Malaysia Kronikels Part Thwee

I went to the land of truly asia last sunday for my grannie's birthday and truly i was enlightened. It was truly an enriching experience for me.

We set off at around 7 in the morning. From woodlands we took 950 and our journey began. Though it was probably a short journey but I feel that I have learnt enough to give everyone here some tips or two.

1. The last thing you ever want to do is to have the impression that Malaysia has an impressive Kastam. NO! Kastams are still as bad as ever.
2. When you are going through the bloody kastam, a long wait is expected. What is more important is that when it is your turn, you make sure the bloody bugger khops the stamp on your bloody passport. If not later when you return you kena jacked and sent to Malaysia Preeson.
3. Once you are out of kastams, there's a small mama shop there. BEWARE. My dad bought newspapers which costed $1.20. He paid $2 and got $0.20 back. Impressive mathematiks. Besides, the shop is a bloody rip off. Walk a bit more and you can probably get your khewing gum kheaper.
4. Beware of beggars in the tunnel. Dont ever donate.
5. Dont ever exclaim how expensive stuff are while in their mama shops. As they say 阁墙有耳 walls have ears. The last thing you want to do is to start a gang fight. In malaysia, they are the rules.
6. Do not expect a taxi driver to switch on his meter. Prices are always decided before the journey begins. To be sure, ask a local how much will it takes to travel to that partikular place first before boarding the taxi.
7. To socialise, drink MILO.
8. Malaysian taxi drivers might be reckless but they are one hell of a good bunch of drivers. I bet half of them acted in initial D as body doubles.
9. When eating at some ulu hawker centre, always check the plates first before ordering the food. Chances are traces of detergent can still be found.
10. Dont ever sit at the back of the public bus. Their buses have no suspension.

To further prove my point that my lingusitic translation always work here's proof.
I found this signboard on the way back to kastam:
Kompleks Lori Kastam

1. Always replace 'c' with 'k'
Compleks Lori Castam

2. All vowels are the same
Compleks Lori Custom

3. Always remove double letters
Compleks Lorri Custom

4. Always replace 'y' with 'i'
Compleks Lorry Custom

5. There's no such thing as a 'x' in Malay. If it sounds the same, it is the same.
Complex Lorry Custom

There! Proven #