That some people are damn free.
I was just flipping the papers for something interesting to read (after carefully analysing the Premiership table, of course). You must understand that after reading the figures off the table there isn't much motivation for me to carry on reading the papers. After all, my reading diet comprises of just the Premiership table. It's like you eat one plate of chicken rice for dinner and you're full. So do you eat some more? No right?
Similarly, I didn't know why I bothered to read on. Perhaps it was because I felt a bit hungry after Premiership table. There wasn't anything much to digest in the first place - since there had only been one match played on Sunday, that being Arsenal against Liverpool. That would be equivalent to let's say, half a plate of chicken rice. And as there was still space in my brain (like stomach), I went to read on.
Aiya I think you get the idea.
The New Paper yesterday had this article - I'm not sure on which page, but it doesn't really matter since I'm putting it here anyway. Like your bloody lecturer flashing you some stuff on the slide and saying later "it's all in your notes" and jacks you like mad because you've been copying down the shit on the slide fervently. Lecturers are sadistic, I tell you. But before I start on another story I'd better not digress too much.
Here's the article you should read:
100kg man attacks Tampines coffeeshop patrons. Now what on earth makes this so interesting, I don't know and after reading the article I still don't. After all, what's the big deal about some fat shit whacking the hell out of old men? (I assume old men are free enough to sit at coffeeshops.) I mean, don't you see a similar scene everyday at RJC? Like at your class table there's some obese fagut who has come back from buying his food and finds out that there's no space at the table. Though of course there is enough for one AVERAGE-SIZED person. So he'll whack one guy on the back to say something like, "hey make way" and stuff.
And there is the entire possibility that the fat arsehole's birthday falls after the guy whom he whacked on the back. Thus the guy sitting down would be an old man, for he is already older than the fat guy. We are constantly told by teachers that "you are not young kids anymore" - so.. eh? If we are not young kids, then that must make us old men! Hence point proven. There is nothing special about fat faguts whacking up old men. (No offence to fat faguts.)
Then back to the article - we start thinking about what could be so special? Tampines coffeeshop? I'm sure that there is certainly more than one coffeeshop in Tampines, which makes the article very.. stupid. Why the heck are they reporting on mundane stuff? It's like they got nothing better to do? They are a damn newspaper, for goodness' sake. I know TCS also blogs about mundane stuff but then again not the whole Singapore reads our stuff. And in any case it's as if they, like us, have got NO NEWS AT ALL TO REPORT and is making a mountain out of a molehill. Along with a fat guy and coffeeshop patrons.
So what on earth is going on, man?
Suddenly, I saw the light when I shifted the newspaper. The coffeeshop patrons weren't just coffeeshop patrons.. there was a VIP from England/Holland who had come to the Tampines coffeeshop. Then oh my god suddenly the article made so much sense. At least now it was something to report!
Just have a look at this:
In case you cannot read the wording.. the first arrow to the left was "he whacked people here" and the arrow to the right has the words "...and a man here". And where does the arrow to the right point to?
RUUD VAN NISTELROOY! OMG!
What the heck is that joker doing in Singapore? Don't tell me he flew that ten thousand kilometres just to get punched by an obese man? It just questions his commitment to Man Utd - he's so damn free that he can come to Singapore in midweek since Man Utd is evidently not playing till this weekend. So instead of training with the club he comes down to a coffeeshop to get punched. Funny chap.
But in case you Man Utd fans were worried about him getting injured, no fear. He already went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for a checkup and was proclaimed fine by the doctor. He is in "stable condition" and has since been discharged. But then again he wasn't even hospitalised so it's no big deal, really. After all, isn't it normal to get punched in the Premiership? It's so typical of the English hooligan fans or some hooligan players to punch others in the face - tsk. Still, take comfort in the fact that Van Nistelrooy isn't injured.
The reason why Van Nistelrooy has come, is probably because he fell out with Sir Alex Ferguson. As you all who watch soccer would probably know, Sir Alex is a cantankerous bull with no bloody logic or any shred of humanity in him. So he left Van Nistelrooy on the sidelines for a few games. (Actually that made a lot of sense since we all know Van Nistelrooy's rubbish) However, this led to a spat between the two jokers and Van Nistelrooy, not having such a good temperament himself, escaped to Singapore to show his TEMPER! Believe me, this coming Saturday, you'll probably see Sir Alex scowling at Van Nistelrooy more than ever.
Which Van Nistelrooy would be more or less be asking for. Taking a flight to Singapore could not have been more stupid, the jet lag's terrible and that will affect his form in soccer. Basically, there is a lesson to be learnt here - that Van Nistelrooy is too free and he's really quite stupid to come all the way here. He's such a crappy striker and has such a rubbish personality, man. That fatty did well to punch him.
Anyway it's time for dinner and unlike my reading diet which can be forgone, I certainly cannot live without food. Ya you can say I'm greedy, but so what? I'll never eat till I'm 100kg. And even if I do, I won't go around to Tampines coffeeshops to punch people. Oh please, I'm not that free.
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