Of econs tests and carparks

(Originally typed on Tuesday afternoon)

After a long afternoon nap, I think my mind has suddenly become very clear. I will not disclose what happened this morning, but it was an event of such unhappiness that I spent my waking hours from 6pm to 7pm drowning my sorrows in concentrated sulphuric acid. It wasn't at 150°C and it didn't need a reflux. And my body didn't get substituted by anything.

I was just numb. And feeling like something's split me into two. In the solitude of my own house, I felt very much like a lone pair. There was this feeling of repulsion between myself.. an inexplicable feeling probably unknown to most, especially Arts students. They master the emotions and human behaviour, but they do not understand the chemistry within it.

Okay forget it. To be entirely honest, neither do I. Me, I know nothing about Chemistry.. except failing it. But that we can leave aside - because there are more important issues to cover.

The economics paper, for one, is more subjective and more discussable. So let's discuss the subject.

But first, what has happened to proper English? It seems as if even the teachers of RJC do make fundamental mistakes in giving instructions to candidates. It's not our fault if we misinterpret.. but not like there's a lot to misinterpret. Just something really redundant.



Right - then you get a few extracts and a few charts, all of which look suspiciously on the same topic. Cars. And carparks. And petrol prices. Then you start to wonder why everything's got to do with the price of petrol. Even if you're talking airline industries, you talk petrochemicals. Cars, definitely petrol. Butter and guns, also petrol because sometimes when butter melts it's a bit like the liquid petrol and rich men who get filthy rich through petrol carry guns.

Basically, the world and economics is all about petrol. Ugh how boring.

Wait till you see the questions. I don't know about other JCs, but in RJC we do get some really funny questions. Here they are:

(a)(i) What is meant by "in real terms the ex-tax price of petrol has reduced"? [2]
It means that in terms that are not fake, the price of petrol excluding tax has dropped. DUH it was obvious enough from the question I don't know why am I even answering such a stupid question. Free frag.

(a)(ii) Describe the trends shown in Chart 1. [2]
Well I must say Chart 1 looks like your typical stock market indices in the Money section of the Straits Times - lots of ups and downs, looks pretty complicated, but it really doesn't mean a thing. Trends are a passing thing, anyway - so why bother observing them?

(b) Using an appropriate diagram explain what is meant by "Since the 1980s the primary increase in the price of petrol has arisen from increases in government taxes?" [4]
Price
^
/ /
/ /
/ /
/__ /_____________________> Year

Here are two lines - the one on the left is the price of petrol, the one on the right is the taxes. As you can see, when price of petrol goes up, so does the taxes. This proves they go up together. Kind of like a suicide bomber and his bomb. As time goes by maybe nothing happens, but suddenly BOOM they go up together! Okayyyy.

(c)(i) Explain what is meant by price elasticity of demand? [1]
No, I won't explain. Since you ended the question with a question mark, it means I can choose to explain it or not. Well I refuse to and so there!

(c)(ii) What explanation can you offer for the reported size of the petrol price elasticity of demand for car travel? [3]
Well for one, it's obvious that the price of petrol is related to car travel. I don't know what's reported, but cars need petrol to travel. And as I am only a silly Economics student, I am not about to speculate on petrol price elasticities. Leave that to the big oil merchants earning like a few million a month - I'm just young and ignorant and I miss my Gunbound.

(c)(iii) To what extent do you accept the claim that petrol price elasticity of demand for recreational and social travel lies at the upper end of the range? [3]
I accept it to a certain extent, but I'm not going to tell you what this "certain" means. For one, I think that recreational and social travel should be done by foot, and not by cars. These tourists should learn not to be so lazy and take their silly cars all over the place - because they produce carbon monoxide and it harms the earth's ozone layer. So whether it lies at the upper end of the range or not - I think they should stop taking cars altogether. Together we can save the earth!

(d) The authors claim rising petrol prices have "undeniable short and long term implications for the ... parking [industry]."

Imagine you are the CEO of Australia's leading car park company, how might rising petrol prices affect your company? [10]

As mentioned earlier, everyone should stop using cars so essentially my company will go bankrupt. But since there are stupid people in this world who will not listen to such great environmental-friendly advice, we must also take precautions for that. To deter others from getting cars, I guess that as a big powerful CEO, I will raise my prices to crazy levels so that no one will want to buy cars anymore.

However, assuming that I will lose my job if there are no more carparks, then maybe I'll consider lowering the price a bit. After all, if I were the CEO of Australia's leading car park company, I would want to earn lots of Aussie dollars then run back home to Singapore to boost my economy. But going back to the real world, I doubt I can become an Australian car park company CEO as I look set to fail my Economics test. Meaning this one.

That wraps it all up for Paper 1 - Case Study. Now on to more stupid questions in Paper 2. I think I am in deep shit for that paper, since I left one 25-mark question UNDONE!!! Which was kinda crazy but then again the question looked so stupid I decided that I didn't have time to do it. So I just skipped Question 1. 25 marks gone down the drain.

Let's now review the more important Question 2. If I am going to pass Econs, I'd have to score full marks for this. Watch the brilliant way I fashion my essay.

2(a) Distinguish with examples between internal and external economies of scale.
Damn. This is a tough question. It actually depends what type of scale you are talking about - fish scales, weighing scale, pH scales.. etc. If you're talking about fish scales, then it's internal parts will probably be the.. inside of a fish skin? Sorry but I don't take Biology so I can't give you details - you'd have to make do with a rough guideline. As for the external economies of scale, it would have to be water! Since fish live in water, it's only logical that water lies outside their scale.

I don't make weighing scales so I don't know what goes inside them. And as for pH scales - the whole thing consists of 1 to 14, and the internal or external part is really relative to your position. Taking pH 1 to be neutral, then everything on the scale would be external. Taking pH 14 to be neutral, then everything would be internal! But since pH 7 is neutral, then acids would be internal and alkalis would be external. Right I'm now also very confident of passing Chemistry. This is what I mean by multi-disciplinary studying! Killing two subjects with one essay!

2(b) "Large firms have such overwhelming technical and financial advantages that the survival of the small businesses is surprising." Discuss. [15]
This is stupid. Just because a company is large doesn't mean it's firm. If you see a 200kg sumo wrestler, there can be no dispute that he is large. But is he firm? OF COURSE NOT. He'd probably have loads of flabs at his stomach and would have difficulty balancing on his legs which would lead him to being anything but firm. Thus why the discrimination against small businesses?

I would gladly discuss the topic if the examiner is willing to take a more objective view, but from the way he has phrased his question it's bloody obvious he is a big bully who just wants small businesses to crash. No I don't think that will happen. Let's take a look at a local example - Stall 2 at RJC canteen. Even though they might be small and the auntie can be a total bi*** at times, they don't look to be dying. This is because small businesses will have smaller purposes to fill. Not everything about the world is big - and sometimes big businesses cannot fit into small things. Therefore the argument that large firms dominate does not stand.

As for the "overwhelming technical and financial advantages", that might not be the most important thing in setting up a business. If you'd study the Singaporean educational system, you'll find that the Normal (Technical) stream has the least students, and they certainly do not become great CEOs. Technical advantage is not the "in" thing - it's better to have Express students. Though arguably there are also a bunch of them who are idiots (like me), the majority of Express students will get better jobs. Thus express advantage is more important. Ya whatever.

Finally, we look to the point of financial advantages. Quote anonymous, "Money is the root of all evil". And quote another anonymous, "Money is useless". And to quote yet another anonymous, "Money cannot buy you happiness." Hence from the quotes, you find that a financial advantage might not be much of an advantage after all. It's like having a good ability to thieve is not much of an ability - unless you consider going to jail an ability. Then maybe yes. But going by the views of an upright and moral citizen (like me), this should not be accepted in modern-day society where people start losing their values.

And with thus I end my discussion - small businesses pawn large firms for lots of gold!

---

I think I'll do well for my Econs paper. =)

I'd be glad to report the results to you next week when I get back my beautifully written essays!

Exciting match but I WIN!

Last match of group stage:
MATHEMATICS 2-3 YJ
(promos being the KNOCKOUT STAGES)

Maths scorers: Polynomial (22'), Sketch (92')
YJ scorers: Inequalities (25'), Cuboid (28'), Substitute (109')

After much hype before the big match, YJ finally emerged triumphant to secure a place to the next round (ie he shouldn't be forced to quit school.. yet). It was a pretty exciting, high-scoring match, but in the end we know that YJ's going to get all the score. Despite a bold early prediction that Mathematics was going to see YJ off, he wasn't to be defeated so easily.

Maths opened the scoring with Polynomial, who ran past FOUR defenders (the question indicated - polynomial of degree four) to cunningly slide a deceptive one past the 'keeper. YJ had no chance of defending that goal, and is confident of scoring 0 for that question. However, the joy of Mathematics was short-lived as YJ quickly equalised via a deft counter-attack, using imba striker Inequalities.

Then the shock came - YJ took the lead in the fifth period (question) of the match, using his fans (GC) as support. With the YJ fans throwing bottles and coins at the Mathematics players, they were easily felled. Then like Matrix Reloaded, the speedy midfielder called Cuboid weaved in and out of the defence in instants, suddenly leading to the second goal of YJ's team. His matrix-like reflexes (like the one in the GC) left the Mathematics defence stunned, 2-1 to YJ at the break.

