Give this man a ticket to Romania

There are only three things that I know Romania for. Gypsies, Dracula, and most recently, Dr Silviu Ionescu. Now if you've been following the papers, you'll know that Dr Silviu Ionescu is the piece of shit who hit two people while drink-driving, failed to admit it, and even lied about his car having been stolen.

Certainly, he is not the first, nor will he be the last. But in Singapore, there is only one thing that happens to people like that. They go to jail. Dr Silviu Ionescu hides behind his diplomatic immunity and goes back to Romania for a holiday instead.
 
Remember the stories we read as kids where there's always an evil guy with a totally screwed-up moral compass? As I grew older, I thought those were simply stories, because in the real world, there are always nuances, gray areas and different standards or morality. For example, it is hard to consider a person who steals just to feed his family a force of pure evil. 

Fortunately, with Dr Ionescu, there is no such ethical dilemma. He is simply a liar, a murderer, a coward, who has shown absolutely no repentance for his actions. In fact, he is loathe to even take responsibility for them. On the bright side, it gives Singapore no reservations to condemn him as a united nation. Can you imagine if he had said sorry? Half of Singapore would have shouted "Fuk you! Sorry no cure!" while the other half would have said, "Aiya he say sorry liao, what you want him to do?" But he didn't. So we don't have a problem calling him a scumbag together.

Unfortunately, Dr Ionescu's house in Romania is presumably beyond the range of our F-16s. Even if Romania waives the diplomatic immunity of Dr Ionescu (and they should, unless they're a country of evil fucks like him), he can still sit on his fat ass in Romania because Singapore does not have an extradition treaty with Romania, meaning there's no way to drag him back. It is at pressing times like this that we wonder, why doesn't Singapore have more nutjobs? Maybe one of them can be self-sacrificial, go to Romania and kick Dr Ionescu's ass? With this line of thought, I trawled through the net for that special person for the special mission, and found him... Singapore's only hope...

This is the dude who set an MP on fire. I believe Singapore has few people as crazy as him, which makes him apt. Give this man a ticket to Romania, and watch him kick Dr Ionescu's ass. Enough said.

Sentosa Molest

I would like to thank those who are still reading this blog. It is a beautiful feeling to know that one is being appreciated when the blogging fad has come and gone. Those left standing after the melee are those who love to write, and those who love to read.

Those who have blogged before will know that blogging is hard work. Good writing necessitates that we take only the interesting parts of our lives and thoughts and amplify them in the blog posts, and that does require some cognitive work. And inspiration? Where does that come from?

If I were just some dude in his underwear in front of the computer, the easiest choice would be the online news. Recently, there has been the incident of a bikini-clad girl being molested by 4 dark-skinned individuals at the New Year Countdown Party and a video was actually shot of the whole incident. Given that the online searches on the words "sentosa molest" must have been numerous, a blogger who blogs about recent news can even garner new readers directed by search engines.

Heck, since I'm at it, might as well give my two cents' worth. It reflects very very badly that some blog has set up a facebook group something to the effect of "She did not deserve to be molested". Do you see anything wrong? When the fuck, in what kind of screwed up parallel universe, does someone ever deserve to be molested? Enough said. No need for further discussions on the wall. I believe the group came about because, somehow somewhere someone said anonymously that she deserved to be molested. Opinions like this don't merit a response. Like paedophiles who think children are old enough for sex, sadists who think kittens are for torture experimentation, and employers who think maids are slaves, they are the inevitable undercurrents of any peaceful society. There is no point arguing because the people who hold these views will not come out to the open to be convinced anyway. They will only hold their convictions in their deep dark souls. Once or twice, a tentacle might emerge from the surface. but that's all.

Of course, the people (usually all the girls), are totally justified in questioning why no one helped her. Well, all the decent guys were at home studying duh. And all the decent girls were afraid that their bikinis would've been torn to shreds had they gone to help the poor girl.

