When I am in a very violent mood, I tend to vent my violence on faguts whom I dislike very much. There is particularly one fagut who offended me one time too many, and I feel that everyone should understand how I feel about this issue. Now I'm telling you that I feel very pissed. Understand? Yes? Good.
And please pardon the occasional vulgarity that I will scold in this post, because I can and will scold vulgarities when I am in a very violent mood. I tend to use four-letter words that Chandru makes people write two-page apology letters for. So if by any stroke of luck you are very sensitive to vulgarities and will faint at the sight of one, then you'd better get the hell out of here before scrolling down.
Oh, and there's another group of people who should leave before I begin my assault.
They are the fans of Jay Chou.
Go away before you get hurt by my random remark. Now if all is set and okay, I'll just get the barrage going. And here's a disclaimer: I'm 99.99% sure of any claims that I make, and the only reason why it is not 100% is because I don't have any evidence. The evidence which is worth 0.01% of proving any point that I make. Therefore it would be incorrect to say that I'm very sure of anything regarding the above-mentioned fagut. I make my statements mostly through logical thinking and some speculation.
Down to business.
Now, being very ignorant of modern pop (shit) culture, I tried looking for this dumb shit in F4. Meaning the little men below:
And it's very strange because none of the people in F4 look like him. My memory must be failing me, for I distinctly remember that he was with F4. Perhaps he could be an alternating current, and then he might have Alt-F4ed the boyband. So since he quit F4, he wouldn't be there, would he? F4 is not very cool anyway, I prefer people from 4F. Ultimate muggers and great soccer players. There are also quite a few members of 4F from China, and I believe they can sing better than people from F4.
The only thing that comes to mind when I think of F4 is a four-letter word starting with the letter "F". I mean, don't you think that's only a natural reaction?
Right. I started thinking of other possibilities. There is also another band, quite famous.. sings Chinese songs (duh). A band which number you can use to buy 4D but I can ensure you that it will never come out because Singapore Pools support local artistes, not foreign talent (if you can call it talent):
The most crazy band of all. Band name 5566 yet the number of people there are only four. Is this some mathematical trick? They look like another bunch of sissies or gays, but at least they have this aura around them. Both F4 and 5566 seem a very friendly kind. They don't give me the heeby-jeebies, or the piffle-sniffles the way the bastard below will. And the fact that these people are in the band proves that they have teamwork. And that's why I don't really hate boybands.
Unlike this solo, egoistic, bloody fucker. (He thinks he's damn cool.)
Just look at his face. One look already can tell like he wants to fight. What's more, he thinks he's so bloody good that he doesn't need a band, he only needs his yandao face to come and whack the other boybands right? Right?
WRONG! (duh)
Let us first look at the definitions of jay, which can be explained very simply using Talk Cock Summit's Dictionary and Thesaurus (which is like, THE Saurus). Definition No. 1 claims that a jay is actually a species of bird. It can be quite a lame bird, or a cuckoo bird; but at the end of the day it's a jay. Definition No. 2, contributed by Soma Sundram Shivanesh of Class 4J, claims that a jay is an ugly Indian woman. Now I don't know how that works out but I trust Shivi to speak the truth.
So in both definitions, do you see a positive vibe anywhere for the word "jay"? I doubt it very much. Even if there are positive implications in the definitions, you can be assured that it is totally unintentional and I would remove it if I find it. But I don't and can't see how the word "jay" have a positive connotation. Not when Jay Chou is still alive.
His surname suggests a lot, too. If you learn Chinese, that is.
丑 Chôu (3rd sound or 第三声): means UGLY. (can't find the proper symbol)
臭 Chòu (4th sound or 第四声): means SMELLY.
I choose to believe that he is BOTH ugly AND smelly, that retard. Although you should really not use this to attack him, for poor little Jay didn't get to choose his surname, did he? Though it certainly says a lot about his nature. I bet he chose the Christian name "Jay", however, and I think you should whack him on that point. It just so happens that his surname suggests ugly and smelly and well..