After half-time which was all of 60 minutes, Mathematics tried hard to get an equaliser but couldn't find it till the later stages. Sketch, a defender, came up from the corner (since question 9 is at the start of the page) and slammed the ball in with a curling shot!!!!! (as you can tell from the graph) What the heck, no one could believe such a shot existed, but that's the beauty of Mathematics. Go look at Question 9 to see the exact curvature of the shot, wonderful I tell you.

Sketch was also known by a nickname - g(x). Which was why when he shot, YJ just ggxx-ed. Without getting a clue on what on earth was g(x), he failed terribly for the g'(x) section. Zero. Sources will indicate that g(x) has a certain connection with Swiss defender Gygax, but let's not bring the real World Cup into this World Cup, which is obviously far more exciting.

Being level at 2-2, both teams pressed for the winner - for the winner would qualify automatically for the next round. Then as news filtered through that Chemistry owned Economics 6-0 (what a surprise), it was now or never for YJ. And the stroke of luck came at the penultimate period of the match when YJ made a substitution - the substitute, better known as "Substitute", took u = 2x + 1 and took the defence around the pitch.

And with astouding speed, he integrated the ball into the goal. The final nail into Mathematics' coffin - and the team that had bugged YJ for six months finally fell at the blow, not being able to score any at the eleven minutes after that. The match ended 3-2 at YJ's favour, and pretty much deservedly so.

We had a post-match interview with YJ, who initially declined to comment because he was busy partying with his friends who had finished their group matches also. However, after much persuasion, we were granted to an interview with him. He said, "It was a marvellous victory, all three points. At least it saved my overall campaign (with Maths as the only pass). But I'm glad it's over and that's all I care about."

Back to partying.

Well so that was that for YJ's group, finishing second with 4 points, though with the worst goal difference. Qualifying for the second round (promos), YJ hopes that the team will slowly gel towards better performances and less drubbings against stronger opponents like Chemistry. The other final group matches look to finish tomorrow, with Biology and Japan being the opponents.

Good luck to everyone for their final group match tomorrow. I am pretty pleased with my result.

Results from "WC"

I bring you the results thus far of the Group Matches in the WC.

By WC, you should be relieved to hear that I'm not talking about the World Cup again. As there are no matches till the weekend, I thought I'd take a break from talking about WC. This is on a more pertinent issue - WC stands for World Commons. Okay damn it I won't be an idiot anymore. I'm talking about the COMMON TESTS.

Having sat for two papers, it brings me great pleasure to bring you both results.

First match
ECONOMICS 1-1 YJ
Scorer for Econs: Case Study (60th minute +1)
Scorer for YJ: Essay (103rd minute)

A shock result here, for YJ was expected to roll over for Econs to trample on. But no, although the Case Study scored a brilliant goal at the end of the first period of 60 minutes by making YJ unable to finish his paper, YJ came back brilliantly in the second half to take the essay in storm.

Weaving his pen from the left to the right of his RJC foolscap, YJ brilliantly fashioned a well-planned essay to ensure that he would not be beaten again. Having failed in his attempts to secure victory or a draw (ie passing) in EVERY SINGLE previous match against the Economics team, this is rendered as a great triumph for YJ as both teams share points. Haha Econs you suck.

Second match
CHEMISTRY 9-0 YJ
Scorers: Stoichio (6'), Atomicstructure (17'), Chembonding (33'), Gaslaws (45'), Redox (63'), Alkene (80'), Arene (96'), Alkane (111'), YJ (own goal, 120th minute)

This result wasn't entirely a surprise, but the score was. It could be said that YJ deserved the loss, for he was quoted as saying that he "couldn't be bothered" to study the videos of Chemistry and thus he hardly knew how they functioned and their tactics. As early as the 6th minute, Stoichio put one past the weak YJ defence, exploiting their poor knowledge of the strikers of the Chemistry team. They only needed two shots on goal (two MCQ questions) to let YJ chase the game.

However, YJ never recovered from that shock. A goal melee resulted right after that, Atomicstructure continuing the rout at the 17th, leaving YJ to scratch his head. Chembonding mercilessly made it 3-0 just at the half-hour mark, confounding YJ to wonder why had he only completed six MCQs, among them five were guesses. And the other was by elimination (not the chemical reaction).

Gaslaws and Redox were quick to capitalise on YJ's demoralised state, making it 5-0 to the Chem paper. Then the famed brothers of the same Organic family - namely Alkene, Arene and Alkane, did some superb teamwork that saw them totally pwn YJ. After YJ spent an hour trying to defend against the efforts of the earlier-mentioned strikers, the Organic brothers displayed superb skill in demolishing the defence yet again, which by now was non-existent.

Put simply, YJ was kind of.. hammered. 0-8 down and after 111 minutes of play, YJ proceeded to the killer Section C, which consisted of 40 marks, more than half the weightage of the paper. With only 9 minutes to try and find an equaliser, it was naturally impossible for YJ to make a comeback. Right at the final whistle, YJ got so bloody pissed he just scored an own goal by ramming the ball violently against his net (using the pen to tear my paper) and tearing off grass from the pitch (tearing one my blank answer scripts).

The terrible display of sportsmanship led YJ to be red-carded. But the (own) goal still stood, and 9-0 it was to the Chemistry team. Looking back on the match, YJ was quoted as saying, "I don't give a f**k. If I submitted Question 3 of Section C with only my name on it, I'm just wasting paper. I'd rather keep it and use it to do my rough workings for Maths (on Thursday). I need it to salvage my overall result."

Wise decision, indeed? Apparently YJ still holds the hope that Question 3 was an invalid question with no answer, and hence his no-response will be deemed as the correct answer. And he hopes to be awarded 12 marks for Question 3 of Section C. We don't know the result yet, but we will wait and see.

So here are the group standings of the "WC" so far.

1st: Chemistry 6 pts (beat Maths 3-0 and YJ 9-0, they simply pwn everyone in their path and looks set to qualify for the next round)

2nd: Mathematics 3 pts (beat Econs 1-0, because they had the crowd cheering for them - ie more people take Maths than Econs - and lost to Chem 3-0)

3rd: Economics 1 pt (drew with YJ 1-1, lost to Maths 1-0)

4th: YJ 1 pt (last because of goal difference.. after that whooping by Chem)

What this means
Chemistry has secured qualification to be champions of the CTs. Mathematics face YJ next, which they think they have a fighting chance because YJ hasn't been sending spies to observe how they work and how they play. Economics has relatively lower chances of qualifying because Chemistry is kicking everyone's benzene arses at the moment. After all the reason as to why the world is so evil is because of Chemistry.

You can never underestimate Chemistry's power. Scored 12 conceded 0. YJ will face Mathematics tomorrow in a last desperate attempt to salvage his CTs. Mathematics's star striker, Integration, comments, "We'll be going all-out to win this one.. and although we are confident in winning, we are also keen not to underestimate YJ who could shock us with the amount of luck he has."

Their goalkeeper, Function, only had this to say - "Victory is in my range, and as YJ is playing the match in my domain (LT1), I will look to inverse YJ's trend of beating Mathematics papers."

Well the world waits with bated breath to see YJ screw that up too. With little preparation for the CTs, YJ will probably be thankful to go home with a point from the Economics match. But like the ball in soccer is round, so is the ball at the tip of his ballpoint pen. Don't write him off yet, let him write himself off as he goes off today, probably making a few tactical changes (ie getting new pens, for instance), and we'll see the final result tomorrow.

Catch the action "live" at LT1 of RJC tomorrow at 1pm. The match will last two hours. See you there.

TCS Pools

TALL ORDER FOR KENNY LAU!

After an impressive first round victory against the economics paper, Kenny Lau is up against a much stronger opponent, PHYSICS. Once again let us review the odds for Kenny Lau.


Match no.: 2806

PHYSICS (home) VS KENNY LAU (away)

1x2
Home Draw Away
(>50) (=50) (<50)]
1.40 3.50 8.00


Handicap
Kenny (+10) 1.30
Kenny (-10) 12.00


Exact Score
0-10 8.00
11-20 6.00
21-30 5.00
31-40 3.00
41-45 2.20
46-50 1.70
50-55 1.90
AOS 3.80
(any other score)

Doubles
Physics, Chemistry

Fail, Fail 2.40
Fail, Pass 3.60
Pass, Fail 3.30
Pass, Pass 5.50


Special
Section A, Section B, Section C

Fail, Fail, Fail 4.00
Fail, Fail, Pass 2.80
Fail, Pass, Fail 2.20
Pass, Fail, Fail 1.80
Pass, Fail, Pass 2.90
Pass, Pass, Fail 3.50
Fail, Pass, Pass 4.00
Pass, Pass, Pass 12.00


First Mistake
Qn1 4.00
Qn2 3.00
Qn3 2.70
Qn4 3.00
AOQ 5.00
Any other questions





NB: TCS pools results are based on original results, which does not includes additional or subtracted marks. Sales closes 5 mins before results are given out time or at the outlet closing time, whichever is earlier. Sales Close Time Differs For Extended Betting.




disclaimer: kenny lau is my friend and he is no way dumb okay!

What happened this morning..?

It's funny, but I can't recall what went on from the duration of 7:50am this morning till 10:30am. All I can remember was that I was last putting my bag into the council room, and next thing I knew I was at the canteen sipping lemon tea (soapwater) and just..

..numb.

