How to garner amusement

Before we start on more serious topics like the Bishan Gay, I thought I'd talk a bit of nonsense about what I did for the past few days - ie planning forfeits.

It can be quite an enjoyable process, especially if you have another kokster planning with you. Amusement is guaranteed if you know how to implement it well enough. Next time any of you need to plan forfeits for games, THIS IS DA SITE FOR YOU MAN.

Acknowledgements to my fellow forfeiter Xiong, who doesn't sound as fierce as his name. Never mind that.

POSSIBLE FORFEITS

1. Spell out your name using your arse. If your name is under 10 characters, spell (insert a name of a certain loser here, preferably a longggggg one) instead.

2. Stick a piece of masking tape onto a certain part of the body. Doesn't have to be in the arse, it could be on the belly or something. Then ask the person to SHAKE IT OFF. If you are an evil fag, you could tell him/her that using other items are NOT ALLOWED. Good luck have fun.

3. Lambada your way through and sing a song. If you don't know what a lambada is, go Wikipedia or Google it. Or just take it from me that it's a real stupid move where you shake yourself like a.. shaking chicken and move back and forth retardedly. With a partner, but as this is a forfeit the loser will have to do it alone.

Better yet, you could ask him/her to find a partner to do it with him/her. And if he/she doesn't manage to convince anyone, make him/her SING while doing the lambada. I can guarantee it's super embarrassing. Oh, and better still if it's a stupid song he/she is singing. Try Aqua, they're really dumb.

4. Make it a dare. Tell the security guard, "your cool uniform so turnsss me onnnnnnn" (unisex dare pls) or tell an obese punk in the pool that he makes you melt. Of course all these are going to make me puke but I trust that when it comes to dare many can come up with even better ideas than me.

Oh and a quote from an anonymous person - telling the security guard, "oh your tight pants makes my pants even tighter." Assuming that the guy taking the forfeit is a.. guy. And no I swear that didn't come from me.

5. Do charades, and give REALLY STUPID CHARACTERS. Examples include: George W Bush, Michael Jackson or more recently posted here - THE BISHAN GAY. Watch and squeal with delight as they try to imitate these.. fags.

6. Do a pole dance, with someone else as the pole. This is quite a favourite among most.

Yup hope this will come in useful someday - in perhaps bizarre circumstances, but every bit of information is still information. So if you need forfeits, here's the place. If you need more sadistic ones, can come look for me. Or concoct your own stuff (ie FOOD) haha, though that's pretty standard.

What of the Bishan Gay

Intellectual debate: Where in the world is the Bishan Gay?

Background Info:
From RI days, the Bishan Gay has been known to hang around Macs and KFC in Junction 8, staring at little boys for.. unknown reasons. However, word soon got round that he was a paedophile and was hence doing it for paedophilic purposes. Bolder students have sat down to have a meal with him, while the rest just shy away from his gaze.

My personal encounter with him included taking the 88 back with him while he looked, make that STARED at me on top of his papers. I 毛骨悚然ed for the whole journey and ended up trembling on my way back. He followed me for a bit, but I outran him at the traffic light. (No joke, true story okay.) I soon got my back by rapping sharply on the glass while he sat down at Macs, and then running away before he could turn around.

Now there were two things I wanted to say to him in these instances.
1) Your glasses are bloody ugly.
2) You make me puke.

Other RI boys (at that time) also speculated that he ran some child abuse brothel. One of them, now in RJC along with the rest of the crowd, a real daredevil better known as Keefe Tan, tried asking Mr. Bishan Gay what the time was.

His reply (in Chinese): Little boy (chillingly), you have a watch, so why are you asking me?

Note: Daredevil doesn't mean you're smart.

In any case, I could recount countless experiences with the Bishan Gay. But in short, he's a creepy fag known to be the reincarnate of Michael Jackson's ancestors.

And now he's just disappeared. The next few times, we will try to solve the mystery of the Bishan Gay. Where in the world has he gone?

(Note: He doesn't really stare at St Nicks girls, for some reason. Even though both co-exist in the J8 Macs, this eccentric bugger will still stare at the white shorts. I'm pretty sure that given a choice, any normal grown up man would look at St Nicks girls. RI guys prefer to look at their homework.)

Naughty TNP journalist

Guess what I saw today! Sports page, larger than life.



And sorry for the slow influx of posts (actually none at all).. it so happens that this holiday I'm having is not really a holiday after all.

Still, here's wishing that you haven't read the article so that this is something new and exciting for you. And oh, have a great holiday and I hope I'll be back posting soon =)

Life and a link

Here's one last post before i leave for France.

So let's contemplate life! What is this mysterious thing that we all have in common. And the easiest way to do that is to make an analogy.

Life is like _______. fill in the blank

for example, if you're depressed, then life can be like a vacuum cleaner. It sucks. That's a pretty objective analogy because all vacuum cleaners suck.

Now i prefer something like life is like shit.
Because on certain days, i can say, life is like shit, it's hard.
Or when i have constipation, i say life is like shit, i have none.
life is like shit, it stinks.

Life is a bed of roses. but roses have thorns right, so life is like a bed of thorns.

That's quite depressing and life isn't always like that.

Life is like a bright and sunny day. It's umm... bright and sunny!
the cliché life is like a rainbow, it's colourful.
OR life is like me, it's perfect!

Anyway, i came across this blog that sells t-shirts. The designs quite funny. just nice talk about the gst increase like yj did. http://suchvividjustice.blogspot.com/
Check it out. i probably won't be able to update for some time. Here's a happy holidays to y'all!

Quotable quotes

GST hike from 5% to 7% today (wtf):

I would like to bring to your attention..
PM Lee's response in TODAY: "I think if it doesn't get worse from what it is now, we will be doing very, very well."

I think if it gets worse from what it is now (which is even MORE probable), we won't be doing anything at all but bitching and complaining and soon ST will be 200 paegs long with the Forum taking up most pages. Hmm.

Anyway reading Yahoo! Answers (coincidentally), there were interesting responses:

Is it wrong or awkward if a girl asks a guy out?

Response: on the contrary I find it quite attractive, plus if you don't ask him out maybe he'll never ask you out or it will take a long time

Attractive is not the opposite of wrong or awkward, in case you didn't know. They asked if it was wrong. I realise a lot of people are super good at avoiding questions - though naturally I see through them all.

Response: It is not wrong for a girl to ask a guy out. We no longer live in the 1800s.Some gals might feel awkward, but only because they are not fully liberated from the old way of thinking.

That's assuming that in the 1800s it was wrong, and I don't believe he's 200 years old - and therefore his logic is seriously flawed.

Response: No! Girls asking a guy out isn't wrong! It's just that most girls think it's supposed to be the guy that asks the girl. Just because you think it's wrong to ask a guy out, doesn't mean it's true. I say go for it!

So defensive and fiery. Zomg and that came from a girl - now hmm do I suspect something? Yes I do.

Response: it's neither wrong nor awkward if a girl asks a guy out because it is being straightforward about your feelings rather than beat around the bush abt the matter and wait for unknown results thus causing more anxieties..It seems that more guys nowadays are more shy as they fear rejection..And it's up to the girls to carve out their own path to happiness 'cause afterall, we girls have the unique sixth sense of knowing who likes us and such..(^o^)

Seems like this person knows no punctuation. And seems like you have to know if the person likes you before you can ask the person out? I don't think that makes sense. Like that how to see others get jacked?!

Response: It depends on the way you ask. Do you guys regularly converse / hangout together? Or is he a stranger you'd like to meet? both require a different approach. Good luck!

Sigh, only one guy truly has a bit of intelligence and good advice to say. Like whenever the teacher asks for my opinion in French class, I go "ça dépend" - meaning "it depends". It's true, everything has it's good side and a bad side.

