Revision for Chinese

Q: It's a glorious day and the sun is shining. What am I doing at home?
A: Mugging for Higher Chinese "O" levels!! DUH!!

Some people have complained that if I type everything in Chinese, it would be very difficult for them to understand. I find this a little ridiculous, since my standard of Chinese is not even like, 水到渠成。Anyway, after another visit to 陈某人, I feel the inspiration to post again. This time, I'll provide you a complete guide on how to score full marks for your Chinese paper.

I am qualified to teach you this because:
(1) Although I scored 61/110 for RI prelims, I could have scored full marks if I wrote with my right hand.
(2) Although I scored 67.5/110 for the NY paper, I could have scored full marks if I wrote my answers in simplified Chinese characters (because I wouldn't have to think before I write).
(3) Although I scored 65/110 for the SN paper (which I did today), I could have scored full marks if I read the 理解问答 and 长文缩短 passages.
(4) I can score full marks any day with the answer script in my hand.
(5) Although my marks are not great for any particular paper that I have taken, I like to 一鸣惊人。And "O" levels will be easier to I'll score full marks.

Now you 心服口服？Let's start.

一 填写汉字 （5题10分）
You have two options: (1) Mug 手册 and 词语表, (2) Be China.
If (2) is not applicable to you, then do (1). Now I always score full marks for this section, and it's thanks to my 手册 and my 词语表。That one is 无庸置疑。

二 填写词语 （5题10分）
This one very easy. Don't come and kpkb. With 汉语拼音 and you still can't score full marks, you really ought to kick yourself in the arse. And my advice is the same with regards to 填写汉字。

三 造句 （5题15分）
Important to note is that the shorter your sentence, the less mistakes you are likely to make. I admit I've been rather long-winded in my 例句 yesterday, but nevertheless they are all correct. However, as your standard of Chinese might not be as good as mine =X, I encourage you not to write long sentences. It's like sticking your head out of a car window on CTE 7pm Friday night.

Here's an example: 荆棘
Smart way: 我昨天在公园看到荆棘。（3)
Stupid way (sure got mistake): 他有着坚强的意志，可以越过生活上的荆棘。 (0)

Always take the 造句 at face value. If you want to take silly risks by having long sentences or trying to play punk with the words, you'll only die a horrible death. Even if you get a strict marker when you write sentence number 1, theoratically he/she cannot give you a 0. So you'd better be sure when you do stupid 造句 that it is 100% correct. Otherwise you're screwed, and it's none of my business.

四 综合填空 （10题20分）
One of the easiest sections of the paper (other than 理解问答 and 长文缩短）。You are given four choices, and among them one of them is surely nonsense. Eliminate that. Your chances of getting the correct one is now 1 in 3. First you anyhow tikam one, then you change your choice (provided you know that another of them is wrong). Note that the probability of getting it right after the change is 2 in 3 (it's mathematically proven okay!), so it's always good to change. This is how you maximise your chances.

Of course, if you know the answer and are cocksure about it, then you put it down. (废话！）

If you don't, you can always do it the Literature way aka A View From The Bridge way aka Settle For Half. Just take the two most likely answers, and 水乳交融。Then you would definitely get at least one mark for one 错别字。

This is not called cheating, this is called 技巧！

五 理解问答 （6题30分）
My favourite section. Basically you copy the passage for everything, and look like you're not copying anything. Then for the second last question, where they usually ask for meaning of sentences, you give model answer. Must act pro and include as many 成语 as you possibly can into the answer. Even if the examiner doesn't get what you're trying to say, he/she will be visibly impressed. Full marks.

Last question is usually 你同意吗？or 你赞成吗？I'm telling you a secret: The answer is always yes. Trust me!! You say no only they come after you. And for this question, the best is to usually act very morally upright, and pretend you're some saint or something. I, of course, don't have to act. I could just be my natural self and score full marks, but that's because I'm already very morally upright. However, it is those cheaters and those morally downleft (opposite of upright) who can act the best - so I believe they can act morally upright if they want. That way also full marks.

Just don't come and play punk with the examiner. He decides your marks.

六 长文缩短 （1题25分）
The most imba section, because 1 question only but 25 marks.

The trick is to keep it to 135 words - for that is abusing the system to the maximum. And you must 顾名思义，长文缩短 means 长文缩短。Meaning you keep your answer short AND keep your sentences short. Long sentences only serves to piss off the examiner and waste your words, because long sentences need conjunctions and you can't afford to waste your precious words on conjunctions. Silly things like "既然..就" and "因为..所以". Waste time and words only. And since time = money, you waste money.

Might as well go re-write the whole passage. So take my advice and keep it short. Then you'll get another full marks in the bag.

Oops. That's full marks for the whole paper already.

Nobody said it was difficult.

Sadly, I cannot impart my 作文 and 应用文 knowledge to you because I haven't went to memorise model answers yet. BUT! If you're lucky maybe YL and YH will come explain it to you.. though I doubt very much they have the time to. In any case, with 110/110 for your 试卷二，you are bound to get an A1 overall. Unless you're a total jackass who can't write any Chinese for nuts, then you jolly well deserve to screw up. Plus, I think you deserve a kick in the arse for scoring full marks in the main paper but failing to get an A1 overall. That one is 不可原谅, you can go 自生自灭 for that.

In any case, this is all I have to share. I know I'm like some great 大公无私, 慷慨解囊 person - but it's okay you don't have to thank me for this. I just 助人为快乐之本。Just that if you get your A1 for Chinese, remember to have 反哺之心 and treat me. If you don't have and want to treat me, that's fine with me also. I very 无所谓，as long as I have 渔翁得利。Just treat the Chinese paper like the Maths or Chemistry paper and all will be fine.

Take first two sections like straight-answer type questions. Take 造句 as writing equations. Take 综合填空 as MCQ. Take 理解问答 as designing an experiment. And take 长文缩短 as differentiation, and leave your answer as a single fraction (paragraph). Like that only.. what's there to be scared of? Don't 提心吊胆，must 义无反顾地把它做好！Then 不会辜负老师的殷切希望。

Best of luck to everyone tomorrow. Including myself.

Let's all score full marks.