What happened?

ode to cts

my name is yj, i'm the best
i am so unlike the rest
they say my life is in a mess
just cos i haven't mugged for common tests

that's not true, i'd like to say
i tried to mug just this monday
but the world cup came my way
my nights and mornings flew away

next time i tried was tuesday aft
wanted to do an econs draft
but when i took out all my stuff
i started to think that it was tough

having no will and getting tired
i turn on the com to try and feel inspired
and um, i think that my plan backfired
cos i started shooting triads

tuesday gone and wednesday too
thursday i decided to go to school
but mugging is boring, and so uncool
so i decided to play the fool

last but not least friday came
my attempts to mug were getting lame
my level of understanding remained the same
and in defeat i quit the mugging game

my name is yj, i'm the best
i am so unlike the rest
they say my life is in a mess
i haven't mugged for common tests

rrrrranndddooommmmm

Common tests destroy creative output. Actually i wasn't even studying for it, but simply thinking of it prevented me from thinking about anything else. When do wacky stuff start flowing into my mind? When i'm forced to have nothing to do, such as when im in the toilet, or on the mrt.

Sure, you can listen to your music during these instances, but music finds a way of drilling itself into your brain, then you'll be thinking of the lyrics and how they relate to you. Then in all probability no real wacky thoughts will get to you. But of course you don't really need those cranky ideas, after all you don't need them for your common tests. They're not graded. Although i prefer to have them.

And it turns up some surprisingly philosophical and profound questions. The following came up and it really is some shit.

If your shit is like going to come out soon, and you badly need to go to the toilet. Let's say the toilet is 100 metres away (quite far relative to the fact that you can feel your shit coming out), would you walk or run? Walk, and it might become undone before you reach the toilet. Run, and there's the risk that it might become undone even faster. How to get a balance to get to the toilet in time? Hmm. Though of course you shouldn't think so much if that really happens. If your do, then you'll be standing there pondering as your pants get wet and dirty.

Another question, though not as philosophical. Which is the most expensive chain of restaurants in Singapore? The answer is definitely the MRT stations. They charge $500 for food and drinks. No wait actually they charge $500 for the right to eat or drink. You have to bring your own food and drinks. And if you somehow manage to eat AND drink at the same time, it's free of charge because the sign says "No eating OR drinking". But the fact that if you have $500 you can eat in the MRT station goes to show that Singapore is a rich man's world. If you have money, you can eat or drink in the mrt, smoke in the mrt or even bring flammable stuff on board. It only costs $1000. Imagine, and i think osama bin laden doesn't even have a thousand dollars.

OH YES!

And TCS can be the official website for the Singapore Idol..oops I meant YJ's Idol!! Yay cheers to more viewership online as well as on TV! What the heck, I'm really damn excited about this idea - must bring it up to the relevant authorities at Mediacorp.

If those blockheads understand true entertainment, they'd better act NOW!

Singapore Idol screwup

Okay it was just on the news that the results for Singapore Idol was screwed up. Meaning that someone who was supposed to go in was announced to be out and someone who was supposed to be out was announced as in.

The producers said it was a technical glitch. I say it's a fundamental screwup.

Singapore Idol should be decided by the judges and not the people - because all you need is a pretty face to get voted. Some people don't recognise talent. Actually, most people don't recognise talent so they'd just vote the best-looking guy/girl so they get free eye candy the next round. And they're willing to pay loads of money by smsing, which those greedy fags (ie producers) gladly collect so they could sponsor their show.

Well, if they're going to collect so much money, don't you think they should at least report accurate results? Tsk tsk - maybe they should spend more money ensuring that there are no technical glitches.

Nevertheless, this is just a random commentary. For one, I don't watch Singapore Idol because I've no life and I'm just idle. And another thing is because I didn't like the previous round. Although some people have NO LOOKS and NO TALENT, they have THE MONEY. And that is why they can get their parents to send them through to the next round. Take a certain fatty who got third place in the first Singapore Idol for example. No looks no talent but got money - and that's how she got that third.

If you ask me, she's got the ego the bloody size of Ronaldo but what's worse is that her weight should far exceed his. Which is kind of sick but that's history.

So I don't watch Singapore Idol now. But I could be their advisor if you ask me. Like how to improve their silly programmes so they get more viewership from apathetic idlers like me. It's very simple actually, it's somewhat like the addition reactions you get in Chemistry, only two steps required.

And like the addition reactions, the first step is the slow one.

1) Change the name and the style. (slow)
Singapore Idol is koped, it's bloody koped from the Americans so almost everything (except for the name "Singapore") is the same as them. Format of competition, voting system, etc. Why copy the Americans? They aren't always right all the time! We should come out with our own format of the competition like we knock out twenty people at one stage of the competition, but we audition everyone publicly.

After all, when you see people turning up for Singapore Idol auditions, it's obvious they just want attention. Give them the attention, man. Then kick loads of them out at one go. This should take up lots of time to make a decent season of Singapore Idol. Since local programmes are mostly trash anyway, and we shouldn't watch too much of overseas propaganda in case we get too influenced by their sleazy Westernised lifestyle, let one season of Singapore Idol run for two or three whole years straight. Damn exciting.

Then comes the more important part.

2) Get a more qualified judge. (fast)
Like how H-X can attach to an alkene, the second part is basically ensuring that the changeover is complete and that the X is attached to the second central carbon atom.

I say four judges are redundant - because they're mostly bitching about the contestants all at one go, or they all are singing his praises (which obviously isn't as good as the contestant's singing - but judges singing praises to him/her will definitely be MUSIC to his/her ears). Basically, you see common views. Which is gay. Which is stupid. Then you pay four judges which is an utter waste of money.

It's the law of diminishing marginal returns (LDMR), duh. The producers of Singapore Idol obviously must not have studied Econs before, because they obviously don't understand the law of diminishing marginal returns. Why bother paying extra money for three judges when they all are saying the same thing? It's like 画蛇添足 - putting legs on a snake. It's just extravagant.

Might as well get one good judge and pay him very well. You need qualifications. You can't get people like err, Dick Lee. Who is he anyway? If you'd take the time to ask Cristiano Ronaldo who is Dick Lee, he'd probably stare at you muttering Portuguese expletives like a punk (which he is) and just ignore your stupid question. And Dick Lee is arguably one of the more well-known judges.

Ken Lim sulks too much and should be kicked out. The rest are just.. not very well-known. So basically, you need someone there who can provide good opinion, a neutral point of view, preferably not too good in music, etc. Actually this is a very sensitive issue, but I can offer the best solution to it.

For the judge of Singapore Idol, I recommend myself. As part of the band THE INTEGRALS who plays all sorts of music, I appreciate good music and good singing. You cannot be too good in Music or you'd just be too ego in your judging and think everyone sucks. Me, I have my super on-form days where I'm close to reaching Mozart's form in this prime but I also have my off-days where I'm like Mozart in his current state.

So um basically. Just take it that I'm good. I can offer to be the judge. And you need not pay me four judges' salary - three will do. That way you won't have to suffer the wrath of the stupid Economics term called LDMR for short. Instead, you get Little Damage on your Singapore Idol show and you'd get More Revenue with people wanting to watch Singapore Idol because the judge is great.

Yep and I've experience in being a judge before. I'm not going to say why, when or how. But I've got experience and that's all you need to know.

That's part two. Damn it, when I try to explain the fast step, I end up saying so much more about it than I intended to. But oh well, sometimes we do need more time to plan so as to ensure that things don't screw up when it is put into action. We won't want our national singing competition to be so crappy right.

And hence, here's the new version of Singapore Idol.

Oh wait. According to Step 1, you're supposed to change the name of the competition!

So that's it. The new name of the competition can be..

YJ's Idol!!!

All right man!! By the way, if I haven't mentioned it already, there must also be a change in format of competition. No more silly voting because it's obviously biased (towards the rich and fast sms-ers). Like duh that's why you get me as a judge - I'm not paid for nothing, I'll decide the winner for you.

And. Judge's decision is final, no appeals or complaints shall be entertained.

CIP teaches us lots

One fine saturday, the rj waterpolo team went to do cip, to just help out in a carnival, which was held at an old folks' home somewhere near changi.

So we became coolies, for about half an hour, after which we went to man a game stall. A very simple game. 10 wooden blocks, stacked up in a pyramid. The goal? Simply to hit them down with a ball. So simple you can just set it up in your own home and play by yourself an infinite number of times. But since the aim of the carnival was to raise funds for charity, each game cost a whopping $2.

Now, since the game cost $2 and the venue is somewhere near changi, we figured that nobody will come and bother us, since surely according to some law of economics, the factors mean that demand will be at 0. Then we can spend our time leisurely doing the sudoku in the today newspaper while getting cip hours.

But no. We were wrong. or I was wrong. Because quite a number of people came and they're all f**king rich. There was a little boy who taught us how to throw money away. At $2 a game, he played like 15 games, which is 30 dollars spent on a game you can play for free at home! And let me tell you what $30 can do. It can buy you 75 cups of iced tea from the rj drinks stall. Or 15 McChicken burgers. Or if you're feeling down, $30 can buy my gratitude, which means i say 'thank you' to you in a really really nice tone.

All this goes to show that if you're a conman or an entrepreneur or someone who wants to make money, your target audience should be little kids who know nothing better than to spend their parents' money.

By afternoon, we had several little loyal customers who seem addicted to the game, almost assaulting us so that they can get the ball to throw at the wooden blocks. To get addicted to this game must almost mean that their heads are something like wooden blocks. Only when they finally left did we get some peace and spare time, which we gainfully spent by playing with the McDonald's toys which were the prizes and rediscovering our childhood. The result of this can be found in a video in yh's handphone, and you'll have to ask nicely if you want to see it.