Wow in those short paragraphs, I've answered all the questions regarding this entire molestation incident. If you just see the amount of words and opinions generated by one high-profile incident on the web, it's little wonder that no one has time for serious literature anymore. Anyway, if you can't tell by now, one reason I usually don't like talking about controversial news is that they always descend to pointless debate that is neither interesting nor humorous.

Back to the part about inspiration for blogging. There is always a niche. Freaks like Xiaxue can talk incessantly about themselves. Mrbrown has politics. Cowboycaleb is cool. DawnYang has scandals. Introduction to other blogs has enough material for an article in itself. Me? No idea.

I intend to write a short story someday, and then post it here. To make a good blog requires certain effort. For example, you probably deserve a better layout to complement all the text, but no because here we're lazy bums. For example, most blogs will have an icon somewhere to sign up for an rss feed, but nahh, I'll just recommend google reader for you guys. I was introduced to it by a friend who happens to read my blog. If you're using gmail, it's convenient. Hope to get started on the short story soon!

Love is like the ideal elastic; it doesn't break when it stretches, and when the stretching stops, it goes right back into shape

New year, old year, can you really tell the difference? Though I'm sure it does bring a windfall to commercial entities like buses, taxis and clubs. Why do we celebrate the new year? Maybe it's because we haven't actually accomplished anything worth celebrating ourselves, that's why we celebrate artificial things like that.

I was on my way home on the nightrider when I noticed it was actually quiet for once. The mobileTV showed "mobile tv will operate until december 31 2009, thank you for your support". Woohoo something to feel good about!

I'm sure I'll miss the just for laughs show and the taiwanese food shows, but they are no compensation for the inane shit that we have to put up with most of the time. If you aren't a snobbish rich kid who has never taken the bus before, then you've probably been forced to watch a local food show.

And you might have observed that the difference between local foodshow hosts (the ones shown on mobiletv anyway) and good foodshow hosts is that the local ones can't help but get an orgasm when they eat in front of the camera. Once the food is in the mouth, the moaning commences, x 10 the volume if the cook is watching. And the cooks aren't even sexy. And then the host's hand will do that stupid connoisseur motion of squeezing the thumb and index finger together, as if it helps with the orgasm, and when it is finally over, they will say, 'delicious', 'wow', or other forms of limited vocabulary cooked together with zero imagination. Of course, all they succeed in doing to me is to induce a vomit reflex.

And there are worse. There's one time where I watched a show with 3 female hosts (maybe 1 host 2 guests, whatever), so I had to vomit 3 times each time new food was introduced. What the fuck, when you have 3 tasters and 1 type of food, it's obvious the focus is on the people and not the food, so the people had better be chio, but they weren't, so the whole show was ruined.

Let's talk about drama serials next. I must admit that normally, I don't watch them on television, thus most of what I watch comes from mobiletv. Why do normal Singapore serials induce such unpleasant sensations in me? Ok just the tendency to turn away cos it's so bad. Once in a while, there's a serial that's good enough to be exported, but that means that if your life were serials, you would be in jail for 50 years of your 75-year life expectancy. I think I nailed the reason. They're mostly just plain unrealistic. I've never heard real families or people speak in the tone and language used in serials. The stuff the characters say when they get pissed off is just laughable most of the time. And then, when they try to mimic how Singaporeans really speak, they overdo it, but even that is a move in the right direction as it spawned Phua Chu Kang, which I have to admit is funny.

The award-winning ones like Little Nyonya are set in another time and it's more realistic that way because we did not live in that era and will be more flexible in accepting the language and setting of the time. happy new year!

A leg brace ain't enough to get you a seat in Singapore

For those who know me, you'll know that i've been wearing this leg brace, something like below, except mine is sexier.




















An important thing to note for those who intend to get sexy like me is that it's not enough to get you a seat in Singapore's trains. A leg brace just doesn't smack hard enough in commuters' conscience, or they may simply lack one. I got onto the train towards pasir ris at queenstown and had to stand until raffles place.

