The Outing

I'm just here to tell you a true story about myself. You can say that I'm a loser and all, but what I hope is that you'll learn a lesson from the story. After all, life is about making mistakes and then learning from it. If you're smart, you make others make mistakes for you. Unfortunately I'm very stupid, so I make the mistakes for others to learn from it. But I'm very noble and selfless, which is why I'm sharing with you the tale.

It was a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon - meaning today. And I, being very bored, decided to go to town. Toa Payoh Town, that is. Don't you know that I never go to Orchard? Of course you might be reminded that I have an earlier post which mentioned that I went to Orchard, but that was for the pure purpose of visiting my teacher in hospital. If you don't believe me, you can go ask any of my classmates. After which I went straight home - so there wasn't any time to really be cool and hang about.

In any case, I reached Toa Payoh Town within five minutes. It was freaking crowded, for a Saturday afternoon. That bloody place is always overcrowded anyway. Plus after interclass soccer my whole body was still aching so I was limping all over the place like some German sergeant in a trench with a bullet in each leg. Okay that was lame.

I first went up to Popular to search for a book to buy. The holidays seem too long to do nothing, so I decided to pick up the good habit of reading. I went under the section of "Health" but the only titles there were stuff like "Supersex", "Ultrasex", "How To Have Good Sex", "Sex for Dummies", etc. By the way I'M NOT KIDDING!! Go check out Toa Payoh Popular if you don't believe me. I was like wtf I'm sure this is going to improve my health! Plus, the government nowadays are condemning underage sex, or sex in general since AIDS and BIRD FLU seems to be rampant.

Then they say they want more babies. I think it's 前后矛盾。

Back to the point, stupid Popular is not only not curbing the problem, they are making it worse. What's worse was that there was a little kid around the age of eight or nine picking one of those books to read -_-" so will someone please answer the question of what is society coming to nowadays? I was so disgusted I moved on to the next section - "Non-Fiction".

After checking out the range of titles they had I think that I'd seriously go read "Chemistry Matters" or "Physics Insights" by some Tan Yin Toon or Loo Wan Yong or maybe even Leong Kok Weng. What the hell, why do you need to learn how to scale mountains when all Singapore have is hills? You go sub dy/dx = 0 into the Singapore equation and you'll find that the maximum point you get would be y = 164 metres, and that's your freaking Bukit Timah hill. I'm sure I need oxygen tanks to climb that. Or determination. Or anything that even requires guts. Tsk!

The "Languages" section was much better - because if there were faults to point out I couldn't understand them. So anyway I decided to buy a few books - one on Italian, one on Spanish, one on Portuguese and one more for Russian. After all since it's the holidays I might as well learn more languages in case someone decides to kidnap me and transport me overseas. That way at least I won't have communication problems when I go overseas. Heard kidnap-and-run cases are common now, so this is the least I could do. Other than gaining weight, of course. Don't you know people like haram are hard to kidnap? There are some people so fat that you can't even fit them into your car if you wanted to kidnap them.

Oh wait, those people that big probably aren't kids anymore. And don't look at me because I'm not implying anything.

So I lined up at the queue with my four books. The queue was damn long as usual - so I pondered cutting queue. After all there was no one with blue forms and black shoes, but I think if I cut queue in front of this muscular man instead of having black ink on blue forms I'd have blue-black on my eye. No choice but to line up nicely.

The muscular man, however, turned out to be quite a bastard. He was trying to flirt, no wait, he was flirting with the cashier at the counter, trying to ask which membership/credit cards had discounts (and obviously trying to free frag some discounts for himself by 强词夺理). Now it's bad enough he's flirting but it's even worse he's flirting when I'm trying to buy books! I personally don't give a damn if he wants to do it in the middle of nowhere but this is Popular and Popular is somewhere. However, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was seriously about to punch that fagut in the face but I thought I should get my wallet out first, so if he tried anything funny I could book him.

Then the surprise came. I had NO MONEY IN MY WALLET!

