Win at soccer betting

This revolutionary new strategy involves spreading risk around.

For example, YJ tells me that the odds for Germany topping their world cup group started at around 1.47, means for every $10 you put in, you get $4.70 in profit if you win.

Now the odds are at 1.10, so you only profit by a dollar if you bet $10 now.

Assuming I foresaw that the odds for Germany to be group winner would drop, I would bet when the odds open at 1.47.

Seeing now that the odds at Singapore Pools are at 1.10, I would hang around a Singapore Pools outlet and offer to sell my ticket to smart punters for $12. The total sum of money the ticket earns if Germany is the group winner is $14.70, and $14.70/$12 is 1.225, thus I am still offering better odds than Singapore Pools at this time.

I would only earn $2 instead of $4.70 if i do the above, but I don't have to wait to see if Germany is group winner. $2 in hand is better than $4 in Singapore Pools. Ok so this is a bad example because Germany is going to be group winner, but you get the idea.

This strategy means that you don't have to guess if the vuvuzela sound waves will propel the Jabulani world cup ball into the net. You just have to figure out which bets are the more popular ones. Damn this is totally a lesson in quantitative finance.

Soccer blues

There are two things a man likes: soccer and sex.

Maybe I generalise, but I can tell you these are two things any normal man would like. Doesn't interest you? Probably means you need to go for a checkup.

Recently Caster Semenya, winner of the females' 800m in Munich, came under fire for looking like a man and behaving like a man. If you observe her name.. Semen, ya? You realise that there are so many redeeming points for her.. to be a man.

Check out that six-pack. I couldn't have asked for a better one myself. But that's not the point. Given that a female can be a male; likewise we can say a male can be a female.

So if you don't like soccer and sex, better go for a checkup.

As the new Premiership season kicks off, I guess most men can get their weekly fix of soccer, me included. Thank goodness. I was going mad every weekend sitting in front of the computer not knowing what to do. And there's nothing to blog about without the soccer.

But I find that I get more than I bargain for. Because even though I aim to talk about man's first love, soccer, this one inevitably crosses the boundary to the second. (even though obviously there's no direct link)

Such gay tendencies. Man, it is one thing to have R-21 movies in cinemas; but having these images where young impressionable kids are able to uh, get influenced are just unacceptable.

Maybe we should consider soccer a R-21 sport. And they should issue yellow cards for such unconventional behaviour.

I don't know what else to say. Frankly I could blog more since this topic is so controversial, but in the army, my language lets me down. As the army highly emphasises on progressive training, I won't keep this post too long.

I need to watch my weekly fix of soccer. And I've wasted 15 minutes of time blogging this.

Till next week, then.

We Hammered their Ars

This is funny. Or at least it is to a West Ham fan like me.

I don't know what the rest of the world thinks. In particular, Arsenal fans.

But hey, I did nothing to engineer the West Ham win so don't stone me okay? I had totally nothing to do with the West Ham victory, though if you'd like to credit me for being their fan, I will gladly accept it. The funny part is the post-match conference with Alan Pardew, West Ham manager.

You can find it at http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/sport/default.stm. It's right there and if you're not reading this too late on Monday, it should be under one of the headlines. Not my fault if you don't read this blog regularly and come crying that the video's gone. It's seriously amusing.

Anyway, to quote some bits from dear Mister Pardew:
(in the post-match interview)

Q: (unclear British mutterings).. Alexander Hleb, was a penalty. What did you think?
A: Well, Arsene Wenger certainly thought it was a penalty, and that frustrated him. I could see it was from behind, the challenge, but I think he got a little bit of the ball. (...) I think we'd know if it was a penalty. But the reaction of our players, they reacted in a way that it wasn't, so I went along with that reaction (shrugs).. and played on.

Comment: LIKE DUH WENGER WOULD BE FRUSTRATED? I don't know what's wrong with Pardew, it was a penalty and he's got to admit it. After all, it doesn't matter at this stage. Three points will still be three points even though he says it's a penalty now. Why not rub salt into the Gunners' wound? These Englishmen, they know pride, they know beating around the bush, they know saying politically correct answers and they know it's a penalty, that.

Q: It was an emotional game, Alan. (more British mutterings).. tell me about the situation. (between Pardew and Wenger)
A: With me and Arsene?

Comment: No, no, with you and Pope Benedict the XVI.

Q: Yea. (that wasn't really a question)
A: ..celebration, but you know it's been a frustrating season. A last-minute goal, desperate to win. And you know, I have absolute (dunno what) respect for Arsene Wenger.. and I shall try to talk to him when he's calmed down. (...) if I was him, and see if I can sort that out with him, because that situation, it wasn't right for the game. And on my part, I do apologise for being overzealous, but uh, I hope that won't get the headlines for what was a players' day. West Ham players. They were brilliant. Great win for us today.

Comment: Seems like Mister Pardew is great at dodging the topic - what happened between you and Wenger? Oh I will talk to him. Oh it's bad for the game. West Ham was brilliant. No doubt he's speaking the truth, West Ham is always brilliant, but WHY NO DETAILS? Anyway Wenger shoved him first so giving a true account won't hurt him one bit.

