Battle of the sexes

After YL's profound post on nuclear physics (or is it?) yesterday, I feel like an idiot bringing you back to the REAL WORLD. Where the Earth IS significant, the Sun IS significant and the moon.. hmm maybe not. You would notice after sometime that in scientific books you have Earth starting with a capital "E", Sun with a capital "S" and moon with no capitals.

Hence it can be more or less proven that the moon does not have any significant significance on us whatsoever. But have you ever wondered why? If you have, I say don't bother. These are stupid esoteric questions that you'll never get to answer. At least, I don't get to answer them so I'd rather stick to reading Chemistry. But talking cock seems more appealing so here I am.

Just take it that the moon is useless. See, they only get their light from the Sun. And if you're thinking I'm making a sexist remark because 嫦娥, some crazy woman from Chinese folklore who went to live on the moon (I've even forgotten how she got up there, damn it), IS on the moon.. you're wrong. Because like I mentioned earlier, I'm not here to talk about the universe.

So I think I'd stop sidetracking and get back to what I really want to talk about.

The battle of the sexes. And it certainly does not concern the universe. Just the world. And to make it even more precise, the World Cup. There has been too much debate in the papers about whether the World Cup or the Great Singapore Sale is more important - and in actual fact it's just a clash of interests between the men and women. As a boy who has yet to turn 18, I find myself perfectly suited to give an objective view.

And since Edwin Yeo of The New Paper has stated in his column today that he "does not wish to turn to blogging" - it probably means that he won't be here to talk crap about this battle of the sexes. Well since I watch the World Cup and since there's a lot of debate OFF the net, let's have some now.

What the World Cup is to women: A stupid game with 22 idiots chasing after one ball. Okay maybe plus one idiot in the middle wearing black who can REALLY be an idiot at times - and lots of other idiots watching the 22 idiots chasing after the ball.

What the Great Singapore Sale is to men: A bore. Enough said.

So anyway - I'm here to disprove the women's arguments about idiots. And their statement is so wrong. If you analyse carefully what they say, you can find lots of loopholes in their statement.

"A stupid game with 22 idiots chasing after one ball." - I can easily spot a few flaws with that.

1) The World Cup is not just ONE game, it's a freaking tournament and there are lots of games to decide the winner. To be exact, it's sixty-four.

2) Not to mention playing soccer involves lots of physical endurance and psychological powers (mind games), so how can that be stupid. You tell me.

3) I doubt the goalkeepers actually bother to chase balls around the centre of the pitch. If you don't believe me, try turning on the TV and watch a football match. I think the most number of players you'll ever see chasing ONE ball.. is perhaps. Four or five. Maybe slightly more, but definitely not twenty-two. Still, the women don't watch soccer so I guess their offence is pardonable.

4) Some don't even chase balls at times. There's this technique called "dribbling". And some players just go for the legs instead of the ball. So the argument that the players chase balls is not quite technically correct.

As you can see, sometimes the statements of the women can be quite fallacious. I could also say that the Great Singapore Sale is just basically one whole load of idiots going after bargains - but NO. That's obviously not the case, because all it takes is one genius to go there just to shop for his/her mugging materials and there you go, I'm proven wrong.

So I'm not going to make any sweeping statements. There's nothing wrong with the Great Singapore Sale. It's just bad luck that it had to coincide with the World Cup.

Which brings up another point, some Dutch ladies started some petition to try and BAN the World Cup. What the heck?! HOW CAN YOU BAN OUR BLOODY WORLD CUP?!!!

Now I don't know what those Dutch ladies are thinking, but unlike what you see in local supermarkets, your Dutch ladies aren't exactly the most peace-loving people who are just out to produce milk in funny flavours like banana, honeydew and err.. a few others I can't quite remember. They are NOT milkmaids. They are your potential deprivers of entertainment!!!

It's like, how can you ever ban the World Cup?

It's where you can stand amidst fields of gold and green,
and hear a billion hearts that beat unseen.
You can join the crowds that cheer as one,
in the place where they all come.
You can feel 90 minutes of fleeting time and space,
with tragedy, and triumph, and amazing grace.
You can carry them forever in your soul,
their names carved on every goal.

This is where you can always belong,
this is where legends are born.

If you didn't quite get that, this = World Cup. It's so entertaining, so glorious, so honourable.. so why let the Dutch ladies stand in our way and ban the World Cup?

There were only two occasions where the World Cup was not held - and that was in 1940 and 1944. Also known as umm, World War II. So in other words, with my super logical logic, it means the World Cup is a CELEBRATION OF PEACE! Hmm seems like the Dutch milkmaids want to start World War III, but it's okay - with their population of people residing in the east of Holland, I doubt it would be anything significant.

Still, from reading the viewpoints from some of our local readers - it turns out that some women here are pretty shallow and are suffering from attention deficit disorder!! The men are using the "one month in four years" excuse, and there's this particular woman who replied in a particular paper that "the men should give more attention to us".

Lady, it's certainly not the men's fault if you demand like, 24/7 attention from them. Come on..! After three years and eleven months of giving you total attention, is it wrong to have one month to watch other men? It's not as if they are brokeback either, because though it's true they are looking at other men, it's at a bloody TV screen. So what's the problem here?

By the way, her comment was placed beside scores of other female readers who sent in their views in support of letting the men watch their World Cup. I think this woman must be suffering from severe insecurity. "More attention" - like what the hell. Do you suppose you would be receiving attention from your man at 3am at any normal day without the World Cup? Don't be ridiculous. Go to the Great Singapore Sale.

Just take it that it's impossible to ban the World Cup.

And after blabbering so much, what have we to conclude?

Umm actually. Some men do go to the Great Singapore Sale, and some women do watch the World Cup. Granted their motives might be different, like how men go to the Great Singapore Sale to buy World Cup merchandise and punters' guides, and how women stay up to watch World Cup matches to see hot guysss (which is kind of stupid because staying up gives you eye rings which makes you less attractive).. BUT nevertheless they do it all the same.

So about the battle of the sexes.. men vs women.. WC vs GSS.. that's just nothing but a stereotype. In actual fact, men and women live together harmoniously in a world of peace.

And yes, the WC will be here to stay for a long way.

Unless the Dutch ladies start World War III. Which I hope not - perhaps if the Dutch win this World Cup then that might not happen.

Oh well. So that's all I'm going to say. Just a neutral view from an objective bystander, not supporting the men or the women, because all I am is a little boy that's going to watch Brazil later.

All right enough crapping here - it's back to watching 22 idiots chasing after one ball =)