Tactics of the middle-class

I'm in the mood, in the mood!

Today we will cover survival tactics. In modern Singapore, you might think that it's redundant and trashy to learn about whatever survival crap. But you never know when it comes in handy! It is precisely in modern, cold and heartless Singapore where survival tactics are absolutely (and I say ABSOLUTELY YEA) important for one's well-being.

In the struggle for economic growth, it is inevitable that people get left behind. Yup I know I'm sounding like some Social Studies student giving bullshit (that's what I used to do anyway) - but hey if Singapore was that good you won't have aunties selling tissues at three packets for one dollar right.

They think it's romantic, the way the auntie sings her one-dollar song. But she's a nuisance and a victim of the social system. The rich only gets richer and the poor gets poorer, as other societies have proven. I don't know which one specifically, but that's quite a catchphrase so let's just apply it in Singaporean context. The rich DO get richer.

But me, I'm definitely NOT rich. Born in mediocrity, I've lived my entire life in mediocrity.. until my pocket money got cut for these holidays. Rationale given: I don't need to go to school so my upkeep is lower.

Yea right. Then Council calls us back for Orientation prep every day and I see my money diminishing like the way the fish in a fish farm disappears in a flash flood. (That's kind of a tongue twister anyway, real cool.)

In the middle-class it's make or break. You either get richer or poorer. But one tilt to the poor side, and I'm almost down the proverbial poverty cycle (you gotta thank PW for this). With less than $50 to spend a week, ALL EXPENSES INCLUDED, I started to devise some tactics for the middle-class tilting towards poverty. Very useful, or at least it kinda works for me.

1. Food
Most important. Unfortunately sometimes you can't control your hunger pangs and when you need to eat, you need to eat. For someone as great as I am, I have GREAT hunger pangs too. And the important lesson to learn here is that we, members of the middle-class, go for quantity not quality.

With $2 in hand and a dinner to go - which do you choose? A baguette, 80% of ban mian (you could try your luck with the auntie), nasi lemak from S11, or biscuits from NTUC?

The answer is very simple, but only a true middle-class citizen would get it.

You don't buy anything, but you go home and drink tap water. Or if you're afraid of drinking up red rust along with dangerous sodium- or magnesium-based chemicals, you could boil the water. No difference since it's free anyway. Water can contain your hunger for a while, and if you spam so much that you're bloated, hunger will float away from you.

If this fails, an allowance of fifty cents can be given so you can spam tau huay zui (soya bean). Make sure its hot and you take it down in one gulp. Either that or you go and sleep. Run 10km, spam water, then collapse on your bed. Absolutely economical.

2. Transport
Quite obviously I'm an advocate for healthy living, because as YL has mentioned before and as I'd like to reiterate, I'm an enemy of the public transport system. Just that running about too much has taken its toll on me and I've now damaged both knees (jacked). That's why I took the MRT yesterday.

But as much as possible, you must consider all possible transport options. Taxis are a definite no-no. Somehow supply of taxis doesn't go very well with demand and in the midst of all that supply-demand shit the price just keeps increasing. Gay. As if it wasn't bad enough that GST is going up and so are bus fares.

Solution - boycott taxis. I've lived without them for five years and I'm still surviving. If you are in a hurry and the bus/train won't get you there on time, it's where your improvisation comes in. For example, if you are stuck at RJC you could kope Elango's bike and just scoot off.

Those bloody security guards, they leave their bikes around too much anyway. If ever you have to do it one day, make sure it's Elango's bike you take. That old fagut barks far too much for my liking, and I'm not afraid to blog about it because he IS quite a fagut.

When I say "consider all options", I really mean consider all options. Say I'm at Toa Payoh Lorong 1 trying to get to Junction 8, do I take the bus, the train, or walk? With time constraint, walking isn't really possible so you'd have to accept the alternatives. However, I'd say the train would be better for such a case as they charge 40 cents as opposed to the bus's 45 cents.

(If you do this for eight days consecutively, you'd save 40 cents. Which means you can spend more on FOOD - the cheapest mineral water in NTUC (500ml) costs merely 40 cents, a bargain. The wonders of saving money, you never know. Many a mickle makes something big, I forgot the proverb but yea basically you can accumulate LOTS OF MONEY by saving small everyday.)

The economists were right. You DO consider opportunity cost everyday.

And don't listen to all that crap where time is money. Time ISN'T money. Not now anyway, so it's okay to be late if it doesn't cost you any job options. You might call it a bad attitude, but hey, for the sake of MONEY, why not!

A bad attitude does not cause you any money. Remember that. However, a bad approach to public transport does. Just remember LTB - Legs, Trains, Buses (for short distance). Taxis aren't an option. You could use interesting acronyms to help - Love The Bus, Let Them Be, yea whatever you get my point.

3. Love
Where should you bring your girlfriend for a HOT lunch date?

A restaurant? A nearby hawker centre? Mcdonald's?

If you've been paying any attention at all and absorbing what I'm saying, you'll find that the best type of girlfriend a middle-class guy could have is no girlfriend. If you want to do something you might as well do it to the best of your ability. Thus, what's the point of having a girlfriend when you can't spend anything on her? Better get out of that poverty cycle first, dammit.

Anyway, a restaurant is too expensive, a hawker centre is too cheapskate, and there's the possibility of meeting the Bishan Gay in Mcdonald's so I'm giving you a real option here. If you REALLY have to have love, meet your date at RJ canteen. The yong tau foo there is quite reasonably priced, unlike the S11 faguts.

Oh and there's a Seven-Eleven coming up at RJ yay! That way you could get a SUPER BIG GULP to share with your loved one. They are cheaper when bought in HUGE QUANTITY. Even though you are supposed to save when you can, it doesn't hurt to buy more if it's value for money. No point buying a GULP and that's it, it's all over in one gulp.

And another thing: one plate of food is enough. Same goes with the drinks - you only need to order one. Then you can share it with your boyfriend/girlfriend and have a romantic lunch date. Though of course we all know it's all down to the bloody same old motive of saving money LOL. But shh, if he/she doesn't know, it only means he/she doesn't NEED to know. So there! Romantic, shared meals for the win!

4. Everything and anything else
Well I've covered the most important things in life - so the others don't really matter. When it comes down to luxury or necessity, anything that's not a necessity is obviously redundant. What you need to survive - food, transport, love (for some) has already been covered. So anything else is a luxury and you must learn how to do without it in the middle-class.

In short, everything and anything else, you can live without it. So do it.

That's most of the stuff for the middle-class. They do not necessarily represent my views or what I do in real life, but when I say "do not necessarily" I mean "it's possible". This is open to interpretation and I'm not saying that the rich are spoilt or anything. It's the fault of society and it's the fault of the way things work.

Therefore, I'd just like to say cheers and have fun leading an enriched middle-class life. Somehow you will derive joy for every cent you scrimp and save. Seriously haha.