Ugly by name, Ugly by nature. -- (1)
Smelly by name, Smelly by nature. -- (2)
(1) + (2), Jay is Ugly and Smelly. -- (3)
From (3), Jay's a bitch. (shown)
Sometimes I really regret being 4J, since it has so many dark implications. Luckily, our class follows the German way of speaking and therefore the J in 4J is pronounced "yoht". We do check the German alphabet, thank you.
But back to the point. We should not criticise people just because of the name they choose, or their ugly little face. I have better reasons for disliking him. You might think that I'm an idiot as well, criticising him without any justification. Correct! I am an idiot, but I will give justification.
POINT NUMBER ONE. Jay Chou got no common sense.
He once sang a song called “安静”, which means "quiet" or "silence" in English.
Nothing wrong with that? you might ask.
Well if it was really a quiet song then why did he make so much noise in it? Dumb shit. If it was really “安静” then the song should be like 4:33, just shut the fuck up and don't sing your shit. He kept crowing and swooning in the song and that is what really pissed me off. Worse still my sister likes listening to Jay Chou and everyday I keep thinking some bird (true to some extent) with a sore throat has come in the house to sing again! Like what the hell?!
The lyrics make no sense as well. Posting it would just be wasting MY time. I'd just give a few suggestions for the song. The first is to change the title to “走开”- which means to go away (mild), get lost (harsh) or fuck off (harshest). The second is to change the lyrics to suit Mr Chou who sang this.
Lyrics in Chinese:
好，请你赶快走开
你这他妈的chee bai
你这个na bei 还要 buay hiao bai
你的脸像个大便
我一看你就讨厌
因此我向你建议
去操你老妈的B
Translated violently into English:
Okay, can you just quickly fuck off
You are a blasted chee bai
You fuck your father yet still want to boast
Your face is like some big shit
I see your face can't stand it
So I will suggest to you
Go fuck your old mother's cunt
Once again, will you please pardon the exceptionally violent vulgarities. Especially the English version, since I wired the translation a little so it could suit the tune. Come to think of it, that is indeed quite a violent song which you can sing to your enemy. Might be a tad too strong for Jay Chou because I don't hate him, I just dislike his guts and I dislike the way he sings his songs. So artificial and so stupid. He obviously doesn't think before he sings so hopefully this will help him.
I'm giving his songs some direction, not insulting him. I hope you don't think I'm directing this at him, do you? Oh no, of course not. I wouldn't even dream of it. I will never use the edited song against someone, though little Mr Chou probably would. Just looking at his face, I can tell he's got a bloody violent nature and is violent everyday. Unlike mine which comes once in a blue moon (there's one today).
Anyway I think I've proven that his songs are quite meaningless. The song “安静”, as of today, is officially dead. The only song that is fully worthy to be called “安静” is the piano piece 4:33, because that is truly what silence is all about. I can play that song, by the way.
And just think about it. No one would put a song with such a silly title. Yes, there is "The Sound of Silence" but no one said that the sound of silence is silence itself. So my claim is justified.
Case closed.
POINT NUMBER TWO. Jay Chou is a gangsta.
If you'll look carefully at all his CD covers, you'll find that he sneers at you most of the time. Either that or he is giving you that beh song, I-want-to-fight or I-want-to-fuck-you-up face. Super irritating, I tell you. I and Jay Chou 素昧平生 (total strangers), 无怨无仇 (no vengeance between us), so why he try to stir up trouble?
I also don't get it. But I refuse to give in to this sort of bastard who stares at me and thinks he can get away with it. Let me clarify this: I'm not a gangster that would fight just because someone stares at me. That is just pure stupid because staring hurts no one. But this fucker here has been staring me for the past three hundred and sixty-five (Arabic numerals: 365) days!! And how you tahan, I don't know. Simply because I don't.
Seriously, how would you like it if someone keeps staring at you. Everytime I walk past my sister's room for all 365 days of the year, he gives me that cold stare, as if he wasn't happy or anything. Like okay, so what do you want? I tried asking him already, but he just keeps staring at me. Exactly like the fucking Bishan Gay who sits at Macs and KFC the whole day just doing nothing but staring at kids.
Bishan Gay is slightly better because I don't see him on weekends when I don't go to school.
Whereas I see Toa Payoh Jay everyday when I'm at home.