Pity, I'll be away for the next few days, so I won't be here to share my insights with you. In the meantime, do try to enjoy YL's great advice before he too goes away. Looks like TCS is going on a pilgrimage and to real summits, but not to worry - we'll always be back.

(Unless the world ends tomorrow, then you wouldn't be back either to read this. But no I don't think it will.)

Idiots on the bus

I figured since I take the bus more often than I do on the train, I will blog about the bus.

There are basically three types of idiots on the bus..

1) The bus driver
Personally, I don't have much experience with this brand of idiots because they are the sort that completely ignores you. Like how you can run after the bus and flag it but the bastard just drives on. Your angst is kept strictly to the bus stop and you are late thanks to this sort of idiots. But you can't do anything about it. These idiots are best left alone, because you can't do anything anyway. Just hope that he crashes into a traffic light or something. Cursing is highly recommended as the only solution.

2) The stinkers
As the name suggests, they stink like hell and what are they doing on the bus? Stinking it. I admit I am guilty of this once in a while, but then again I never said I wasn't an idiot.

3) The loudhailers
Yet again you can 顾名思义, guess the meaning from the name. Given my mellow and reflective nature, all I ask of sitting on a bus is some peace and quiet so I can do a reflection of my fun and fulfilling life. Suddenly, some punk behind me goes rattling about nether regions in violent dialects - and oops it turns out he's talking about his parents.

Before you can reflect on how shitty youths are nowadays (except me, of course) - they start blabbering about that "knn teacher" and all that. You can't imagine how it's like, unless you've experienced it. Okay that's pretty obvious but ya, loudhailers should be shut up. The cure to this is simple: mp3 or iPod. Then just blast techno or any other shit, it might beat hearing Ah Beng raps from the back. Or if you do want to hear them, at least hear the professional one from the movie "15". I've got them in my mp3.

AND BONUS. The silent retard!
I guess I never really thought about this as this kind of idiots don't bug me much. So I guess you have 3 and a half types of idiots on the bus - same as the number of inches there are on a floppy disk (now virtually - no pun intended - extinct).

These idiots are just idiots by nature, going around doing stupid things, perhaps vandalising buses or reading children's books when they are teenagers and stuff. Disclaimer: I might read Enid Blyton but I'm studying her Literature so I'm excused. Yup and these people don't bother you but they might be classified as idiots anyway and uh so there.

Next time you hop on a bus, look around you more carefully. Perhaps you'll make the same observations as I do. Unless you're one of the idiots yourself. Idiots can't admit they make mistakes.

Idiots on the Train

Right after the movie Snakes On A Plane comes Idiots On The Train. The variety of idiots on the train is simply mind-boggling. The bad thing about this is, well, they're idiots. That's not exactly my problem. But being idiots, they do some things that annoy me, and perhaps that's the bad thing. The good thing is that it gives me inspiration for this post, and gives me something to do on boring train rides. Like a naturalist studying animals under the microscope, i meticulously note everything down. And then i categorise them.

Rocker

This person is a rather mild form of idiot because it is quite amusing to watch him. With headphones or earphones on, this person would start rocking along with the music to the amusement of all the other passengers. Maybe he just likes the attention his idiocy brings. Or maybe he's really 'in da zone' if you get what i mean. Too engrossed by the music to care about what other people think. In other words, music is his life and soul, and that gives him the rebel attitude to heck all the other people. Rebel. Actually, I don't find anything wrong with that. But he's like, wasting energy. Energy costs a hell lot of money these days. This energy can be used for other purposes such as producing light instead, and if all the rockers did that, then the world wouldn't have an energy crisis.

The music player

There are 2 varieties of this type of people. One uses earphones and blast it so loud that everyone around can hear the song. I assume the person is deaf or something. Or the ears are fake. But this type doesn't seem so bad. At least they try to keep it private. It's not their fault their ears don't work well.
The other type are worse. They play the music on their handphones out loud, as if trying to prove to the world they have a phone with that capability. Bloody show-offs


The hairy monster

If your legs are like those below, then...














wear long pants for god's sake. Or don't sit down. Or if you do, then don't spread your legs wide and act as if everyone likes the touch of leg hair on skin. Because it's fucking irritating. My wish is to bring along a lighter on the train and set your whole freaking forest on fire just like the indons are doing to theirs. We would have haze but i don't care.

