You might call it impossible, but your GP teacher (and perhaps some others) would expect you to be that anyway. So the best way to achieve this omnipotent state is to READ THE NEWSPAPERS. Everyday that's what they expect you to do. Even the Econs tutor also tells you to read the newspapers, and not just the "Money" section. You have to read everything.
But then again, who is so bloody free to read the whole newspapers everyday? That is just nothing but sheer stupidity. And possibly no-life too. Even I don't do such a thing with my huge amounts of free time. Seriously, I think you might find flying kites with me at Marina Bay more enjoyable than reading lots of small print that costs 70 cents out of your pocket money. Sure, you think that isn't a lot, but multiply that with 365 days a year, you stand to lose a hell lot of money. That's your bloody opportunity cost shooting up.
I suggest we don't totally abandon the newspapers, for it is indeed essential to read up. (That was, by the way, positive economics.) But we must realise that much as we WANT to read everything (ya right), we do not have the necessary resources to supply our wants. Meaning we have a scarcity of time. So how are we going to get around this scarcity?
The solution is simple. I offer to you now, the MOST IMPORTANT PART of any newspapers that you will ever buy. If this part does not exist in the newspaper that you buy, then it's a damn lousy newspaper. Spend your money wisely elsewhere. We don't indulge our money in weak resources, we use our money to get absolute advantages.
Don't be surprised. It is indeed the most essential thing, applicable in every subject. Let me just show you how it works.
Mathematics
Chelsea played 22 games and has 61 points. Now a win would give you 3 points, a draw 1, and none for a loss. What are the possible combinations that Chelsea can have to get that certain amount of points? Of course, that's bloody easy, it's 20-1-1. Repeat the exercise with the other clubs and you'll find that the number of combinations would increase.. so it's lots of pure fun that will keep you occupied for many hours to come. After all, we don't often get to do arithmetic nowadays.
Chemistry
Why is Sunderland at the bottom of the table, and so far from 19th-placed Portsmouth? That is due to it's mass number. If you haven't noticed, the Premiership table is pretty much like the Periodic Table, since they both share the same initials anyway. Their players have more body mass (ie fatter), and cannot play football for nuts. Thus, as we all know, since elements with bigger mass numbers usually are very low down in the Periodic Table, the same must apply to the Premiership. Those teams with lots of mass just sink right down to the bottom. If you want to disprove my theory, you'll have to go check up all the weights of the Sunderland players and compare it with the rest. Send it to me in a report and maybe I'll believe you.
Physics
The ball doesn't just curve, it curves because of the laws of Physics. Newton's Laws of Motion also come into play here. How do you think a ball can speed up, stop or change direction then? It is totally reliant on the great Isaac Newton himself. Without Physics, there would be no footy and there would be no Premiership tables for you to enjoy. That's putting it very lightly. And oh, don't forget the mathematical aspect of Physics too, calculate surface area of the ball, pi multiplied by 4r². To find volume, 4/3r³ multiplied by pi. The list goes on and I think you get what I mean.
Economics
Chelsea have their Abramovich and that is why they are at the top of the table. If that isn't Economics, I don't know what you call it. Gate revenues and season tickets are very much part of every club's culture. Without sponsorship or TV revenue, how do you think the clubs get to function and buy players? Money revolves round every club, like it or not. If you would carefully review the table, you'll realise that most poor clubs are down the bottom. Except jacked Portsmouth who just got their sugar daddy (that Russian idiot whose name I forgot) a little too late, now they are still struggling. It's just the laws of Economics. Ceteris paribus, Chelsea will win the Premiership. Oh, and the opportunity cost of Liverpool not buying Michael Owen is potentially lots of goals, though they do save up on his wages and earnings. Such is the microeconomics of the Premiership, learn it well and it will serve you well.
Biology
What keeps the players running for 90 minutes, 45 a half? Is it the heart pumping blood to the lungs through the arteries, or is it the flow of blood through the veins that gives the players the energy to run? Carbohydrates, proteins, fats - all part of the players' diets and totally essential for them to keep dribbling, passing, tackling and scoring. Without knowledge of Biology, everyone would just fall dead on the pitch like Mark Vivien-Foe did for Cameroon a few years back. Oh, and what do you think physios are for? Biologists rules the field pretty much as the economists do.
Literature
You could go read BBC for the match reviews - that's literature. Or players like Roy Keane saying, "the ref's a bloody wanker". Which is essentially quotable quotes which you can always quote and use in your literature response. You could also add in your own personal response like, "yea, Keano's right, the ref is indeed a bloody wanker." Metaphors and comparisons can be made too. An example would be Trevor Sinclair who famously proclaimed that "scoring against Man Utd is better than having sex." I'm in no position to judge if that is indeed true.
History
History of Premiership clubs winning the title. There's nothing much to say about that since History is really a very boring subject. Sucks to those taking this trash. =X
French
Now, finally, we come to one of the subjects least ventured. Even though it's difficult to see what the table offers in French, the possibilities are limitless if you choose to see it. Of course, those nationalistic bastards will hardly report on Premiership stuff, but if there's a will, there's a way. Here we go:
"Tenu en échec par les amateurs de Burton (0-0), formation issue de la cinquième division, Manchester United doit rejouer mercredi soir son 32e de finale de la Coupe d'Angleterre. Eliminés de la Ligue des Champions, dans le doute en Coupe de la Ligue anglaise après un résultat en demi-teinte à Blackburn (1-1) au stade des demi-finales aller, les joueurs d'Alex Ferguson n'ont plus vraiment le droit à l'erreur. Il n'y a finalement qu'en Championnat où les Red Devils, deuxièmes derrière Chelsea, prennent encore du plaisir bien qu'il aient été cueillis à froid dans le derby face à City ce week-end (3-1). Néanmoins, il leur faut jouer ce match piège avant de pouvoir en découdre avec Liverpool, dimanche, lors de la 23e journée de Premiership."
Not my fault, they really don't like reporting on Premiership matches. Oh well, so having found out about how useful and informative a Premiership table can be, I hope that you will take the time to read it in a more in-depth way. Don't forget that looks may deceive, and there is always more to it than what meets the eye. Now I shall be off to further review today's version of the Premiership table, and perhaps if I'm free the next weekend or sometime during the week (which is highly likely since I don't do tutorials), I will write a review for your perusal.
Meanwhile, just make sure you do your reading. If I've inadvertently left out any subjects that you might want to challenge me to include and prove to you that there exists an aspect of the Premiership table that I haven't covered, then do it. I shall be very glad to explain it to you. (Like how you can learn Theatre Studies & Drama from Hernan Crespo - that guy's a f**king diver.)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment