Cyclohexane's Dilemma

CYCLOHEXANEEEEEEEE!!

First, let me apologise to all our fanatical readers out there demanding an update. I just got released today like electrons coming from a CH₃ group. I was contained, confined and condemned for the past three weeks where I have not been allowed to post. Oh well, I do owe all of you an explanation. But being the fagut who refuses to pay up his class funds, I like to delay payment for explanations as well. Give me a day or two to clear my mind first.

Second, I'm going to post something stupid today. It's a total cock-and-bull story that just cropped up in my mind without inspiration from anywhere. Considering that I haven't been talking cock for quite a while (not here anyway), I figured I'd give you some bull as well. I repeat, this idea did not come from anywhere. It's just random thoughts delocalised in my head.

Third, I begin my post. I'm sorry but this will have to be without pictures because I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN A PICTURELESS WORLD in the past few weeks and was forced to draw my own, so now if you want a clearer picture of what on earth I'm talking about.. draw it yourself.

Now on to the main topic. Cyclohexane.

Let's assume there are three guys and three girls. (Not very difficult to assume, so don't say you can't.) The guys, like your silly unnamed chemical compounds, are labelled A, C and E. The girls, on the other hand, are named B, D and F. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

So it's Valentine's Day and Guy A wants to ask Girl B out for dinner (ooo that's so romantic!!) but Girl B finds that Guy A mugged too much Chemistry that he's spilling it all over his blog posts and she's pretty disgusted by that. Yep and even though it's six months from this year's Valentine's and another six months to next year's Valentine's (waiting is painful), the girl does not fancy his blog posts about Chemistry. And thus she wants to reject him.

BUT girls being girls, have to be nice and cannot reject Guy A in the face. So it was time to think of an excuse. She said that Guy C (a new constant who's got nothing to do with Chem) had already asked her out for dinner. Meaning she can't go out with Guy A as well because she's run out of valence electrons to bond with them both at the same time.

Thus it's a no-go, right? The tricky part is that she hasn't asked Guy C whether HE would like to go out. When Guy A walks away disappointed, she went to ask Guy C if he would go out to dinner with her so as to make it look as if she didn't lie. Oh well. And if you didn't guess it by now, Girl B secretly likes Guy C.

At this point I reiterate that no part of this post is inspired by real life events. Unless you consider Chemistry Tutorial 12 a real life event.

Okay then like all sad love stories Guy C doesn't like Girl B because he, uh, finds Girl B too stupid for the likes of his mathematical brains. He instead decides to go after Girl D, a Geper who's topped the cohort. But before he's got a chance to ask Girl D he's got pre-empted by Girl B. So he wriggles his way out by saying that he's already got a date though he hasn't asked Girl D. Something like what Girl B did.

And as you can guess, Girl D preferred intellectuals like Guy E so the vicious cycle happens again. DO YOU GET IT? Like B lies to A and wants to go out with C but gets jacked because C is supposedly going out with D but gets jacked because D supposedly is going out with E but gets jacked because E is supposedly going out with Girl F and you know it. So I shall not bother explaining.

And as the title suggests, cyclohexane goes round and round. Thus, Girl F decides to go for Reject Guy A.

A, although already rejected, is not a despo so he says no to F. But like every other nice person he has to seem nice to he says he's already going out with Girl B, which we all know was a bloody lie but well, the truth hurts. So anyway he lies. And by now you'd have figured out that all the bloody six people there are freaking liars, so in actual fact no one should go out with no one of such poor moral character.

Still, the problem remains. Now that they are all locked with delocalised dreams of going out with their dream date, what is going to happen next? Girl F doesn't like Guy E because she thinks Guy E is a liar (well probably), Guy E doesn't like Girl D because he thinks she's too smart, Girl D doesn't like Guy C because she thinks he's too stupid, and etc.

I can't exactly remember all the reasons now, and pardon me if I type "Girl C" or "Guy D". In cases of errors, just freaking read the top part and remember A, C and E are guys while B, D and F are girls.

Okay. So according to TCS's Law of Cock, we propose three things happen from here.

1) Law of Least Repulsion
Guy A, being the initiator of the cyclohexane structure that he's now tangled in, has to take the responsibility for breaking it up for dinner. So even though he wants Girl B, he might be willing to settle for half and take Girl F out for dinner. Okay maybe he's a despo. Which would lead to Girl F's dreams coming true and thus Guy E will have to settle for Girl D and Guy C gets Girl B. Essentially not what he wanted.
Conclusion: Law of Least Repulsion favours girls (2,4,6-directing) as the boys all end up going to dinner freaking unhappy.

2) Law of Most Electrophilic
This law states that when a guy wants electrons, he gets electrons. So Guy A the despo bugger keeps bugging Girl B all day to find out if her date has been cancelled, which essentially cannot be since it didn't exist in the first place. Girl B initially was hesitant to reply but on thinking that she would have to spend V Day lonely without Guy C, eventually has to comply. Because the opportunity cost of being caught out in a lie would almost be too embarrassing for her. So okay, she goes out with Guy A and now Guy A is happy. F, being unable to get A, will have to make do with E and now as you can see, the women just don't get it.
Conclusion: Law of Most Electrophilic favours guys (1,3,5-directing) as the girls all end up going to dinner wondering why the hell are they out with this idiot.

3) Law of Spontaneous Combustion
They find that everyone's lying and suddenly there's a whole lot of temper going around. Then the cyclohexane just explodes (combusts) to form an alkene elsewhere, while the free radicals are left to roam in UV light instead of a romantic candlelight dinner. Quite sad but possible if you ask me. Nowadays running away is the best solution, of course apart from potassium permanganate which is a lovely purple in colour.
Conclusion: Worst case scenario, because probably all of them will be unhappy.

So from all three scenarios, have we a lesson to learn?

From the Law of Least Repulsion (LLR), three gets unhappy. From Law of Most Electrophilic (LME), another three gets unhappy. Then from the Law of Spontaneous Combustion (LSC), six are unhappy. Either way, you notice that not everyone is content?

SO THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.

1) Don't ask anyone out on Valentine's Day so you won't be disappointed. You can't feel disappointed if you didn't have any expectations in the first place.

2) Don't. Bloody. Lie.

Yes so that is the Cyclohexane's Dilemma. For non-Chemistry students, I'm so sorry but as there is no Chemistry between us (ya like those stupid lame Chem jokes around school), there is no choice but to start taking H2 Chemistry NOW!

This post is not in conjunction with RJC Chemistry Week by the way, it's just a random post to fill up the empty orbital that we call Talk Cock Summit.

All right everyone. We are back. =)

WE ARE BACK!!!!!