The pole dancer

Now imagine yourself on a crowded train. You're looking for the metal beam to hold on to in case someone jumps onto the mrt tracks again and the train brakes suddenly. The vertical metal is right in front of you. Unfortunately, the pole dancer is leaning on the beam, such that you can't hold on without him leaning on your hand, which he eerily doesn't seem to mind. You might think pole dancers usually have ultra sexy and svelte bodies, but this one certainly doesn't. You can see the fats on his back squeezing against the pole, and yucks, i'd rather fall down than get a handful of animal fat.

The blocker

This person has no sense of space. He thinks he deserves lots of it even though he paid the same fares. Acts blur when the announcement for people to move to the centre of the train comes. Nothing funny to say about them because they're just idiots

The high-metabolic rate type

Ah this is the interesting one. At first glance, you wouldn't be able to spot him. But look again. There, there's that movement. May be the twitch of the lips, or the hands that cannot stop touching himself, but there's no end to his movement. I've seen one who can't stop twitching his mouth. Seems irritating at first, but after a while it's amusing. After all, the idiot probably has no idea how weird he looks in front of other people with all those funny actions. Therefore i conclude he probably has a high metabolic rate and has to keep moving. Look out for these people. They're everywhere if you look close enough.

So that's the end of the idiots on the train, hope you had a nice ride.

Interesting random facts

Reported in the ST today:
The title of the article is "Flushing with patriotism". Artists charged in court because one of their exhibits in the museum is a toilet bowl that flushes to the tune to the Italian national anthem, Fratelli d'Italia.

And apparently it shows disrespect to Italy as the anthem is a national symbol?

Prosecution: The national anthem is a national symbol, so artists should be charged.
Defence: The national anthem isn't a national symbol, so they are not guilty.

Either way, I don't see what's wrong with it. Look, especially since the Italian national anthem has special significance, playing it along with the flush also symbolises good things. Like how the Italian government have been flushing out the shit and scum of the country, cleansing the lands.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE ITALIANS, MAN. Can they not take good artworks? After all, art is art and you can't prosecute someone in the name of art. I've learnt the power of art in a recent visit to Singapore Biennale with YL - you can make someone stare at nonsense for very long and piss him off but they can't complain anything about it..

..because it's art. If you don't like it, means you can't appreciate art and it means you're just a bloody caveman.

Sigh, such is the power of art that sometimes I pretend I appreciate it in order not to look like a n00b barbarian. Though when I can't take it, I exclaim "what the **** is this ****" right there, right then.

Art is subjective. I can't lie all the time.

So the Italians should learn to appreciate some art. Even if it's a flushing toilet bowl, there can be beauty in it. Like the way my stupid toilet flush jammed the other day and caused a flood on the floor. It was a pretty cool picture only the clean-up was bloody irritating and the stench was bad.

But in artistic terms, the picture of the flooded toilet could have well been a jewel. And so there.

Next article that was reported:
In New York, you now don't need to go for sex change surgically to change your gender in birth cert.

That is SUPER retarded. This means I can declare whatever gender I want to be. Like, "hi I decided to be a girl today, change it on my birth cert please." I didn't read the whole article because it kind of grossed me out. But you get the idea, there's something wrong with these Americans.

What is wrong with the world nowadays. You're not supposed to anyhow change your gender.

But thinking about it.. it might be a good thing. That might reduce the number of surgeries involving sex change and perhaps that's what the American government are trying to get at?

Forget it, I didn't read the article carefully so I'm not qualified to give commentary.

Now, for the last random fact of the day:
PW is over, YAYYYYYYY!

