Occupying yourselves

Have you ever stared at the calendar and wondered what on earth are you going to do on the rest of the holidays? Or have you already made plans to go on a spaceship and not come back till the school term begins? Or have you just went off into hibernation mode and told your friends to wake you up when December ends?

Haha! I bet you have!!

But fret not, there is a whole host of activities waiting to be done. I know, you're probably moaning that RI has not given you any homework for revision before RJC, and that you badly want to do those calculus sums or chemistry mock papers - but the fact remains that RI did not give us any homework, so stop bitching about it. Though if you want some calculus questions, I could very well give you some. I've still a whole shitload of undone Supplementary Exercises which I don't intend to do and so there. I could solve your problem.

If you don't want your problem solved this way, I still have plenty of other solutions. However, as I am not a tour agency nor a magazine, I will not provide any pictures this time. Because pictures are visual aids and are designed to save your time in visualising instead of reading and trying to form a mental image in your mind. You are here to 谋杀时间, not to save time! Since the holidays have provided you ample time to slack, then use it to slack. Thus, you will find below a list of the most meaningless activities you can take on during the holidays. I guarantee that you will find it very enriching and.. meaningful. (Fe-ic)

1. Go fishing
I think you might have read a little bit about it in my previous post. Fishing is an absolute waste of time, and an absolute crap sport, if you even consider it a sport. It's simply the worst sport after rock climbing, which is another absolutely meaningless sport where you cling on to little rocks going up a big rock. Blah. Fishing is similar in that sense - because you use small fish to catch big fish. I recommend if you want some thrill in fishing then you go outside RI General Office to fish. Or go make sampan and travel to the North pole to have some real fishing, Eskimo-style. The boat trip will take damn long anyway so hopefully it will waste enough of your time. For enquiries call 1900-FISHING.

2. Read blogs
By saying this, I don't mean read TCS. This is because I cannot promise you updates all the time, as I have my own time-wasting programs. The holidays are going to be damn long and the last thing you want is to get work done. So in order not to get work done, you go blog hopping. Like a frog. This is a super great waste of time because as you hop from blog to blog the way a frog does from lily pad to lily pad, you'll find that most people don't update their blogs by the minute. You refresh and refresh and no new posts appear, so you go to the next blog. It can be quite time consuming as the network of blogs can go on forever like some gay spider making a web. Your time wastage program thus goes on forever along with the blogs. If you're tired of hopping, all the better! Just go and sleep. I tell you, this is one of the most ingenious ways in wasting time. Trust me, because I've experimented with it during CT period.

3. Set up a talk cock blog
Another piece of advice I can offer because of experience. First you set it up, then you talk tremendous amounts of nonsense on it the way I do. Or if you don't have anything to say, you try making the blog into a ridiculous HTML haven. Go play with the template and go make it into your ideal website. Make sure you suck at HTML first. Or to make it more exciting, remove the Compose mode editor, which leaves you to blog in HTML. Super fun I tell you! Also you'll find by the time you set up everything, you won't have enough time to eat or sleep, which is good because it means you're wasting time. Perfect remedy for the holidays. Only downside is that you'll have to compete with me, which would make me talk even more cock and further my time-wastage plans. Then I'll waste more time than you and you will lose badly.

4. Sprint across Orchard Road
Remedy for long and boring weekend afternoons. Start at one end of Orchard and then sprint to the other end. You'll find that it's much slower than walking. Why is that? Sprinting tends to see you knock down a lot of people, and some people don't fancy getting knocked down. You might ram into some big ha-ram and that's the end of you I can say. This one not only waste time, but also waste your energy and your HP. But never give up! If you go Orchard Road every Sunday to run across like that, you might find that in time, you will get enough experience to advance to the next level. Then you can go run through Geylang across tons of sex predators. I guarantee that you'll piss them off even faster than the inhabitants can. And when you advance to the level of Geylang, be sure to sprint across every nook and cranny, up every crack and crevice. This one better, because can train everyday, don't need wait for Sunday. Then when people run after you for your life, there will be great thrill as you sprint away from them. Don't thank me, just do it. The more you offend and the greater the distance you cover, the better.

5. Play Pokémon Ruby.. on Gameboy
So you think you've owned Pokémon Ruby on the computer? Try it on Gameboy. No money even better still - then makes you think of ways to earn your keep and buy Gameboy, which ultimately wastes even more time. By the way, let me remind you that there is no spacebar on the Gameboy and there is no substitute for it as well. If that is no challenge to you, then make every single damn Pokémon of yours Level 100, and catch every single damn Pokémon in the game. It'll be a miracle if you complete it before the end of the holidays, which means that it'll probably take up the whole of your holidays. So far so good, unless your addiction stretches on, then you can go screw up your JC life. This time-wastage plan is 100% effective, but might also be 100% addictive so users are recommended to exercise discipline.

