How to win a match

Some say luck is not important. Some say skills' everything that you need to win a match. Well I dont actually think so. Luck, to a certain extent, is extremely important too.

Well, that's why i'm here to teach you how to be lucky.

Alright let's just assume that our match starts at 2pm at some far away place.

So your coach will want you to be there by 1pm to warm up right?

Which also means you got to leave at around 12.30pm right?

Right!

So which means you will probably come out for your so called pre-match preparation by 9am. Okay let's assume that we have 3 hours. What are we gonna do?

The first and most important thing to do is to sleep. Where else can you get a good and comfortable sleep except in the library?

Well, the catch is that how you sleep and where you sleep matters.
I wont say im the expert in fengshui, but trust me what i tell has worked and will work.

1. When you sleep, sleep on the soft sofas. Some sofas are bloody hell hard. Now when you sleep on those hard sofas, you cannot sleep well. And when you cannot sleep well, you will feel tired. Tired means you will lose.
2. And when you dont sleep well, you increase the chances of you having nightmares. Nightmares right before the match are bad.
3. Sleep on the sofa with the tiger/leopard fur. It will give you strength!
4. When you sleep, you are bound to listen to your ipod/whatever. Now the choice of your songs is extremely important as well. As much as possible try listening to songs that will hype you up like "We are the champions" etc. Do not at all cost listen to love songs because love songs make you feel sad. When you are sad you cannot play well and you will lose!
5. Do not face the sun when you sleep. If you face the sun directly when you sleep, you will find that you cannot see properly after you have woke up.

okay all in all, follow these rules and you will get a good lucky rest. Rest for about an hour or so. Any longer than that you will pass the auspicious hour and your luck will go downhill. Remember, an hour and twenty eight minutes(88), not more not less.

Now after you are awake, you will be hungry.

So make your way to the canteen and have a good lunch.

Banannas are a good source of carbo and you should get plenty of them.
Chocolates are to be avoided at all cost till half an hour before the match. Now here's something scientific. Alright chocolate contains lots of sugar so if you eat too much you will feel like you are on viagra but just that the match is still 2 hours away. You think you can sustain? You will feel as if you have drunk the world's most powerful Tongkat Ali but sadly that dont last.

Alright. Now be extremely careful of the food you eat. Dont eat any vegetables. This is due to the fact that the chinese pronounciation for vegetable is SU1 CAI4. So since you do not want to SU1(lose) then dont eat vegetables.

Eat plenty of rice. Will explain that later.

Okay let's assume that you take one whole hour for your lunch eh? Now you have one hour left before you leave for the match.

Now this is an extremely important time.

Make or break.

Now listen carefully.

You have to do this yourself there's only that much i can help you.

Basically you need to know how long you need to shit.

Im not joking.

Okay, here's the situation. You will have to time how long you will need to shit. If you need half an hour to shit and change up then please spend the first half an hour talking cock or reading the newspapers. When it is time to shit, please go and shit.

There's a toilet right beside LT2 behind the door. We call it the sacred toilet. If 3 pple shit at the same time in that same toilet, you are mostly to get good luck. However if your people shit in that toilet at the same time, you are mostly to die for the match. This is because 4 in chinese means die. And i think there's only 3 cubicles so i dont know how's the 4th guy gonna answer the call of nature.

Now why should you pass out all your motion before the match.

Study physics right. Let's assume F=ma.
Let's take for example a runner. The force he can exerts has a limit right. Let's say on that day he exerts his maximum force. So if you shit, you pass some stuff out of your body, you will feel lighter right? And your mass decreases right?? RIGHT!

So by that formula, your acceleration will be higher!
It works the same as drinking MILO, you will run faster, swim faster, run higher and throw harder.

And we also know energy required= 1/2 mv^2
So we know that our body can supply a certain amount of energy right. Work out that equation again and you will find out that when your mass is lighter your velocity will be faster.

AGAIN! It's just like drinking MILO. We are not swimmers, we are dolphins! We are not runners we are...erh... cheetahs!

and yah the more rice you eat, the more you shit.

Now once you are at your match venue, get one of this and start shining the whole venue. I highly suspect that your opponent might have used voodoo dolls. But dont worry, this is enough to deal with them all. If it is not, then come look for me we will work something out.

Good luck!