How to ace NAPFA

This is NAPFA week so I'm here to offer you some tips on how you get to ace NAPFA. Of course, you might not be feeling good or anything.. but my solution requires no level of fitness. All you need is good relationships with ALL your classmates, in case of emergency.

So. Here's the ownage method.

SIT-UPS
Before that stinky PE teacher has a chance to say "no count", you start whacking 20 sit-ups at one go. Now if you cannot even do that then you really have some problem. After which you get your partner to continue counting at the constant rate that he was counting at, and you will just stay up for a bit when the teacher looks away. Okay that doesn't sound very effective, but you don't need to cheat to get your A in sit-ups. The only way is via your friends, and it's only when you're seriously desperate and sad.

STANDING BROAD JUMP
This might be slightly harder to cheat, but it's not impossible. Your takeoff should not only propel you forward, but in jumping off try shifting the mat backwards using your legs as leverage. Use your toes to push the mat back and leap forward. If you do it properly you'll gain a whole 15cm extra. Or at least I did. There's nothing to lose if you do that, because it's not against the rules anyway. If your PE teacher interferes, tell him to STFU.

PULL-UPS
This one also a bit hard to cheat, but with a strong mind (and stronger arms) it's not really impossible. Use rebounding motion when you go down for the next pull up. And don't go down all the way, it's a waste of energy, just slightly more than 90 degress will do. If you do it fast enough and your PE teacher doesn't see it, all is well and good. If he does but you're still doing it crazy fast, he won't have the heart to remove so many "no count" pull-ups from you. But if you are damn heavy and really cannot do a pull up, then go take Slim 10.

SHUTTLE RUN
This one is best to cheat, especially with short timings. Go plan with the guy doing the shuttle run before you, and tell him to place the blocks slightly before the line. Now if you think that doesn't help, think again. The PE teacher won't bother to check so long it looks like it's on the line. Then of course the false start tactic always works. After "standby", say "shuttle run" quickly and you can be off - it's been proven to work. The PE teacher will say "go" anyway, and being Rafflesians, we ought to be creative thinkers and pioneers. So why bother waiting for the sign, just take action yourself!

SIT AND REACH
This one is obviously easiest to cheat and everyone knows it. Common sense tells you not to stretch your arms at full stretch at the start, and align the length of your feet with the ground. Somehow it gives you an advantage. You can take off your shoes to have psychological advantage, but it's pointless if you cheat then and there. Leave your fingernails long. And make sure your legs aren't cramped. Autowin.

2.4KM RUN/WALK
This is the most exciting segment of NAPFA, most undeniably. Some run, some walk, some do both. Well the oldest trick in the book is to hide behind the long jump pit or whatever it is at the other side of the track, then join back suddenly. If there are lap scorers GGXX. The other way is to fall down, vomit and do whatever you can to gain sympathy. So you can get excused from this round of NAPFA and do it another day when you feel better. It's even more effective if you run damn fast for the first round and collapse, the PE teachers will think you're damn pro. Okay enough said, just have fun.

Disclaimer: This only works if you are a mediocre student aiming to get Gold for NAPFA. If you are the hopeless kind that weighs 90kg with no muscles whatsoever, then trying out these tactics might be hazardous for your health. Plus, with your sort of size I doubt it's that easy to hide. Hopefully I'll change the world after this. Here's to a fitter RJC!

If you get caught by your PE teacher, it's not my fault. And if they're not effective, you're just incompetent. Of course there are better methods to be revealed, but I'll save that for next year's NAPFA.