According to the US National Institutes of Health, 66% of all US adults are overweight or obese; 31.4% of all US adults are obese. That comrades, mean that 1 in 3 people you meet on the streets of America looks like this:
And out of the remaining 2, 1 will look like this:
Of course, people resembling exhibit A do not usually appear on the streets because it’s such a damn difficult task for them to walk, but NIH stats are NIH stats.
WWHD
Now, imagine if a Mad Scientist miraculously resurrected Herr Adolf and put him in charge of the United States; what would he think?
And more importantly, what would he do?
Let’s take a look:
1. Make soap.
It was widely believed that the Nazis made soap from Jewish bodies during the War, but this has been officially denied by both Germans and Jews. Maybe human fat was just unsuitable for soap production, or perhaps the concentration camps and forced labour burned off all the fats and there were none left. If it was the latter, then the problem has now been resolved, and a brand new industry is ready to take flight.
2. Execute invalids.
"This person suffering from hereditary defects costs the community 60,000 Reichsmark during his lifetime. Fellow German, that is your money, too."
The NIH estimates the cost of obesity to be $117 bn. That comrades, is USD 1.17 x 1011. Fellow Americans, that is your money, too.
3. Ban fattening foods.
According to a 10-things-you-didn’t-know-about-Hitler site, Hitler did this with one of his girlfriends:
She killed herself after being actively pursued by Hitler. He was grief stricken, and felt compelled to attend the autopsy. Afterwards, he refused to eat meat, and took every opportunity to ruin meat for others. He would often make jokes about preparing a pudding made from his blood, and called beef broth "corpse tea"
And allegedly, Hitler regularly ate up to two pounds of chocolate a day, in addition to pastries and hot chocolate with copious amounts of whipped cream. He generally took his tea with seven
teaspoons of sugar, and Ernst Hanfstaengl once witnessed Hitler adding spoonfuls of sugar to a glass of red wine.
Given the tendency demonstrated in excerpt 1 and the habit in excerpt 2, it would be no surprise if he outright banned soda, whipped cream, whoppers, nachos, etc, etc. and prohibited the sale of food to individuals over a certain BMI. This should instigate a massive lobbying campaign from major F&B industry players, but the SS is really good at negotiating quick, quiet and peaceful resolutions to such problems, especially if the CEO was a Jew, so it’s A-OK.
4. Sabotage the enemy.
Obesity is a debilitating affliction. Allegedly, 16% of US army men are obese and obesity is the top cause of discharge of soldiers from service. If a weapon could be developed that made all the enemy fat, any war could then be easily won!
-dc
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