Concert Promotion!

It's yj with a piano concert on the 3rd december titled "cockupsession@amphitheatre"! A very artistic name indeed for a very artistic show. Even the poster is so artistic. It's a matinee show at 2pm so you all better come ah. Featured songs include 'We Are The Champions' (obviously and we of course includes me) and depends on yj's mood at that moment. Not many of you know this, but yj was actually a music prodigy who entered ri through the direct admissions programme. For almost six years in secondary school and junior college, he kept his talent hidden because he knew all the people in school were deadbeats and would not be able to afford to pay him to play, but finally he's decided to unleash his immense talent upon us like someone who hasn't pissed for an entire week and decides to finally let loose the tsunami. But of course it's not free. Ticket prices start at 68 dollars for those standing around, where the view sucks, 88 dollars for sitting on the steps, where the view sucks, 98 dollars for lying on the floor around yj, where the view still sucks and finally 158 dollars for sitting on the piano chair (whatever that thing pianists sit on is called) with yj, subject to availability. This doesn't suck. There must be a reason why the piano chair is so long, and the only reason i can think of is that it's meant for more than one person, cos pianists in general don't seem to have very big butts. Tickets on sale now all outlets of our good friend SISTIC. Be sure to come!

About dentists and soccer

I visited my dentist yesterday, and just because I didn't blog about it in the past doesn't mean it's uneventful. I always enjoy the visits to my dentist because I always get amused. That doesn't mean I come out of the room for the better.

In fact, I usually come out of the dentist's like I've been punched in the mouth. Probably not too far from the truth. Let me give you a lowdown on why my dentist is scary:

1. She has lots of sharp metal instruments. (okay granted she's a dentist, duh)

2. She is rather strong and is not afraid to exert force if the need arises, or even when the need does not arise.

3. She has a tendency (and probably an obligation) to put these sharp metal instruments into my mouth.

The final reason, and the most scary of all:

4. She has a poor aim.

So often I come out like I've had the life sucked out of me. Not exactly, just some blood that's drained. Always when I rinse my mouth I look forward to seeing the water in the colour of iron ferranocyanate. (not sure of spelling)

Basically it's RED. And okay maybe I don't really look forward to it after all.

The thing about my dentist, she likes to talk cock. Which is why I don't really mind bleeding away while she does her thing. She's got an old assistant but they are all quite funny. And they actually think I'm very smart and that sort of ego-boosting is very good for a guy with very low self-esteem like myself.

Conversation usually goes like this (I'd be wearing some form of school uniform when I go to the dentist's somehow):

D(entist): Wa you from Raffles ar. (she forgets EVERY DAMN WEEK)

Me: Ja.

D: RI or RJC? (ANOTHER QUESTION SHE FORGETS. do i look very young?)

Me: RJC. J2. (then i get some metal on my enamel)

D: Oh are your exams over? *at the time it wasn't*

Me: Not yet.. coming up in a month's.. OUCH

D: Oh sorry. Did I hurt you? So how have the tests been.. should be quite okay for you right, RJC people all very smart.

Me: (unable to reply because now the suction thingy is in my mouth and more metal instruments are in. but i think yea right that's what everyone says, popular overrated misconception of the century)

D: Haha so A Levels confirm all As right.

Me: (thinking WTH WHY ASK ME THOSE QUESTIONS WHERE I HAVE GOOD REPLIES WHEN I CAN'T REPLY) mfffgghh! mfff!

D: Oh did it hurt? Sorry ar.. just bear with it.

Me: ...

D: What course you going to do in uni next time? (she's really friendly, I say)

But by then I am unable to reply because one of the sharp instruments is already half in my gum and I am tasting saline for some reason. I start to think about the consequences should be a brain surgeon operating with a scalpel instead of these.. things.

Hmm maybe I should take up Dentistry. Then maybe some sod can blog about me while I happily spam metal into his gum. Which will NOT be fillings.

Anyway, that was about all I wanted to say about dentists. I can continue the story another day. More importantly, TCS has turned into a punter ground and I will be giving you a match preview of the BIG MATCH..

ENGLAND VS CROATIA

Much as you think this match is gonna be big, I say it's going to be super boring because we all know England is not easily beaten at home and Croatia is just plain lame for losing 2-0 to FYR MACEDONIA. Don't even know what FYR stands for. Silly retards.

And the pre-match commentary amuses me to a great extent. Let me give you a graphical representation.

Tough words from both sides, though what they are thinking are probably a whole different issue altogether. Let me give you another representation of what might be running through their minds.

