World Cup Joke

This blonde walks into a bar. They happened to be giving out free bras at the bar. The bra-giver asks the blonde, "What size are your boobies? B-cup, C-cup, D-cup? " The blonde replies "WORLD CUP!!" ooh yea.

Let's start the year with a lame joke

(I thought of this while walking through some cemetery in the south of France)

Q: Whats the similarity between a Christian cemetery and your marked test script?
A: It's full of crosses!

Told you it was lame.

What do you call..

..the 31st December?

New Year's Eve.

..the 30th December?

The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 29th December?

The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 28th December?

The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 27th December?

The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve.

..the 26th December?

The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of The Eve of New Year's Eve?

Hell no - that's Boxing Day.

---------

Sorry about that, I know it was kind of retarded. Anyway a few ideas I thought that I would like to accomplish for next year.. if you like the idea, we can work on it together. After all, we should always share good things eh.

WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR 2007

1. Kope Elango's bike
For those who don't know, Elango is this bastard security guard working for RI/RJ. Recently he has been kinda MIA and missing around school (and no we're not being racist here), but when he's around he barks at yowls at people. Sounds like a dog? He probably came from one. He also likes cycling around the school on the prowl for strangers. Duh, what do you expect, he's a security guard.

One day, I am SO going to ride off with his bicycle and see his reaction. Classic.

2. Play punk on Day One
Find some time to go back to RI and pretend to be the Sec 1. Height is no object, so long you speak fluent Chinese they'd think you're a China scholar. Going back to RI and blending with the n00b crowd has been my hobby since.. the start of this year. The Peer Support Leader (PSL) at the Junior Block thought I belonged to his class. Poor little sod. And now he's coming over to RJC where I do the orientation!!

What goes around comes around. For him trying to pull rank on me earlier this year (in January), I'm going to punk him when he comes to RJC. But before that, go punk some Sec 4s again. All you need is a pair of shorts, an RI shirt, and a confused look on your face. For the win.

3. Clean sweep "A" levels
Somehow this just had to come out. My assortment of grades this year was probably far from satisfactory - for I achieved EVERY GRADE POSSIBLE. Except "E". SomEhow. Next year, I want to be able to scream out my grades. Get the same thing as the name of the exams.

I think this is the best resolution ever. Because I won't know if I accomplished it in the same year. This way, I can tell myself at the end of the year that "ah this is one resolution that I probably accomplished". It's difficult to tell yourself at the end of the year that you actually accomplished the resolution at the start of it, unless you're a good liar or unless your resolutions are that easy to fulfil. Then there's no kick.

The classic New Year lame joke:

What's your New Year resolution?
Oh, 1024 x 768.

Quotable quotes

GST hike from 5% to 7% today (wtf):

I would like to bring to your attention..
PM Lee's response in TODAY: "I think if it doesn't get worse from what it is now, we will be doing very, very well."

I think if it gets worse from what it is now (which is even MORE probable), we won't be doing anything at all but bitching and complaining and soon ST will be 200 paegs long with the Forum taking up most pages. Hmm.

Anyway reading Yahoo! Answers (coincidentally), there were interesting responses:

Is it wrong or awkward if a girl asks a guy out?

Response: on the contrary I find it quite attractive, plus if you don't ask him out maybe he'll never ask you out or it will take a long time

Attractive is not the opposite of wrong or awkward, in case you didn't know. They asked if it was wrong. I realise a lot of people are super good at avoiding questions - though naturally I see through them all.

Response: It is not wrong for a girl to ask a guy out. We no longer live in the 1800s.Some gals might feel awkward, but only because they are not fully liberated from the old way of thinking.

That's assuming that in the 1800s it was wrong, and I don't believe he's 200 years old - and therefore his logic is seriously flawed.

Response: No! Girls asking a guy out isn't wrong! It's just that most girls think it's supposed to be the guy that asks the girl. Just because you think it's wrong to ask a guy out, doesn't mean it's true. I say go for it!

So defensive and fiery. Zomg and that came from a girl - now hmm do I suspect something? Yes I do.

