Well it's THE FIRST BIRTHDAY OF TCS!!!!
And hurray we lasted one year! Though admittedly we had our off days (like the recent big bang), yayay we lasted one year! Long live t3h cocks.
Recently I've been going to Biology lectures and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff they said there. Like, a bird might be related to a snake in the animal kingdom. Classification of animals might not seem what they seem. If you eat chicken, you are eating the dinosaurs of today. Arguably they are nothing like T-Rexes, and hence we eat them. But even though I don't take Bio, I must say that sometimes we must learn to expect the unexpected.
Meaning what? Meaning even though two species might seem very close, they might not be very close after all. See, eating chicken is pleasurable and fun, because one is able to get a packet of chicken rice for $3. If you eat substandard chicken rice, maybe $2. The duck might seem to be a close cousin of the chicken when you talk about phylogeny, but eating duck is a mental torture and a drain on your wallet.
At least, eating at Lim Seng Lee Teochew Duck Rice is. It's a rundown little stall at South Buona Vista Road, apparently "famous" for its duck rice. I think the newspapers might have made a little typo while recommending the duck rice, after all newspapers are typed by humans and humans make mistakes. Plus it doesn't help that the letter "F" is just next to the letter "D".
Well today was a joyous occasion. To celebrate all the cock we've been coming up with for the past year, I thought that I would go eat some chicken (ie cock) to celebrate. But chicken everytime is boring, and when you get stuck down some ulu place in South Buona Vista Road, you don't get much choice.
So remembering that I had a Maths test next day and that I would like variable separable food for my dinner, I decided to go for the chicken's cousin. The duck. In case you don't know how one looks like, it's like this.
Damn cute eh. I wished I never went to the duck rice stall now. Let me tell you the name again - Lim Seng Lee Teochew Duck Rice. Such a bloody disgrace since the owner probably shares the same ancestry as me. (He's Teochew too, what the duck.)
Well even though he might be Lim and he might be Teochew, I will curse him not to have anymore Seng Lee (dialect for business) for the rest of the year because the stupid owners running the place are seriously a bunch of duckers.
Let me substantiate my claim. I went there with my friends so you can ask them as well. If you don't know my friends ask me and I'll ask them to talk to you. When we first arrived the whole place was damn full so we couldn't find a seat. The auntie, however, seemed more concerned in talking duck with the uncle instead of trying to serve us. After all we were walking up and down at least she could ask us if we had a problem?!
But no! She didn't. So even though there isn't much cause to be offended, the silly rundown stall in decrepit state deserved to be condemned. We found a seat. Actually, five seats so we sat down. Waited for service and the drinks auntie (probably in collaboration with the duck rice auntie since she talked duck as well) came over. Asked if we wanted drinks. Well she didn't seem to have anything except barley so after a while we decided not to order but she didn't get the hint. And she walked away rudely when we made it clear. What the duck?
Another drinks auntie walked by, but thankfully she was less impatient and suddenly the drinks stall seemed to offer lime juice and other drinks as well. You don't expect to sell one drink and get away with it. What's this, a monopoly where there is only one unique product?
We ordered duck, and we got duck. Duck for five people was basically little shreds of duck piled over cucumber at the bottom so fools like us who talked cock could not see the vegetables beneath them all. The duck was cold, the rice was cold and the servings were meagre if I were to give a generous description of it all. The only people being generous at the stall were probably the customers.
We were considering complaining loudly, but you see, there's a limit to how much you can piss off the man because 1) he was carrying a chopper and 2) they could poison our next serving of rice (everyone ordered at least two bowls). So we had to bear with it.
At the end of it all, we had to pay. Or rather we were being polite by wanting to pay and DUCK! The minute portions that we ate cost a total of $51.50?! This is what we ordered, okay: 5 plates of duck rice which merely was there to cover the surface of the plate, duck for 5 people (and more cucumber than duck on the plate, by the way), 5 bowls of rice, 4 drinks and 1 vegetable dish. Oh by the way the vegetables cost $6, and it looked as if it was leftovers from last night.
The stall had newspaper cuttings hung up at the side of their walls. They were from the Straits Times.. about two decades ago. And to emphasise the facts that this was just a bunch of old farts just ducking around, they hung up the same article in many places. Desperate duckers. Did they think we were too dumb to notice?
I gave them $8 worth of coins. I could have done better and not paid, since the ducking uncle didn't even bother to count the coins. After all, having ripped us all by giving us a ducking small amount of food, to pay him $20 in total was to let him cover his total variable costs AND his total fixed costs.
NEVER GO BACK TO THAT DUMP.
Lim Seng Lee Teochew Duck Rice, South Buona Vista Road.
Lesson learnt? Cock is cock, duck is duck. There is Maths test tomorrow, I should have learnt how to differentiate the both of them. In celebrating TCS's one year anniversary, there can be no close substitute to cock. Remember. The cross elasticity of demand for chicken is 0. If you can't get the cock, don't get the duck.
That is all I have to say.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TCS!!!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment