About soccer

Silly Chelsea just had to lose last night. The very first game I watched them in action, they lose.

Now who says they're good? I think they suck. Plus the goal scored against them was by some fagut who should seriously go consider playing Runescape and upping his Fletching skill by tons. Or he should consider a new career in archery - or to be more precise, making arrows. We don't need arrow-makers in the middle of the park at a very Old stadium called Trafford.

So Chelsea has lost her virginity. After eleven games of flirting with various men of the Premiership they finally got raped last night. WELL DONE!! The way they played last night anyway, I seriously think they were asking for a f**king (which they got in the end). Although they did very well in the second half, football is not about settling for half. It is about winning and they failed to do so. Obi quack ah Chelsea.

Nevertheless, I would like to take this opportunity to find out more about soccer fans. What makes a club great? I think Man Utd played very coolly last night, because they had like thousands of fans in their stadium. Plus, it's winter, so they froze Chelsea out. No wonder they won.

But if people ask you if you are a Man Utd fan, you'd better be prepared.

Let me show you a classic example.

Guy: Hey, what football club you support?
You: (intending to say "I am a Man Utd fan")
You: I am a Man..
Guy: Obviously you man la! DUH?!!

It gets worse if you are an Arsenal fan.

Guy: What football club you support?
You: I am an Arse.. (about to say the "nal")
Guy: Hah! No wonder you stink!

It doesn't get any better if you support Chelsea and the guy's Hokkien.

Guy: So which team do you support?
You: I am a Chel..
Guy: You are a Chèl Chee B**? At least you're honest! (read the accent)

What if you are a Wigan fan and have a build like Tumnus..? (unlikely both ways)

Guy: So you support..
You: I am a Wi..
Guy: You so big-sized still call yourself "wee"? What the hell?

Or if you are trying to be racist..? (Must be Chinese to try it.)

Guy: What football club do you support?
You: I am a Black..
Guy: !!! - You're obviously not black! Are you trying to be racist?!

Or if you support Liverpool.

Guy: Which team you support?
You: I am a Liv..
Guy: I know you're living la, duh! Can say something I don't know?

Aston Villa sees you in the same predicament as Arsenal fans.

Guy: Which team do you support?
You: I am an Ast..
Guy: You stink! And I bet you're American because British uses "arse"!

So the next time some guy asks you which club you support, do not answer in the format above, ie "I am a (team name) fan."

Just say, "I support (team name)."

Trust me, it makes lives much easier. Especially for yourself.