And another thing. He shouldn't have compromised about the celebrations. Nothing wrong with being happy, innit? I can't understand the French, I thought they liked to be happy with their slack lifestyle but here Wenger aka the French Professor gets so pissed off when Pardew is happy? He should just celebrate with Pardew YAY YOU'VE GOT THE WIN, SECOND ONE IN THE ROW. Then the game at Upton Park would end with a happy ending. But did Wenger? No. Silly old French tortoise.

Anyway seems like Pardew wants to make Wenger seem like the villain (which he is). Cunning old fox. That's all right for him to say, he didn't lose the game. (as you'll see what I mean later)

Q: ..the situation, you did offer your hand (to Wenger) at the end of the game. (not really a question either)
A: I did, and uh, y'know, last-minute goals. They're horrible for managers. And uh, y'know, I've got no problems with Arsene. At the end of the game, I hope we're all calm and I hope he'll be sensible about it.

Comment: True colours, it seems, at last. Last-minute goals don't seem at all horrible for him today, so his point about those goals are not valid. Sure he has no problems with Arsene, not when he's won 1-0. And like duh that's why he's offering a handshake. Arsene the villain. He ends off by saying "I hope we're all calm" because it's bloody obvious Wenger's definitely hell not and "he'll be sensible" finally shows Pardew's contempt for Wenger behaving like a small kid and more precisely, a spoilt brat.

Q: (something about West Ham struggling in the last few weeks) What does this mean for West Ham?
A: Well it's a result.. uh, it's a reward in some way for the fact that we've tried to do everything right and uh on the training ground, uh on the playing side - we've tried to approach every game in the same manner. And there's been a lot of (dunno what) about (players and staff, like wth). And it's a great fillip for this club. And I'm very very happy tonight.

Comment: It's no wonder you lost eight in a row, you don't approach every game in the same manner. Death to all Argentinians in West Ham, they screw up the whole pecking order. When they don't play, West Ham wins. It's proven by the matches against Blackburn and Arsenal. If you think my commentary is out of point, why don't you take a look at Pardew's. I'm just learning from him, man.

Anyway like duh you're happy tonight. Who is unhappy after a 1-0 win seriously should get a bollocking, to put it very precisely in British terms.

Q: (something something) celebrate.
A: (something something) on the back page, yea. (fades out)

Comment: Mumble mumble mumble mutter. I wish you'd speak clearly next time, or maybe I should go dig my ears.

To round off, here's to West Ham!


Oh and yes, Wenger is made to look like a villain. Good job Pardew! I really love that guy and his post-match conference, it's so subtly aimed at Wenger such that the Frenchman with French as the first language wouldn't get the idea he kena bombard like mad. (jack)

And so..

Yup we hammered their Ars nice and well! I shall declare Monday a public holiday, for even though artillery might be great, sometimes it's best to go back to primitive Man and try out his stone tools ftw. I love West Ham.

Worst excuse ever

Why do West Ham keep losing their matches?

Because their manager is Alan Pardew.

In French, Pardew sounds like "perdu" - which means "lost".

West Ham better start winning from now on ar! Prove my hypothesis wrong.

Let's Kick Racism Out of Football

The term all-stars is getting boring, i thought all-blacks would be a greater success instead, just like in new zealand. Being an observer of the English Premiership League im going to give you a better understanding of the it. Racism is a problem in football. The blacks are usually those that are discriminated against. Thus, it is natural to form a whole team of black players to show that black players can play football as well and fight against racism. So, introducing the all-blacks! Playing the traditional 4-4-2.

In goal we have Shaka Hislop.







Unfortunately i don't know about him so skip that.

Left back: Ashley Cole

you know him right? so that saves me the trouble of loading the pic. He costs 5 million plus William Gallas (another black but since Cole costs more Gallas isn't here). 'best left back in the world' says someone. but actually i also can. If i run slower, then i just get left back right?

Centre back: Kolo Toure

You know him too. He's tall and good and blah blah blah. i just think it's a waste of energy to load pictures. He's good. No? Well too bad you gotta trust me on that.

Centre back: Joseph Yobo

He's good too, and i happen to like his name. I think it's really cool.

Left midfield: Emmanual Eboue

He's got a cool name too. plus he's fast and skilful.

Centre midfield:Michael Essien

This powerpack is worth 24million, which is like dunno how many hdb flats, and millions of cups of the iced tea sold at rjc.

Centre Midfield: Edgar Davids

This guy looks like he's going to bite the living crap out of you. They don't call him bulldog for nothing. Plus he wears these cool goggles.

Right midfield: Shaun Wright-Phillips

The fact that he's sitting on a bench somewhere (Chelsea?) doesn't mean anything. Ever heard of the Chinese idiom 不鸣则以一鸣惊人(might have a word wrong, sorry my chinese rusty). That means he can suddenly explode and become a super zai player. He also cost 24 million and that's proof of his quality.

Striker: Shaquille O'Neal

Peter Crouch has just proven that anyone who is very tall can score goals, so having Shaq here is natural.

Striker: Louis Saha

Another one with a cool name. Sahahahahahahaha!!

Manager: Michael Jackson

Turth be told, i don't know why i chose him. Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that he tried to turn white and it became a total disaster. Serves as an example for those who want to follow in his footsteps.

"In the name of some divine being, i command thee, racism, to get out of football!" and so goes the exorcism of racism.