I'm hot!

Today marks a very special day. The day I'm hot, and i'm hoping it doesn't continue. I've set a personal record of 38.6 degrees celsius for my body temperature. I bet that's hotter than any of you out there. I have a sore throat, a runny nose, a headache that causes my brain to feel fried.

This after two days of diarrhoea, where water comes out of your asshole instead of the usual place. The farting continues non-stop, but what comes out is simply a poisonous gas because there's nothing out to pass out anymore. And you always the get the feeling that something's stuck in your ass and if you shit any harder, your guts are going to come out anytime. This continues until all the water has been extracted from your body into the toilet bowl.(Or your pants, if you still insist on going out.) This is the real concept of wasting water. Straight down from your mouth into the toilet bowl.

But the funny thing about a fever is how it makes you feel cold even when the weather is so hot. Maybe this can be developed into some new technology to help the people of hot countries. Wouldn't it be funky if you felt cold on a hot summer's day? this would drastically reduce the need for air-conditioning and results in a lower electricity bill for the country.

Another advantage of this danged flu is the runny nose. If any enemies are in hot pursuit of you, such as your parents when they see your common tests results, you can turn your head back and release a potent cocktail of green gooey stuff to stop them in their tracks. What if they slip and fall into your stuff? Hilarious. The oft-used banana peel has a worthy successor.

According to the doctor, the flu is very very contagious and you ought to stay at home. But why? Spread the joy to your most deserving enemies, all the while saying that you're simply hardworking. After all, who knows what other advantages a flu has, because everyone has been concentrating on its negative aspects. As the good ol' doc told me," Every time you succumb to a disease and then you recover, your immune system goes up a notch". Comforting words indeed. Except that i seem to fall sick again after every illness.

Maybe the flu enlarges the brain. That's why i feel the headache, because my brain is straining against my skull. I'll come back to school a much smarter person(hopefully). Maybe i'll grow taller too, at least that's what my mother told me, and mothers are never wrong. After all, heat makes things expand, so my bones will expand thanks to the fever and then be fixed permanently bigger. And of course it gives you something to talk cock or whine about. Be sure to add a bit of spice, such as " My flu was so serious that I flu away". Laugh, dammit. The possibilities are endless.