How to save money for the next valentine's day

I say the next valentine's day because it's already over. But learning is a lifelong journey and I learnt something today. That people still send anonymous gifts at the university level. Wow. I thought these people were extinct. I thought this only happened in primary school when more people were shy. I thought that desperation would have squashed the shyness into a little ball of irrelevance. But I was wrong. So wrong that you can actually make a business out of it.

You probably think this doesn't concern you. I'm telling you it does. The money from the hordes of anonymously deprived admirers could seriously grease the wheels of your love train. Assumption number one is that the person you're after has at least one anonymous admirer willing to send flowers, gifts, etc. Those sweet lovey-dovey things that ironically cost a bomb. Assumption number two is that you're a bit of an asshole and you don't mind taking credit for what other people do. Which means that you're pretty common. So what do you do after finding out that the special someone has received anonymous gifts? Go ahead and take credit for them, they'll never know. How?

You could walk up with a swagger and say, "hey baby, did you like those heart-shaped marshmallows I sent you?" but that wouldn't make sense if she has any brains. If you're sleazy enough to say that, you wouldn't have given anonymously.

The situation calls indeed for the most subtle diplomacy, worthy of Bismarck himself. You could tell a well-meaning friend, "I really hope she likes the marshmallows", and then it would spread like wildfire. And then you can 隔岸观火.

Work some magic and maybe sparks will fly.

So here's a summary of the deal. For a tiny bit of your soul, you get to save up, get love, and get laid. Schweet!