And even then, it wasn't as if somebody gave their seat up. I had to say " FUCK OFF ASSHOLES THAT'S MY SEAT" before charging through with my fist and plonking my ass down.

But that is not to say that Singaporeans are discourteous. I can think of a host of reasons for why nobody gave their seat up to me.

1. All those sitting down were genuinely asleep, eyes closed or otherwise.

2. All those sitting down were tourists or foreign workers. This would mean that Singaporeans aren't the discourteous ones.

3. Everyone was too busy staring at my handsome face to notice that I was wearing a leg brace. Honestly, I like this reason best. Anyway, one of the ladies who had been fighting with me for the seat later said, "I'm sorry I didn't see your leg brace." Point proven.

Room for improvement:
In order to get a seat in the train, it would be necessary to bring along 2 crutches. I really can't see how that can fail. If you still cannot get a seat, then just jab the crutch at the nearest guy and see if he takes the hint. Too extreme? Then just drop the crutches on his legs accidentally, and repeat that until he takes the hint. Speaking of crutches, i've got a pair for sale, who wants?

Where in the world is Mas Selamat?

I am very disturbed by the Mas Selamat case. It does not make sense for a man to have disappeared into thin air. Even if he has a huge underground cavern or has escaped to Malaysia, it cannot be that no-one has seen him doing that after he was found missing.

Even the vigilant lions couldn't get him. So where in the world is Mas Selamat?

Well I was striving for an answer, and it came in the most unlikely form: an old Puffin classic by Robert Louis Stevenson: Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

So a little book review for the uninitiated. Dr Jekyll is one who believes in the two-ness of man, speaking of which maybe I should say "Dr Jekyll is TWO who believes in the two-ness of man." Because Dr Jekyll is not actually one, but two.

Anyway the name Jekyll already sounds pretty suspicious. If you were to dissect his name into "je" and "kyll" - "je" being the translation of "I" in French, and "kyll" being a misspelling off the word "kill". Put together: I kill.

Looks like Mr Hyde isn't quite disinclined to do that. Anyway Dr Jekyll believes that there are two sides to a man so he concocts a potion and he becomes another man. I bloody wish I'm able to do that. Imagine how powerful that is.

Still at the end of the day it's a story. And we all know experiments more often end up in failure than in success. Should the two-ness of men and Dr Jekyll's secret recipe really exist, then that AWOL personnel from 42 SAR would have never been found and returned to DB.

Like how Mr Hyde could get away with his crimes, perhaps that is the case with Mas Selamat. He could be among us, he could be anyone around above suspicion. That is the scary bit. And while at first you might be able to get a clue about Mas Selamat, now that he's totally missing there's no telling who was him or who he was.

Sounds confusing?

Well maybe your father was missing during one of their plots. Or maybe while Mas Selamat was in jail you didn't see your best friend at all. Very suspicious. Now that he's totally gone there's nothing to compare with and nothing to assure yourself that you could be right next to him.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

But there is a good side to it. As Dr Jekyll found himself unable to resist turning to Mr Hyde when he ran out of the salt to concoct his brew, maybe Mas Selamat also can't find his solution to turn him back into the evil man that he is.

Oh well, for every action there must be an equal reaction from the opposite direction. Thus for one good man that has turned into a bad man irreversibly, there is a bad man who has turned into a good man irreversibly.

That man is Mas Selamat. Elementary, my dear Watson.

Fairytale ending?

After watching the final episode of The Little Nyonya, I thought I'd seen the last of that sobby show. Not that it was a bad show, in fact I quite enjoyed it. Just that I thought yes it's over finally time to get on with my life and stop being addicted.

Well, not quite.

Wednesday's report in the papers said that viewers kpkb that the ending was NO GOOD. That Chen Xi and Yueniang didn't end up together, wtf!! So no fairytale ending = bad ending!!

I was stunned to read that some viewer actually cried when she found out they were separated. Okayy... even though I won't say I've never cried in my life, I certainly don't do it over a serial. Or for a movie, for that matter (because I'm not Emolin).

