Teacher's zomgg Day

I can hear people asking this question, WHY CELEBRATE TEACHER'S DAY?

Especially when they've been mean fags.

Especially when they've been giving back homework late. See, they complain that we hand in late work, but does it not occur to them that they take equally long to return our work? If we gave them deadlines to mark work you can be sure they'd hand it back late.

Especially when teachers give white slips.

Especially when teachers flirt among each other but claim that little boys and girls like us should not have BGRs in school. Not that it's my problem, but when there's fault to find, I will find it.

Especially when they refuse to give clues for the upcoming test.

Especially when some can't even teach at all.

Most importantly, especially when in RJ we don't have bloody teachers. They are called TUTORS.

Hence, why Teacher's Day?

Because they teach us Maths?


Because they teach us discipline?


Or maybe because they are so passionate about their job that they forget that they might be making students get asthma (especially relevant in the past before whiteboards were found to be better than blackboards).


Hmm.

I don't know either, really. But I'm not going to seem like an ungrateful bastid and bitch about every single thing that I can come up with because I really like the Teacher's Day holiday. So I'll just end off here.

Gratitude

WE ARE VERY GRATEFUL TO OUR TEACHERS.

Almost ten months since our last Chinese lesson, we still remember the great wisdom and foresight of our wonderful teacher (now mentor), Mr Tan Puay Hock. He has given us revolutionary views and insights of the world, plus interesting class performances that left us spellbound with the amount of cock he was able to talk.

Thus, with all due respect to our idol Mr Tan, this is a card we made for him. Fittingly, it is in Chinese. Of course you don't expect me to type in Chinese, it would take the whole night. Writing Chinese already proved very difficult, for we took almost an hour to write out a simple passage that will be shown below.

In any case, just read and have fun. Using Chinese proverbs and phrases for the sake of desperately trying to prove that our Chinese isn't completely dead is common, though I think it proves exactly the contrary. (YL and I really put the card into his pigeonhole today, by the way. Results and reactions can be seen tomorrow when we meet him after Teacher's Day celebrations lol.)

Enlarge if you can't see it. It's worth a "what the hell reaction".

By the way, believe it or not, I didn't choose to write the content. I was merely the.. scribe, and was taking down 默写。

Nevertheless, 敬爱的陈老师，您是我们的偶像，我们会永远记住您的话！

I guess that's it about being grateful to your teachers. Thank your teachers today! If not, do it tomorrow where it's more appropriate haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YJ!

A special day, a momentous occasion indeed! It's YJ's birthday!!!

And of course you must be itching to know more about yj. Well loads has happened since his last birthday. His legs have become more muscular (like duh!) he has become wiser, more matured and still as crazy as ever.

Now, listen up girls, he is super duper sexy. Besides his all-famous legs which you should already know about, there's still his all-enduring manliness. He has been known to run from toa payoh to orchard just to protect the environment and avoid the pollution transportation brings. To him, Singapore is so small, we don't really need the bus or the mrt. Walking or running will do just fine. Taking transportation is simply for sissies.

Ever heard him speak French before? You haven't? oh that's sad because it's really cool.

YJ's deep voice+ French= Ownage!!!

Maybe if you ask nicely he'll say something to you in French. Or even teach you some phrases.
French is a really beautiful and romantic language. Really.

Now if you really still need more proof as to how sexy he is, ask for his home telephone number. Of course, don't be offended if he doesn't give it to you. After all, he's an intensely private person and can't afford to have you fans and stalkers alike ambushing him. But here's a little hint: it's 6XXX6969. No shit, i might talk alot of cock but i'm dead serious about this. i mean, even the phone number is sexy, what more can you ask for? I doubt even money can buy that sort of telephone number.

yj plays the recorder really well. So well that I consider him a true musician. Someday he'll be performing in a concert with his recorder, so make sure you people are there to support him then. Anyway, musicians are romantic, intelligent etc etc. And yj is a musician in the truest sense of the word.

yj is a councillor, Exco member somemore. And thus, he deserves respect. Being a councillor means he's automatically eligible to become a befriender and an Orientation Group Leader as well. And if you've gone for the first befriender meeting, where they told everyone what OGLs are, OGLs are honest, committed, enthusiastic, punctual, hardworking and a hell lot of other good things. That automatically qualifies yj for all those qualities. Sometimes he denies that he has them, but i tell you he's simply being modest. yup despite having the qualities to die for, he remains humble and down-to-earth (just like lightning down the wire).

yj is the computer games pro. Runescape, Neopets, Utopia, Gunbound... You name it, he's pro at it. His Utopia (http://games.swirve.com/utopia/) so zai that he once had world ranking somemore. But of course, he's had to retire due to his other commitments. Such a pity. You can try utopia if you're so smart that you got time to spare.