Response: it's neither wrong nor awkward if a girl asks a guy out because it is being straightforward about your feelings rather than beat around the bush abt the matter and wait for unknown results thus causing more anxieties..It seems that more guys nowadays are more shy as they fear rejection..And it's up to the girls to carve out their own path to happiness 'cause afterall, we girls have the unique sixth sense of knowing who likes us and such..(^o^)

Seems like this person knows no punctuation. And seems like you have to know if the person likes you before you can ask the person out? I don't think that makes sense. Like that how to see others get jacked?!

Response: It depends on the way you ask. Do you guys regularly converse / hangout together? Or is he a stranger you'd like to meet? both require a different approach. Good luck!

Sigh, only one guy truly has a bit of intelligence and good advice to say. Like whenever the teacher asks for my opinion in French class, I go "ça dépend" - meaning "it depends". It's true, everything has it's good side and a bad side.

Pity, I'll be away for the next few days, so I won't be here to share my insights with you. In the meantime, do try to enjoy YL's great advice before he too goes away. Looks like TCS is going on a pilgrimage and to real summits, but not to worry - we'll always be back.

(Unless the world ends tomorrow, then you wouldn't be back either to read this. But no I don't think it will.)

FACTS OF LIFE

Okay DIRTYJOKEDIRTYJOKEDIRTYJOKE

To all innocent minds out there, you have been warned.

Don't read this unless you can take FACTS OF LIFE. About a certain part of a man's anatomy that can be alluded from the name of our blog. The second word, to be precise. It's slang for a certain part of a man's anatomy. A certain sensitive but essential part of a man.

It's true, but at the same time very wrong.

The post contains naughty content.

If you are below twelve and don't get it, then don't try to get it.

If you are above twelve and don't get it, then go ask your friends.

So here are the interesting facts of life that you should know. About the certain important organ of a man.


- Wanking takes long - as long as the length of your willy. The time you take to wank is proportional to the length of your willy.

- Similarly, how hard it is for your cum to cum (come) out depends on how hard your willy is.


There, I've gone and said it. If any of you think I'm being sick, I already warned you so too bad. And if there's anyone to blame, go look for YL because I was reluctant to impart this information to all of you but he thought that p2p is so hip nowadays, it would be nice to let everyone know.

That's the interesting facts of life for today.

Hope that sets things straight. (no pun intended)

SPA!

So we had spa today. Nothing much to it. Rather, let me show you my mock spa!



But no, in case you were wondering, i didn't write that for my spa today.

Of Chem SPA

I love Chem SPA Skill A, I really do.

I believe my grade will be the same as the SPA name, and no I'm not joking because the SPA was ridiculously.. heavily reliant on luck. And today I happened to be lucky and I rode my luck. Didn't even need to spot questions because I've got all the luck. I didn't know the answer at first but you know in Chemistry you have so few reagents it HAS GOT TO BE one of them.

NaOH (aq) was the answer in this case. So I tyco-ed the ammonium salt and amide.

Okay never mind that, I'm just very happy. Sorry if I seem like I'm bragging to you, because I really am. I think I should pass this round =)

And trivia time!

Q: What is the first section that you should write in Chem SPA Skill A (Planning)?

.
.
.

A: Safety considerations.

Why? BECAUSE SAFETY FIRST!

Don't you think it's bloody stupid to let a bloody stupid person go through the whole procedure without wearing gloves, and at the end there's this safety consideration that says "wear gloves all the time because organic compounds might irritate your skin"?

Rubbish. Of course you put Safety Considerations at the front. NO SAFETY, NO EXPERIMENT.

Oh and another screwed up thing about today.

Shift A - 9am to 10:30am
Shift B - 10:30am to 12pm

Being number one, of course I was in Shift A. Actually, YL was in the same LT as me and I think he's going to score damn well although he certainly didn't do it by luck. He woke up at 5am to study today. Me, I preferred to study at 12:30am.

Nevertheless we were both in Shift A.

After we finished our SPA, we went out to the amphi.. and guess what? QUARANTINE ZONE. The second shift people were all seated, and construction tape (or whatever you call that red and white thing) was all over the pillars to cordon off the amphi.

