How to Write Powderful English

As I sit on my bum, shaking my leg, and taking in all the words and knowledge that the Internet bestows upon me, I suddenly feel enlightened. What is it that makes an article such a piece of crap that you curse the author for wasting your time? And what makes an article so good that you'd not only want to share it via facebook, twitter, digg, stumble, reddit, you'd even print a copy out for your grandmother?

Should it be flowery and eloquent in a sophisticated way? Consider this. If you read it to the end, well done. The author's vocabulary and grammar may be way above mine, but I'm the reader, and so I judge. And I'm not impressed. Sure, there is descriptive language, 'sound of countless languages intertwining into an incomprehensible melody', but that's all. Do you feel interested in the story? Do you feel the author's sense of enlightenment? No I don't. There are descriptions, but no details. When it comes to the gist of the article, which is to say the author is inspired by her internship, she can only describe it as an 'understanding of a human element', and the 'human element' part of the phrase is taken from some commercial which I have never seen before, so that's another negative point. In addition, it's just got the 'sheltered person starts working and is inspired' kind of bullshit taste. Like some bullshit forced out of the bull's ass because a university application asked for an essay about a life-changing experience. Poor bull. Article fail.

Contrast that with this. Although such a long article, it is simply interesting, with an array of examples and personal experiences, and it makes sense too! I wish I could write like that.

The last example that I have is also the best. It's nowhere near as long as the previous two, and it simply proves that writing is also about putting the heart and soul into words. It comes from the best of Craigslist, which is an online bulletin board wildly popular overseas, but not so popular in Singapore. It also happens to be a time warp for me, because everytime I exit the site, I wonder where all my time has gone. Well at least there was this . Enjoy and don't cry.

It appears that there are really a lot of ways to write an excellent essay. You just need to ask an extra question of 'How do I make this interesting?' Unfortunately, years of writing badass General Paper essays has sucked the soul out of writers in Singapore. I mean, we even have to pay people to read. And mark them. Fortunately, most of the people will end up drafting badass government policies or writing legal documents that should not intriguing in the first place, so it's less of a loss. Still, if this post is boring to you, I blame my education.

My favorite author Roald Dahl says somewhere in one of his books."It's a gift, you either have it or you don't"