Never think that yj is stupid ok. Cos he's chao smart. He won a gold medal for Singapore Maths Olympiad in 2002! That proves that he's just hiding his talent from all of us. Yj sure poonz your ass. Because even if you got gold for SMO, you're probably not a councillor. And even if you are

yj is the ultimate cock generator. He posted so much meaningful stuff here that i simply can't keep track of them. It has been said that his topping the class in economics is mainly due to his ability to talk cock. In fact, he's the one who keeps this blog alive, constantly breathing life into it like a lifeguard doing CPR.

Now, make a wish. ( Don't ask what for. Just make one.)
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Now, go and wish yj a happy birthday! And your wish will come true! Otherwise, your wish will never come true and you'll die a horrible death. (i'm sure you don't want that unless you're a terrorist)

Tales of the NBA

Being in the Non-Buaya Association (NBA) isn't an easy thing, trust me.

Temptations are abound in every part of the world now, so for YL and I to remain faithfully hardcore to this belief, it isn't easy. Especially when you take French. The French believe that la chair is the way to go for general human welfare and unfortunately they believe in putting chairs all over their newspaper as well.

In case you don't take French (which is highly likely), chair = meat/flesh. So we were researching one day for some cock to talk during French class (a common occurence) when an article about addictions caught our eye. Then we opened the link, only to find some.. chair.

I think the idea of putting chairs on your website for people to read is stupid. Who is going to read the words when the visual aid is so overwhelming? Of course I'm not saying that I stayed there to look at the chair, but the French being French had to make the colour scheme so vibrant that it was difficult not to notice. Coincidentally, they had to make the words blend in with the background.

The French will always be French, and that's what adds to our trouble keeping faith with the NBA.

Luckily RJC isn't chiobu haven.

The second problem that the NBA faces (besides the French) is the promos. Despite earlier mention that I don't study and RJC isn't exactly your chiobu haven, the fact is that exceptions do exist. Meaning that I DO study at times (REALLY!) and RJC does have some chiobus.

If you wonder how that coincides, refer to an earlier post. Mugging time is where people form study groups. Like one C atom and 4 H atoms come together to form methane (the C atom is some buaya btw), it is possible for one super buaya boy to study with four girls at a time. However, like CH₄ being highly ineffective in reaction with other substances (I think), the studying is usually ineffective. It has to lose at least one H atom before it can start reaction, no? But uh, utility level is very high.

On the other hand, one Na atom and one Cl atom might mug very well too. However, due to no other elements competing for reaction, bond length = short and thus reactivity level with other things would be.. low. Also not good for studying.

Either way, I think study groups don't work. But studying alone gives little motivation as well as more sleeping time. So there definitely has to be a solution.

Although I could be described as Ne or Ar or any other inert gas, the fact does not change that I do try to study. Now, the temptation for studying in groups also seems higher, because we could share our electrons and have electron transfer (information sharing) among each other. The only problem is that with boys, I tend to talk a lot of crap, and as electrons repel, we might end up arguing over a topic not worth arguing over.

Studying with girls admittedly might be more effective, but it invites scandals.

And there you go - NBA dilemma number two.

Add French with mugging dilemma, NBA faces grave problems today. To be NBA is not simply differentiating between Neutral Basic or Acidic, it takes on temptations and complications.

Certainly, being in the NBA isn't an easy thing.

Not after you've moved from RI to RJC. But like all problems can be solved and like how almost our whole class can score As for French orals, I believe that I will conquer it. Now back to mugging.

Biology in 1 day

After attending Biology lectures for five consecutive weeks, I have come to a conclusion that Biology is a muggers' subject. This is because there is no understanding required, everything is based on PURE HARDCORE MEMORY.

And thus to take Biology is to stress your memory limits.

I remember when I last took Biology in Sec 2, I scored the bloody highest for it among my three sciences. Says a lot about my other sciences doesn't it. But I duly rewarded Biology for being my best subject by dropping it the very next year.

You might think that I'm crazy and illogical, but well that's exactly how Biology works.

Biology must be applicable and useful. May I know what is the use if we study a subject just to know more random facts around the world? So what if I know that the bacteria has dilemma whether to turn on its enzyme-producing gene or not.. is it going to get me ten thousand dollars a month? I'd rather go drink milk and suck on lactose.

Still, don't worry. I'm not going to stay here and rant for an hour about Biology. I'm not angsty, I'm going to provide a Biological solution to this. How to prepare for Biology promos in just one day. Or one night, rather. You'd get what I mean later.

Here is the plan. But first we are assuming that you have the skin of humans, and it must be porous. Without pores, nothing goes in and nothing comes out. Biology involves the transfer of biological stuff at times, I do know, and in these transfers the least you can do is to provide a permeable membrane for the biological stuff to go through. I don't know if you'd term it steric hindrance, but basically to let stuff go through other stuff, the other stuff had better be permeable.