As I have the dubious honour of taking the first slot of the last day of Oral Presentations, I can now safely say by this time (1am) everyone's done with PW. Though there's still some stupid Reflections stuff to be done, can't stand it.

And any J1 across the island will testify that PW is a veritable waste of time. Any J1 from any JC will have had the experience of getting pwned by PW. Oh did you see that.

PWNED BY PW. O! M! G!

I think I definitely screwed up my PW today, but it's something to be happy about. As PW is already screwed up enough, you respond to this screwed-upness by screwing it up yourself. Not a very good logic, but basically - an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Although so many people said that they won't be missing PW (and I guess they mean it).. I feel that there are things to know about PW. Perhaps it isn't as bad as you think, it inculcates more values than you think it does. Quite obviously we won't miss it - I chucked my script into the bin right after OP.

Here's, however, a few lessons PW teaches:

1) The art of bitching. How you whine through every lesson, the Preliminary Idea, Evaluation of Material, and all that extra shit etc. Yup all those not in J1 yet, you haven't experienced project hell. Try doing all this crap plus Oral Presentation.. with a totally random group. I'm not complaining about my group, but not everyone has my luck. Those who have gone through it, you will appreciate the art of bitching. And you'd sympathise.

2) Endurance and determination. All that bloody rehearsals and late nights doing shit. Like how I'm supposed to do Insights and Reflections but frankly I don't give a shit. Which is why I'm blogging. It gives me stamina to last through the night.

3) Importance of makeup/stimulants. Particularly for the gals getting panda eyes and eye rings. For the guys they learn to appreciate their coffee/Milo more.

4) Group dynamics. Not in the way the PW teachers wanted it, but adversely. Like because everyone hates PW and so there's a common thing to hate. In all that grumbling together, you form greater bonds with your PW group - and in the end your class also gets more bonded when they start to ponder if they should pon PW class. That's how things work yay.

Now I really should get back to I&R. Hope you liked this post of randomness =)

Don't wanna donate

This is a short guide on how to tell people that you don't want to donate.

Note that a while back I talked about New Age Robbers, the sort that bugs you to donate. Now they infiltrate S11 such that you can't even eat in peace. Since WE want to eat in peace, we should not give to others what we do not want others to do to us. (己所不欲，勿施于人 - the Chinese say）

(Shit, my Chinese teacher would be so darn proud of me.)

Thus, instead of designing very direct-insult IN YOUR FACE t-shirt designs (like in the past), I've come up with a more peaceful solution this time. All in the name of peace.

This is what you do.

Hi. I'm (so-and-so) from (so-and-so) charity, would you like to donate?
Yes I would.
(slight pause)
..but a pity, I don't think I've enough money with me at the moment.

Your $10 can go a long way..
I could cab from Bishan to around Bedok, yes.

I have a licence, there can you see it?
Yes of course I can, but that doesn't make me any richer.

(If the guy's a persistent bugger, then perhaps you can apply a bit of aggression. Not too much, mind - just enough to stir him up a bit and hopefully make him go away.)
Won't you just donate $2, if you don't have $10? Each of you and your friends just chip in $2, together you can buy one ticket, $10 just nice. It's for charity.. etc. (obscure name comes up)
I'm not going to put $1 commission in your pocket. You're bloody getting 10% commission, do you think I don't know?

Of course that would make you sound and look like a bastard..

But hey wait, who said you are obliged to donate in the first place? They are appealing to your conscience that you should be a good citizen and donate, but the truth is sometimes these youths pocket some commission, the charity organisation pockets some money to cover losses, and only a tiny bit of that $10 goes to the poor people they claim they are helping.

Heck, I'd rather go give the money to them direct.

I'm not saying that donating to charity organisations is bad, but respectable charity organisations won't bug you when you're having a meal. So there.

Thus don't worry - you won't be a bastard by refusing those New Age Robbers your extra cash. They're playing mind games with you, you are a good guy if I say so. Next time you don't want to donate, stand your ground, then sit down and continue eating your food.

