Latest news: 9/11/2005

INTEGRATED NEWS - ISSUE TWO

There has been rumours that The Integrals are disintegrating at a dy/dx (rate) faster than they are integrating. Or should we just say, The Integrals have been differentiating. It is sad to note (like you know, music notes of sad songs) that our members have all, more or less (which there is more "more"), 销声匿迹 - which translated means we're all disappearing.

Lead singer Chan Yuk Lun has been deployed to China in an attempt to fight the avian flu. He will be fighting it from the water, since birds are a common sight in the air as well as on the ground in some places. He will be fully equipped with the latest equipment, yellow Mikasa balls with black stripes on them. The shooting range is believed to be somewhere in Guangzhou, where he will fire his ammunition from the water to hit the birds. He is accompanied by another two sharpshooters from the RI squad and a number of sharpshooters from other schools. Don't know why he doesn't want to join Raffles Shooting Club.

Recorder player Lim Yejie has been unable to play the recorder ever since he went to excavate his teeth in the hope of finding gold. Very unfortunately, there did not seem to be any after his teeth got excavated. Acting like a tough guy should, he went to blow the recorder immediately afterwards but he realised that no sound was coming out despite a lot of blood going in. In the end, the recorder turned red and he has had a gag order. No playing of recorder, and no talking at all. His enemies (quite a lot of them) have taken pleasure in insulting him verbally, for it is well known that he cannot return the insults unless he is seated next to a computer. He will be out of action for a long time to come.

Horn blower Poo Yi Hong has still no horn, and is believed to be off in the land of Warcraft with fagut Danny as well as a few others. After being mercilessly kicked out of duty from the CCAL Camp along with the recorder player, he seeks solace in training waterpolo plus the occasional activity which we don't seem to know about. If we all knew about it, then The Integrals would not be differentiating already, wouldn't we? Seems like it will be a while before we will all come back in action.

There has been possible news of people joining The Integrals. After all, we do not limit our talents in music to ourselves - we pave the way for others. James Miao looks to be an interested party, after defecting from the now-defunct Polo Bodohs. There has been speculation that the GEPs in Polo Bodohs were really too Bodoh for him, being unable to achieve the GPA of 3.8 that he has gotten through pure intelligence. The Integrals, though lacking the GPA, does provide a sense of ownership for James. For we all know that Express owns, and as The Integrals is a pure-Express band, we have no choice but to own.

As The Integrals have hit rock bottom (as in not those rock songs) already, there can be no more loss. The future is bright, like Mr. Brightside.

(By the way, Mr. Brightside is a real person. He is quoted as saying, "My enemy, Mr. Darkside, is currently residing in RI and is known to cheat in exams or tests. And sometimes just copy assignments.")