Yup so we all know that actually they really cannot be bothered. I mean think about it. Logic dictates that both sides would want to earn favours for themselves - and if they were to get a package deal for both to qualify.. WHO WOULD DECLINE?
Symbiosis is always good. When both parties benefit, you don't question so much, you just go for the benefit. And that is why I think it's going to be.. you've guessed it.
A DRAW. What's more it's going to be a drab and boring draw.
talkcocksummit's prediction..
or rather just mine: ENGLAND 0 CROATIA 0
Take my word for it and don't watch that stupid match.
Someone is going to be very thankful for Israel's win. Not only is that going to keep his place in the squad, but tonight he'd also have nothing to do because of the England-Croatia Football Treaty So That Everyone Can Qualify.
That bloke is no other than..



MISTER ROBINSON. And if you're sharp and observant enough to notice the score in the top corner, it reads Croatia 2-0 England. With good reason, too, I might add.

Well symbiosis and both to qualify for Euro 2008, I'd say. But after that.. they can both go screw themselves and get knocked out in the first phase because don't we all know these two teams are bloody lousy, going by such a long qualification route in such a damn lousy group.

I shall favour Slaven Bilic's Croatia to win, however, because he was a former West Ham defender. Hammer means power. But my prediction will not change and should the match end in any other result..

No it won't. And that's all I have about dentists and soccer.

I find it absolutely amazing the blog is still here.

Well, well, so what do you know? I find myself in unfamiliar territory, back here saying something which I haven't figured out yet. I am sorry not to have visited more frequently, but I've been trapped in a hell called RJC.

RJC stands for Raffles Junior College. In case you thought I got kidnapped and got stuck in some Rancid Junk Centre. Well but it comes close enough, and no I went to RJC on a voluntary basis. I'm sure you know there's also this thing called the "A" levels. Atrocious, Aggressive, whatever. I don't give a damn what you call it because for me it's over. HAH!


In any case, since Blogger doesn't delete inactive blogs - or since YL has been providing you with his hygiene tips.. I guess this is one very long overdue post. And let's talk about the latest and most important thing in everyone's lives.


Assuming you're an eighteen-year-old. Because if you're not, I assume we'd be talking about last night's soccer match. I do not understand how the hell Israel could beat Russia. But shit happens, and well I think it's okay because I didn't bet on Russia.


Which is a reminder: talkcocksummit has turned eighteen and is eligible to bet with Singapore Pools! Admittedly, though we can talk the cock, money is not funny and so we earn less than we learn.


I digress. Excuse me, I've always been doing that in the past and now is no different. So anyway I was trapped in RJC. I would like to post some pictures, but I don't have a camera and I'm lazy to search it online. Try Googling it.


And don't call me lazy. Our teachers also have done that before. "Hey this is interesting stuff, to know more about *insert insanely complicated shit*, go Google it."


LOL.


Thus the reason for a very good quote today. For those still in the midst of doing the A levels, arguably one of the more important events in your life, always remember this. The world's greatest scientist, Albert Einstein, very famously said:





Don't despair if you do badly. It's not your fault. Every student has a capability to learn and but not every teacher has the capability to teach. By the same argument, when the teachers say students are lazy to learn, it actually means that they're lazy to teach. I'm not talking about my teachers, by the way. I'm just saying IF. You never know - your teacher might just be like that.

That is why do not lapse into self-depression when you do badly. And don't be fooled by your teacher that it's your fault - because they're pushing the blame. In fact, I am a firm believer that you should just heap it all on the teacher, because Albert Einstein says so and before proven wrong, Einstein is always right.

Even though that quote is just one sentence, look beyond its face value. A corollary - that's what you learn from f**king H3 Maths - of Einstein's Teacher Theorem (that's what we'll call it) is that the teacher is always at fault if the problem is due to transferral of knowledge.

Though of course we know that there are other factors as to why a student does not do well. I will take some time to explain this.

1) Luck.
They say "Lady Luck is on your side" when you do well. May I question why Luck must be female? From the student's point of view, Lady Luck always seems to side the girls because from initial observations the girls always do better than the guys in terms of academics. Now, might Lady Luck be lesbian? I doubt it. That is a flawed theory.

Rather, I think Luck must be a guy. He must be a very very perverted guy. In my bloody five examinations in RJC, I have only managed to pass everything on one attempt - the last one. I'm either failing this or failing that.

Where "this" and "that" usually refers to Chemistry, but that's out of point. And I'm out of luck. I find that in cases where luck is involved (ie every case), you never know if the teacher is at fault. Thus we should not unfairly blame teachers.

2) Standards.
Sometimes we sit for a paper expecting it to be similar to what we did in practice. Okay I do not know about you but I expect it ALL THE TIME. But is it so? Well, no.

A study done by a very credible source (myself) has shown that schools' papers are usually out to own your arse. I believe that Cambridge's papers are usually much kinder to us than the school's. In trying some other JC's papers, I thought that if not for RP, I might have been getting my shitass grades elsewhere. Therefore RP is for the win. Though their papers aren't.

In any case my point is that often the schools set tough papers for you. So it's not your fault if you don't do well. It's simply because they plotted it all along. Which means, eh, it's the teacher's fault again! Woohoo!

