Car of thought

I don't like cars. I can't tell a Mercedes from a BMW, nor a Jaguar from a Lamborghini. To me, boasting about how fast your car can go is the same as boasting about how rich your parents are. Doesn't reflect anything and it doesn't impress me.

Doesn't make sense? Well this is talk cock summit. Get used to it noob!

Much as I don't like cars, I still have this male ego in me. Which means I like one-upmanship or at least, the feeling of being equal. I can't stand not having something everyone else has. Unless that thing is something which I think I don't want - which okay, doesn't make me very much of a one-upmanship sorta person.

But the driving licence is an exception. So when others have it I must have it too.

Recently I've started taking lessons - and in fact I've just finished one of those mind-numbing sessions where my instructor forces me to go round and round and round because my engine keeps fucking stalling one way or another. Either that or it bumps along.

I think I listen to too much of gold 90. I can't hear whatever he's saying anymore. But at this rate I'm never going to take my test.

Presenting to you the culprit: THE CLUTCH.

Of course you could say "dumb fuck, sign up for auto" but this male ego thing is really too overwhelming. At the expense of sounding like a chauvinist let's just say if the FEMALES (this ought to add to the chauvinist factor) can do MANUAL, I'd better be able to do it too.

Plus, everyone around me is taking manual. So why should I succumb to auto? This introduced me to the world of engine stalling. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so impressionable, but that's besides the point.

The point now is that most cars in Singapore are using auto. So far all my friends that pass their driving tests are using auto cars. Hence fucking manual is outdated. Which brings up to another new point - who invented the clutch?

It only makes sense that technology progresses forward, not backward. And if you were to represent the auto and manual cars mathematically:

Manual car = Clutch + Accelerator + Brake
Auto car = Accelerator + Brake

Hence, auto car is simpler and should be invented first. So who the fuck was the kanchiong spider that invented the manual first and caused the world so much trouble? By the fact the manual car was invented first, there are so many of them around and it's hard to get rid of a few millions of cars so I have to learn the manual way.

The auto car, on the other hand, is elegant and is now taking over the world. Its driving should not be unlike those in an arcade, with only two pedals. Sounds like my kind of stuff.

Fuck, if Daytona had a clutch pedal when you played manual, I guarantee you no one would be playing their silly racing games. And by the way, I always use auto to play Daytona. That gives you an impression of what a lazy bum I am.

So that aside, whoever invented cars must have been a very weird person. How can you possibly invent something one step ahead of a future invention? It's like inventing the handphone before the telephone - because by a simple mathematical equation:

Telephone: Communication ability
Handphone: Communication ability + Portability

Whoever invented the car jumped the queue, and now millions of people are paying the price for it when they take their manual lessons.

Okay fine I just suck at driving. Doggone it!