Well then, assuming that you have permeable skin, the only thing that you need to filter in is the Bio notes. Note that you can only carry out the reaction only if you haven't studied at all. For fagut muggers, you are not welcome to use this because it will only work against you.

Then again, if you are a fagut mugger, I doubt you'd be reading this. I only cater to the last-minute people who are aiming to get A without putting in effort. Like myself. Biology in 1 day is the ultimate guide for you.

Now that you have no knowledge of Biology and the notes are all there for you, all you have to do is to shrink them to a size of.. an atom. Or basically, you just need to shrink your notes to a very very very small size. Like perhaps Times New Roman size 0.000000001. Now the computer is not going to work at that sort of font size, and nor are you going to type out all your notes onto the computer before shrinking them.

So, you use a REAL shrinking device. THE WATER.

Stuffing all your notes happily into the water, you get an aqueous, concentrated solution of water. Only be careful not to put in too much water, we are here to absorb Bio notes not water.

Capillary action of water will see it flow from a higher place to a lower place. At night before you sleep, just stick your Bi0logy (aq) up somewhere and attach a DNA strand from the water down into the cerebral whatever of your brain. Basically just attach one side of the DNA strand to the water and another to your brand.

Yup, the DNA strand is optional, but it is used for good measure as the more biological the process gets, the more information you absorb. If you don't have any DNA strands, protein chains will also do. Don't do it with lipase as you might not pass your NAPFA after the night you rush Biology.

Go to sleep and wait. As Biology's law of diffusion goes, uh some things flow into some other things of different regions. Thus information must flow from a region of higher concentration to a region of lower concentration. (That's why no mugging is required.) Wake up the next day feeling all enlightened, and you'd be very grateful to me.

Of course, as osmosis is also very much a bi0logical process, you also risk losing whatever information is in your brain. That's why you shouldn't mug in the first place. You can't lose what you don't have.

Cheers to topping Bio promos! Remember to treat me if you do.

Quiz

Since quizzes have been in fashion for some time now and things like quizilla have sprung up to fill up some blogs, i've decided to do one as well, but a budget one. Budget in terms of effort because i can't be bothered to sign up with quizilla to create a nice one. Anyway, budget things are also in fashion right now, thanks to budget airlines and budget hotels. So what you are going to see is a very fashionable thing to put on a blog. Anyway, it would defeat the purpose having a nice background with the quiz because it's only 1 question long. And you can find the related pictures yourself.

Quiz name: What type of farter are you?

It is common knowledge that when one farts silently, it is usually of the much smellier type, and when one farts with great aplomb, the smell is not that great.

Question 1:
Is your fart silent and smelly or pompous and harmless? (We're talking about the majority of cases here)

a. silent and smelly
b. pompous and harmless

Now let me leave a space for the results.













A. If your answer is a, you are a selfish farter. You only care about the fact that nobody knows that you have farted and care nothing about the fact that everyone close to you has to choke and gack and ack. Meanwhile, you play the innocent lamb and ask together with everyone else, "Now who's the fucker who farted?" The world could do with less people like you.


B. If your answer is b, you are a selfless farter. Even though you might be the butt of jokes to come, you have not harmed anyone except for the noise pollution of the fart. Do you know that the sound produced by the fart has been known to burst eardrums? No? Well that's because you're stupid. Still, no one has to bear the stink, and it's at your expense. You, being a selfless farter, probably does not mind being laughed at. But that does not absolve the fact that you had farted and wasted precious oxygen because while everyone else makes use of their oxygen to do meaningful things, you transform it into farts. The world doesn't need you either.

Thought Detector

Okay so after Italian match-fixing and the silly prelude to this post last night, let us now find out what the thought-detector has caught for the Switzerland vs Togo match. As you know, this thought-detector is ground-breaking technology and hence the expensive equipment could only be used once for one whole World Cup.

If not, our TR would not even go near to cutting the AVC. So I'm sorry but well,

TCS presents SWITZERLAND VERSUS TOGO.


The match starts with 2 camera-shy players shielding their faces. Switzerland guy using his left hand, nice try. The Togoan is a little smarter, at least he uses the ball.

Then before you know it the Swiss are up yet again to their efficient methods and Alexander Frei was glad to pop in a goal. And thought-detector caught this nice and well.


He couldn't help adding a little more arrogance during his celebrations.

So he thought we couldn't see it eh.

And sometimes when you get anomalies, you wonder if your device is working properly.

Where, exactly IS the thought coming from?

We move our thought-camera to the stands, and surprise surprise it still works! You all better beware of this super advanced technology, one day someone might use it on you!


Then the manager's dugout.


