Letter of distress

I am writing this letter to someone who fully understands the problem, someone who can really help me with it. Thus I wish to direct it to an Uncle Agony (or whatever his name is), no aunties please. You will see why.

Dear _________,

I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a fix. Because of this little thing called the World Cup that going on now, I'm afraid I've started to hallucinate and my life has been turned upside down. Being a rather mild football fanatic, I wasn't really interested about the World Cup initially. But after watching the first, somehow I got hooked onto the game and I started watching every single match after that even though I am deprived of cable television.

I'm now a full-time football despo. I crave World Cup matches, and I find many ways to get my live coverage. I've resorted to going to Macdonalds late in the nights, early in the mornings to catch the games live. And this lifestyle is driving me mad because the burgers I buy look like soccer balls. The ladies serving me at the counter look like they support Germany (with their black faces). The alternating-coloured tiles on the wall looks like Croatia's jersey.

And worst of all, I go mad when I see a field and I start scoring imaginary goals.

Now you would also like to know that being a student of one of the top JCs in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area, I have Common Tests coming up at the start of the term. However, I only just received news on it when I met one of my friends at Macdonalds. If not for him, I would never have known about it. Apparently, they are going to test me on Mathematics, Chemistry, Biology and Economics.

So I am turning to you, Uncle _______, for help.

Can you please tell me how to find the answer scheme for all the Common Tests so I need not mug and concentrate on the World Cup? Or could you provide me with a one-hour crash course each day before the World Cup matches so that I'll do well for my CTs? I don't mind the hallucination really, I just want my results. Uncle, please help me.

I don't need to pass with flying colours. Because I am seeing lots of them at the World Cup already. Just let me enjoy my soccer and come out with decent results. I'll be happy enough.


Yours footballfanatically,
Nidiam Lusmahs

(P.S. In my state of hallucination, I like to think of myself as a referee)