They had the "haven't-took-SPA-and-cannot-know-answers" disease.

Come to think of it, what's wrong even if we leaked the questions?

1) It improves batch relations.
2) It fosters batch spirit.
3) RJC gets higher "A" %tage rate for Chemistry A levels next year.
4) I'm a selfish fagut and I won't leak the questions ANYWAY.
5) No, not even if you give me the chance, I won't leak it.
6) I WILL NOT LEAK IT YES.

Getting them all to sit down at the amphi, it seemed like a concentration camp. Without any electronic devices whatsoever. I was tempted to shout out the compounds but heck, the Chem Dept might decide to kick me off the school compounds.

And as YL puts it, "they might rip off my badge."

Coincidentally, I wasn't wearing my Councillor badge today. I told you I was in luck.

In any case I guess they got the construction tape cheap. With RI undergoing so much construction nowadays, RJ Chem Dept probably just koped some off the stupid hall they are rebuilding and cordoned off the amphi. A highly amusing experience. A pity we couldn't capture the moment as we didn't have the resources (ie a camera).

Anyone who wants to donate to our TCS fund for a camera to post stupid pics can put the money in seventh floor male toilet, third cubicle. If you openly admire us you can give it to us at the canteen, we'd gladly accept donations. If everybody from RJ donates $1 a day, we'd get our camera in no time.. like one day.

But I'm not so optimistic. Nowadays times are bad and probably everybody would only donate 50 cents a day. So sad to say but I don't think we'll be getting our camera anytime soon.

If you want us to busk for donations, that's fine too. Just leave a comment and we'll be singing in the canteen the next day. I think there is gross under-publicity for The Integrals in RJC, we're really not showing enough of our talent and ARGH. I'm dying to show it!!

Anyway not like it matters. What matters was that quarantining second batch was screwed up and we at TCS probably owned Chem SPA today. Yup. While the second batch must have got irritated by the volatile amides (inhaling poisonous fumes) so they all got quarantined, the first batch got early dismissal.

And to celebrate, I went for a real SPA at RI pool. Now that's life.

Failures

Okay it's the last day of JC1 (gasp!), and upon reflection, I shall post here my 5 biggest failures of the year.

1) Failure to sleep early. See, I'm still posting now, which proves a point. My Thursday posts are actually Wednesday posts, and my Wednesday posts are actually Tuesday posts. Such is the sad state of my uh, sleeping habits.

2) Failure to get school cancelled. Despite having Plan PSI 300, and despite getting all my friends to burn their notes, I am very disappointed to say that it failed. And therefore I burnt all my notes FOR NOTHING ARGH. Well I also formulated another plan to play a prank by sticking up a note at the side gate saying school is cancelled. Then pretend to be a victim and go home.

Sadly, I could not wake up early enough to paste the sheet of paper. Refer to Failure No. 1. By that I don't mean refer to me (some people might debate that I'm Failure No. 1 too), but the first failure that I've listed here. I've not enough guts anyway.

3) Failure to find more NBA members. I think I must have been too ambitious, trying to find NBA members in RJC but instead of expanding the NBA circle, I'm just inside being a loser while watching the world go buaya. I shall not comment any further, but I rate this as one of the failures that shouldn't have been there. I know there are MUGGERS around. I KNOW IT!

4) Failure to make Stall 2 auntie lose business. For her BAD WORK ATTITUDE and the POOR QUALITY OF LEMON TEA, I decided to launch a campaign against Stall 2, declaring war. The first idea was to do mass boycott, starting from my class. Almost my whole class still patronised the stall, the only guy not doing so being me. After half a day I realised I couldn't take it anymore and went to buy wedges from them. That was bad discipline, I admit.

Still, there can be no denial their lemon tea does taste like soapwater. And the auntie flirts with certain students, according to reliable but unnamed sources. Worse still, after flirting she doesn't give discount. Therefore I say don't bother. And therefore I say boycott Stall 2. Though we all know they are a bloody monopoly and by tomorrow, guaranteed everyone's going to be buying stuff from them unless they are Muslims fasting. Even so, Hari Raya Puasa is over and I think they'll get their business.