Anyway, I'm not regretting this cip, not after the free ice kachang and the starbucks voucher. And it teaches one so much about stupid things.

Common Tests

Important facts of life you should know before CTs:

1) If you're going to fail, you're going to fail. Nothing's going to change that.

2) If you mug, you might increase your chances of passing, but there's no 100% guarantee. When there's a risk, there's the element of danger involved. Better safe than sorry - don't mug.

3) Mugging is hazardous to your health - because more people die of heart attack/stroke than of stupidity.

4) It's the World Cup now, and you see stupid people on television, not muggers. Like YL aka Uncle I-need-some-f**king-help said, make use of your talents and ignore mugging.

5) CTs, being CTs, sound very important. But you must realise this is not Sec 4 RP, and it's not graded. Hence, according to the Rafflesian Attitude towards the Raffles Programme, WHAT IS NOT GRADED DOES NOT REQUIRE MUGGING.

There you go - just a timely reminder. Don't say I didn't warn you, mugging brings less benefits than watching soccer. Going by the principle of opportunity (implicit) costs, I'd rather be watching soccer than mugging. At least I'd get my utility level up. And since now I'm getting sick of blogging, I'm off to watch WC. Where I'll suffer a lower opportunity cost.

Cheers to all you muggers out there! (beer comes in mugs, don't they?)

Sidebar updates #2

Now Who's Evil??

Scenario: We were taking a long walk just for fun - and we saw a not-so-aesthetically-appealing girl. Then we started talking about beauty.

YL: what is beauty?
YL: beauty is the way others perceive you
YJ: haha okay.
YJ: so contrary to popular belief, chiobu might not be a physical state, but a perception.
YL: so you might be very ugly, but i might be drunk, so you'll still appear very chio
YJ: !!!
YJ: lol wtf.
YL: or you might be very chio but im very drunk so you'll appear very ugly
YJ: but being chio has to be perceived. if you perceive me as ugly then i'm ugly what.
YJ: argh nvm. this is confusing.
YJ: why did you start talking about it anyway?
YL: cos we saw a girl walk past?
YJ: err okay. so?
YL: i think she's quite chio except for her nose.
YJ: really? i think she's quite chio except for her face.

YL: *pauses to think for a while*
YL: HAHA YOU F**KER!!
YJ: sorry la. i'm evil.

Most expensive bus ride

This is the true story of some joker on the bus.

Totally unfabricated.

I boarded the bus on the way back from training for once in a way because my feet were smarting from wearing tight shoes that were far too tight for me so naturally being constricted I couldn't exactly run properly and hence as a result of my tight shoes, when I finished my distance (which is bloody long, much longer than this sentence) every step was a bloody pain, not literally but you get what I mean.

Basically, my feet were going to rot if I chose to walk back. So I took the bus - which wasn't really going to last a long way since it was like, only four or five bus stops.

The bus was rather crowded - it was jam packed with people. Like there's so many people packed into one bus that it was causing human jam. Not to mention it was peak hour outside so there was traffic jam as well. Which added to the irritation of everyone as they were in double whammy jammy, stuck up the bus moving like a snail.

Best of all, there was a lady standing beside me near the entrance of the bus. There's nothing funny about that, but she was wearing the stupid crap that MOELC once asked us to wear.. I forgot what you call it, but basically it was somewhat like an identification tag hanging from the neck.

In place of the identification tag, she had the EZ-link card there.

Then she was holding the bar just beside the EZ-link reader, so if you get what I mean, she was standing next to the EZ-link reader while her card dangled in front of it dangerously.

At first it meant nothing, because all I was reading was "ENTRY OK". Then some guy alighted from the front so the bus driver had to switch mode to ENTRY/EXIT at the front. The smart lady decided not to budge and OOPS. 63 cents deducted. The EZ-link reader made some noise - and presumably it was designed to make noise so these dumbos can sit up and notice.

But the thing is: 1) dumbos are called dumbos for a reason and 2) she was standing up. So she just stood there dumbly and well, the bus continued on its journey. As the bus left the stop, it changed back into "ENTRY ONLY" mode and oops, there you go, second bus trip on the 157 while never leaving the bus.

I must admit that's quite pro - I couldn't accumulate two bus trips without leaving the bus. And as they approached the next bus stop, some bright spark again decided to alight from the front. Well it changed to "ENTRY/EXIT" mode again - and oops that's your second 63 cents gone.

I was about to burst out laughing if not for the fact that my lungs were almost bursting trying to get air from that crowd. It was seriously damn crowded but I was enjoying the scene that was unfolding right in front of me. What's more the auntie had been camping there ever since I boarded the bus so goodness knows how much she had lost.

Then oops. Third stop. Re-entry.

Third exit. 63 cents deducted. She looked down, saw the reader flashing and decided not to take any more notice for it.

Erm. Fourth stop. Re-entry.

Then finally she alighted. From what I saw she had already lost 63 cents x 4 = $2.52 (yep I do practise for Maths CT on SBS Transit buses). Some joke - which meant that if she had come all the way from Jurong maybe she'd lost much more than that.

Moral of the story?
If you block the door of the bus, you won't get good karma.

And another thing:
Don't only watch your back. Watch your NECK.

Answer to distress

Dear Nidiam Lusmahs (what a weird name you have),

I see in you the inner fire for football. You have the greatest football passion i have ever seen in my life. Yes, you are hallucinating something, which is the common tests. Contrary to popular belief, it is better if you do not study for them, but i never say it's better for who la.

Now the solution to your lifestyle problem is very simple. What you need is cable subscription so that you don't have to leave the comfort of your home to watch the world cup and satisfy your craving. And for this you need money. I suggest you make use of your profound football knowledge since you are a football despo and bet on football results. That way you'll get money, fast and easy. If you don't even have the money to bet, you should go borrow from loan shark. Never mind the high interest rate, betting is very simple, even idiots can win money.

As for the fact that you think burgers are footballs, i think that's very interesting and i would like to see you try to kick a burger.

Don't be stressed by the common tests. Your health is definitely more important. Your cts are not important. After all, even if you get good results, so what? Maybe you can become a politician, a lawyer or some other overachiever or something. But trust me, that's not the life you want to lead because that's not your passion. I see great potential in you. What you should aim to be is a professional football player and professional football players don't need to do well for common tests. In fact they fail them. So follow the example and fail them this time. You're well on your way to becoming a professional football player.

Fandi Ahmad became a millionaire footballer. There's no reason why you cannot. Have some faith in your own abilities. You can do it. And good luck! (you'll need it)

Yours truthfully,
Uncle I-need-some-fucking-help

Letter of distress

I am writing this letter to someone who fully understands the problem, someone who can really help me with it. Thus I wish to direct it to an Uncle Agony (or whatever his name is), no aunties please. You will see why.

Dear _________,

I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a fix. Because of this little thing called the World Cup that going on now, I'm afraid I've started to hallucinate and my life has been turned upside down. Being a rather mild football fanatic, I wasn't really interested about the World Cup initially. But after watching the first, somehow I got hooked onto the game and I started watching every single match after that even though I am deprived of cable television.

I'm now a full-time football despo. I crave World Cup matches, and I find many ways to get my live coverage. I've resorted to going to Macdonalds late in the nights, early in the mornings to catch the games live. And this lifestyle is driving me mad because the burgers I buy look like soccer balls. The ladies serving me at the counter look like they support Germany (with their black faces). The alternating-coloured tiles on the wall looks like Croatia's jersey.

And worst of all, I go mad when I see a field and I start scoring imaginary goals.

Now you would also like to know that being a student of one of the top JCs in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area, I have Common Tests coming up at the start of the term. However, I only just received news on it when I met one of my friends at Macdonalds. If not for him, I would never have known about it. Apparently, they are going to test me on Mathematics, Chemistry, Biology and Economics.

So I am turning to you, Uncle _______, for help.

Can you please tell me how to find the answer scheme for all the Common Tests so I need not mug and concentrate on the World Cup? Or could you provide me with a one-hour crash course each day before the World Cup matches so that I'll do well for my CTs? I don't mind the hallucination really, I just want my results. Uncle, please help me.

I don't need to pass with flying colours. Because I am seeing lots of them at the World Cup already. Just let me enjoy my soccer and come out with decent results. I'll be happy enough.


Yours footballfanatically,
Nidiam Lusmahs

(P.S. In my state of hallucination, I like to think of myself as a referee)

Jacked

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All play and no work makes Jack a dumb boy.
Therefore,
Play and work makes Jack a dumb AND dull boy.

Battle of the sexes

After YL's profound post on nuclear physics (or is it?) yesterday, I feel like an idiot bringing you back to the REAL WORLD. Where the Earth IS significant, the Sun IS significant and the moon.. hmm maybe not. You would notice after sometime that in scientific books you have Earth starting with a capital "E", Sun with a capital "S" and moon with no capitals.

Hence it can be more or less proven that the moon does not have any significant significance on us whatsoever. But have you ever wondered why? If you have, I say don't bother. These are stupid esoteric questions that you'll never get to answer. At least, I don't get to answer them so I'd rather stick to reading Chemistry. But talking cock seems more appealing so here I am.

Just take it that the moon is useless. See, they only get their light from the Sun. And if you're thinking I'm making a sexist remark because 嫦娥, some crazy woman from Chinese folklore who went to live on the moon (I've even forgotten how she got up there, damn it), IS on the moon.. you're wrong. Because like I mentioned earlier, I'm not here to talk about the universe.

So I think I'd stop sidetracking and get back to what I really want to talk about.

The battle of the sexes. And it certainly does not concern the universe. Just the world. And to make it even more precise, the World Cup. There has been too much debate in the papers about whether the World Cup or the Great Singapore Sale is more important - and in actual fact it's just a clash of interests between the men and women. As a boy who has yet to turn 18, I find myself perfectly suited to give an objective view.

And since Edwin Yeo of The New Paper has stated in his column today that he "does not wish to turn to blogging" - it probably means that he won't be here to talk crap about this battle of the sexes. Well since I watch the World Cup and since there's a lot of debate OFF the net, let's have some now.

What the World Cup is to women: A stupid game with 22 idiots chasing after one ball. Okay maybe plus one idiot in the middle wearing black who can REALLY be an idiot at times - and lots of other idiots watching the 22 idiots chasing after the ball.

What the Great Singapore Sale is to men: A bore. Enough said.

So anyway - I'm here to disprove the women's arguments about idiots. And their statement is so wrong. If you analyse carefully what they say, you can find lots of loopholes in their statement.

"A stupid game with 22 idiots chasing after one ball." - I can easily spot a few flaws with that.

1) The World Cup is not just ONE game, it's a freaking tournament and there are lots of games to decide the winner. To be exact, it's sixty-four.

2) Not to mention playing soccer involves lots of physical endurance and psychological powers (mind games), so how can that be stupid. You tell me.

3) I doubt the goalkeepers actually bother to chase balls around the centre of the pitch. If you don't believe me, try turning on the TV and watch a football match. I think the most number of players you'll ever see chasing ONE ball.. is perhaps. Four or five. Maybe slightly more, but definitely not twenty-two. Still, the women don't watch soccer so I guess their offence is pardonable.

4) Some don't even chase balls at times. There's this technique called "dribbling". And some players just go for the legs instead of the ball. So the argument that the players chase balls is not quite technically correct.

As you can see, sometimes the statements of the women can be quite fallacious. I could also say that the Great Singapore Sale is just basically one whole load of idiots going after bargains - but NO. That's obviously not the case, because all it takes is one genius to go there just to shop for his/her mugging materials and there you go, I'm proven wrong.

So I'm not going to make any sweeping statements. There's nothing wrong with the Great Singapore Sale. It's just bad luck that it had to coincide with the World Cup.

Which brings up another point, some Dutch ladies started some petition to try and BAN the World Cup. What the heck?! HOW CAN YOU BAN OUR BLOODY WORLD CUP?!!!

Now I don't know what those Dutch ladies are thinking, but unlike what you see in local supermarkets, your Dutch ladies aren't exactly the most peace-loving people who are just out to produce milk in funny flavours like banana, honeydew and err.. a few others I can't quite remember. They are NOT milkmaids. They are your potential deprivers of entertainment!!!

It's like, how can you ever ban the World Cup?

It's where you can stand amidst fields of gold and green,
and hear a billion hearts that beat unseen.
You can join the crowds that cheer as one,
in the place where they all come.
You can feel 90 minutes of fleeting time and space,
with tragedy, and triumph, and amazing grace.
You can carry them forever in your soul,
their names carved on every goal.

This is where you can always belong,
this is where legends are born.

If you didn't quite get that, this = World Cup. It's so entertaining, so glorious, so honourable.. so why let the Dutch ladies stand in our way and ban the World Cup?

There were only two occasions where the World Cup was not held - and that was in 1940 and 1944. Also known as umm, World War II. So in other words, with my super logical logic, it means the World Cup is a CELEBRATION OF PEACE! Hmm seems like the Dutch milkmaids want to start World War III, but it's okay - with their population of people residing in the east of Holland, I doubt it would be anything significant.

Still, from reading the viewpoints from some of our local readers - it turns out that some women here are pretty shallow and are suffering from attention deficit disorder!! The men are using the "one month in four years" excuse, and there's this particular woman who replied in a particular paper that "the men should give more attention to us".

Lady, it's certainly not the men's fault if you demand like, 24/7 attention from them. Come on..! After three years and eleven months of giving you total attention, is it wrong to have one month to watch other men? It's not as if they are brokeback either, because though it's true they are looking at other men, it's at a bloody TV screen. So what's the problem here?

By the way, her comment was placed beside scores of other female readers who sent in their views in support of letting the men watch their World Cup. I think this woman must be suffering from severe insecurity. "More attention" - like what the hell. Do you suppose you would be receiving attention from your man at 3am at any normal day without the World Cup? Don't be ridiculous. Go to the Great Singapore Sale.

Just take it that it's impossible to ban the World Cup.

And after blabbering so much, what have we to conclude?

Umm actually. Some men do go to the Great Singapore Sale, and some women do watch the World Cup. Granted their motives might be different, like how men go to the Great Singapore Sale to buy World Cup merchandise and punters' guides, and how women stay up to watch World Cup matches to see hot guysss (which is kind of stupid because staying up gives you eye rings which makes you less attractive).. BUT nevertheless they do it all the same.

So about the battle of the sexes.. men vs women.. WC vs GSS.. that's just nothing but a stereotype. In actual fact, men and women live together harmoniously in a world of peace.

And yes, the WC will be here to stay for a long way.

Unless the Dutch ladies start World War III. Which I hope not - perhaps if the Dutch win this World Cup then that might not happen.

Oh well. So that's all I'm going to say. Just a neutral view from an objective bystander, not supporting the men or the women, because all I am is a little boy that's going to watch Brazil later.

All right enough crapping here - it's back to watching 22 idiots chasing after one ball =)

Your Life is a Universe

Your life is something like this



















And time and space did not exist for you, until someday, somewhere, there was the Big Bang. Yup, your father banged your mother, sick as it may seem.

And then there was time and space, and then light. Dust and other particles slowly gather to form stars. These are the people in your life. They make your life meaningful. As the saying goes, ' no man is an island' . Of the stars in your universe, most will be clustered into galaxies. In the real world, this is otherwise known as cliques. They all exert gravitational force and they seem attractive to you, because you are naturally in need of social interactions.

Galaxies provide structures for individual stars to lean on, thus it is only natural for a star to be part of a galaxy. Within a galaxy, stars share light and warmth, and support each other through turbulent times. Research has shown that stars within galaxies that are close enjoy longer lifespans.

Of course, there will be some weirdos known as lone stars who are in a world of their own because somehow galaxies have a strong repulsion to them. This may be due to their abnormal composition, but because they are not supported by other stars, they are quickly wrecked by random asteroids.

The importance of galaxies in your universe is determined by their positions in your universe. The more central, the more important. The fact is that due to stearic limitations, you cannot have all the galaxies in the centre. Some must definitely be on the fringe. But the funny thing is that the less galaxies you put in the exact centre of your universe, the more galaxies you can put close to the centre. It defies logic, but it is like that in this unique universe of yours.

Sometimes, galaxies break down and the stars disband as external factors such as humongous asteroids tear them apart. At other times, the stars exert opposing gravitational influence, causing them to drift further and further away. If you are not careful, then this will become a continuous process in your universe. Your galaxies will constantly be switching positions based on their gravitional pull, and your universe becomes chaotic.

The choices are numerous, but stars of the galaxies in the centre of the universe usually have the greatest gravitational influences on each other and are extremely difficult to break apart. But in the end, it is entirely your choice which galaxy becomes the central one of your universe.

There's a sun and a moon and our dear earth somewhere. But remember, this is a universe, so sunlight counts for almost nothing. It will be a mere speck amongst the array of brilliant stars.

What is your universe like? The choice is yours.

How to watch WC

All right. I'm guessing that when you all read the title you all would probably be thinking like - "This bugger has really gone crazy now - who the **** does he think he is telling us how to watch World Cup?!!"

And if you're thinking that I'm going to say that "you're wrong, actually there is more to just turning on the TV and watching it" - you are wrong. Because this post is not meant for anyone out there who's reading this, it is simply meant for myself.

I had a harrowing experience (okay maybe not) on midnight, the 13th of June 2006. Despite the possible fact that the harrowing experience might have come from the date (13th) or the fact that it was simply midnight the witching hour, I can assure you that it did not come from either. It was because of the World Cup Group E match between the Unscrupulous Screwed Arseholes (commonly known as the USA) and the Czech Republic.

As you can tell from my description of the Americans, you probably know that I'm not too fond of them. So I was basically just waiting in front of the computer for the match to start, waiting for the Czech Republic to deliver the USA a whooping. I wanted to see the pain on every American's face in the crowd as the Czechs put them to shame.

Yes, I was that confident of the Czechs. And yes, I'm that sadistic. But don't blame it on me, blame it on the American Gunbound and Runescape players - they started all that crap which made me hate them so much. Half of them think Singapore's in China, while the other half probably doesn't know that a country called Singapore exists. (What they really need is Shamsul Maidin to referee their game and to make a few kayu decisions - against them DUH - before they'll finally accept our existence, albeit with much anger.)

Nevertheless, that is not my point. The point is that those American sh*theads are badly in need of a thrashing. And I was badly wanting to be the witness to it. But as the match started at midnight and the previous one ended at 11pm, I had time to kill. So I figured I'll just have some fun on the computer.. until I realised that OOPS. It's already past midnight.

If you had just read the last two sentences of the previous paragraph, one might think that I'm a little good boy waiting to go to sleep. Oh no, the fun had just begun. I turned on the TV when the match was about eight minutes in progress. After all, eight minutes is a little too early for goals right?