But of course, while settling everything peacefully =) even if you don't donate there's no need to start a fight. Unless they do so, but that's another story I shall reserve for another time.

We Hammered their Ars

This is funny. Or at least it is to a West Ham fan like me.

I don't know what the rest of the world thinks. In particular, Arsenal fans.

But hey, I did nothing to engineer the West Ham win so don't stone me okay? I had totally nothing to do with the West Ham victory, though if you'd like to credit me for being their fan, I will gladly accept it. The funny part is the post-match conference with Alan Pardew, West Ham manager.

You can find it at http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/sport/default.stm. It's right there and if you're not reading this too late on Monday, it should be under one of the headlines. Not my fault if you don't read this blog regularly and come crying that the video's gone. It's seriously amusing.

Anyway, to quote some bits from dear Mister Pardew:
(in the post-match interview)

Q: (unclear British mutterings).. Alexander Hleb, was a penalty. What did you think?
A: Well, Arsene Wenger certainly thought it was a penalty, and that frustrated him. I could see it was from behind, the challenge, but I think he got a little bit of the ball. (...) I think we'd know if it was a penalty. But the reaction of our players, they reacted in a way that it wasn't, so I went along with that reaction (shrugs).. and played on.

Comment: LIKE DUH WENGER WOULD BE FRUSTRATED? I don't know what's wrong with Pardew, it was a penalty and he's got to admit it. After all, it doesn't matter at this stage. Three points will still be three points even though he says it's a penalty now. Why not rub salt into the Gunners' wound? These Englishmen, they know pride, they know beating around the bush, they know saying politically correct answers and they know it's a penalty, that.

Q: It was an emotional game, Alan. (more British mutterings).. tell me about the situation. (between Pardew and Wenger)
A: With me and Arsene?

Comment: No, no, with you and Pope Benedict the XVI.

Q: Yea. (that wasn't really a question)
A: ..celebration, but you know it's been a frustrating season. A last-minute goal, desperate to win. And you know, I have absolute (dunno what) respect for Arsene Wenger.. and I shall try to talk to him when he's calmed down. (...) if I was him, and see if I can sort that out with him, because that situation, it wasn't right for the game. And on my part, I do apologise for being overzealous, but uh, I hope that won't get the headlines for what was a players' day. West Ham players. They were brilliant. Great win for us today.

Comment: Seems like Mister Pardew is great at dodging the topic - what happened between you and Wenger? Oh I will talk to him. Oh it's bad for the game. West Ham was brilliant. No doubt he's speaking the truth, West Ham is always brilliant, but WHY NO DETAILS? Anyway Wenger shoved him first so giving a true account won't hurt him one bit.

And another thing. He shouldn't have compromised about the celebrations. Nothing wrong with being happy, innit? I can't understand the French, I thought they liked to be happy with their slack lifestyle but here Wenger aka the French Professor gets so pissed off when Pardew is happy? He should just celebrate with Pardew YAY YOU'VE GOT THE WIN, SECOND ONE IN THE ROW. Then the game at Upton Park would end with a happy ending. But did Wenger? No. Silly old French tortoise.

Anyway seems like Pardew wants to make Wenger seem like the villain (which he is). Cunning old fox. That's all right for him to say, he didn't lose the game. (as you'll see what I mean later)

Q: ..the situation, you did offer your hand (to Wenger) at the end of the game. (not really a question either)
A: I did, and uh, y'know, last-minute goals. They're horrible for managers. And uh, y'know, I've got no problems with Arsene. At the end of the game, I hope we're all calm and I hope he'll be sensible about it.

Comment: True colours, it seems, at last. Last-minute goals don't seem at all horrible for him today, so his point about those goals are not valid. Sure he has no problems with Arsene, not when he's won 1-0. And like duh that's why he's offering a handshake. Arsene the villain. He ends off by saying "I hope we're all calm" because it's bloody obvious Wenger's definitely hell not and "he'll be sensible" finally shows Pardew's contempt for Wenger behaving like a small kid and more precisely, a spoilt brat.

