Narnia movie review

WARNING: Not my fault if I spoilt your movie, because I've already warned you by putting that word in the front. If you haven't watched it, then you'd better not read it. Or actually you could so you'd know what to expect.

Anyway I'm not lying when I say that I wouldn't watch it except for the fact that my friends had invited me to do so. Or to be precise, my father's friend. Then since I won't be paying for it, I thought, why not? School is going to reopen very soon, and as you all know I don't watch movies when school reopens, I might as well watch now. Plus, I'm escaping from depression so I might as well plunge into a world of fantasy. Narnia sounded agreeable to me. So there I was, in Golden Village.

I thought I came into the wrong theatre when everything got bombed as the movie started. What the hell? So much for seeking solace in the movie, I got jacked so I started sleeping. The next thing I knew when I woke up, this stupid girl called Lucy had already wandered into the wardrobe. Oh by the way, Lucy's teeth are REALLY badly aligned so perhaps she needs some braces, eh? I don't think she needs extractions (lucky shit), because the gaps between her teeth are as wide as those separating Narnia from the real world. Whatever, just so long you know Lucy needs braces.

And guess who she met? MR. TUMNUS!! Now if you haven't seen Tumnus Huang Lu in real life, this one might give you half an indication. After all, I do see some resemblance between those two faguts and therefore I was kind of glad I woke up. There was some bitch next to me who had evidently watched the show before, saying out all the words that the people were going to say. Bloody spoiler, don't you think? Hate this kinda people man, so I koped her popcorn. She watched the movie already anyway, and popcorn are for people who haven't. I don't know where I heard this from, but it's true anyway, so might as well just eat my fill.

As the movie went on, it got kind of boring, because they were just travelling back and forth in snow without a soccer ball. It's really pointless. And the White Witch is really damn witch, she's so DAMN UGLY. Not like the children aren't, mind you. The actresses acting Susan and Lucy also all don't know why not chio at all. Tsk tsk. This is a MOVIE, at least get some prettier actresses? Still I've got this sixth sense (given by year 2006) that these girls are going to look better than those in my OG, so it's best I keep my mouth shut.

Baskit.

Well the plot is kind of unbelievable, and then there was a war of some sort later. Which was started by Azlan, kind of reminds me of a student in RI haha. I don't mean any offence, I was just saying that the name is really quite similar, but back to the plot.. it's stupid. Why a war when you can just kill the White Witch when she comes into the enemy camp? Solves the problem - but people like war, I guess. You have to have a war to get more money into the cinema coffers, so no choice, director makes a war for the hell of it.

And guess who I saw then? ARAGORN! The last time I saw him was when I saw Return of the King, and that was way back in the third (or fourth) age of Middle Earth. Apparently that bastard got bored with being a King, so he madly travelled all the way out of Middle Earth into Narnia, which is quite a journey, considering you have to go from the middle of the Earth to the surface of Earth, and then going into some dingy wardrobe. Not at all appealing. I'd rather go from RI to Junction 8, now that's so much more convenient.

The most stupid thing about Aragorn is that after he has made the BLOODY LONG journey, he went there to be a GENERAL or basically just a SOLDIER. How stupid can he get! I'll tell you now, it's DAMN STUPID!! Anyway that jackass must have been a king for so long he's forgotten how to fight properly - he can't even beat some White Witch when he could hack at all those trolls and orcs back there in Middle Earth. Tsk, what a n00b. No wonder he couldn't be king in Narnia as well. Not like it's damn cool to be King, but he's expected to be one. Lousy, weak character. Pathetic little fool.

So the war ended pretty predictably, with the children winning (that's really expected, children can lead and win a war). Peter the humji eventually became King, though in my opinion his last name could have well been Crouch. Because he's no more than a gay, that stupid Peter who had to hold a sword using two hands and close to his face. Coward. Surname is CONFIRM Crouch. Then they all went back to the real world at it was at night already? Wasn't any time in Narnia supposed to be zero time in the real world? The n00b director forgot.

Well, there was some talk about imagery being portrayed in the show - what about Christianity values, and the theme of sacrifice being portrayed. As a Literature scholar who is very well-versed in the writings of Enid Blyton, I must say I don't see any. I'm not a Christian either, so perhaps that is a more crucial factor as to why I couldn't see the imagery. It might have well been False Analogy, but I'm no philosopher, so let's just leave it at that. If you think there's one, then go watch the show.

Conclusion: For one who operates without logic (like me), the show is entirely enjoyable. This is because the whole show is without any logic, nor any chiobus. Of course, being non-buaya, that is still manageable for me so I still had some fun watching them all get jacked. It's just an entertainment thing. If you think you have two and a half hours to waste, which I don't recommend as it is Doomsday Eve, then go watch the movie.

I would give it two stars, because that's all I have to give. If 2/2 is good enough for you, then you must simply catch it. Oh, and I think the movie is rated "E" (for everyone?) because it's not PG nor anything else - so little kiddies can go watch it as well. No problem. You could bring your little sibling along, just for the fun of it. Only thing to remember is to watch the show without logic, then you'd really get the full meaning of it.