Tmd, no notes, nothing. Only two booking forms and two receipts for bubble tea. I had some coins but do you think I'd have enough to pay for four books? This is a lesson to be learnt - always check your wallet before you come out. I had to walk out of the queue and put back all the books. Which earned me quite a few stares. At that moment I felt damn stupid. Even more stupid than giving out M1 bags during Matriculation Day at RJC. I mean, it's RJC and they're giving out silly M1 goodie bags? Similarly here it's Popular and I'm giving out coins to the cashier. Super gay.

I put the books back. Which meant that I came all the way from my house to Popular to buy nothing? That was stupid. I just had to buy something - so I bought an eraser for thirty cents. Ah, at least it wasn't a wasted trip. Because from what I know I think the trips cost more money than the stuff I bought. Just wonderful, don't you think?

So just for the sake of wasting time, I walked into NTUC, feeling like a 笨小孩，and true enough as depicted in the song, I was like 没有钱在口袋。Also used up thirty cents, which meant that I had like fifty cents left. NTUC wasn't that bad - they had some promotions going on and there was free Milo, free Koko Krunch, free Campbell soup and many others! Unfortunately I couldn't try any because I didn't bring any tissue paper, and when I drink I tend to drag it along my face before putting whatever liquid it is into my mouth. Thus as you can see I'll need lots of tissue paper if I were to drink any sort of liquid.

However, NTUC practises double standards. I also saw promoters for Brand's Essence and Yomeishu but where were the free samples!! I tried asking them for some but all they gave me was a cold stare. Baskit, I understand their need to cut costs but I don't understand their bad service. They could give a crossword for us to complete and if we did it correctly, then we would be entitled to a free sample. Now isn't that so much better, rather than seeming so unapproachable and unfriendly? They could always make the crossword bloody difficult, and indirectly tell the public "no drinks for you". But they don't, so it's their fault that they seem so unfriendly. Poor service, too.

On the other hand, I can't see why their lucky draws are so freaking easy. If you would look carefully, the answers of their lucky draws usually can be found on the same paper where you submit your answer, which is just plain dumb. I think NTUC and the school have got it all mixed up. The school should be giving us the NTUC lucky draw type questions, so we can all get our GPA 4s and be happy. On the other hand, NTUC should place differentiation problems in their lucky draws, so only I can get it along with the China scholars. This way, we're all happy. SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE SYSTEM!!

Talk about System (12), I am reminded of the 4D queue at NTUC. Don't know why so bloody long, and I noticed that more than half the people in the queue were females. Huh.. then what's the issue about male gamblers gambling all their money away and causing family rifts? The queue was from inside the shop all the way outside the shop, and I can count the number of people. The ratio of males to females was 14:17, where one unit stood for about three people. I think these people are like me, too free so they come out to queue. However, they are more stupid because I come with thirty cents and go back with at least an eraser but these people come with ten dollars or so and go back with a silly piece of paper which they'll eventually crush.

So I think I'm not that stupid after all. 无庸置疑。

Then that was it, so I took a bus back home. When I boarded the bus, the reader read "Transfer". Hahaha! Another lesson to be learnt - if you want to be bo liao, at least have precise timing. Think I spent just under an hour at Popular and at NTUC, so I still got to abuse the bus system. Only paid thirty-five cents instead of forty-five cents, which means if I do it three times I'd get to buy another eraser!!

Wonderful, I say.

Life is all about going out and abusing whatever systems you can. But please do remember to bring sufficient money, or you might have to end up queuing twice. And as time is money, this means that you get to waste more money in queuing. Also, you shouldn't spend too much time at one place, just like you shouldn't spend too much money on something (like a bloody rostrum -_-). I didn't spend a lot of time at Central, and as a result saved money on the bus ride. Sometimes money, like time, just have to be spent. But if you do, spend it wisely - on stuff like erasers.

Okay I think I'll stop wasting money talking cock and go do something more meaningful. Just remember that systems are meant to be abused and samples should be given out regardless of what the product is.