Q: (something about West Ham struggling in the last few weeks) What does this mean for West Ham?
A: Well it's a result.. uh, it's a reward in some way for the fact that we've tried to do everything right and uh on the training ground, uh on the playing side - we've tried to approach every game in the same manner. And there's been a lot of (dunno what) about (players and staff, like wth). And it's a great fillip for this club. And I'm very very happy tonight.

Comment: It's no wonder you lost eight in a row, you don't approach every game in the same manner. Death to all Argentinians in West Ham, they screw up the whole pecking order. When they don't play, West Ham wins. It's proven by the matches against Blackburn and Arsenal. If you think my commentary is out of point, why don't you take a look at Pardew's. I'm just learning from him, man.

Anyway like duh you're happy tonight. Who is unhappy after a 1-0 win seriously should get a bollocking, to put it very precisely in British terms.

Q: (something something) celebrate.
A: (something something) on the back page, yea. (fades out)

Comment: Mumble mumble mumble mutter. I wish you'd speak clearly next time, or maybe I should go dig my ears.

To round off, here's to West Ham!


Oh and yes, Wenger is made to look like a villain. Good job Pardew! I really love that guy and his post-match conference, it's so subtly aimed at Wenger such that the Frenchman with French as the first language wouldn't get the idea he kena bombard like mad. (jack)

And so..

Yup we hammered their Ars nice and well! I shall declare Monday a public holiday, for even though artillery might be great, sometimes it's best to go back to primitive Man and try out his stone tools ftw. I love West Ham.

FACTS OF LIFE

Okay DIRTYJOKEDIRTYJOKEDIRTYJOKE

To all innocent minds out there, you have been warned.

Don't read this unless you can take FACTS OF LIFE. About a certain part of a man's anatomy that can be alluded from the name of our blog. The second word, to be precise. It's slang for a certain part of a man's anatomy. A certain sensitive but essential part of a man.

It's true, but at the same time very wrong.

The post contains naughty content.

If you are below twelve and don't get it, then don't try to get it.

If you are above twelve and don't get it, then go ask your friends.

So here are the interesting facts of life that you should know. About the certain important organ of a man.


- Wanking takes long - as long as the length of your willy. The time you take to wank is proportional to the length of your willy.

- Similarly, how hard it is for your cum to cum (come) out depends on how hard your willy is.


There, I've gone and said it. If any of you think I'm being sick, I already warned you so too bad. And if there's anyone to blame, go look for YL because I was reluctant to impart this information to all of you but he thought that p2p is so hip nowadays, it would be nice to let everyone know.

That's the interesting facts of life for today.

Hope that sets things straight. (no pun intended)

Quotes and Daniel Radcliffe

A certain person very enlightened about a certain thing.

He's so certain about it, he certainly came up with a good way to say it.

"I am already 99.9% sure about it.. I just have to confirm the other 0.01%."

Anyway, in latest news, Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter is going to go naked in some play. Not in Harry Potter, but in some obscure screwed-up play that has a five-letter name so difficult to pronounce that I don't even remember it.

Apparently the director was kind of nonchalant about Radcliffe doing it - for "at worst someone takes pictures of his willy."

I assume, by "willy", the director means his dick.

Wonder what's up with British slang? Can't they call a dick what it is.

Daniel Radcliffe is only seventeen. Which is like, my age. YL's age. YH's age. The age of everyone in JC1 except the China scholars, the Malaysia scholars, and those who haven't had their birthdays. Which is still a lot of people.

Think of those people in TSD in RJC. Do they go off showing their willies?

Hell no, they'd just give us the heeby-jeebies.

Western society is going crazy nowadays. As if it is okay to show off your private parts to the world, the director finds it all right that the 17-year-old goes naked on stage.

I really never did like TSD (Theatre Studies & Drama), you know.

I guess I can rest my case.