Jan Koller didn't seem to think so. The fagut.

While I was chatting and playing my time away, THIS happened:


Czech Republic 1-0 USA. (I'm not going to spell out what the initials stand for because it's time-consuming and disgusting.)

Well, well, so much for time wastage - I've wasted my time not seeing American ego getting squashed. Ugh. So from the 8th minute I just slacked in front of the TV, waiting for some ownage to occur. It ALMOST happened, but no goal. That means objective not met.

Since it was a warm Monday night/Tuesday early morning, I decided to take a shower. After all I had just came back from a birthday party and I haven't showered since, half past seven. If you know me, I am very particular about cleanliness and all because falling sick means I don't get to watch WC. Which could mean the end of the world. Therefore, with much reluctance to leave the TV, I finally went to shower at the 28th minute.

Then..


This Czech bastid made it 2-0 for them. When I came out of the toilet around ten minutes later, I was damn pissed having missed yet another goal. But of course since I already pissed in the toilet, I couldn't be much angrier. Plus it was way after midnight and if I made any noise, the no-life neighbours (who don't, can't and won't watch soccer anyway) would complain. So I just sat and watched till half-time.

Half-time seemed like forever and I was getting tired. The logical choice was then to go and sleep. I turned off the TV, kind of satisfied that the US were, in their own kind of language, "getting their asses kicked". Went to my room to lie down and after a while, I figured that I wasn't so tired after all. I don't know why but it's just this feeling.

I tried to sleep. Zz..zz..zz.. but to no avail.

I got up. Turned on the TV again. Then I stood in shock and I was like "WHAT THE HECK".

Czech Republic 3-0 USA


Must be that Rosicky hates my guts. Always scoring when I'm away from the TV. When he scores, I'm caught napping.

Though I was happy that the USA were getting deeper and deeper into their mire (world ranking 5th my foot), I still wanted to catch a Czech goal. So I told myself, "I'm not going to miss any more goals", and it was there where I resolved to watch the whole damn match in order not to miss any goals. No matter how tired I was, I was going to stick it out in there.

Well, the Czech must have kind of made up their mind to close up shop. When I set up camp in front of the TV, those irritating faguts with long hair decided to leave the Americans with some pride and dignity. And stop pummelling them with goals.

Okay great. So the final score ended at 3-0, and I must have easily watched more than half of the match. AND I DID NOT SEE A SINGLE GOAL! How jacked is that. This is a reminder to myself as well as anyone/everyone who has had a similar experience: Either you watch the whole damn match and catch all the action (if it's 0-0 you're sad), or you don't watch anything and miss everything.

When you choose to watch a WC match, the opportunity cost is mugging one Chemistry topic. But when you don't get the expected utility in watching the match, then you just got cheated. I got cheated that night, damn it. And I really hate incurring implicit costs in the middle of the night - so let my experience be a lesson to all of you. If you're that stupid enough to go off at crucial intervals of the match.

Another thing about WC matches - entertainment not guaranteed. Like if you watch Korea vs Togo it's a bloody draggg even though the match ended 2-1. You can't support either team because both teams are rubbish. So totally ditching this sort of matches to mug might seem a more worthwhile offer. After all, there is a fixed amount of satisfaction you can get from mugging Chem.. but from watching soccer, it's a gamble. Like I said, you don't want to incur implicit costs in the middle of the night.

So when you watch WC, watch wisely!

Oh by the way - I've got an unofficial version of the US response to the defeat against the Czech. It's brash, vulgar, and basically typical of the way the Americans act towards anything that doesn't suit them. Don't say I didn't warn you. (And read the small print too.)

Letter to time

Dear Time,

I have been a very good boy this year (i have no idea how time works but i believe it's something like santa claus). I didn't take drugs, I didn't smoke, I didn't do a hell lot of bad stuff that I could have done. In doing so, I have made the world a better place. So won't you be a kind soul and spare me somemore of yourself?

I need you for my sleep, for my studies, to eat to play soccer to play waterpolo to pee and to shit. As can be seen, you are essential to me. Yet everytime, you slip from my grasp, like some slippery body with plenty of sunblock. I try to hold you back, but you spit in my face like Francesco Totti does and then you kick me in the face.

Time, if you do not give me more of yourself, I shall become like the poor guy below.


(What the fuck is wrong with me?!!)
or
(My head is full of lice!)
or
(A massage a day keeps my brain cells awake)








But people nowadays are under more pressure. That's why you see all the people writing to psychologists in the newspaper. And after that they appear in the newspapers in the orbituaries section. Somemore, Singapore is like heaven for people who want to commit suicide. Just take any elevator, go up, jump down and then you'll float up again, even higher and faster than before, that is if you never do evil deeds. If you do then you go down somemore loh.

But then if i die, time, i would lose you altogether. No, it's more of you I need, not less. As I type this post, I am using you, but I am sure you do not mind yourself being used for this meaningful purpose, as opposed to being exploited for studying.

Sorry let me sidetrack for a moment. At this very moment, dwight yorke is groaning in pain as a ball from steven gerrard has hit yorke's balls. Oh shit, he's like crying. Must be real painful.

Ok back to the main topic. Time, you are always passing by, always going, never stopping, never waiting. Why don't you just spend a moment talking cock with me?

Sidebar updates #1

All right.. I'm sure you would have noticed some of the rubbish at the right side of this blog. Well we do take the time to update the sidebar with other random stuff - so when we remove old crap, we put up new crap. But the thing is - we don't like the old crap to go to waste. That's why we are posting it now.

Okay why am I using "we".. it's only me who's doing all the dirty work here. Haha anyway here goes..

YUK LUN'S TIPS ON PREPARATIONS FOR CHEM RETEST

(Note: There was a retest for Chem failures and YL had to go to school the next day for it. He was kind of reluctant, though.)

YL: anyway i can't decide whether to go for chem makeup test tml
YJ: you have to go. what you mean you can't decide.
YL: can i just say i'm sick or sth? and i f**king haven't study yet
YJ: you can. only thing they might not believe you
YL: go there and fail again.
YL: shit how. sure fail leh
YJ: then say you overslept.
YL: yar right. f**k dilemma.
YJ: you alr decided not to go.
YJ: so how is it a dilemma.
YL: i'm swayed by the threat of punishment
YL: i think i shld go sch cos i scared get white slip.
YJ: they can't give white slips during hols. and not if you're sick.
YL: lol but i got nothing to prove it.
YJ: yes you do - you have an alibi namely whoever's at home.
YL:but i nvr tell my mother.
YJ: tell her tmr then.
YL: if i tell her i skipping make up test then she'll ask me how much i get for my previous chem test
YJ: then just say its cca la!
YL: its a lie to cover a lie dammit. if they have sth later ask parent to sign then i die right
YJ: no you're just sick you won't die.
YJ: and you could always lie again.

After an hour of intense debate:

YJ: i think you should go la.
YL: but then hor. i'm quite confident of failing leh
YJ: since you failed once - what's failing another?
YL: nvm. i've decided to go.
YL: ... (probably looks at time)
YL: less than 6 hours sleep liao.
YJ: my fault? you want me to send my private jet over?
YL: ya i don't want to use my air force one
YJ: got air force one then still don't want to use?
YL: for retest only. not worth it
YJ: ...
YL: ah i go slp lah
YL: byebye

..how you should waste time when you have a Chem retest the next day.

More trash to come. More products of talking cock.

MRT

First of all, let me say that i hate the mrt. No, i mean i hate the other people taking the mrt. You know those displays near the control stations of mrt stations? Yeah, they're there for a reason, to tell you when the next train is arriving. And for what? So that you can adjust your walking speed accordingly. But unfortunately, some people do not get this second part of this extremely diffcult, nuclear-physics-intelligence level concept.

Because one time, i was walking past the screen at the control station which says the next train is arriving in 1 minute, which means that if you wanted to catch the train, you would have to take some initiative and force your immense celluloid-filled legs to walk instead of being a lazy bum and simply stand on the escalator. Now apparently, some couple didn't get this and stood on the escalator blocking the entire passageway. Fortunately, I wasn't in a hurry either so I, being a considerate person, stood on the left hand side of the escalator. At first, I thought that maybe the couple were just like me, and didn't need to catch the train, having all the time in the world to enjoy each other's company.

But no! just as they arrived on the platform, the doors of the mrt closed. And look at the profound words of the female half of the couple.

"Shit! We missed the train!"

Wow great deduction Sherlock. I wanted to say something like, "you're smart, but my guinea pig is smarter". That would really have made my day, but i just couldn't la.

I wanted to try it once..

Well after doing GP Common Test Question 1, I had a look at Question 2. Don't ask me why I did it, but I just did. If I haven't read on, I doubt you'd have anything here to read today as well.

Question 2 goes, "The pursuit of equality of the sexes is not only futile but foolish." Do you agree?

Which left me totally stumped. Like how was I going to write about equality of the sexes when it's obvious I'm a 100% male? By that I don't mean I'm some crazy alpha male, but it states on my birth cert that I am "Male". And I don't go around disputing legal documents so I'm like "wtf what am I going to say about this." For one, you are either male or female. There is no equality in one's sex. Thus how do you have "equal sex"? Okay dang that doesn't sound quite right - but if you get what I mean, how do you be male and female at the same time?

It's quite hard to know. And I doubt I'd ever find out.