I tell you, this is one gangster I'm going to level my scores with. I'm doing it now and I intend to do it anytime soon in the future should the need ever arise.
POINT NUMBER THREE. Jay Chou thinks he's damn smart.
Apart from that gangsta look, he also thinks he's damn smart. Don't ask me how I know because I'm not revealing my sources. Anyway, that arrogant sneer of his only serves to prove one point: He thinks he's damn smart. You go look at all his pictures and how many of them actually sees him smiling?
Hardly even 10%, I'd say. And sometimes I'd really wonder about his intelligence level.
Let us just review another of his songs, called “七里香”。I'm sure that many of you would have at least heard of this album, or song, which to me is certainly an oxymoron because 1) Jay is smelly while his song is fragrant. Very ironic. 2) The title, translated, literally means "7 metre fragrance". Now what the hell is that?
Fragrance, if in the air, will diffuse. You cannot possibly control it within a 7-metre radius. Any self-respecting Chemistry or Science student will tell you that. And what the hell is the title supposed to mean? What 7-metre fragrance? You don't measure fragrance by metres, if you even measure it. You measure it by either volume (which is still very difficult), or just its smell. It's like judging the depth of the pool using radians or logarithms, totally inapplicable and inexplicable.
So Jay Chou, you still think you're damn smart?
And another sub-point, Jay Chou thinks he's damn popular. That is not a very serious offence as many people commit that as well. But it's a bookable offence and if Jay Chou was in RI, I'd most certainly give him hell, maybe like 100 hours of detention or something. Then YH and I, the masters of the booking forms, can go take turns to bully that fagut.
How do I know Jay thinks he's popular? His album of “七里香” shows him in a uniform that looks suspiciously like the Nazi. So he thinks he's some general, huh? He thinks he's some big shot, huh? Big shot my foot. If he's even big anything, then I must say he is a big shot, only with the third letter of the word "shot" mistyped on purpose, replaced by the letter to its left. If you don't get what I mean then you deserve to be shot.
I look down on him for that. He thinks he's really popular, eh? No doubt his ugly face is everywhere and his songs are heard all over the place but don't think I won't dare to challenge him! If he was in RI and if I were in RI (I've graduated) I'd probably whoop him for any positions of responsibility. He thinks by wearing the Nazi uniform he's got a position of authority, but he forgets that I'm der Führer out to fuck him up very well if I please. It's just that I don't please.
And he thinks he's got an army out there which he controls, which he can send to "play my backside", in Rockson's terms? Play then play la! I tell you, the only army he controls is the Young Girl Army. And it's true - for thousands of female young fans from all over the island (meaning Singapore) as well as all over Asia are going crazy over him. They'd form more than an army if he pleases, maybe two or three or even ten or twenty. Depends on how big one army is.
In any case I'm just telling you that guy is just bullshitting if he says he's got an army. His army of females (young ones at that) won't be enough to overcome MINE.
MY ARMY consists of a grand total number of thirteen people. If you still recall the 4J CEC elections, which I still do very well because I logged it somewhere, a total thirteen people voted for me. And though the average age of my army is probably younger than his average age (even some old women like him, okay); I'll bet he gets owned if our armies clash. For one simple reason: My army consists of non-buayas and will not be affected in fighting females if they want to provoke or attack us.
We'll just retaliate very very mercilessly. Sure, Jay's army could hurl his CDs and albums at us, while we throw chairs and tables courtesy of classroom C1-21 from RI. How about that? And maybe hurl the bloody projector at them as well, for it has not been working very well as far as I can remember. Broke down quite a few times too, while GC or DT was trying to show us Chemistry videos or Physics powerpoint.
And oh, not forgetting the OHP. Maybe we should hurl that at Mr Chou for good measure. That is, if he wants to start a war. I'm very receptive to the idea, because I don't think I will lose.
Oh plus maybe I'll get a bonus eighteen students to join in the war effort, because as 4J is a monarchy (der Reichstag) and I'm the monarch, anyone in 4J is automatically under my command. There will be no compromise, none at all. And I seriously am beginning to believe that I'm going to win the war with my army of thirty-one. Plus myself thirty-two.
