Polling Day

For the big guns out there, it's Polling Day tomorrow.

While for the small pistols here in RJC, Polling Day is already over as far as they are concerned.

But there might be also a few members of the school community who have MP parents and already are better equipped in campaigning. And going by the logic that my first sentence of this post is correct, those sons-of-the-guns have already had their Polling Day.

And I mean no offence in that - because it's usually these big shots' (no pun intended) sons and/or daughters who pwn you in the school elections. So in the event that I'm running against any of them, chances are that I'll be shot down beforehand.

Well thank goodness I'm not. Or at least I don't think so.

But weapons aside, we should take a moment or two to reflect how similar the RJC elections has been for us to the real deal that will be going on in Singapore tomorrow. In fact, I find that my campaign has many similarities to that of a real political party's.

Now how is that? I'll explain it to you.

1) I GIVE MY VOTERS A CHOICE
Like the WP, I believe in giving my electorate a choice. So instead of having a walkover in the Single Member Constituency (SMC) of Bayley-Waddle, which will soon expand to a Group Representation Constituency (GRC), or something which we call an exco, I decided to give the other candidates a run for their money and therefore choose to make it a three-way fight. After all three-way fights are more exciting - both for betting and for predicting the outcome (though they are related). Since Singapore couldn't produce any exciting three-way fights, RJC will be the scene of FOUR three-way fights.

Now all houses with the exception of the boring constituency of Buckle-Buckley will have a kick out of seeing who will win. We spice up your life, see? And you will remember me for giving you a choice.

2) I CONDUCT RALLIES TOO
Of course, my rallies are nothing like that of the PAP's or any oppositions' in Singapore, but I do deal with bloody pertinent issues. I hold my rallies most of the time in the canteen, with the occasional one up at the constituency of Shaw Foundation Library, where no one runs to be the chairman except for the quietest fagut in the whole damn school. And he's got his army of ministers too. We call them "librarians".

Anyway let me give you a sample of my rallies. Goes something like this:

"You know that fagut teacher called _______________???? (Teacher's name not given to protect myself from getting my arse kicked) I can't believe his teaching style, so f***ing useless and yet he's so bitchy. Sometimes I think that male teachers have PMS lor! That f*** so bloody irritating, make me feel like want to slap his face ar. You vote me in la, I'll fight for your rights. I can suck up to this gay c*** teacher and then maybe he'll treat all of us better."

My audiences range from about two people to around say, seven at most.

3) I SPAM THE SCHOOL
Well I found that spamming your constituency wasn't enough, you had to do more than just that. As a result, I went to tell the whole Raffles community about my intentions to run for minister of Bayley-Waddle SMC, because I wanted to be an SMC (Super Marvellous Captain). Ya which kind of causes me some trouble in classes with my GP teacher asking - "eh you want to be captain right?! then must be more enthusiastic in class!" or something to that effect.

Then oops I just realised that I was effectively giving myself the "inspirational boy" brand - and teachers in turn expect more out of me. Ahahaha they think that I'm some Malaysian Airlines, going beyond expectations? Sorry man, like most ministers campaigning for their SMCs, I only care about my Bayley-Waddle SMC, but other than that I really couldn't give a damn.

Though I do try.

Here's my spamming poster. Straight to the point and straight in your face. Like your minister's photos out there - but only I didn't feel like putting my face on the posters.. might have adverse reactions, so I just put one huge word instead. Point still gets across. (I hope.)

4) I AM INVOLVED IN POLITICKING
You know what they say - politics is dirty. I can't admit that I've been perfect ever since the campaigning started, because I've never been perfect and I don't think I can ever be perfect ahaha! Well like a certain Zemog (name changed to protect identity) out there, I admit to not submitting my minority candidate form even though I was a minority candidate, being the only person from a non-double science class to run for the ministerial position of Bayley-Waddle SMC. Luckily none of them have taken to splashing negative publicity on me, otherwise I think I'm finished for this election.

Oh and another thing: I submitted my nomination form (or campaign proposal, if you please) a whole THREE HOURS late of the original schedule. Though the Elections Department of The Democratic Republic of Raffles (also known as the 25th Students' Council of RJC) still ultimately accepted my proposal, there has been rumblings about how "that fagut is always late in submitting his stuff". Uh, but unlike Zemog yet again, I have been spared negative publicity because there's no real PAP in RJC. =)

You could say I've been let off the hook, but zomg luckily I didn't end up like Zemog. Haha now I just realised how "Zemog" is quite similar to "zomg", but never mind.

5) I TALK COCK
Unlike Singapore's General Elections where parties seem to sling mud at each other, I'm more concerned about talking loads of rubbish. In order not to make empty promises or to break full promises, well JUST DON'T MAKE ANY. That is the secret that I think everyone knows. Basically I like to talk rubbish and let everyone take it all in. Being a democratic republic that RJC is, I understand the electorate's need for amusement and fun. And I give it to them.

Talking cock might not get you the position, but since everyone's doing it (both in and out of RJC), just join the crowd la! I like to be kiasu like most Singaporeans. Don't take any chances, cock up your speech along with the rest. That way you can't go wrong. Or at least if you're wrong, ALL WILL BE WRONG TOGETHER! Zomg some politician am I.

With my once-in-full-swing campaign now over, I finally get to take a breather and watch as the nation polls tomorrow. Singapore does not seem as technologically advanced as the Democratic Republic of Raffles, since we have computerised voting and Singapore doesn't. And also our polling centres are air-conditioned! Looks like Singapore still have a long way to go in terms of voters' welfare eh..

But nevertheless that's not the point. I hope you have learnt more about the Democratic Republic of Raffles's election process here - it's so exciting and fun. I certainly have (learnt much) as a campaigner. Haha I am SO gonna be well-equipped when I come out to the real world of campaigning and politicking in a few years' time. Well with my experience, SINGAPORE HERE I COME!!

In a few years' time. (Since there are candidates in this GE at the tender age of 24 anyway, I thought I might as well set a new record haha. Age of 22 for the win!!)