Sophiesticated Philosophie (the love of Sophie)

Since Sophie and I 素昧平生，I consider myself to be an objective bystander and I feel compelled to give some * ahem * sincere advice to the poor souls pursuing this subject fervently, and who still fail nonetheless.

Go to http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=phiepee. It’ll be your asknlearn for this subject.

Lesson 1: Analyse the blog. This is your main source of information. Now, use all your literature skills and analyze every single bit (pun intended) of her blog. Ok, so this may be above you people, so being a compassionate person with a heart of Au, I give you an example.

Complete entry: Tuesday, August 30, 2005

^^Abstinence from messaging.. Halfway there. It shall all come to an end on Friday.. I'm feeling so crappy.
I can't study everything at one go. I always digress.. So far I've read 5 lao fu zi books and 2 sweet valley high books. All within the exam period.. So tell me about it.
“Anyhows, today I bought the almond royce' chocolate that my tuition teacher was telling me about. It does taste heavenly”..
Oh and the picture of eva longoria on Life! today is so freaking hot! She's just the perfect looking woman alive.
I love "diner's dash". How addictive.. Sigh, Perfect, just when I'm trying so hard to be focused.
Byee!
P.s The song Tao Wang by Stefanie Sun suddenly makes so much sense.^^



“Abstinence from messaging.. Halfway there. It shall all come to an end on Friday.. I'm feeling so crappy.”
Now it’s clear she’s sad because of her imminent abstinence from messaging. And why? Probably because the phone bill is as high as YJ on drugs or because she needs to study. So there are 2 things you should do.

a) offer to pay her phone bills

b) offer to hire tutor for her ( don’t try it yourself, you might just lower her IQ)

“I can't study everything at one go. I always digress.. So far I've read 5 lao fu zi books and 2 sweet valley high books. All within the exam period.. So tell me about it.”
Ok… except that at ri we consider that studying and I studied 笑傲江湖. Never mind that…things to be done:

a) tell her that she’s damn coolio, since she didn’t study for her tests

b) give her more lao fu zi and sweet valley high books, for the simple reason that she likes them (It’s like giving her drugs, but nobody’s talking about her welfare here)

“Anyhows, today I bought the almond royce' chocolate that my tuition teacher was telling me about. It does taste heavenly”
If you want a kiss, you know what to do:

a) buy almond royce’ chocolate…..factory

b) smear yourself with the chocolate (depends on where you want her to kiss you)

“Oh and the picture of eva longoria on Life! today is so freaking hot! She's just the perfect looking woman alive.”
Simple and straightforward. You simply have to look like Eva Longoria. You need to go for:

a) breast implants

b) butt implants

c) men

“I love "diner's dash". How addictive.. Sigh, Perfect, just when I'm trying so hard to be focused.” I think diner’s dash is a game. Anyway, it probably indicates that she’s hungry. You should…

a) go feed her

“Byee!”
Notice that she adds an extra e behind and e=2.718. Maybe this indicates that she knows her Maths well and you

a) don’t have to hire a tutor for her for Maths

“P.s The song Tao Wang by Stefanie Sun suddenly makes so much sense.”
This makes no sense to me whatsoever. But this tells us that she wants to be a big-time singer so you must

a) fork up to let her go to Lee Wei Song School of Music

Lesson 2: The tagboard

1. Post positive comments on her tagboard everyday to encourage her

2. Ask some friend to insult her on her tagboard. If you have no friends, talkcocksummit’s compassionate folks will do it for you if you donate to FUCK

3. Betray your friend and insult him back on the tagboard

4. She’ll be damn touched that you sacrificed your friendship for her

Lesson 3: Be a Man

1. Take a kitchen chopper (Make sure it’s sharp)

2. Now go and murder all the people who have posted on her tagboard except for her of course (If you happen to be one of them, it just makes the job easier)

3. Now that all your opponents have been eliminated (both male and female), go and be a Man.

Lesson 4: Extracurricular notes

1. According to reliable sources, Sophie likes innocent boys with a fair skin tone such as _____. So make sure you buy your skin-whitening lotion today, and act innocent (basically just shut up)

Lesson Conclusion
Follow the guide step-by-step and you get a 50-50, once-in-a-lifetime (literally) chance to go to a place where people have wings.