Second half and the tussle's still on. As Togo starts to chase the game （求胜心切）, they begin to get violent.

The Swiss guy wasn't amused.

Barnetta again finds himself at the losing end, so he starts shoving and cussing as well. At least in his head. But we've got it all captured. Another anomaly detected, what the heck. The Germans were right, the balls they used at WC were indeed revolutionary.

They are lighter so they can think as well.

And FINALLY Barnetta breaks loose and takes the second goal for the Swiss. He subsequently got violent and decided to show the Togo players the middle-finger salute.

This might be a thought-detector, but this is no Photoshop. I swear he pointed the middle finger after scoring okay!

The final whistle brought agony to most. Most Togoans.

If you can't win it, then flaunt whatever you have and take it away with dignity, this guy seems to say. And the best part about thought-detectors, it functions as cameras as well. The basic function of a camera is to catch scandals and OH YES I believe we have one here!

Yup don't we all see the logic behind the football match now?

Leave it to the Thought Detector.

Long long ago.

Sometimes it's good to look back on past events. I think I might have discovered something.

Is this familiar..?





Yup the Switzerland vs Togo match ages ago in Dortmund!

There's a conspiracy theory that the match went in a special way we could not view it. Now, with technological, biological and brainonsensical advancement, we managed to piece together live footage and extra coverage of the match.

But it's not good to see it late Monday night because Monday blues don't go well with soccer scandals.

So I'm afraid you'll have to wait for tomorrow.

Meanwhile, there are some things to ponder.

Why do you call a waiter a waiter when you're the one waiting for the food?

Why are bartenders usually big and fat, and don't look the least bit tender?

Why don't we see bouncers bouncing all over the place? They have the figure, but don't act their names.

Why is it that in soccer the skipper uses two legs to run?

Why am I asking so many stupid questions tonight?

Because you should go think about them while waiting for the post tomorrow!

What the duck!

Before I post anything let me remind you that today is 20th August 2006. So what, you ask.

Well it's THE FIRST BIRTHDAY OF TCS!!!!

And hurray we lasted one year! Though admittedly we had our off days (like the recent big bang), yayay we lasted one year! Long live t3h cocks.

Recently I've been going to Biology lectures and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff they said there. Like, a bird might be related to a snake in the animal kingdom. Classification of animals might not seem what they seem. If you eat chicken, you are eating the dinosaurs of today. Arguably they are nothing like T-Rexes, and hence we eat them. But even though I don't take Bio, I must say that sometimes we must learn to expect the unexpected.

Meaning what? Meaning even though two species might seem very close, they might not be very close after all. See, eating chicken is pleasurable and fun, because one is able to get a packet of chicken rice for $3. If you eat substandard chicken rice, maybe $2. The duck might seem to be a close cousin of the chicken when you talk about phylogeny, but eating duck is a mental torture and a drain on your wallet.

At least, eating at Lim Seng Lee Teochew Duck Rice is. It's a rundown little stall at South Buona Vista Road, apparently "famous" for its duck rice. I think the newspapers might have made a little typo while recommending the duck rice, after all newspapers are typed by humans and humans make mistakes. Plus it doesn't help that the letter "F" is just next to the letter "D".

Well today was a joyous occasion. To celebrate all the cock we've been coming up with for the past year, I thought that I would go eat some chicken (ie cock) to celebrate. But chicken everytime is boring, and when you get stuck down some ulu place in South Buona Vista Road, you don't get much choice.

So remembering that I had a Maths test next day and that I would like variable separable food for my dinner, I decided to go for the chicken's cousin. The duck. In case you don't know how one looks like, it's like this.



Damn cute eh. I wished I never went to the duck rice stall now. Let me tell you the name again - Lim Seng Lee Teochew Duck Rice. Such a bloody disgrace since the owner probably shares the same ancestry as me. (He's Teochew too, what the duck.)

Well even though he might be Lim and he might be Teochew, I will curse him not to have anymore Seng Lee (dialect for business) for the rest of the year because the stupid owners running the place are seriously a bunch of duckers.

Let me substantiate my claim. I went there with my friends so you can ask them as well. If you don't know my friends ask me and I'll ask them to talk to you. When we first arrived the whole place was damn full so we couldn't find a seat. The auntie, however, seemed more concerned in talking duck with the uncle instead of trying to serve us. After all we were walking up and down at least she could ask us if we had a problem?!

But no! She didn't. So even though there isn't much cause to be offended, the silly rundown stall in decrepit state deserved to be condemned. We found a seat. Actually, five seats so we sat down. Waited for service and the drinks auntie (probably in collaboration with the duck rice auntie since she talked duck as well) came over. Asked if we wanted drinks. Well she didn't seem to have anything except barley so after a while we decided not to order but she didn't get the hint. And she walked away rudely when we made it clear. What the duck?