Let me illustrate my example with Paddy, perhaps one of the most famous fighters in Britain. This example of Paddy is courtesy of DodgyScouser, one of the greatest joke sites ever which I love to read but I have no time to link. Here it is:
--
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry and the entire dominoes team from the pub -- that makes 8!"
Saddam sighs. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asks.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighs. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"Begorra!" says Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified out Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam is silent for a minute, then sighs. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!", says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" says Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy "We've all had a chat and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."
--
I hope you enjoyed that.
And do remember that I'm slightly more powerful than Paddy - four times, to be exact - because I have thirty-two people in my army while he has only eight.
So don't provoke me any further, Jay.
Nevertheless, I know some of you are going to talk about me, saying that I'm jealous of him and stuff. Well just let me clarify that I am not. For one, why should I be jealous of him when I'm better than him in like, almost every aspect? Even if I'm not, as a person overall I'll trounce him flat. And here's why:
Looks
I know a lot of people is going to say he looks great but I beg to differ. He's an ugly creature like me. I've got nothing to lose in criticising him here because if anyone says "you think he's ugly then you not ugly is it", then I can only reply that yes I am ugly and so what?! His slit eyes and big nose very big deal? Even if he looks better than me, I'm gonna tell you it's not gonna be by much.
Voice
All I can say is that his voice is unique. Like whose isn't? Even if he sings better than me I can play the recorder and I bet he can't. He will also get whooped by the best English pop singers.
Cliff Richard will shift him off the cliff.
Rod Stewart will prod him with a rod.
Elton John will shove him down the john.
Because their voices all own him. Even the voice of RI Class 2005 is better than his, because our batch song is "Voices That Care". Our voices do care. His doesn't.
GPA
Judging by the way he sings his songs and his thinking process, if he even goes through it - he can only be deserving of a GPA 0.8. I mean who can be so dumb? He'd fail everything except maybe Chinese, which he might beat me in, but then again you must always look at the big picture. He'd get whooped in me by English, Mathematics, Chemistry, Physics, and every other subject under the sun. Oh, and if you would watch Initial D, you would find that he can't act as well.
That would award him an "Ungraded" for Advanced Module Literature: Theatre Studies.
CLE
This one I confirm pwn his arse. He whole day sulk and sneer, probably get Approaching Expectations overall. I can assure you that you don't get good results for CLE by being a gangsta and showing fuckface everyday. Oh no - you'd have to be at least cheerful. I can at least see F4 and 5566 getting Meeting Expectations or Exceeding Expectations for their teamwork and cheerful personality, but Jay the solo kia-cum-gangster can jolly well go fail CLE. That sonofabitch. How's he gonna even come close to beating me?!
PE
Now although Jay looks like your typical fit young man, I doubt he can be so fit as to score full marks for Napfa. Like his song, the 7-metre fragrance, that's probably the furthest distance he's ever ran. And that is probably justified for this sort of no-lifer who confirm just spend his days singing away. Therefore, when it comes to 2.4km, he won't even pose a minor threat to me. Plus, you think he can invent games when he can't even invent songs? Fat hope, Jay. I think he only sings and eats and would have the figure of a haram had he not use unscrupulous techniques. The only reason why he has such a slim shape is probably because of his fucking sponsors and slimming products. I can bet the farm that he would have tried using Slim 10 before at some point of his life.
RE
If he sings the whole day, there is obviously no time for him to do research. Research takes time, not just skill. He would probably have neither and therefore I beat him for RE.
So the final score is Jay 0 YJ 100. Because like RP, different things carry different weightage and the weightage for judging ownership is as follows:
Looks (0%)
Voice (0%)
GPA (25%)
CLE (25%)
PE (25%)
RE (25%)
And so there. I've pwned Jay. (proven)
Thus concludes my studies of Jay and my violent streak for today (it actually rhymes). Since I pwn him, I cannot be jealous of him. It's only logical thinking.
I hope he will 自我反省 (come to his senses) and not 执迷不悟 (continue to believe he's damn good). Because after today I think the whole world is gonna know that I'm obviously much better than him.
Oh yea.
Much, much better than him. (shown) #
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