To evaluate my piece, I would say that both might play an important role in your downfall, assuming you fall. If you aren't the sort to fail at least one common test per.. common test, then you can screw off because I don't like clever people. Or rather I'm insanely jealous of you so I am going to be angry with you.

Whereas some RJC students might say "get out of my elite, uncaring face" I say I do not care about your elite face. Especially if you laugh at me. That is because you only get an advantage due to LUCK and I am suffering because of my teachers. I'm not saying my teacher is bad. I'm just giving a hypothetical situation.

So I've given you a thesis, anti-thesis and synthesis, which would get me a Level 3 answer if I should submit this for an Economics paper (assuming I've inserted some random economics concepts, that's how Econs works - or doesn't). And should I write this for a GP essay, I should expect nothing less than an A grade.

However, life does not always promise you melons if you plant melons. Or rather, that is the case if you should be a student studying in JC. There is a Chinese saying, "种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆。"
Well in the modern context no one really grows melons or beans anymore. Especially not in a technology-intensive and resource-poor Singapore. So don't give me all that crap about you reap what you sow. I can prove to you that it is not true by a converse of the theorem, which yet again is another application of H3 Maths.

Even though I might be writing to you today about how unfair life can be, it doesn't say that my learning is all done in vain. As you can see, I am applying many of the skills I have learnt in JC to talking cock. Therefore learning is a lifelong process. (shown)

As such are the conclusions that I make when I try to prove something that I can't.

You get what I mean. Good luck to all of those still having Biology and Physics papers. You won't be getting your results soon, so you won't have to blame your teachers for them (should they be lousy) too soon. If you do well, then you'd better thank your lucky stars and try not to assume that she's a woman.

All right. With my highly sophisticated argument that has considered many diverse viewpoints, I think I can now end off my post. Though of course as this is talkcocksummit, you shouldn't take everything I said to heart and really go blame your teacher for everything. (Although you can. Einstein is good.)

But if you're a bloody dumbass who refuses to work, then you know you deserve your lousy grades. Ahahahaha. Loser.

Destress!

Have you ever wondered what people do to get extremely good results? Wonder no more! Here is what people actually do to maximise studying time!

#1 Don't care about hygiene. Shaving? That's for wussies. I mean look at Einstein, maybe it's all the hair that made him so smart. Hair=intelligence, doesn't matter where it grows out of. Maybe hair grows at places where there's a brain!

#2 Don't ever dig your nose. I mean, how can you study with your finger up your nose? Your hand would be a distraction while you're doing that. Not good. If your nose gets too clogged up, i recommend the vacuum cleaner. Gets the job done quickly and effectively.

#3 Despite not caring about hygiene, you still have to shit! If you don't shit you become so full of shit that you explode from all that pressure inside. Now what you don't have to do is wipe your ass. Your underwear will do the job for you. If you've ever wondered what underwear is for, that's what it's for.

Don't believe? Let me tell you about the evolution of the human underwear in human culture. Probably all of you know about the loincloth. Different places used different materials to make them. So people living in jungles used leaves, people living in savannahs used grass, and people living on the coast used leaves too (look at Hawaii). And people living in the desert used sandpaper ahaha, the root of grouchiness and resulting violence. But why was there the loincloth? Long time ago, people used leaves, sticks or whatever is at the place where they did their business for the important task of wiping their asses. But then they got sick of picking up something to use, only to find that it has been used by someone else for exactly the same purpose! ewwww. So anyway, they demanded personalised stuff, so someone smart invented the loincloth for wiping ass. It wasn't the cleanest way, but at least you know where it has been, and some are reusable. But slowly, people realised they didn't want others to find out they had just shit from the brown patch on their backside, so what did they do? They invented pants, and the loincloth evolved to become the underwear bcause it was no longer worn on the outside. But sadly, not many people know this piece of history.


#5 Showering. This is optional, for when you have time to enjoy life. Again, let us look at what history can tell us. Long ago, man was purely a land animal who didn't like water, just like the chimpanzees and gorillas. Then one day, while he was sitting on a rock on the seaside, he saw a mermaid. All the hormones sprang to life, and with a perverted grin, outstretched arms and weird grunting noises, the idiot jumped into the sea without a second thought. Needless to say, the man drowned and the mermaid swam away, disappointed. But the family of the drowned guy, who knew what happened, couldn't tell the others that he had been such an idiot. And so they made up a story, saying that the guy went into the sea and enjoyed it so much he floated away and never came back. Some believed it, and lo and behold, man learnt to swim, after much trial and error and deaths. What has this got to do with showering? Nothing. But the only reason i can think of for showering is to avoid body odour. Imagine that we were all selfish people who don't care about others' sense of smell and just stopped showering, and singapore wouldn't have to buy water from malaysia anymore.