Another drinks auntie walked by, but thankfully she was less impatient and suddenly the drinks stall seemed to offer lime juice and other drinks as well. You don't expect to sell one drink and get away with it. What's this, a monopoly where there is only one unique product?

We ordered duck, and we got duck. Duck for five people was basically little shreds of duck piled over cucumber at the bottom so fools like us who talked cock could not see the vegetables beneath them all. The duck was cold, the rice was cold and the servings were meagre if I were to give a generous description of it all. The only people being generous at the stall were probably the customers.

We were considering complaining loudly, but you see, there's a limit to how much you can piss off the man because 1) he was carrying a chopper and 2) they could poison our next serving of rice (everyone ordered at least two bowls). So we had to bear with it.

At the end of it all, we had to pay. Or rather we were being polite by wanting to pay and DUCK! The minute portions that we ate cost a total of $51.50?! This is what we ordered, okay: 5 plates of duck rice which merely was there to cover the surface of the plate, duck for 5 people (and more cucumber than duck on the plate, by the way), 5 bowls of rice, 4 drinks and 1 vegetable dish. Oh by the way the vegetables cost $6, and it looked as if it was leftovers from last night.

The stall had newspaper cuttings hung up at the side of their walls. They were from the Straits Times.. about two decades ago. And to emphasise the facts that this was just a bunch of old farts just ducking around, they hung up the same article in many places. Desperate duckers. Did they think we were too dumb to notice?

I gave them $8 worth of coins. I could have done better and not paid, since the ducking uncle didn't even bother to count the coins. After all, having ripped us all by giving us a ducking small amount of food, to pay him $20 in total was to let him cover his total variable costs AND his total fixed costs.

NEVER GO BACK TO THAT DUMP.

Lim Seng Lee Teochew Duck Rice, South Buona Vista Road.

Lesson learnt? Cock is cock, duck is duck. There is Maths test tomorrow, I should have learnt how to differentiate the both of them. In celebrating TCS's one year anniversary, there can be no close substitute to cock. Remember. The cross elasticity of demand for chicken is 0. If you can't get the cock, don't get the duck.

That is all I have to say.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TCS!!!

Random thought

Q: Why did Liverpool and Arsenal draw in their first games against Sheff Utd and Aston Villa respectively?

Possible answers:
A1: They suck.
A2: Because they did not win.
A3: Because they did not lose.

..

Actually, I think it's all of the above.

Okay that was rubbish. I think I shall watch Bolton vs Tottenham.

Be brave, go around and stare at people!

It is as usual on the public transportation that i thought about staring at people. I was staring hard at this malay guy. I can't remember whether it was because of something on his face or because of his mat outfit, but i was staring hard. Then he suddenly looked back at me and stared hard. At first I thought he wanted to pick a fight with me. Only when he finally looked away that i realised his eyes were like some goldfish, swiveling around, then staying steady and then swiveling around again.

But even if he wanted to pick a fight, i had the perfect rebuttal. "IF YOU NOT STARING AT ME THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M STARING AT YOU". I'm sure we can use that anytime anyone wants to pick a fight due to a staring incident. And logically speaking, it is the most correct answer. Surprise the ah beng who wants to pick a fight with you and watch him stutter as he realises he has been staring at you for as long as you had at him. That's if he doesn't kill you first. But i still think its a smart alecky way of facing the situation. At least die thinking you're right.

Relax Week

There is a lot of irony with the school and the RJC 26th Students' Council.

Unless you have been walking with your eyes closed for this week, or you've been ponning school four days in a row (good choice) or have basically been passive to your surroundings, I'm glad to inform you that it is RELAX WEEK in RJC. Time for you to RELAX!!

No, who can we possibly kid. I'm pretty sure more and more people around school are getting stressed up. The irony (Fe-y) lies in the fact that Chemistry Week coincides with Relax Week. Like WHAT THE HELL! The ideas of Chemistry and Relax are so.. polar. They are like electrons repelling each other. How can you have Chem Week and Relax Week on the same week?

There you go. The irony of RJC.

But Chemistry Week aside (with me successfully completing all the Chemistry crosswords ftw), Relax Week probably doesn't have the effect that the councillors might want to achieve. Okay I say this in the viewpoint of a councillor, so no doubt it might be a bit biased. Because I bet the Relax Week Comm wouldn't be very relaxed either, setting up rooms and all for the relaxation of fellow students.

But I do have this inclination to offer suggestions - which I will only do so here and not anywhere else because I doubt the Council takes kindly to include in their minutes the sort of trash I'm going to produce now. I can assure you, however, that this quick-fix solution is going to make everyone very relaxed. So there.

