My Allocation

Hahaha~ I'm super sick now. And before I die I think I'd better write some form of allocation of my items to various people. I don't like the word "will" - and don't ask me why because i just don't like it. I'm seriously sick le, so I hope you will all grant me my wishes should I go off to heaven/hell where there is no RP and better yet no more worrying about my GPA. w00t!

Oh man I feel so happy because I won't have to take CTs - which is probably worse than hell. Because it's living hell! But of course i'd rather live than die (duh!!), but it's always good to take precautionary measures. After all this seems like the "in" thing now - and in life you are always taught to expect the unexpected. Anyway before I get on to serious business let me tell you a bit of my illness.

I have a bad, bad cough - and its so bad they call it asthma. I just took some inhaler so I get temporary reprieve from that suffering. Plus since I've been coughing the whole day I had backache from bending over and my head has been jerking rapidly, thus giving me a headache as well.

So now I'm suffering from bad cough + headache + backache. And think my neck also getting a bloody ache because it is in between the two aching parts. Oh and I've got a sore throat too! I've lots of phlegm in my throat and before it gets gross I'll spare you any additional details. I'm really sick and that's all you need to know. It cannot be a good sign because I haven't been sick for very long already. Then couple of weeks ago I fell sick and now's the second time. And I don't think it's because of my chinese prelims (seriously!). Nevertheless yes, once again, this is strictly for precautionary measures:

MY ALLOCATION

1. All my personal belongings (excluding those that I shall list below), or any money that I leave at home, shall be given to my parents. $34 and a load of trash (and some really brilliant compositions and inventions) isn't a lot - but it's better than nothing at any rate. Meaning that it is better than everlasting love because as I proved before, nothing is better than everlasting love and $34 is better than nothing.

2. On second thoughts, you can give my brown teddy bear to my sister. And maybe give her $3 so she can go Macs to grab a bite or something.

Now comes the important part, instructions to be carried out carefully:

3. One precise, well-placed slap on Danny's mother-in-law's left cheek. Must be done using four fingers with at most 0.5cm spacing. You put your fingers together to slap, also never mind. Preferably carried out by Adnaan.

4. Anything under my desk is automatically credited to my seat-mate James Miao. Especially the rough papers since I think he should need them for Maths.

5. Oh and there's another Bayley file under my desk. You could pass it to either Kelvin Yap or Ngiam Xing Yi. One's my mentor, the other's my successor. Or should I say one's my master (I'm just a puppet) while the other is my replacement puppet.

6. All my French notes to Tea Zhi Hao, also known as Été of the Higher Order - with capital "H" and capital "O"! Hope he can pass DALF C2 by next year.

7. A reminder everyday to Chan Yuk Lun to constantly update the blog even though I won't be blogging. I'd do it in the past, but now it seems I need someone to do it for me.

8. My little pencil accessory to Shawn Lim - who seems to just love all these little cute stuff.

9. All my love songs (that I composed) for Danny Goh and/or Md Noor E Adnaan (please note it's "Md" not "Mohd" - very kindly pointed out by Adnaan). Yes, Adnaan's a jammer but he likes my recorder too. And Danny needs my songs badly if he needs to try to get back _______. I know it's a long shot, but at this rate if you want hope you be desperate.

10. My goalkeeper's gloves to Poo Yi Hong, fellow goalkeeper in waterpolo. Think he might find it very handy.

11. My recorder and top hat to Chan Yuk Lun and Poo Yi Hong - who hopefully will lead The Integrals to greater heights and one day complete my dream of travelling around the world performing for others. And earn lots of money, of course.

12. My worksheets folder to Liao Xiangjun, so he can complete his collection of folders.

13. My Ricola packets to Paul Lim (also known as the Prefect Master), Chua Xiao Chong (yea he's a bloody idiot but he's still in my class after all) and Ho Chin Nam (just for fun).

14. My $2 badminton racket to either Kane the Bane or Clemens Chay, spasm king. Of course I'd rather give it to Kane the Bane, since he's quitting badminton. Then the racket comes into play.

