cents each. or less. maybe the teachers decide they deserve more then just kope? refer to essay on marxism.

The Barber

sia la!

today i just realised i got no money left after spending $2.50 on ban mian on monday. then my hair growing long like british soldier. so i went to cut hair. but still cut hair also need money! offering you your friendly solution: NEIGHBOURHOOD MAT BARBER.

always the best choice if you want to save money!

i was at ri though. then needed a nearby mat barber. sia la the one at bishan charge $7. i pay only i heartache. $7 for a haircut sure tio own. so i think for about an hour then decided to go to the one near my house. after all he nearer and 远亲不如近邻.. not that i related to the bishan mat barber. just that i prefer proximity. i took mrt 40 cents (heartache) then go see the barber charge how much! wa i realised his oxidation number -6. so not so bad at least i total give out only 6+0.4 = 6.4 electrons. better than bishan mat barber 7 electrons!! yay tomorrow got food to eat.

anyway the barber quite cock. i thought i talk cock here bad enough. he even worse.

barber: hi what hair you want?
me: just cut short la.
barber: very short?
me: don't need. just trim the sides don't want sideburn.
barber: okay. you secondary school is it?
me: ya sec 4. (the sign outside says JC must pay 1 dollar extra)

(then on second thoughts i realised i should have lied to him! now damn it next year got to pay 7 electrons!!)

barber: okay. you play soccer is it?
me: ???
barber: ya soccer. nearby got court.
me: err ya.

so he started cutting my hair. my hair at first look damn odd like british guard like that - the one in red uniform that you see in mr bean. after a while it looked like harry potter anyhow stand up style. suddenly my side all gone i look kena electrocute. then finally worse. he take scissors anyhow snip then later take shaver play merry go round with my hair.

in the end my hair kena toyed with him. i look like a wolf now. i mean its bad enough i go howling every night when i feel depressed when studying for chi. now he make me one by cutting my fur until like that. i wanted to howl at him but it just proves a point. tell him go away also no use. what's done has been done. i don't want look like some army recruit again. i transfer electrons to him then go back like temper like that. like certain ppl pineapple just got messed up. like certain ppl who cheat in test then kena accused.

now my hair damn pain. i go wash hair again sia la. i dont want to be wolf already - apparently in eastern germany wolves populating areas that humans don't exist or are scarce. later i really go respond call of the wild i don't need play baskitball already. then no more electrons to take in. waa then how i play age of mythology and solitaire! plus i heard wolves no recorder. sia la. life as a wolf is bad. i think i go join singapore navy instead go be seal. those people like damn slack whole day do nothing but referee waterpolo match. i think i like that. okay tomorrow onwards i go be seal.

and also got new theme song for your friendly neighbourhood mat barber:
mat barber, mat barber..
ONLY SIX DOLLAR!

BOWLING CHRONICLES

Some of you dont know but im a professional bowler. I got into RI via bowling but because of my talent i kena banlist.

budden hor that time siah i was bowling at katong shopping centre siah. Then i saw two chinese vehh funny leh. i tell you hor what happen.

siah lah the first guy hor take the ball. like vehh pro like datt. then he throw alamak longkang!!! stupid noob siah. then he keep shaking his hand face like damn want to pangsai like that. then keep telling his friend hand damn damn damn pain. haha that guy damn funny.

then his friend also lor. take the ball like some pro. then LONGKANG again. both also hand pain siah.

wah then that tyco bird hit a strike leh. knn then his fren ask "eh you hot siah. strike liao lah!"
then that noobie shit say" no lah. normal only. normal only."

tmd. chinese play bowling hor. always like tt one tmd.

Waterpolo training

今天，我觉得有点无所事事，所以当机立断，决定去训练一下。

你们所知道 - 踢足球的前提就是有球。虽然我们找不到足球，可是我们灵机一动，把水球当成是足球。哇，真是日新月异哦！到了四点半，太阳普照，我们就开始训练。没想到教练也像以前一样，一直对我们循循善诱，说他的花言巧语 - 然后叫我们游到笑！简直是口是心非，有口皆碑！

我们先游了两公里左右，就开始传球。教练今天好像火冒三丈似的，光明磊落是要ABUSE我们。我们本来英姿焕发，可是我们被 ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE! 他怎么到现在还不肯放过我们？！传球过后，我们已经是汗流浃背（只是在池里看不清楚）了。教练还是异想天开，说我们还没有水到渠成，所以必须去射门！

我作为球门员，有点提心吊胆，忐忑不安。那些射球的队员，每次趁火打劫，趁我精神崩溃时来ABUSE我。结果，他们射门射到七上八下，让我手足无措，简直是很棘手的事。要我跳，我就重蹈覆辙，同犯同样的错误。那就真得让我觉得我生活相个蹉跎，因为我遍体鳞伤！

总之，虽然今天有点儿累，但是我却大功造成。我知道有些人读了我这一篇就要参与水球队，可是我们可是不会欢迎滥竽充数的人。因此，如果你还是要坚持到底，我们就要ABUSE你到你魂不附体。明天我们有水球比赛，希望能千钧一发，铤而走险。我们会把我们前次对华中的失败当成是前车之鉴，明天好好地把他们打到落花流水，败下阵来，加上让他们一蹶不振，一败涂地！如果不能涂地，那他们涂水也好！

莱佛士，杀！

(PS - Today Yuk Lun failed the NBA test by failing to score in 5 attempts. I did with 2. His conversion rate is 0% while mine is 100%. I think we can derive a few things from here, which I won't say.)

Andream

GG

i'm very sorry to announce to all our fans i'm rewriting the template and starting from scratch so you might not see certain features you might like to see. and after all i'm WRITING the damn template from nothing so i wish you all good luck. since yuk and yh don't take CEP, i guess i will have to do the job. (by the way i don't take CEP either)

update 1:40PM - yuk has just given the green light to begin operations on the template. haha as i am probably the most html literate here.. let's go!

update 1:47PM - oops! where's the tagboard and the hit counter! $#%^&

update 2:11PM - decided to use someone else's template. but changed a hell lot so now it's MINE.

update 2:45PM - i seldom swear, okay. i'm nice and polite. but now i get this urge to just hurl vulgarities. but i give chance! it had better work in three minutes' time..

update 2:51PM - although i want things perfect, i'm not. so i don't get perfect blogs. time for the tagboard to come back.

update 3:01PM - the template is like bloody chinese department. NEVER ENDING WORK. so i'm going to give it chinese dept treatment. YOU GIVE I DON'T FINISH!!

update 3:04PM - i give up. external help appreciated.