First up, WHY IT ISN'T RELAXING:

ONE: The AVPR where all the para para machines and the Xboxes are too far away to be convenient for students to go there and have fun. Face it, relaxation does not come from walking all the way from the canteen (focal point of the school undoubtedly) to Block A. Plus it doesn't help the gay Chinese men from the construction site just opposite the road are staring at you as you prepare to go relax yourself in the room.

TWO: The Med Room is badly named because who on earth would want to meditate outside curriculum time? True, meditation is taken as a viable option at times, but only during Maths or Chemistry or Physics or Biology lectures. Actually, any lecture. Outside of lectures most people would either want to sleep or just slack. If you want quality sleep, what you want is to be able to sleep in peace. They should just freaking take the councillors on duty OUT of the rooms. Which helps both sides because a) without councillors, no one's watching you so you can sleep. imagine being watched while you sleep! wth! and b) councillors also won't have to stress doing bloody stupid duties. Case proven.

THREE: There's still classes. Even though RJC has got 19 golds from school nationals, evidently the administration does not think that's bloody enough to warrant at least a half-day or a No Morning Assembly like we had in RI. Hell, last time Mario (Mr Wong) had a nice time calling holidays and learning how to celebrate victories. According to a certain unnamed RJC PE teacher other schools with 6 golds are already declaring a day off just so they could relax. In RJC you get your Relax Week while having H3 Maths up to half past six. Now you wonder who's doing a half past six job in trying to get everyone to relax.

Now this would be MY PROPOSAL for RELAX WEEK:

1) Let's be realistic, we can't call off a week of school, so let us do away with Friday. This way at least I can blog through the night like there's no tomorrow. Friday is a day of relaxation, and so we should not be stressed with the burden of school. For those who thinks it's near promos and wants to mug, councillors will be allocated to confiscate mugging materials before they (=the muggers) go home on Thursdays. Muggers will definitely bring their notes everywhere. That way, they will have no choice but to relax on their off-day. Cruel, but yet relaxing.

2) Get the bloody machines at the canteen and tell the ice cream man to go to the stadium. Games should be done at the canteen so there will be a relaxing atmosphere. Like I'll buy my food, sit down at the table and watch any total jackass trying to dance his way to para para fame. Then it also provides entertainment and amusement for all the students chomping away on their food. Especially if, as mentioned earlier, the guy is a total jackass AND especially lousy at the game. Humour is the way to better living, so let's have games at the canteen please.

3) Cushions at LTs, NOT at obscure rooms that no one's going to go. See, they just got this whole load of councillors to bring this whole load of cushions to school but it's under-utilised because you have to go to some deserted faraway seminar rooms to make use of it. If you put it at LTs, it will definitely be put to good use. Students seeking sleep during lectures will have it their way. And councillors should be responsible to ensure that the lecturer does not scold a student for sleeping. After all, it's Relax Week and relaxation is of utmost importance. (Doesn't apply to Chem Week though - that's just the way things work.)

4) Chase the librarians/fagut teachers out of the bloody library and let's have a party in there every day. Okay I've longed to get this out of my chest because let's all be frank with each other, RJC library is perfect for Counter Strike. Like REAL LIFE Counter Strike. The circular structure and the stone steps make it lovely to run up and down wielding a gun. And for virtual gamers, the computer stations down there should be nice to play CS too. Let's take over the library and chase out those silly women who believe that libraries are meant for mugging and reading. Sometimes you gotta learn to let go. Since this is Relax Week, the library should not be a library but a SANCTUARY. Now this is uber fun I feel like hijacking the place tomorrow.

5) NO TESTS. Very important. Because I failed Econs today and I do not wish the same thing to befall on any other unlucky soul who is taking a test this week. Even if you are damn smart, Relax Week is Relax Week and so no one should take any chances of failing tests. Tests are stressful by nature anyway.

6) NO HOMEWORK. Enough said.

Then of course there are many others more I'd love to list and I'd love to continue on but this is all fantasy. And there's Chemistry tutorial due tomorrow so I'm getting out of my dreamworld now. I hope that the next Students' Council will seriously consider my suggestions. If not I'm going to take over the world myself. Well, at least RJC.

RELAX!

Bring it on!!

Oh well I think I'm on a roll.

Like I'm sitting on a roller chair now anyway but well.

Today my friend was trying to be funny. Actually I was trying to be funny first because I was telling him that CH₃ was an electron-withdrawing group because I frankly and very sincerely believed so. Granted, since I haven't updated for very long I might as well update you now. My Chemistry percentile for the level was 11%. No kidding, this one is nothing but the truth, proving what a Chemistry n00b I am.

But there is always room for change. So I started bickering a bit. Y is me and M is my friend.