6. Go gym
Research (on Yeoh Seng Kong) has shown that if you have big muscles, you'll do anything it takes to get bigger ones. Some people never know their limits, and neither do muscles. Must find out the true potential of your muscles. This is a time-wastage exercise that can waste more than just your holidays, it also saps your energy, like Activity Number 4. It is also best that you go with a few friends, because you tend to spend more time in the gym with your friends around. You notice that things you carry out alone cannot end late, but competitions with your friends always can. With your friends around, you can have a weightlifting competition. And since no one likes to lose, you must hold at least ten rounds to find a winner. That way, the loser will have to 心服口服, and the winner will win fair and square. That's killing two birds with one stone - because you waste time and you get to find the true strength of you and your friends.

7. Download a song on Ares and watch it download
This, unlike bird-watching, is less satisfying. But Singapore all the bird also the same - black and ugly, so you might as well watch your music files download. For all those not in the know, Ares is a famous download program designed to make your life easy. It also is a great time-killer as the downloads are.. super.. shiok to watch. Don't take my word for it though, you must try it to believe it. Killing time is a great way to get away from murder. Kill one won't get arrested. Kill another ten also won't get arrested. To kill time by watching downloads is like killing time in the most painful way possible. You get to be a sadistic killer and run away scot free. How much better can life get during the holidays?

8. Sleep
Undoubtedly another classic way to kill time - and you can't be charged for murder because you don't know that you're actually doing it. Your conscience can only charge you for manslaughter at the most. I'm sure most of you will lack sleep due to the continual demands of the Raffles Programme, and so this is the best time to recover. You'll find that most of the time-wastage activities are easy to carry out, but might take up lots of energy. I suggest you take this measure to recover your energy as well as to waste more time. If you're the hardcore sort, you could try going into hibernation mode 24-7, and adopt sleeping as your time-wastage plan. Just have on hand sleeping pills, now readily available at any pharmacy, and maybe put the face of your most boring teacher in front of you. In my case, I'll have a picture of D Tan on my ceiling, and then lull myself to sleep. No side effects.

9. Act as girl in chatroom
Another classic way. Go fix up fake appointments and meetings with those online buayas. Act young - which come to think of it we ARE young. And act as a girl because knowing those buayas they only want girls. And there are always lesbians around to meet your demand if the men are not buaya enough. Pretend to be damn cute and damn sexy so people will be enticed; and the best part comes when you fix up the appointment. The sooner, the better. That way the people will get tricked faster. I personally think I should try that one day, because the more people I trick, the greater the satisfaction I get. You could have a competition with your friends and see who can trick more online perverts, and loser has to go to the designated meeting place to meet them! This way, you get more thrill in your ever-so-boring holiday life yet again. Don't worry, you don't have to thank me for that, you must thank yourself for being so proactive in taking up my advice.

That is all I have for now. If you need more ideas, I'll be glad to provide them throughout the span of this holiday. Of course, what I have here is a tentative list, it can and will keep growing so long you keep the ideas flowing (like electrons). If you have an idea that you wish to share with the rest of the world, our mailbox will always be open. Also, this is just Part 1 of what you could do to occupy yourselves for the holidays. The best is yet to be, so you should stay tuned for more action to come.

If you want a more concrete plan, I could draw one up for you for Monday. (24-hour plan so it's a complete guide for you)
12am - 9am - Sleep (Plan 8)
9am - 10am - Ruby on Gameboy (Plan 5)
10am - 12pm - Go blogs and set up your own (Plans 2 and 3)
12pm - 1pm - Download songs while the computer is on (Plan 7)
1pm - 3pm - Go fishing and get a tan (Plan 1)
3pm - 7pm - Go gym to look cool (Plan 6)
7pm - 9pm - Go chatroom to hook people up (Plan 9)
9pm - 12am - Then offend the faguts you hooked (Plan 4)

See? This is about being practical.

Integrate all the above plans into your life, you get a solution on how to solve your ever-so-boring holiday life. Like I said, you don't have to thank me, you'll just have to thank yourself for reading such great advice and for carrying out such fulfilling activities. By the way, you could send me a video of how you wasted your time during the holidays. I don't mind watching how you wasted your time.

And in so doing, waste my own time.