From everyone including me argh.

5) Failure to be the most failure. Although I have my off days, I guess I still can't qualify as "top failure" in RJC because there are others who have proved themselves more jacked than me. This is debatable as there are different ways to define "failure", but I passed my Chemistry and Chemistry is life so no, I can't be that bad a failure.

Unfortunately, life is about extremes and if you fail to get a title for yourself, you fail. I fail to be top failure and therefore I fail.

All right I'm seriously failing to understand what I'm writing. But school closes anyway, and TCS wishes everyone happy holidays. Do make good use of them by flying kites or playing soccer, we all know that these activities are good for you.

Me, I'll try to work on these failures so that they won't fail next year. Watch out Stall 2 hurhur.

Something stupid

We have been talking about results and intellect too much, so here's a bit of brainless humour.

What are the similarities between a huge firm and a voluptuous girl?

1. Both can loan money easily from the bank (assuming noob bank in case of girl.)

2. Both practise dumping. Firms dump to get rid of smaller and weaker competitors, while voluptuous girls dump because well.. the guys simply aren't competent enough.

3. Both have huge assets.

And then a certain fat sicko who read it on MSN (because I typed it -.-) claimed that there was a fourth point - that the word "firm" would both be related to the firm and the girl.

It's obvious to see how the word "firm" links with "firm".

As for the girl, the girl would have huge and firm assets. Thus same as huge firm.

Okay that said, I hope it was brainless enough. Voluptuous girls are often brainless anyway.

Instructions - PLAN PSI 300

Okay owing to PSI levels hitting 150 now, we've received new instructions from.. one of my friends.

I was thinking about it while watching news (or rather while my parents were watching news while turning on the sound REAL LOUD), because they did mention if the PSI hit 300 they'd have to stop school.

While physical activity is not recommended for PSI 51-100 and banned from PSI 100 onwards. And by the way, I'm not making this up - TCS isn't totally fiction if you haven't realised by now.

So I decided to give haze an ultimatum: 1) get down to zero so I can make my legs ache again or 2) get up to 300 so NO MORE SCHOOL. Since it's at PSI 150 now, it should be equally easy to reach either side.

But considering PSI 0 would be perfect and we all know that utopia doesn't exist, I think we should whack it up to 300 and just let school be cancelled. After all, the threat of doing PW is worse than the threat of dying from haze. I don't know about all of you but I have aircon and you must realise that we at TCS aren't exactly morally conscious people.

Here's the plan. Courtesy of my classmate.

' los dazzling soup says:
QUICK EVERYONE PROMOS ARE OVER

' los dazzling soup says:
BURN ALL YOUR NOTES

' los dazzling soup says:
MAKE PSI RISE

' los dazzling soup says:
THEN SCHOOL WILL CLOSE

- yj [ no. 10 ] says:
LOL

- yj [ no. 10 ] says:
three hundred.

- yj [ no. 10 ] says:
what are the chances

' los dazzling soup says:
very good if you all obey!

' los dazzling soup says:
start now!

- yj [ no. 10 ] says:
LOL

..and here we go! Wheeeeeee!

Talk about burning stuff today some old man was downstairs burning incense at the void deck of my block. Which kinda made me incensed but then again with this newly-formulated plan I think we should encourage all senior citizens to start paying respects to their ancestors NOW!

We call it PLAN PSI 300. GO GO!

(Edit: And maybe Singapore Pools could have betting. Like if the PSI is going to rise in the next hour, and all the various margins that it would change by. Ladbrokes and the English bookies have so much crap to bet about (eg if Beckham vomits in his next match), we could challenge them by offering such services too. Crap bets. Then another source of income for the Pools or the gambler, depends if I am the gambler or not. Anyway, considering that air pollution is air pollution, and Singapore Pools, being the Pools, shouldn't be much affected at all. Yup cheers.)

Inspirational quote

"The smartest people quote themselves." - quote myself.