Y: Alkyl group not electron-withdrawing my foot la!
M: You (censored), go check your notes!
Y: I don't have my (censored) notes with me now, but I AM DAMN SURE IT IS ELECTRON WITHDRAWING OKAY.
M: It's saturated.
Y: Saturated, so? Because it only has single bonds means it is in desperate need in making more bonds.
M: *getting flustered and frustrated*
Y: Anyway saturation doesn't matter. You're just dumb.
M: *shouting by now* BEFORE I TAKE A GUN OUT AND SHOOT YOU..
Y: You'd have to find a gun first.

I'm afraid RJC is a much more dangerous place that you can imagine. Now I'm thankful for Singapore's security. Oh well time for some sleep. I heard sleep improves your temper by a lot.

Cyclohexane's Dilemma

CYCLOHEXANEEEEEEEE!!

First, let me apologise to all our fanatical readers out there demanding an update. I just got released today like electrons coming from a CH₃ group. I was contained, confined and condemned for the past three weeks where I have not been allowed to post. Oh well, I do owe all of you an explanation. But being the fagut who refuses to pay up his class funds, I like to delay payment for explanations as well. Give me a day or two to clear my mind first.

Second, I'm going to post something stupid today. It's a total cock-and-bull story that just cropped up in my mind without inspiration from anywhere. Considering that I haven't been talking cock for quite a while (not here anyway), I figured I'd give you some bull as well. I repeat, this idea did not come from anywhere. It's just random thoughts delocalised in my head.

Third, I begin my post. I'm sorry but this will have to be without pictures because I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN A PICTURELESS WORLD in the past few weeks and was forced to draw my own, so now if you want a clearer picture of what on earth I'm talking about.. draw it yourself.

Now on to the main topic. Cyclohexane.

Let's assume there are three guys and three girls. (Not very difficult to assume, so don't say you can't.) The guys, like your silly unnamed chemical compounds, are labelled A, C and E. The girls, on the other hand, are named B, D and F. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

So it's Valentine's Day and Guy A wants to ask Girl B out for dinner (ooo that's so romantic!!) but Girl B finds that Guy A mugged too much Chemistry that he's spilling it all over his blog posts and she's pretty disgusted by that. Yep and even though it's six months from this year's Valentine's and another six months to next year's Valentine's (waiting is painful), the girl does not fancy his blog posts about Chemistry. And thus she wants to reject him.

BUT girls being girls, have to be nice and cannot reject Guy A in the face. So it was time to think of an excuse. She said that Guy C (a new constant who's got nothing to do with Chem) had already asked her out for dinner. Meaning she can't go out with Guy A as well because she's run out of valence electrons to bond with them both at the same time.

Thus it's a no-go, right? The tricky part is that she hasn't asked Guy C whether HE would like to go out. When Guy A walks away disappointed, she went to ask Guy C if he would go out to dinner with her so as to make it look as if she didn't lie. Oh well. And if you didn't guess it by now, Girl B secretly likes Guy C.

At this point I reiterate that no part of this post is inspired by real life events. Unless you consider Chemistry Tutorial 12 a real life event.

Okay then like all sad love stories Guy C doesn't like Girl B because he, uh, finds Girl B too stupid for the likes of his mathematical brains. He instead decides to go after Girl D, a Geper who's topped the cohort. But before he's got a chance to ask Girl D he's got pre-empted by Girl B. So he wriggles his way out by saying that he's already got a date though he hasn't asked Girl D. Something like what Girl B did.

And as you can guess, Girl D preferred intellectuals like Guy E so the vicious cycle happens again. DO YOU GET IT? Like B lies to A and wants to go out with C but gets jacked because C is supposedly going out with D but gets jacked because D supposedly is going out with E but gets jacked because E is supposedly going out with Girl F and you know it. So I shall not bother explaining.

And as the title suggests, cyclohexane goes round and round. Thus, Girl F decides to go for Reject Guy A.

A, although already rejected, is not a despo so he says no to F. But like every other nice person he has to seem nice to he says he's already going out with Girl B, which we all know was a bloody lie but well, the truth hurts. So anyway he lies. And by now you'd have figured out that all the bloody six people there are freaking liars, so in actual fact no one should go out with no one of such poor moral character.

Still, the problem remains. Now that they are all locked with delocalised dreams of going out with their dream date, what is going to happen next? Girl F doesn't like Guy E because she thinks Guy E is a liar (well probably), Guy E doesn't like Girl D because he thinks she's too smart, Girl D doesn't like Guy C because she thinks he's too stupid, and etc.

I can't exactly remember all the reasons now, and pardon me if I type "Girl C" or "Guy D". In cases of errors, just freaking read the top part and remember A, C and E are guys while B, D and F are girls.

Okay. So according to TCS's Law of Cock, we propose three things happen from here.

