How to watch WC

All right. I'm guessing that when you all read the title you all would probably be thinking like - "This bugger has really gone crazy now - who the **** does he think he is telling us how to watch World Cup?!!"

And if you're thinking that I'm going to say that "you're wrong, actually there is more to just turning on the TV and watching it" - you are wrong. Because this post is not meant for anyone out there who's reading this, it is simply meant for myself.

I had a harrowing experience (okay maybe not) on midnight, the 13th of June 2006. Despite the possible fact that the harrowing experience might have come from the date (13th) or the fact that it was simply midnight the witching hour, I can assure you that it did not come from either. It was because of the World Cup Group E match between the Unscrupulous Screwed Arseholes (commonly known as the USA) and the Czech Republic.

As you can tell from my description of the Americans, you probably know that I'm not too fond of them. So I was basically just waiting in front of the computer for the match to start, waiting for the Czech Republic to deliver the USA a whooping. I wanted to see the pain on every American's face in the crowd as the Czechs put them to shame.

Yes, I was that confident of the Czechs. And yes, I'm that sadistic. But don't blame it on me, blame it on the American Gunbound and Runescape players - they started all that crap which made me hate them so much. Half of them think Singapore's in China, while the other half probably doesn't know that a country called Singapore exists. (What they really need is Shamsul Maidin to referee their game and to make a few kayu decisions - against them DUH - before they'll finally accept our existence, albeit with much anger.)

Nevertheless, that is not my point. The point is that those American sh*theads are badly in need of a thrashing. And I was badly wanting to be the witness to it. But as the match started at midnight and the previous one ended at 11pm, I had time to kill. So I figured I'll just have some fun on the computer.. until I realised that OOPS. It's already past midnight.

If you had just read the last two sentences of the previous paragraph, one might think that I'm a little good boy waiting to go to sleep. Oh no, the fun had just begun. I turned on the TV when the match was about eight minutes in progress. After all, eight minutes is a little too early for goals right?

Jan Koller didn't seem to think so. The fagut.

While I was chatting and playing my time away, THIS happened:


Czech Republic 1-0 USA. (I'm not going to spell out what the initials stand for because it's time-consuming and disgusting.)

Well, well, so much for time wastage - I've wasted my time not seeing American ego getting squashed. Ugh. So from the 8th minute I just slacked in front of the TV, waiting for some ownage to occur. It ALMOST happened, but no goal. That means objective not met.

Since it was a warm Monday night/Tuesday early morning, I decided to take a shower. After all I had just came back from a birthday party and I haven't showered since, half past seven. If you know me, I am very particular about cleanliness and all because falling sick means I don't get to watch WC. Which could mean the end of the world. Therefore, with much reluctance to leave the TV, I finally went to shower at the 28th minute.

Then..


This Czech bastid made it 2-0 for them. When I came out of the toilet around ten minutes later, I was damn pissed having missed yet another goal. But of course since I already pissed in the toilet, I couldn't be much angrier. Plus it was way after midnight and if I made any noise, the no-life neighbours (who don't, can't and won't watch soccer anyway) would complain. So I just sat and watched till half-time.

Half-time seemed like forever and I was getting tired. The logical choice was then to go and sleep. I turned off the TV, kind of satisfied that the US were, in their own kind of language, "getting their asses kicked". Went to my room to lie down and after a while, I figured that I wasn't so tired after all. I don't know why but it's just this feeling.

I tried to sleep. Zz..zz..zz.. but to no avail.

I got up. Turned on the TV again. Then I stood in shock and I was like "WHAT THE HECK".

Czech Republic 3-0 USA


Must be that Rosicky hates my guts. Always scoring when I'm away from the TV. When he scores, I'm caught napping.

Though I was happy that the USA were getting deeper and deeper into their mire (world ranking 5th my foot), I still wanted to catch a Czech goal. So I told myself, "I'm not going to miss any more goals", and it was there where I resolved to watch the whole damn match in order not to miss any goals. No matter how tired I was, I was going to stick it out in there.

Well, the Czech must have kind of made up their mind to close up shop. When I set up camp in front of the TV, those irritating faguts with long hair decided to leave the Americans with some pride and dignity. And stop pummelling them with goals.

Okay great. So the final score ended at 3-0, and I must have easily watched more than half of the match. AND I DID NOT SEE A SINGLE GOAL! How jacked is that. This is a reminder to myself as well as anyone/everyone who has had a similar experience: Either you watch the whole damn match and catch all the action (if it's 0-0 you're sad), or you don't watch anything and miss everything.

When you choose to watch a WC match, the opportunity cost is mugging one Chemistry topic. But when you don't get the expected utility in watching the match, then you just got cheated. I got cheated that night, damn it. And I really hate incurring implicit costs in the middle of the night - so let my experience be a lesson to all of you. If you're that stupid enough to go off at crucial intervals of the match.

Another thing about WC matches - entertainment not guaranteed. Like if you watch Korea vs Togo it's a bloody draggg even though the match ended 2-1. You can't support either team because both teams are rubbish. So totally ditching this sort of matches to mug might seem a more worthwhile offer. After all, there is a fixed amount of satisfaction you can get from mugging Chem.. but from watching soccer, it's a gamble. Like I said, you don't want to incur implicit costs in the middle of the night.

So when you watch WC, watch wisely!

Oh by the way - I've got an unofficial version of the US response to the defeat against the Czech. It's brash, vulgar, and basically typical of the way the Americans act towards anything that doesn't suit them. Don't say I didn't warn you. (And read the small print too.)