But living by my motto of "nothing is impossible", I decided that even though it would be incredibly difficult to find out how living in two sexes would be like - I would have to give it my best shot anyway. Recently, because of certain events and circumstances happening around me, I found out that I needed to umm.. explore my feminine side, assuming it exists.

Which it might not because I've never actually thought of myself as female. And it kind of sickens me to think that I have to bring the female out in me because I'm MALE and it says so on my BC!!

Still, for the love of GP and for my desire to research to expand my horizons as well as to gain further knowledge and understanding of the human race, I decided to be the guinea pig and sacrifice myself.

Today, I bring you the results of my research. Of how I tried to be a female, once.

By the way please don't laugh. It's really for the betterment of the relations between both sexes. I'm trying to strike a balance here and I'm making a noble sacrifice to do it so it's not funny.

Okay.. here goes the result of my research.

It was a Sunday afternoon. My mother wanted to go out shopping and I was like "uhh that stupid boring activity with no purpose" again. But suddenly a voice at the back of my head reminded me of my research and I immediately snapped out of my boyish state. I wanted to be a good boy girl and join mama in shopping!

So I went up to her and went like, "Mummy, can I go shopping with you, pleaseeeeeeeee?"

She kind of looked shocked, but she asked me if I was sure. Of course I was! After all I had to see what was the fun in shopping. The first sacrifice had been made - leveling up in Gunbound for a trip down Orchard Road. So much for opportunity cost - I didn't sign up for this, but for the sake of my research I persevered.

Well as I was walking down Orchard Road there was this great temptation to pop in any sports store and start checking out the soccer balls. Plus it was World Cup fever and I think I was getting a fever by avoiding all the sports stores. I was going mad. I was going bonkers looking at all the dresses and wondering what on earth could girls see in them.

Then suddenly. The voice at the back of my head struck again.

I'm a girl. I'm a girl. I'm a girl, dammit!

Oops. Now now, girls aren't exactly inclined to swear in public aren't they? For no reason I started to give a sickly sweet smile, and I think some members of the public were starting to wonder who this crazy sicko was. They were probably right - I was getting sick of shopping and I was going crazy, but now I'm a girl and I'm sooo crazy over shopping! Yay <3 shopping!!

We walked past a shop where I saw a poster of a model. Her dress looked so immaculate, so perfectly designed, so suitably tailored for the model. Every detail was in place. I wanted to take a picture to show all of you on this blog but I didn't bring a camera so I found a similar picture on the Net.

Which reminds me, you'd better thank me for this picture because I sifted through lots of crap (as in really A LOT OF TRASH) before finally finding this picture which is similar to the one I saw. You know how annoying the search engine can be at times.

Anyway back to the point, I saw the picture of the model somewhat like the one above. And to reiterate my point the dress was sooooo well-designed that I HAD to point it out to my mother.

"Mummyyy.. did you see that? Her dress is so GLAM la!"

My mum: "Err.. glam?"

She didn't quite get girl talk did she! I was feeling like quite a failure. Nevertheless I wasn't going to rattle on and on about how lovely the dress was or how glam it really looked, so I let it pass.

Then we walked past a CD shop.

And I saw this @$*&%#&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;^@$&*&%@#! bugger.






Don't know why everytime must see his kpkb face that's never smiling. Whole day give that sort of black face as if someone wants to punch him. Well at this rate he's more than likely to get a punch from any gangster. I mean, look at the picture again. Doesn't his face spell out "H. I. T. M. E."?

Ack and my demure girly mind took over.

"Mummyyy.. look at Jay Chou! He's sooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeee!"

Shit, I really regretted saying that because some guy who happened to be walking past while I made that comment started bursting out in laughter. And my mother was like kind of stunned, because she thought all the while I had this vendetta against Jay Chou. Not now - when I have turned into the New Age Girl.

Mum: "I thought you never liked him?"
Me: "Ya but now he's so kawaii~~~~~~~"

And people were starting to stare so I said I wanted to go to the toilet. In case you were wondering, I still went to the males' toilet because feminism is not a physical state - it is the state of the mind. So it's ALL IN THE MIND, man. IT'S ALL IN THE MIND.

Had to be female in soul. Had to be female in spirit. Had to be female by heart.

Okay so I came out of the toilet resolving to just maintain the feminine state of mind. And just to prove that I was kinda interested in Jay Chou (ya right), I told my mother that I wanted to buy one of his discs. My determination to get his latest album (which is quite outdated anyway) really surprised my mother, but then again I'm paying for it so she didn't really care.

We came to the section where all the Jay Chou CDs were. There was this huge collection of them. As in there were really many of them, a damn wide variety.

Me: "Look! Jay Chou got so many albums worrrrrrx~~~~~"

Mum: "Eh. Are you okay or not?"

I was about to do the Hard Gay "okayyy" when I stopped myself in time.

Me: "Sure." (smiles sweetly)

Mum by then wasn't amused anymore.

Mum: "I think you have a fever, let me touch your forehead."

...

Okay forget being a girl. I think I had enough.

I walked out of the CD shop and headed for the MRT station. Then wait.. no, something was amiss. Having regained my manly status, I began my long walk home.


P.S. I hope the results of my research proves conclusive.

NOOOOOOOOOO

Being your local html noob, I don't know why this blog suddenly has become so much more colourful. Blame it on watching too much World Cup, I'm trying to make everywhere as nice and vibrant.

Of bugs, omen and a tooth

Things have been a whirl. So many things, so little time. And i shall blog about it all at once here, and be brief about it. I have night training for water polo, meaning at 7pm. So when the sky begins to get dark, these huge floodlights are switched on, and all the crazy bugs are attracted to the lights. Once or twice, i saw a few bats gobbling up the bugs around the lights, but i can't really tell whether they're birds or bats.

I think the scientific reason for the bugs going towards light is so that they can mate. But the problem is that the bugs never train, so got no stamina, after a while, they can't fly anymore, so they drop right down...into the swimming pool. And so the whole fucking swimming pool is littered with these bugs, and you got to be careful not to swallow too much water or else you might just swallow them in. Oh and you might think that swallowing them is not a big deal because they're a source of protein but let me tell you that if you do so you're swallowing them alive.

Because these hardy bugs, on landing in the water, have not died yet, even though they're lying in the water with their undersides facing upwards. I know because i tried an experiment by using my hand to lift one bug out of the water and lo and behold, it walks on my hand! Definitely still got life in it. Of course, after that, i lowered it in the water again to allow it to continue its swimming lessons. But it's really quite disgusting.

But not as disgusting as The Omen, because the bugs came free while i had to pay 8 dollars for the omen. The Omen is one big fucking disappOintMENt. Maybe that's where it got its name from. I was looking forward to some big time horror movie like The Ring which would scare the living shit out of me, but all I got was a boring story about how a few people died.

First of all, it's unrealistic. Would you take any baby without knowing of the origin and go raise it as your own? NO! Unless you're siao or stupid or both. All the while, you believe some dubious character who doesn't even look like a doctor and who tells you your child is dead and who stuffs some other baby into your arms. Granted, that child might grow up to be Bill Gates, but the chance of that happening is 1/6.5 billion (world population), so you have to be terribly optimistic to take the child because there's an equal chance that he'll become osama bin laden. Of course you can name your child Bill Gates, but you probably know that im talking about the world's richest man here.

Secondly, it's not scary. The little boy isn't scary. But it sure is sadistic. Because they wanna show you the slow process of death as an air bubble enters the blood vessel and the victim is looking but helpless against it. Sick but not scary. To prove my point that it wasn't scary at all, i managed to fall asleep the moment i went to bed and slept for 12 hours straight. Haven't had such a nice sleep for a long time.

Morals of the film:
Always look up to check for danger(two people get killed by falling objects)

Don't raise a baby that isn't your own ( make sure you get a DNA test, you can't even trust your own husband, who is a nitwit, stupid enough to accept any baby)

Believe the cranks who tell you of danger ahead and that the world is ending.

Be a Christian. I believe that's the underlying motive of the film which is that because there is a devil somewhere out there to create havoc, we should all be pious Christians to stop the devil. Scared yet? Um and if you actually do convert to Christianity because of this film, then it just doesn't reflect well on Christians.

Borring film. There were parts that seemed to be horror, and i half-cover my eyes with anticipation, then always come out some anti-climax shit.

But that's not what's making me pissed off right now. I lost a part of me today, literally. This morning, I chipped my front tooth in training. The ball hit my face, and the tooth chipped. and all the while i thought my tooth would be more than a match for the ball. So i was wrong. I train my muscles and forgot to train my teeth. Now part of me is either inside my stomach or in the swimming pool. So sad. At first, i didn't even know my tooth chipped. It was just freakin pain, and then the pain subsided and i thought all was well. Until i stuck out my tongue, and it felt plain weird, and then i felt the sharpness of the chipped tooth.