1) Law of Least Repulsion
Guy A, being the initiator of the cyclohexane structure that he's now tangled in, has to take the responsibility for breaking it up for dinner. So even though he wants Girl B, he might be willing to settle for half and take Girl F out for dinner. Okay maybe he's a despo. Which would lead to Girl F's dreams coming true and thus Guy E will have to settle for Girl D and Guy C gets Girl B. Essentially not what he wanted.
Conclusion: Law of Least Repulsion favours girls (2,4,6-directing) as the boys all end up going to dinner freaking unhappy.

2) Law of Most Electrophilic
This law states that when a guy wants electrons, he gets electrons. So Guy A the despo bugger keeps bugging Girl B all day to find out if her date has been cancelled, which essentially cannot be since it didn't exist in the first place. Girl B initially was hesitant to reply but on thinking that she would have to spend V Day lonely without Guy C, eventually has to comply. Because the opportunity cost of being caught out in a lie would almost be too embarrassing for her. So okay, she goes out with Guy A and now Guy A is happy. F, being unable to get A, will have to make do with E and now as you can see, the women just don't get it.
Conclusion: Law of Most Electrophilic favours guys (1,3,5-directing) as the girls all end up going to dinner wondering why the hell are they out with this idiot.

3) Law of Spontaneous Combustion
They find that everyone's lying and suddenly there's a whole lot of temper going around. Then the cyclohexane just explodes (combusts) to form an alkene elsewhere, while the free radicals are left to roam in UV light instead of a romantic candlelight dinner. Quite sad but possible if you ask me. Nowadays running away is the best solution, of course apart from potassium permanganate which is a lovely purple in colour.
Conclusion: Worst case scenario, because probably all of them will be unhappy.

So from all three scenarios, have we a lesson to learn?

From the Law of Least Repulsion (LLR), three gets unhappy. From Law of Most Electrophilic (LME), another three gets unhappy. Then from the Law of Spontaneous Combustion (LSC), six are unhappy. Either way, you notice that not everyone is content?

SO THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.

1) Don't ask anyone out on Valentine's Day so you won't be disappointed. You can't feel disappointed if you didn't have any expectations in the first place.

2) Don't. Bloody. Lie.

Yes so that is the Cyclohexane's Dilemma. For non-Chemistry students, I'm so sorry but as there is no Chemistry between us (ya like those stupid lame Chem jokes around school), there is no choice but to start taking H2 Chemistry NOW!

This post is not in conjunction with RJC Chemistry Week by the way, it's just a random post to fill up the empty orbital that we call Talk Cock Summit.

All right everyone. We are back. =)

WE ARE BACK!!!!!

George Bush is Bullshit

The thing about public transport is that once in a while, there is always something interesting, even if it means you have to tolerate many hours of mundane stuff first. Today something interesting did happen.

So i was taking the train to bishan and at the orchard stop all the cool people got off because orchard is such a cool place. That doesn't leave many people on the train which finally allowed me to get a seat. Then I noticed this guy 2 seats away from me. He looked like an intellectual beggar. Seriously. He looked dirty. But he had spectacles which made him look intellectual. And a whole bag full of newspaper cuttings which he proceeded to take out. he looked as if he was reading them. then he crushed them into paper balls. In the process, he talked to himself, of course. otherwise it would be difficult to classify him as a lunatic.

Just when the train was about to reach bishan and i thought there was nothing new to be observed about him, he suddenly stood up. i thought he might alighting at bishan. Because he might be a lecturer at RJC or something. But no. he proceeded to take out a stack of booklets and handed them out to everyone on the train. Being a model rafflesian with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, i decided to take one as well.

And the title of the booklet was "George Bush is bullshit" by a certain Dr. Alsagoff. A booklet dedicated to the peace-loving people of the world, which obviously includes me. But the contents were basically rantings against george bush. In fact, its format was more like an angsty blog than a logical argument.

According to talkcocksummit's stringent marking criteria for general paper, i would definitely give him and A++ because he talk so much cock. Further more, got no elaboration no example. There was a pict of him at the back of the booklet, and he certainly looked more like a patient than a doctor.

unfortunately, i lost the booklet so i can't show it to all of you.

Dragon Tiger Gate

This movie is like most other Chinese movies. promising and entertaining at the start and then it sort of fizzles out. But the distinctive feature of this film is that it is a very hairy movie. All the main characters have long hair in the same style. hair so long they always have to flick it away. That's why most of the scenes are on the rooftop. So that they can have the wind to blow the hair to one side so that we can at least see the faces instead of them being like sadako.

Which only goes to show one thing: To be good at kungfu, first you have to make your hair grow.Then you can start practising. And after that you climb up a mountain and ask for help. You miraculously gain some new skills to fight the bad guy with. And the bad guy is so good he actually gives a pill to save the hero so that the hero can kill him. Everyone appears to gain their kungfu skills magically. Bad guy gets killed. The End.