Dental experience

This entry goes out to all those who wants to make braces because there is overcrowding in your damn mouth and you don't like the look of it.

If you've already started, congratulations. You're in the same boat as me. By "same boat", just imagine this boat of idiots floating on a sea of blood. The blood that is freshly flowing from our mouths. The wonders of extraction does not part the Red Sea, but instead adds to the amount. I suspect that the volume of the Red Sea is going up every year thanks to each idiot who decides to make braces. You want to complain, but you find that you can't because talking will only make sure that the blood keeps on flowing. So you go to the nearest computer to vent your bloody (literally) frustration.

Ah, so it helps a little.

If you haven't already started, I encourage you NOT to go for it. This is because 1) I want to prove to you that I'm not a sadist and 2) read the description above. If you think I currently have problems with my teeth (or rather the gaps in my teeth), think again. It's more than a problem, it's a disaster. So unless perfectly necessary, you don't kill yourself by doing braces.

Then you might be wondering, why didn't I check out how having braces was like before I went to make mine? I could have avoided all that suffering. And would I not be an idiot to make braces just for cosmetic purposes?

That's a good thought to have - and I'm pre-empting it the way US troops do to the Afghans and Iraqis because I really have nothing better to do other than drinking blood and trying hard not to retaliate to the raging fire that is going on in the background. (Some people take advantage of the situation when I am not able to talk, which is pretty smart but pretty merciless as well.)

And anyway, back to the point. I was tricked into doing it, and is probably one of the victims of the School Dental Service. It was quite a long way back in Sec 2 (when Sherwin Sim started his buaya streak and having relationships) when the notion first came across me. This is because the School Dental Service had summoned me to their movable van in the middle of a very interesting Science lesson, the Science lessons that we still had then! Now this is just further proof that we've gone a long way back, I really miss Lower Secondary Science.

I got fooled to go up the dental van because this was apparently "compulsory". The dentist looked like half an alien.. and don't be fooled by this appearance, because the other half looked like a Frankenstein. A female Frankenstein. She growled at me to come lie down while she starts hammering my teeth to bits, and taking sharp instruments to screw around with my gums. After which she declares, "I think you need braces, you nitwit. You evidently haven't been brushing your ****ing teeth and it's causing tooth decay. Your teeth aren't aligned, so brush it better the next time I see you. Don't let me catch you with such terrible teeth again."

She had her wish - because after that I simply vanished. My teeth were still terrible, but I didn't let her catch me. And I explained to her at that point in time that it was impossible for me to make my braces because I played waterpolo as a keeper, and wearing braces would only serve to give me cuts in my gums and blood in my mouth. Definitely a no-no. She didn't let me off there and then, she just said something to the effect of "I already told you, if you don't want it then your teeth can go rot for all I care."

As mentioned in the previous paragraph, I simply vanished after her 循循善诱 (literal translation: kind words)。So for the whole of Secondary Three I went out of class just to go to the toilet for a while before returning back. At that time I disliked Maths with Chandru, so it was kind of acceptable to pretend to see the dentist.

Secondary Four and my past came back to haunt me. I forgot what lesson it was (ironically), but all I knew is that the dentist finally changed. This one looked a shade better than the dentist two years ago probably because she was wearing a mask the whole time, so I couldn't see her face. So far so good.

Then the question inevitably popped up again. "Are you thinking of doing braces?"

Waterpolo season was over and I had no excuse - but I just lied to say that it would cut my teeth. Mistake, because she immediately handed me a form of possible dentists/orthodontists (stupid word, no?) and said that I could go do it after my waterpolo season. After which she said your teeth isn't that bad, but you should really go straighten it up. She also mentioned that the treatment wasn't that bad, for I could complete it before I go into the army. Note that she SAID, not GROWLED.

So I got taken in by her lies, and thought - Why not? The only (clever) thing I did was to wait for the bloody school year to end before I started my treatment. That way if I died, I would die during the holidays. Much preferable than to die during CTs or the school term, because sleeping in class will see certain teachers calling up my parents.

Well, here I am. The victim of the School Dental Service.

It's their fault because they made it sound so easy and they made it sound like I really needed braces and stuff. They kept REMINDING me that I had to get braces and misguided me into thinking that my teeth was way off perfection that I would have problems in old age, blah blah blah. In other words they just lied a lot to me and made me have hallucinations. So I blame them for all my troubles now.

I'm only glad that I didn't go to the orthodontist they recommended. Hell, I'd bet that doing so will only result in the School Dental Service into getting more commission. So they can go hire more Frankensteins to frighten the wits out of poor, timid little schoolchildren (like me) and then earn more commission to get even more Frankensteins. I call it a vicious cycle.

So you'd better brace yourself for it.

In any case I also didn't know four extractions would be that bad. I had this dental nurse in primary school called Nurse Seet (anyone from the same primary school as me can testify to that), and she did an extraction for me once. I think it was a milk tooth and I almost shouted at her then, if not for the fact she had many dangerous weapons on her table and I was totally at her mercy. She gave me no warning and just said calmly afterwards, "Okay I did an extraction for you, you better go brush your teeth properly now ah!"

Like what the hell. Too bad the extraction didn't affect my pronunciation - because I would dearly love to call her Nurse Sheet (sic), which is probably what she is anyway. Piece of "sheet" indeed. She was also probably the only reason why the number of people hiding in toilets dramatically went up year after year in primary school. Only I, the brave (and stupid), would dare to go face her year after year just to get scolded.

She still serves in my primary school, by the way. Go try her if you've got the time. After all if the holidays are too boring for you and you need action, she's the one. The sheety one.

Nevertheless in saying so much, I will now 长文缩短 (literal translation: long text squeeze short) to summarise what I said above.

- Braces will hurt. Don't get unless it already hurts.
- Extraction of permanent teeth does not equal extraction of milk teeth.
- School Dental Service cannot be trusted.
- I am a victim of the School Dental Service.
- Get your braces done privately, not at Temasek Towers. It's a scam.
- All dentists that treat you for free are bad. (it's true that there's no free lunch)
- Brush your teeth or the dentist will do it for you with razors.

That's about it. In case you were wondering if I am regretting it now, actually I'm not. Because it's done already and even if I regret, it's not going to pull my GPA up (sadly). So might as well just look forward, since things can only get better. I look forward to the day where I can go rip chunks of meat off chicken wings again. That event will occur around two years later, and I'd be sure to blog about it if TCS even survives longer than the braces.

P.S. I saw this Seven-Eleven advertisement at the bus stop on the way back home - and I think that the actress featured (she's called Rui En, I think) BADLY NEEDS some braces!!