But then ah, the secret to happiness is to look on the bright side of everything. So i have to look on the bright side and say that at least, i can spend less time brushing my teeth because there's less surface area. Smart right?

to sir with love

in primary school, whenever i use capital letters in my essays to try to reinforce the point that a person is screaming out loud, i recall that my teacher would just take out her red pen and slash it across the paper because i wasn't supposed to use capital letters for the whole word. even though the spelling was perfect, using capitals to spell out a whole word was considered bad spelling (like wth).

in secondary school, i was using the computer in hullett memorial library, a place rather full of fond memories especially with a *itch called mrs. *heryl *ap who liked to catch me checking my email without permission. right there beside the computer stations there's this like, huge sign about webspeak saying "DO NOT USE CAPITAL LETTERS. IT IS EQUIVALENT TO SHOUTING ON THE NET."

and like the way i presented it here the notice was bold, big and err.. in capitals. really leaves you to wonder what's the point of putting that up eh.

so for all the mannerisms that i have been taught in my past schools, i've decided to abandon capitals for good. (actually for this post only)

after all, if using capital letters constitutes shouting/being rude, then would it not be true that i am being rude at the beginning of every sentence? a proper sentence that starts with a capital letter would then represent me shouting at the beginning of every sentence?

not bad. so if you can imagine me reading out all of my posts here, using the fact that capitals = shouting.. i think i might have lost my voice altogether.

oh well. these are just random thoughts after a nice, calm after-lunch walk. as i ate quite a lot i decided to go for a short walk to let some food digest. the walk lasted three hours and i think it's all digested already - the moment i went home i had a stomachache. think next time i could have a middle name like "johnny". because i'm a walker. keep walking.

and for all my teachers who were ever so against the use of capitals, i dedicate this post to you. except for the quoted part above from hullett memorial library. that's not my problem any longer.

Opening ceremony

"Hey you people from ze rest of ze vurl.. I am deklaring zat ze kompetition für ze Vurl Kup to be officially open NOW! Hope you lazy zuckers vill lose money at your lokal pools by betting against ze greht Deutschland!!"

So.. as the members of TCS are great soccer fanatics (remember YL and I play 1v1 soccer at the basketball courts?), we are offering you soccer betting on the World Cup. It's called the TCS Pools and it works this way - you pool your money, and then you bet it all on the team that we choose for you.

You might think that you wouldn't be that stupid. But hell, it's the World Cup Fever! Fever means you'd probably be sick. Sick means you cannot think properly. Cannot think properly means delirium. Delirium means anyhow bet. Then when the World Cup is over and your fever is gone, we the bookies at TCS will start having OUR delirium by counting our winnings. Then when we have our fevers we can pon CTs! Yay this is what I call KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE - 一举两得！

In World Cup terms, KILL TWO TEAMS WITH ONE BALL. Like if there's a draw in the final match of the group stages and the result means both teams kena KO. =)

By the way, I just noticed that TCS is just a re-arrangement of CTs. Hmm maybe CTs stands for "Cock Talks"?

Random.

On a separate note, talk about bookies - the matches are gonna be way late at night right into the early mornings. So there will be lots of time to kill in between while receiving bets and waiting for the matches to start.

Being bookies, we should lead by example and take out our bookies (and notes) to go mug. After all, you are kindly reminded that CTs are just round the corner and mugging is more or less compulsory. When in RJ, do as the RJ people do and start mugging (ugh stupid life this is).

Anyway the Germany vs Costa Rica match will be starting in a few minutes. Right so I'd better be off.

Bets anybody?

GP CT Paper 1

Question 1: "A profit-driven mass media is more vibrant than a government-regulated one." Discuss.

According to Economic marking schemes, the word "discuss" indicates a Level 2 or Level 3 response, and hence I'd have to give a balanced argument. However from the question itself, there is bias indicated in the sense that the author is trying to assume and psycho-propel others to think that a profit-driven mass media is more vibrant than a government-regulated one, which might not necessarily be the case.

Therefore, despite your lousy planning of the question, I will do my best to give each type of mass media a chance. The definition of "profit-driven" would probably mean that the people behind the wheel are driving towards profit, very straightforward. A "government-regulated" mass media is one that is regularly regulated by the government, very straightforward as well. The word "vibrant" is debatable - but I understand it to mean sensational, interesting and lively. This is my essay, so whoever's marking it, I have clear intentions of making that THE definition. Don't argue with me, you can't. You only can mark my essay, n00b¹.

So anyway, let us move on to what a profit-driven mass media is about. As mentioned earlier, a profit-driven mass media is driven by profit - and although you might say there's a discrepancy with what I said earlier they are essentially the same. Because either way they want money. Therefore what do they do to get money? They fabricate, they spin tales, they sensationalise the way I do to my Research Education reports in Sec 4 so that they would come out exactly how I want it to be. Well, the editors of the papers want their papers to be money-spinners, so they would obviously make their reports more appealing to the public.

However, when one observes the government-regulated paper, there would be a considerable amount of propaganda in it. Though of course we all know that propaganda is also more or less fabricated, it might not be as sensational as that of the profit-driven. After all, how bloody interesting can a government get? Governments are called to run the country, and running a country cannot be much fun. If it is, your state is doomed. And anyway for some who might argue that government-dominated papers are not always all about the government and that I'm taking too narrow a scope, you are wrong. Go read the papers and you will find that everything links back to the big boss.

An example would be something like - "Iraqi insurgent leader Zarqawi killed" - today's headlines. Now does that seem very non-governmental to you? When they mention this sort of thing, they are celebrating the achievements of the army of the United States. Who is the ally of the United States? Singapore. Or to be more precise, the Singaporean government. There you have it - it's related. Try another article, like "Thai King's 60th-year celebration kicks off". That looks relatively innocent but no, there are governmental undertones in it. We all know about the political unrest in Thailand, and the King's big celebration could possibly lead to an assassination on their side. In other words the government is trying to use the example of other countries to warn us about possible rifts in Singapore that might occur with our multi-racial society.

Okay perhaps now there isn't much problem with our secular state - but as most Singaporeans are kiasu, our government also has to be kiasu² and tell us that our safety cannot be taken for granted. Anyway the multi-racial society is something that the government is super proud of till this day, so might as well give it an extra mention in the papers. And if you haven't realised by now, one of the five principles of good governance, the concept of "forward-looking" (I don't forget my Social Studies concepts), is also practised by our local government. With the increasing numbers of bloggers today, there is higher probability of one silly racist bugger (obviously not me) waiting to incite riots through uncalled-for remarks and in turn causing unrest in our peaceful Lion City. Don't you think that sucks?

So even though the government-regulated newspapers might look to have a variety of different topics, look beyond the surface. Everything links back to the government.

Comparing both of them, the more vibrant one is obviously the one that causes more hubbub in society. To compare, the best place to go would be your local coffeeshop. The papers which the Ah Peks³ make more noise about would obviously be the more entertaining, sensational and vibrant one.

The profit-driven, sensational paper, in my opinion, will not be as widely discussed as the government-regulated paper. This is, after all, common sense. The old men at the coffeeshop, with their old ages and dirty minds, can probably conjure up more sensational stories than your cocky young journalists at the profit-driven paper. And what's more if you will take the time to read these papers, it's probably articles like "Old man caught having three mistresses in Batam" and all that trash - which means that the old men would be reading about themselves! Now who the hell goes to buy papers that more or less tells your life story? There is not much point in doing so.

In contrary to this, however, the government-regulated paper provides debate and space for argument. After all, with Singapore being dominated by a one-party government, sometimes you cannot avoid skepticism. There will surely be discontent and disgruntled Ah Peks who will kao bei⁴ the system, kao bei this and that. Hence with the introduction of government-regulated papers, I dare say that there will be more engaged conversations and lively discussions in the local coffeeshops. Since the heartlands make up the majority of our sunny island, it is important to know what is going on there. With most of them being so worked up from the government-regulated papers, there can be no doubt that it is more vibrant than your stupid local profit-making paper.

Speaking of which, since profit-making papers cannot provide us the same entertainment that the government-regulated papers can, I curse them all to close down. Well, that's also partly because we all know that newspapers controlled by the government will never close down. But that's not the point. Your governmental tabloids (oops I mean newspapers) are certainly more bloody interesting and vibrant - so there. I have discussed the topic.

--
Glossary (you must understand that there are non-Chinese GP teachers in RJ. okay in fact they are the majority so it's always good to make sure that they know what we are writing)

1. n00b - short form for "newbie". refers to someone who doesn't know much about a topic. in this case, it's you, teacher.
2. kiasu - singaporean slang for scared to lose. if you don't know this term you're not singaporean and you should be ashamed of yourself.
3. Ah Pek - old man. usually dirty-minded.
4. kao bei - figuratively to bitch about. like how we like to bitch about you (teachers). let's not delve into the literal sense of the word.

Student's note: Why do I get this feeling I'll score DAMN HIGH for GP?

Kena owned

Just last night, my mother was expressing interest at how people can make money through auctions at eBay. Like you take an item, put it on eBay, and auction it off. You must know that there are many idiots around who would be willing to pay crazy prices for crazy (and stupid) items, so she was looking to capitalise on that.

I was like err.. what are you going to sell?

Mum: Some products I can get from company. (she works part-time somewhere) Do you know how to use eBay?

Me: No but I could try. Shouldn't be that hard.

Mum: Have you used it before?

Me: Err no. I don't have use for extra money - although eBay is damn useful for selling game accounts. (slip of the tongue)

Mum: Game accounts?

Me: Ya like Maplestory or Gunbound accounts.. my friend sold a level 70 account for like $200. (which was like half a lie because that was his INTENTION. whether he really did or not I don't know)

Mum: Really.. so good?

Me: Haha ya can make a lot of money from games. So, see you should let me play more.

Mum: Can you teach me how to play.. since I'm at home the whole day, I should be able to give more time to it. Then I'll sell them on eBay.

Me: !!!

Mum: And next time at night I'm going to use the computer to play. I'm telling you now so you'd better use your time on the computer wisely.

Me: ...wtf.

Mum: What did you say?!!

Me: Err nothing nothing.

.........me and my big mouth. Had to mention gaming.