15. My total outstanding GPA of around 3.0 is to be allocated in this way (make sure it's perfect okay!):
a. Gan Chong Zhi is to receive 0.8 GPA from me.
b. Gan Ming Kiat is to receive 0.8 GPA from me.
c. Kennet Tay is to receive 0.6 GPA from me.
d. Melvin Seah is to receive 0.5 GPA from me.
e. Alex Tan is to receive 0.3 GPA from me. (Would be nice seeing him getting more than GPA 4).

(Please note that the students mentioned in a-d are not particularly weak in academics; just that they are my closest friends when it comes to studying and getting back tests. We're all in the same boat, man. In the event my GPA cannot be transferred, pass them all my notes in the same proportions)

16. My Asics Gelfeather shoes are to be auctioned off, and the proceeds will go to the Fund for Uganda's Cancerous Kids. You might want these pair of shoes because I beat Seng Kong in 2.4km using that certain magical pair.

17. My short pants to Soma Sundram Shivanesh. He's always wearing long pants.

18. My silly new, thick-framed spectacles to whoever wants to look cool. Give it to The Pineapple if you please, and I'm not mentioning any names because it might be too sensitive.

19. $2 to Zhang Kahn our dear class treasurer - for I believe I still owe him that amount for the GP book published by RJC. Too bad I won't get to use it.

20. And that reminds me, pass on the book to Sherwin Sim for entire randomness.

21. My many pairs of trunks are to be divided equally among PoloExpress (ie James, Yuk Lun, Yi Hong, Seng Kong, Sherwin, Chen Kai, Danny and Jeremy). Think I've got enough for one each. If they don't want then just put in Lim's office (lifeguard/"part-time coach" that wasted my money for contact lenses), or just put one up at the top of LT1 at RJC so I can leave my legacy there.

22. My contact lenses to fellow goalkeeper Poo Yi Hong. If it's too strong then give to Jie Hanson so he can spoil his eyes.

23. My wooden dumbell (that weighs 4g) to Yeoh Seng Kong, who always loved gym.

24. My calculator with the integration sign to Mr Chandru Mirpuri, always the beloved Maths teacher.

25. My Drama Feste pictures (they're in the locker) to Timothy Wong, whom I believe will know how to deal with them in the best manner possible.

26. My Bayley bandannas to the prefect nominees with the smallest heads.

27. My prefect voting form to Chris Kwan, so he can kindly vote himself.

28. My two booking forms to Gan Chong Zhi and Andre Xiao - both aspiring councillors in RJC. They might as well start now.

29. My markers to Alex Tan, for he will take attendance (correctly) and update the class noticeboard after I'm gone.

30. My sugar packets to Tumnus Huang Lu, who had a habit of taking six a day while in class.

31. My monitorship to Md Noor E Adnaan, who always loved this class. If he doesn't want it, pass it to Asif Iqbal or Md Ihtimam. It must be a Bangla that replaces me. If that is not possible as well, then just freaking give it to Gan Ming Kiat.

32. My best wishes to all my fellow "muggers" in 4J and all my mocking laughter to all those lovebirds in school. I like taking time to tease those people with girlfriends for the sake of doing so, and it seems only right that I leave my laughter for them.

33. Oh. And last but not least. Give my HCL Prelim papers to Zhang Yin, since he supposedly failed overall. Well he might need my yingyongwen and zuowen! Haha.

34. Okay maybe one more. My curses to those GEP teachers who are bloody biased.

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I hope you all will grant me my wishes. By "you" I mean any reader who comes across this. Of course I'd rather it be done by someone responsible, but that's hard to say. Since allocation is as allocation does, I hope Mrs Nathan or Mrs Neoh (2 FTs) will do the honours of carrying it out. My parents will take everything I possess at home anyway.

But if I don't die tomorrow, then this allocation is withdrawn. I'll see if I feel like writing another one tomorrow. And like it or not, I still want to live. So chances are that I'll live tomorrow. Then we see how things go. In the meantime I do hope YL and YH will try to update this blog as soon as possible - just in case my illness keeps me bedridden or something.