Oh, and future TSD students had better be careful. Because at worst someone might just take pictures of your private parts. The world needs less technology and nude scenes, I feel.

SPA!

So we had spa today. Nothing much to it. Rather, let me show you my mock spa!



But no, in case you were wondering, i didn't write that for my spa today.

Of Chem SPA

I love Chem SPA Skill A, I really do.

I believe my grade will be the same as the SPA name, and no I'm not joking because the SPA was ridiculously.. heavily reliant on luck. And today I happened to be lucky and I rode my luck. Didn't even need to spot questions because I've got all the luck. I didn't know the answer at first but you know in Chemistry you have so few reagents it HAS GOT TO BE one of them.

NaOH (aq) was the answer in this case. So I tyco-ed the ammonium salt and amide.

Okay never mind that, I'm just very happy. Sorry if I seem like I'm bragging to you, because I really am. I think I should pass this round =)

And trivia time!

Q: What is the first section that you should write in Chem SPA Skill A (Planning)?

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A: Safety considerations.

Why? BECAUSE SAFETY FIRST!

Don't you think it's bloody stupid to let a bloody stupid person go through the whole procedure without wearing gloves, and at the end there's this safety consideration that says "wear gloves all the time because organic compounds might irritate your skin"?

Rubbish. Of course you put Safety Considerations at the front. NO SAFETY, NO EXPERIMENT.

Oh and another screwed up thing about today.

Shift A - 9am to 10:30am
Shift B - 10:30am to 12pm

Being number one, of course I was in Shift A. Actually, YL was in the same LT as me and I think he's going to score damn well although he certainly didn't do it by luck. He woke up at 5am to study today. Me, I preferred to study at 12:30am.

Nevertheless we were both in Shift A.

After we finished our SPA, we went out to the amphi.. and guess what? QUARANTINE ZONE. The second shift people were all seated, and construction tape (or whatever you call that red and white thing) was all over the pillars to cordon off the amphi.

They had the "haven't-took-SPA-and-cannot-know-answers" disease.

Come to think of it, what's wrong even if we leaked the questions?

1) It improves batch relations.
2) It fosters batch spirit.
3) RJC gets higher "A" %tage rate for Chemistry A levels next year.
4) I'm a selfish fagut and I won't leak the questions ANYWAY.
5) No, not even if you give me the chance, I won't leak it.
6) I WILL NOT LEAK IT YES.

Getting them all to sit down at the amphi, it seemed like a concentration camp. Without any electronic devices whatsoever. I was tempted to shout out the compounds but heck, the Chem Dept might decide to kick me off the school compounds.

And as YL puts it, "they might rip off my badge."

Coincidentally, I wasn't wearing my Councillor badge today. I told you I was in luck.

In any case I guess they got the construction tape cheap. With RI undergoing so much construction nowadays, RJ Chem Dept probably just koped some off the stupid hall they are rebuilding and cordoned off the amphi. A highly amusing experience. A pity we couldn't capture the moment as we didn't have the resources (ie a camera).

Anyone who wants to donate to our TCS fund for a camera to post stupid pics can put the money in seventh floor male toilet, third cubicle. If you openly admire us you can give it to us at the canteen, we'd gladly accept donations. If everybody from RJ donates $1 a day, we'd get our camera in no time.. like one day.

But I'm not so optimistic. Nowadays times are bad and probably everybody would only donate 50 cents a day. So sad to say but I don't think we'll be getting our camera anytime soon.

If you want us to busk for donations, that's fine too. Just leave a comment and we'll be singing in the canteen the next day. I think there is gross under-publicity for The Integrals in RJC, we're really not showing enough of our talent and ARGH. I'm dying to show it!!

Anyway not like it matters. What matters was that quarantining second batch was screwed up and we at TCS probably owned Chem SPA today. Yup. While the second batch must have got irritated by the volatile amides (inhaling poisonous fumes) so they all got quarantined, the first batch got early dismissal.

And to celebrate, I went for a real SPA at RI pool. Now that's life.