Jacked in all trades

No, you haven't read the title wrongly, it reads jacked-IN-all-trades.

That's me. Because a jack-of-all-trades would get jacked-in-all-trades, would he not?

Although I might not look like it, I've attempted many sports and have gotten further than any ordinary pig would have. Of course, I'm no pig and ordinary pigs wouldn't go very far in the field of sports, but that's not the point. Despite making it further than these animals, I have then proceeded to fall short of the big time. Why is that, I don't know, but I do know I'm JACKED.

Thus being a jack-of-all-trades. I've got a long history with various sports as well, and since I'm kind of bored, I'll just share a little with you. They are true, and no part is fabricated. You can ignore either part of the previous sentence, but make sure you at least believe the first part or the second.

Here's my list of jacked sports:

Table Tennis (Pri 3) - You wouldn't have known it, but I could become the future male version of Li Jiawei, or maybe Zhang Xueling, since she beat Li recently. Either that or Duan Yongjun (some old Singaporean paddler), or whoever male paddlers they have now. However, after two trainings, I still didn't know who the coach was and I quit before long because I was in a fluster and very confused.

Athletics (Pri 4, 5) - After my Napfa 1.6km run, the teacher told me to join Track & Field next year. I didn't know why, because I finished fourth in that run, though in subsequent years I easily finished first. Maybe she just spotted my talent. Next year when the list came, I couldn't see any Track & Field CCA so I thought, well okay I'll just leave it then. I had no CCA for the whole of primary school. And it never occurred to me that "TAF" stands for Track & Field, because I thought that silly club was only for sillier fatties and pigs.

Soccer (Pri 6) - This one has been a fairytale for me. Though I didn't shine in school because many others did, I used to go to Toa Payoh Stadium with a soccer ball to have a kickabout by myself. One night a Balestier (Central, they hadn't merged at that time) scout approached me and told me to stop shooting (at the goalposts). I was stunned, but he told me that if I wanted to make it as a good player, I had to work on my dribbling and passing. He tried a few drills with me, though I left a while later because I was not used to the situation. Then I didn't go for a week so the scout just basically vanished into thin air. It's agonisingly the closest I could ever get to really committing myself to one sport. Or maybe I just suck.

Badminton (Pri 6) - Went for some badminton course at some place if I don't recall wrongly. I think I made it, but rejected the offer because I felt the need to study for my PSLE. It got me my place in RI, but it didn't get me anywhere in the badminton world. I think I deserved that.

Swimming (Pri 6, Sec 1) - I had taken swimming classes since the end of Pri 4 or the start of Pri 5, I can't remember which. I tried joining the school CCA in Pri 6 but it looked like I was the only boy there so I gave it a miss. There went any chance of a CCA in primary school. The chance came again when I was in Sec 1 but Anthony Lim koped me off to waterpolo and condemned me to a life of misery as a keeper. David Tay also mercilessly offloaded me when he found out I wasn't as good as James or Yuk Lun. It's bloody unfair how I wasn't given a chance but then again I don't think I would have made it anywhere in swimming. You need to train when you're four or five YEARS old, not at that stage in primary school. Out again.

Rugby (Sec 1) - The rugby coach who carried out the trials for me seemed impressed with my agility, but I still had a long way to go in terms of aggressiveness. So he told me to take a hike.

Gymnastics (Sec 1) - I did fairly well yet again in the psychomotor test, but when the teacher asked if I wanted very badly to join gym, I said no. If I had to catch up to be level, I might as well go take a hike. The teacher was fine with that, and I left.

Basketball (Sec 1) - I still have vivid memories of this. My dribbling and passing was power, but I never had any interest to join the sport. I told Mr Ngoh that I did not want to take part in the next stage, and he was okay with it. I sometimes wonder what my future would be like in this CCA, if there was even any to ponder about. I still play the odd basketball game with my ex-classmates, and still play my style of basketball - 2.4 basketball - which is basically dribbling and dribbling and ending up with a pass, because to this day I still cannot shoot for nuts.

Athletics (Sec 1) - This was the greatest heartache, for despite choosing Athletics as first choice and waterpolo as second, I ended up being allocated these two sports in reverse order. I did one of the best trials then, with around 3.4m for Long Jump, which was quite good for a Sec 1. Mr Kang (the horny 1F Science teacher) told me these words that I still can recall clearly up till now - "I look forward to working with you." And then he didn't bother with me any longer after that encounter. He picked Brian from his form class, which I don't complain about; but the thing was he just totally ignored me afterwards. I got deceived, and bloody hell, it freaking hurt to have a lie being told to me by a teacher. I have no respect for him at all. I also hear tales from 1/2F that he's a "real horny bastard", and I'm really not surprised.

Hockey (Sec 1) - I did a decent trial, but I was bloody afraid of the stick so I withdrew. There was justice in this case.

Fencing (Sec 3) - You could say that I was just toying with the idea of joining, because I thought an additional CCA wouldn't do my testimonial any harm. The trials were superb, because I scored eight points out of a possible nine. I thought training was slack and I wouldn't have to do much. Well, it turned out to be on Tuesdays, third language day. I found out that neither side was willing to compromise. Then as I got back to the teacher-in-charge, I just asked about the cost of the materials I would need to join. I almost walked into the nearest pillar à la Zhang Kahn. The rest is history - I walked into class, wrote a suicide (actually an explanatory) note, then left it in the teacher's pigeonhole. Another potential career was over.

Waterpolo (Sec 1, 2, 3, 4) - It's unfair to say that I don't train, because I do. It's only the number that is questionable, especially when I've tons of homework to complete. I rarely skip training for homework, and when I do, I still get nothing done. Problem is, the tons of homework comes during season, and that creates lots of problems. I do train regularly off-season too, but I lost my interest in goalkeeping since the end of Sec 2 towards the start of Sec 3. That led to me training without any enthusiasm or desire whatsoever as a keeper, and that led to my downfall. I don't want to say the rest.

So as you can see, I'm jacked in all trades that I go for. For even a sport (waterpolo) that I spend the most time in, I can't even succeed. But then again, one should always think positive. Jacks aren't that hopeless after all.

Otherwise, why do you think they have TRIATHLON, BIATHLON, HEPTATHLON, NYLON or N-LON, where N is the prefix?

Duh, it's for the jack-of-all-trades like me, in the desperate hope that they don't get jacked in yet another sport. That, whatever the prefix, should be the quick fix to your jack-ness in all trades.