The Undercover

(Damn it, the stupid Compose mode still not back. Meaning still have to use bloody HTML.)

Okay before I start today's entry let me first clarify a few things. I don't usually like to scold anyone, but I find it perfectly necessary to do so at this point in time (sounds familiar?).

In case you don't understand English, get a translator. Because I'm telling you now in English that I am not part of any of your scandals. I mean, if you want to accuse me of having a scandal, at least get some evidence first! I back up my accusations with solid facts while your stupid accusations are gaseous. Hydrogen gas or oxygen gas, neither of them holds water. Okay they DO form water, but forming does not mean they hold water.

So stop them at once!

For the record, I never had any girlfriend at any point of time in the past, and am currently not having a girlfriend either. If you don't believe me, ask YH or YL. They own the No Girlfriend Organisation with me so they know best. My previous accusations of YL were also mostly based on gaseous facts, so I'm sorry if they have caused any misunderstanding.

In any case, all you have to know now is that I'm not lying. Research has shown that I have only a 0.001% chance of telling lies, but let us not care about that. All you have to know is that I had no girlfriend, have no girlfriend and currently have no intention to have one.

That declaration was not for the purpose of informing. In fact, I have something more important to tell you. Put very simply, this is a warning. The next person who tries to be funny around me will be BOOKED. Yes you did not hear me wrongly, I said he will be booked. I mean I've been bottling this up for very long, but now I feel that I can't take it anymore. I have to reveal to you that I am actually an Undercover Prefect, also known as a UP. My duty is to stay undercover and book people without telling them - then if they suddenly go to detention they also won't know who booked them.

Of course, being a nice guy and all, I haven't booked anyone since the start of the year. Until recently when I found that some people were testing my patience. However, I'm still kind enough to inform them when they get booked. Some prefects don't bother to go through that route, and they are SUPPOSED to. I tell people why I book them so that they can learn. But then again, SOME PEOPLE NEVER LEARN! So what choice do I have other than to book them?

Before you call me the typical arsehole prefect, let me justify my actions. I'll put my booking form here so you all can see. I try not to book anyone more than five times because that would mean they go to detention. Plus it's so close to CT period detention must be very painful for them. I'm not talking about RIPB detention, of course. That bloody detention is more like mugging camp.

My detention is only run by two people, me and the other UP. And I'm warning you now in case you didn't know, the other UP also is part of this blog. But as usual, I CAN'T TELL YOU who he is! All you have to know is our detention is more than just mugging. You'll go through 1) interrogation, 2) interruption and 3) integration.

Want to try it out? It's okay, you just have to do really stupid things, like what Shawn Lim has. See for yourself what he did. If you can't see the picture clearly, then you just save it onto your computer and enlarge it. I think it's pretty self-explanatory.


(note their IC numbers)

I must admit I felt a bit book-happy that day, for after nine full months of not booking my fingers tend to get itchy real fast. But like I said it's justified. And anyway I haven't keyed in the bookings so if you want to appeal you still can. Do you think any other prefect will be as kind as me to ask you all politely for appeals? It just proves how lenient I am. I don't believe in punishment, especially when I'm at the giving end. I feel very painful whenever I have to dish out punishments, but sometimes people just ask for it. (find this familiar too?)

Now for Danny Goh's case, the bookings were not done by me. It was Ms Grace Chong, Chemistry teacher for 4GJ, who asked me to carry it out. As Kwok Wei Jie wasn't in class then, she just told me to book Danny. Triple booking, some more. Actually I didn't feel that his crime (spurting vulgarities - details in form) was bookable - but Ms Grace (so she calls herself) did not like it and she did not bother to give him any grace either. So I was forced to book him. Now you must understand even though I am a UP and a UP has tremendous powers, I am still forced to listen to teachers. Sorry Danny.

For the final booking of Yeo Kezhong, it was also perfectly necessary. The first crime was because he was impersonating me. He said he wanted to book Shawn, which simply isn't possible because he hasn't got MY form. Yea well I only have one form but one is already more than nothing. So what was he insinuating? That he could be a UP as well? This is a very serious crime - impersonation. No choice but to give him one point.

The second one was simply because Kezhong asked for it. I said why should I give you a point for nothing? Then he said he wanted it and it would please him very much if I booked him so I said okay here goes. Number Two Demerit Point. I really don't know what goes on in his head la. Don't tell me he wants to go for UP detention!! That might be really sad.

Well in any case today is really a 水落石出 day for me. I've revealed my identity, and I can tell you it doesn't feel good. However, for the good of the school, I have to do it. I really aspire to make the school a better place for all and this is the only way I can do it. I have to be brutally honest and tell you that I don't like it, but like I said sometimes some things are beyond my control.

At least I bother to justify my bookings, unlike some other prefects. Or prefect nominees, giving reasons to vote them which they don't bother to justify. If some people claim to be the "perfect prefect nominee", then we have all the more reason not to vote them in. So they can try for prefect again next year and be the perfect nominee yet again. For a perfect prefect nominee is only a nominee, not a prefect. Why vote them in then?

Precisely my point - don't vote them in.

Anyway, being a UP isn't easy. Because of my commitments in this sector (I do many things to improve the school, trust me), my grades have fallen drastically from a GPA 4 (yea I'm that smart) to around GPA 2.8. That's quite sad, but a UP does have his days too. Yesterday, for instance, where I managed ten bookings. And it would interest you to know that being a UP means that even Tim Chow is my lackey!!

Okay this is top secret so please don't tell anyone. I don't converse very much with little Timmy anyway, so I certainly don't command him about.

Though I certainly can if I want to.

It's just a matter of choice. But since Tim Chow is such a nice guy like me, I don't usually do it. I've learnt to take things in a more light-hearted manner ever since Drama Feste. Sitting on the fence and getting your arse hurt beats sticking to one side and getting shot in the arse. Trust me. That is why now I've also stopped commenting on sensitive issues and adding fuel to the fiery scandals that go on everyday in our school. I let things take their natural course.

Nevertheless, I think I've digressed quite a bit. All you have to know now is that you're not going to accuse me of any scandal because I am an Undercover Prefect. That meaning I can book you for slander if you try to slander me. 诽谤是个严重的罪刑！ So don't try your luck with slander because I'm telling you right in your face now that I CAN AND WILL BOOK YOU!

Okay enough of this booking and UP talk. Think you must be sick of it already so let's move on to other stuff.

This is a picture of our class noticeboard, updated daily by me except for this particular entry, which I have entirely no idea who did it (seriously):



Seems like Danny is getting real desperate for someone. Hmm. But like I said I will not comment on sensitive issues, so you just see the picture and decide for yourself.

Okay that's quite enough content for today. Before you jump to any conclusions about me I'd just like to remind you of two things, which is basically the message I wanted to tell you in saying all the shit above.

1) I am an Undercover Prefect.
2) I can book you for slander.

That's it. The other materials I put are simply for your.. perusal. Hope you've enjoyed reading it.

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LATEST NEWS ON INTEGRALS: YH and I have been recently released (ie yesterday) from our puppetry duties. The puppet show is over and thus it could be said that we both now have a life. Olé olé!!

It just calls for a celebration doesn't it?