Kounsil Elekshen (2)

All right since Yuk's post yesterday was about Kounsil Elekshen, I thought I should just kontinue on the subject. After all with pretty much nothing to talk about nowadays, except that the soapwater from Stall 2 still tastes as bad as ever, we'd just have to make do with what we have.

So apparently nominees were forced to write a 400-word essay to join the council. Or rather, a 400-word essay to let the council people know you better. The essay was to be based on answering these questions, namely:

- Who are you?
- Why do you want to run for council?
- In what ways do you think you can contribute as a councillor?
- Why do you think you should be a councillor?

For those who have a mental block or just suck at writing essays, don't worry that's why TCS will always be there for you. Actually, when I say "there", I mean "China", for two of the TCS members are currently enjoying themselves over in China!! But that's not the point. You're supposed to need help with your essay, so I'm going to help you write one. It's not going to be more than 400 words, of course, but since there's no minimum, I'll take things into my own hands.

You could write something like this, sounds very intelligent:

Who am I exactly? Now that is a very good question, Mr. Council Member, but I'm afraid it is not difficult enough to challenge my wits. Of course, I see myself as an individual, (your name). But as this is for council, it's probably some trick question. I'm not supposed to say this but I'm supposed to be honest so here goes, I'm going to try to seem honest to you. I will give you model answers. I see myself as a student leader at RJC, I see myself serving the school by leading and leading the school by serving. Yes, that is indeed me.

Whoa.. just check that out man! So brutally and refreshingly honest, I'd bet the councillors will all be damn impressed. Okay even if they don't, you still have three more chances. The next question - why do you want to run for council.

I would really love to be a councillor because it gives me such authority, such a title that people will respect me. Also, since I have two legs and train three times a week, I find myself having a great passion for running. When running, you will find it meaningless to run laps round a track. Hence similarly, I have a destination in mind and that is a place called "council". Given my 2.4km timings and my ability to run around Macritchie, I believe that is why I'd love to run for council. It's my damn passion.

If you don't like running, then I can't help you. You either 1) disregard the above advice and write your own essay (and not get in of course) or 2) start loving to run. You'll find the latter a more pleasant choice. Now Question 3: In what ways do you think you can contribute as a councillor?

Like you who cannot tell me the specific number of peer nominations required for one to be considered as a nominee, I also cannot tell you specifically how I can contribute as a councillor. I think, therefore I am. I think I can contribute as a councillor, therefore I AM contributing. And you'll have to believe me when I say I can contribute in many ways. How so, that will remain confidential. It remains confidential due to my fiery passion for the council, not because I am an arsehole. I intend to surprise everyone with my grand plans for this council that I love so much.

That's not bullshit. That's the truth. Time to tackle the final question.

I never said I wanted to be a councillor but since your question assumes that I want to be a councillor.. then I will assume that role. As I love Mathematics and in particular Arithmetic, I like to sit down in one corner and count the number of male teachers go by - also known as "count sir". I think I should be one simply because I'm honest enough to admit that I'm good enough for it. Since I bothered to do this essay, it also shows my commitment. I bet you also cannot deny that I will make a good councillor, and thus since you council members think I'll make a good councillor, then that is why I SHOULD be one. Now dig that.

Put all four of them together and you get a complete essay. I didn't count the number of words because what's important is the meaning, not anything else. Another thing: don't plagiarise everything from here. Have some bloody originality please. If you want to kope this essay you must at least:

1) replace at least one word, even if it is the "your name" at Paragraph 1 I don't care. Just make sure you don't kope bloody everything, I've got a patent for this trash, oops I mean essay.

2) acknowledge your source. I'll gladly accept credit if you get into the council and if the councillors are really impressed with your essay. If you want to treat me to ice lemon tea, I mean soapwater, that is gladly accepted too.

3) get into council. Don't embarrass me by koping the essay and then lao kui and make a fool out of yourself. This essay is not for the incompetent - it's for the BRAVE. If you think you're not then get lost now. You're not welcome to use my essay.

Easy enough? I hope this helps you in your one-week writing of the essay. Disclaimer: if the essay doesn't work it means you suck and they probably don't like your face. And err this work is totally entirely wholly original, but too many originals make fakes so just tell me if you're koping it. I don't want everyone to take it you know. First come first served basis if you want the essay. It might come to an auction but I'll see when the time comes. Right that's all for now.

Before I go, here's something for all of you to guess. It's quite easy really.

-

Q: Why was coolio table quite empty today?

A: Waterpolo trip to China. (no puns intended, which is probably why there isn't any)