Anyway who said it wasn't a happy ending. Did they not see the joy on Yueniang's face when the Caucasian proposed to her? Since she's already half Jap it doesn't hurt mixing more Caucasian blood into the gene pool. It's common knowledge mixed kids usually turn out smarter than most, and more handsome than most.

So how the eff is that a poor ending? Plus Chen Xi and his wife had SIX kids. SIX KIDS LE... it's like they had SIXXX so much that they had half a dozen worth of kids. Can play 5-a-side rugby with one waterboy/reserve. How is that a bad ending?

Next time I urge ST to be more discretive when they wish to air the views of the audience. It's so retarded I was like roflmao when I opened the Life! spread. Although it made my day - so actually ST should publish more of such articles.

Tonight they will play the alternative ending to "The Little Nyonya" - where Chen Xi and Yueniang get together. That is awful rubbish, since we know that these ideal situations seldom happen in life. Life sucks, and the viewers ought to face it.

Who said Yueniang liked Chen Xi in the first place anyway? If she really did she would not have rejected him so many times. Forcing Yueniang to marry Chen Xi would be akin to letting Yuzhu marry Robert Zhang - an unhappy marriage leading to JACK SHIT.

Therefore I feel that the original ending was ideal.

As for whether Yueniang is fireproof..

..who gives a damn, it's a bloody show for show's sake.

Okay now I'm off to catch the 5-minute special edition where they get together. Just to satisfy some retarded viewers' cravings. Ahahaha I would have blogged longer but too bad, service to the nation right after the 5-minute edition.

Next week I'll try to blog earlier. lol

Nouvelles observations du MRT

Shit, I'm half-scared out of my wits. The other half of me is scared of the "A" levels coming up just soon. I can't imagine how time flies but the hols flew by me, and now I'm faced with a brand new year looking to come in just four days time.

And after being bloody curious last year wondering what J1 orientation would be like, this year it is our turn making OUR J1s curious.

That is the main reason to why I'm not blogging. But the reason why I am blogging here now is not because the work has stopped (Council work never does), but rather, as I mentioned earlier, because I'm half-scared out of my wits.

Today was the day I almost got killed. Or concussed. I could be lying down blogging from my hospital bed, but thanks to some stroke of luck, I didn't.

As usual I'm sidetracking, but here's the story.

I was walking back from the MRT, and I started thinking about my hols. Which kinda meant I was thinking of the time wasted. Whenever I reflect about such stuff, I start going into self-angst and self-bitch mode, like "why in the @#*^@% world did I do this instead of mugging Chemistry?" Which in the end is rather inconclusive.

Then, my thoughts wandered to this blog, the pride and joy of the three of us for one whole year. Its current state of neglect, and sigh..

Still, I thought that I was busy and therefore I had every right to neglect it. After all, it's not my problem if I don't update my blog (the arsehole in me has been strong these hols). It's MY blog, and I update it whenever I like.

May I remind you that with the current rainy weather now, the floor was slippery and it was at this precise moment, when I was entertaining this thought, I suddenly slipped forward. Next, the giant tree I was standing next to suddenly gave a great rumbling sound. And WTH a big branch from the giant tree just happened to uh, dislodge itself and fall onto the ground with a large thump!

RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

Wa baskit I was damn scared - and to all trees in the Toa Payoh precinct, I am now updating my blog! Please don't do that to me ever again.

------------

Today I made some revolutionary new discoveries about Singaporeans on the MRT. Gone are the days where YL stands on the train and observes the Singaporean world at his vantage point. The silly sod went to France and then Hong Kong so he's certainly not updated with the current state of affairs.

Let ME bring you the world of the MRT now.

WRT TO THE MRT (With respect to the Mass Rapid Transit, you've gotta respect them with 1 million commuters daily, or so they claim)

The Singaporeans are pretty much the same when they board the train. Everyone has every right to call us a kiasu bunch because WE are a kiasu bunch. At City Hall when the doors open it's the North-to-East commuters against the East-to-North commuters. And the shoving and all starts.

