We Hammered their Ars

This is funny. Or at least it is to a West Ham fan like me.

I don't know what the rest of the world thinks. In particular, Arsenal fans.

But hey, I did nothing to engineer the West Ham win so don't stone me okay? I had totally nothing to do with the West Ham victory, though if you'd like to credit me for being their fan, I will gladly accept it. The funny part is the post-match conference with Alan Pardew, West Ham manager.

You can find it at http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/sport/default.stm. It's right there and if you're not reading this too late on Monday, it should be under one of the headlines. Not my fault if you don't read this blog regularly and come crying that the video's gone. It's seriously amusing.

Anyway, to quote some bits from dear Mister Pardew:
(in the post-match interview)

Q: (unclear British mutterings).. Alexander Hleb, was a penalty. What did you think?
A: Well, Arsene Wenger certainly thought it was a penalty, and that frustrated him. I could see it was from behind, the challenge, but I think he got a little bit of the ball. (...) I think we'd know if it was a penalty. But the reaction of our players, they reacted in a way that it wasn't, so I went along with that reaction (shrugs).. and played on.

Comment: LIKE DUH WENGER WOULD BE FRUSTRATED? I don't know what's wrong with Pardew, it was a penalty and he's got to admit it. After all, it doesn't matter at this stage. Three points will still be three points even though he says it's a penalty now. Why not rub salt into the Gunners' wound? These Englishmen, they know pride, they know beating around the bush, they know saying politically correct answers and they know it's a penalty, that.

Q: It was an emotional game, Alan. (more British mutterings).. tell me about the situation. (between Pardew and Wenger)
A: With me and Arsene?

Comment: No, no, with you and Pope Benedict the XVI.

Q: Yea. (that wasn't really a question)
A: ..celebration, but you know it's been a frustrating season. A last-minute goal, desperate to win. And you know, I have absolute (dunno what) respect for Arsene Wenger.. and I shall try to talk to him when he's calmed down. (...) if I was him, and see if I can sort that out with him, because that situation, it wasn't right for the game. And on my part, I do apologise for being overzealous, but uh, I hope that won't get the headlines for what was a players' day. West Ham players. They were brilliant. Great win for us today.

Comment: Seems like Mister Pardew is great at dodging the topic - what happened between you and Wenger? Oh I will talk to him. Oh it's bad for the game. West Ham was brilliant. No doubt he's speaking the truth, West Ham is always brilliant, but WHY NO DETAILS? Anyway Wenger shoved him first so giving a true account won't hurt him one bit.

And another thing. He shouldn't have compromised about the celebrations. Nothing wrong with being happy, innit? I can't understand the French, I thought they liked to be happy with their slack lifestyle but here Wenger aka the French Professor gets so pissed off when Pardew is happy? He should just celebrate with Pardew YAY YOU'VE GOT THE WIN, SECOND ONE IN THE ROW. Then the game at Upton Park would end with a happy ending. But did Wenger? No. Silly old French tortoise.

Anyway seems like Pardew wants to make Wenger seem like the villain (which he is). Cunning old fox. That's all right for him to say, he didn't lose the game. (as you'll see what I mean later)

Q: ..the situation, you did offer your hand (to Wenger) at the end of the game. (not really a question either)
A: I did, and uh, y'know, last-minute goals. They're horrible for managers. And uh, y'know, I've got no problems with Arsene. At the end of the game, I hope we're all calm and I hope he'll be sensible about it.

Comment: True colours, it seems, at last. Last-minute goals don't seem at all horrible for him today, so his point about those goals are not valid. Sure he has no problems with Arsene, not when he's won 1-0. And like duh that's why he's offering a handshake. Arsene the villain. He ends off by saying "I hope we're all calm" because it's bloody obvious Wenger's definitely hell not and "he'll be sensible" finally shows Pardew's contempt for Wenger behaving like a small kid and more precisely, a spoilt brat.

Q: (something about West Ham struggling in the last few weeks) What does this mean for West Ham?
A: Well it's a result.. uh, it's a reward in some way for the fact that we've tried to do everything right and uh on the training ground, uh on the playing side - we've tried to approach every game in the same manner. And there's been a lot of (dunno what) about (players and staff, like wth). And it's a great fillip for this club. And I'm very very happy tonight.

Comment: It's no wonder you lost eight in a row, you don't approach every game in the same manner. Death to all Argentinians in West Ham, they screw up the whole pecking order. When they don't play, West Ham wins. It's proven by the matches against Blackburn and Arsenal. If you think my commentary is out of point, why don't you take a look at Pardew's. I'm just learning from him, man.

Anyway like duh you're happy tonight. Who is unhappy after a 1-0 win seriously should get a bollocking, to put it very precisely in British terms.

Q: (something something) celebrate.
A: (something something) on the back page, yea. (fades out)

Comment: Mumble mumble mumble mutter. I wish you'd speak clearly next time, or maybe I should go dig my ears.

To round off, here's to West Ham!


Oh and yes, Wenger is made to look like a villain. Good job Pardew! I really love that guy and his post-match conference, it's so subtly aimed at Wenger such that the Frenchman with French as the first language wouldn't get the idea he kena bombard like mad. (jack)

And so..

Yup we hammered their Ars nice and well! I shall declare Monday a public holiday, for even though artillery might be great, sometimes it's best to go back to primitive Man and try out his stone tools ftw. I love West Ham.