Usually I'd stand and wait, but today I was itching for some action so I ploughed right into the working-hour crowd. Some punk who obviously didn't work banged into me. Kind of a bad choice to start trouble today, I didn't know some punk would be there. My attempt at being kiasu left me being humji instead. Tsk.

Anyway right after that the whole bunch of kiasu fags (including me) got on the train, and you must be thinking they are doing this so they could secure a seat for themselves? That's what I bloody thought. Apparently there are too many civic-conscious people writing into the forums nowadays, for I could see at least three seats around the carriage unoccupied.

Like what the hell? You rush onto the train so you can pole dance while the silly train jerks back and forth? (Train drivers are lousy nowadays.)

As there were very few pregnant ladies and senior citizens around, I kinda hovered near the seats. Next stop - Dhoby Ghaut. People got off and on, but still no one sat. Certainly there were people who deserved the seat more than me, but I wasn't going to give them a chance if they really didn't want to sit.

Try taking the train at peak hour next time. Maybe you'll experience this phenomenon. I can't believe it - is it that those working class people have been sitting on their arses all day long and are so sick of being in the sitting posture that they just stand? Or are they afraid that sitting might significantly increase their chances of being too slow of getting out of the train.

Damn, I'll never know now. Perhaps in a few years time.

I just sat down and was thankful for the seat. Seems like you don't really have to rush to get a seat. You just need to get on a train full of dumbasses. Or perhaps you would call them citizens with high civic consciousness, who fear sitting down lest some guy reports them to the forums.

That's the only plausible explanation. And thus concludes my new observations on the MRT.

Idiots on the bus

I figured since I take the bus more often than I do on the train, I will blog about the bus.

There are basically three types of idiots on the bus..

1) The bus driver
Personally, I don't have much experience with this brand of idiots because they are the sort that completely ignores you. Like how you can run after the bus and flag it but the bastard just drives on. Your angst is kept strictly to the bus stop and you are late thanks to this sort of idiots. But you can't do anything about it. These idiots are best left alone, because you can't do anything anyway. Just hope that he crashes into a traffic light or something. Cursing is highly recommended as the only solution.

2) The stinkers
As the name suggests, they stink like hell and what are they doing on the bus? Stinking it. I admit I am guilty of this once in a while, but then again I never said I wasn't an idiot.

3) The loudhailers
Yet again you can 顾名思义, guess the meaning from the name. Given my mellow and reflective nature, all I ask of sitting on a bus is some peace and quiet so I can do a reflection of my fun and fulfilling life. Suddenly, some punk behind me goes rattling about nether regions in violent dialects - and oops it turns out he's talking about his parents.

Before you can reflect on how shitty youths are nowadays (except me, of course) - they start blabbering about that "knn teacher" and all that. You can't imagine how it's like, unless you've experienced it. Okay that's pretty obvious but ya, loudhailers should be shut up. The cure to this is simple: mp3 or iPod. Then just blast techno or any other shit, it might beat hearing Ah Beng raps from the back. Or if you do want to hear them, at least hear the professional one from the movie "15". I've got them in my mp3.

AND BONUS. The silent retard!
I guess I never really thought about this as this kind of idiots don't bug me much. So I guess you have 3 and a half types of idiots on the bus - same as the number of inches there are on a floppy disk (now virtually - no pun intended - extinct).

These idiots are just idiots by nature, going around doing stupid things, perhaps vandalising buses or reading children's books when they are teenagers and stuff. Disclaimer: I might read Enid Blyton but I'm studying her Literature so I'm excused. Yup and these people don't bother you but they might be classified as idiots anyway and uh so there.

Next time you hop on a bus, look around you more carefully. Perhaps you'll make the same observations as I do. Unless you're one of the idiots yourself. Idiots can't admit they make mistakes.

Idiots on the Train

Right after the movie Snakes On A Plane comes Idiots On The Train. The variety of idiots on the train is simply mind-boggling. The bad thing about this is, well, they're idiots. That's not exactly my problem. But being idiots, they do some things that annoy me, and perhaps that's the bad thing. The good thing is that it gives me inspiration for this post, and gives me something to do on boring train rides. Like a naturalist studying animals under the microscope, i meticulously note everything down. And then i categorise them.

Rocker

This person is a rather mild form of idiot because it is quite amusing to watch him. With headphones or earphones on, this person would start rocking along with the music to the amusement of all the other passengers. Maybe he just likes the attention his idiocy brings. Or maybe he's really 'in da zone' if you get what i mean. Too engrossed by the music to care about what other people think. In other words, music is his life and soul, and that gives him the rebel attitude to heck all the other people. Rebel. Actually, I don't find anything wrong with that. But he's like, wasting energy. Energy costs a hell lot of money these days. This energy can be used for other purposes such as producing light instead, and if all the rockers did that, then the world wouldn't have an energy crisis.

The music player

There are 2 varieties of this type of people. One uses earphones and blast it so loud that everyone around can hear the song. I assume the person is deaf or something. Or the ears are fake. But this type doesn't seem so bad. At least they try to keep it private. It's not their fault their ears don't work well.
The other type are worse. They play the music on their handphones out loud, as if trying to prove to the world they have a phone with that capability. Bloody show-offs


The hairy monster

If your legs are like those below, then...














wear long pants for god's sake. Or don't sit down. Or if you do, then don't spread your legs wide and act as if everyone likes the touch of leg hair on skin. Because it's fucking irritating. My wish is to bring along a lighter on the train and set your whole freaking forest on fire just like the indons are doing to theirs. We would have haze but i don't care.

The pole dancer

Now imagine yourself on a crowded train. You're looking for the metal beam to hold on to in case someone jumps onto the mrt tracks again and the train brakes suddenly. The vertical metal is right in front of you. Unfortunately, the pole dancer is leaning on the beam, such that you can't hold on without him leaning on your hand, which he eerily doesn't seem to mind. You might think pole dancers usually have ultra sexy and svelte bodies, but this one certainly doesn't. You can see the fats on his back squeezing against the pole, and yucks, i'd rather fall down than get a handful of animal fat.

The blocker

This person has no sense of space. He thinks he deserves lots of it even though he paid the same fares. Acts blur when the announcement for people to move to the centre of the train comes. Nothing funny to say about them because they're just idiots

The high-metabolic rate type

Ah this is the interesting one. At first glance, you wouldn't be able to spot him. But look again. There, there's that movement. May be the twitch of the lips, or the hands that cannot stop touching himself, but there's no end to his movement. I've seen one who can't stop twitching his mouth. Seems irritating at first, but after a while it's amusing. After all, the idiot probably has no idea how weird he looks in front of other people with all those funny actions. Therefore i conclude he probably has a high metabolic rate and has to keep moving. Look out for these people. They're everywhere if you look close enough.

So that's the end of the idiots on the train, hope you had a nice ride.

Don't wanna donate

This is a short guide on how to tell people that you don't want to donate.

Note that a while back I talked about New Age Robbers, the sort that bugs you to donate. Now they infiltrate S11 such that you can't even eat in peace. Since WE want to eat in peace, we should not give to others what we do not want others to do to us. (己所不欲，勿施于人 - the Chinese say）

(Shit, my Chinese teacher would be so darn proud of me.)

Thus, instead of designing very direct-insult IN YOUR FACE t-shirt designs (like in the past), I've come up with a more peaceful solution this time. All in the name of peace.

This is what you do.

Hi. I'm (so-and-so) from (so-and-so) charity, would you like to donate?
Yes I would.
(slight pause)
..but a pity, I don't think I've enough money with me at the moment.

Your $10 can go a long way..
I could cab from Bishan to around Bedok, yes.

I have a licence, there can you see it?
Yes of course I can, but that doesn't make me any richer.

(If the guy's a persistent bugger, then perhaps you can apply a bit of aggression. Not too much, mind - just enough to stir him up a bit and hopefully make him go away.)
Won't you just donate $2, if you don't have $10? Each of you and your friends just chip in $2, together you can buy one ticket, $10 just nice. It's for charity.. etc. (obscure name comes up)
I'm not going to put $1 commission in your pocket. You're bloody getting 10% commission, do you think I don't know?

Of course that would make you sound and look like a bastard..

But hey wait, who said you are obliged to donate in the first place? They are appealing to your conscience that you should be a good citizen and donate, but the truth is sometimes these youths pocket some commission, the charity organisation pockets some money to cover losses, and only a tiny bit of that $10 goes to the poor people they claim they are helping.

Heck, I'd rather go give the money to them direct.

I'm not saying that donating to charity organisations is bad, but respectable charity organisations won't bug you when you're having a meal. So there.

Thus don't worry - you won't be a bastard by refusing those New Age Robbers your extra cash. They're playing mind games with you, you are a good guy if I say so. Next time you don't want to donate, stand your ground, then sit down and continue eating your food.

But of course, while settling everything peacefully =) even if you don't donate there's no need to start a fight. Unless they do so, but that's another story I shall reserve for another time.

a yellow line

i really get sick of all the announcements in the MRT stations. First, there's the one telling everyone to not eat in the stations and trains. Then, there's the one to tell everyone to report suspicious articles. And finally there's the one to tell everyone to stand behind the yellow line.

If someone is stupid enough to stand near the train when it comes into the station, then he probably wouldn't understand the announcement anyway. So it doesn't make a difference. Or he wants to die anyway. Likewise, the boring announcement wouldn't make a difference. maybe the guy would want to die even more, knowing that the world is so boring.

Still, there's something wrong with the announcement, cos it tells you to stand behind the yellow line. But the yellow line is simply what it is, a yellow line. which way is behind? maybe it's that enticing piece of grey cement that we're supposed to stand on?

Screw up newspapers and make a name for yourself!

It's ridiculous how boring sunday times can be. Take for example the fitness section where people email in photographs of their bodies and then describe how they achieve it. Which of course reinforces the perception of looks being all-important in our superficial and shallow society. Which of course should not be the case. But the worst thing is that it's so godamn boring. Almost everyone says the same things. Sample below:








Diet: I try to avoid oily food. I only allow myself some on special occasions. I eat 10 boiled eggs a day. I take plenty of carbohydrates and buckets of protein drink. I keep my meals small, so i eat more often (way to waste your time, you vain idiot)

Exercise: I go to the gym x times a week (where x is equal or more than 3) i do bench press, and whatever other stuff they have in the gym. I also have dragon boating training x times a week (don't know why these people usually from dragon boating). Which means i like spend half my life exercising and the other half resting from the exercise.

Which brings me to my conclusion that these people have nothing better to do than to spend their lives obsessing over their bodies and making them buff.

The Challenge

The Challenge is to send in a picture of your buff body, hell, it doesn't even have to be your own body, there's so many pictures on the internet, and write your diet and exercise as such (or to similar effect)

Diet: Oh i don't have any restricitons on diet, in fact i eat oily food like KFC chickens and char kway tiao for every meal. I love fats. After every meal, i wash them down with soya sauce. yup, i drink it. And every night, i eat a tub of ice-cream.

Exercise: What exercise? Oh you mean watching television and studying. I do that all the time. No wonder i have such a buff body.

I wonder what'll everyone's reaction be. At least it's a break from what we see every sunday.

Another challenge is for thursday's urban part of the newspaper. If ever anyone of you ever get chosen for the 'hey, good-looking' section, be sure to be armed with this reply:

reporter: Do you think you are good-looking?
you: No way man, i think i look like frankenstein.

help make singapore newspapers more interesting.